


Express Yourself

by Esperanto



Series: Express Yourself [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bullying, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 129,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19110037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperanto/pseuds/Esperanto
Summary: When he was 4, he didn’t notice it. When he was 6, he hoped he could outgrow it. When he was 14 he thought he could ignore it. When he was 16, he tried hide it.When Blaine is attacked for being different, he transfers to a new school where he meets a cadre of misfits called The New Directions, who seem very impressed with his singing and very curious about his past. Blaine just wanted to fit in but maybe he will find something better: his voice.[A canon-divergent story in which Blaine transferred to McKinley rather than Dalton after being attacked at his old school.]





	1. Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my story! It has been a long time since I've written fanfiction and I know I've come very late to the Glee fandom game but I hope those of you who are still kicking around in this fandom enjoy this story. I've been having a blast writing it so far. The first 10 chapters are already written so expect more updates soon!
> 
> In my job, I work with high school students who are dealing with the same issues as Blaine. I'm excited to bring my professional expertise to this creative endeavor. I'll get more specific about what I'm referring to as it is revealed in the story.
> 
> Timeline: Assume that events in Season 1 played out as you saw on the show. This story begins in the Glee timeline where season 2 begins. From there, it will follow some of the plot lines but diverge from others. Things may happen out of order, turn out differently, or not happen at all. There are some storylines I felt the show really mishandled and I'm going to enjoy re-writing them. I have decided to make Blaine and Kurt the same age in this story because making Blaine a year younger was a total retcon that does not at all fit with how he is presented in Season 2 (which is my main inspiration for this story).
> 
> *Edited to add* You can now listen along to all the songs on Spotify where I have created a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6Ix9SXV7zTCdt6XRtQf54c) with all the songs featured in this story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's first day at his new school.

Blaine woke up on the morning of the first day of school with butterflies in his stomach. They were the result of that confusing mix of anxiety and excitement that he had learned to associate with performing on stage. For his junior year of high school, he would be starting at a brand new school and he was determined to make a good impression. This year would be different. This school would be different. **He** would be different. Or, you know, less different… more normal. 

After a hot shower, Blaine washed his face and then studied himself in the mirror. The scar on his face had faded until it was barely noticeable. Blaine smiled, feeling reassured that he would not stand out because of it. He had stayed out of the sun all summer long and rubbed special anti-scarring cream his mother bought him into it every day to make sure that by the time he started school in the fall, no one would be able to tell he had spent 4 days in the hospital last May.

The smile on his face faded a little as he remembered **why** he would be attending a new school this year. His parents, overprotective as usual, had insisted that he could not go back to Bath High School with the same boys who had had given him that scar. He had listened with his ear pressed to the door as their raised voices argued with his principal about an “unsafe learning environment” until the principal had agreed to call around to the other Allen County High Schools and see if he could arrange for Blaine to have a waiver to attend from out of district.

Luckily, the principal at the nearest school had signed off on the waiver without much fuss. Blaine knew very little about McKinley High School. He had been there once for an away game when the Bath football team played McKinley. The football team had been okay but their cheerleaders were truly impressive. His best friend, Elaine, had whispered in awe that they had won something like five national championships in a row.  Blaine had turned to google for more information and from what he could find the cheerleading team was McKinley’s one and only claim to fame. It had taken some digging, but Blaine had found one other nugget of interesting information about his new school: an article from a local newspaper about the McKinley High Glee Club winning at Sectionals last year. Bath didn’t even have a competing show choir but choir had always been his favorite class. Blaine bounced in excitement at the thought of being part of a small, exclusive group that competed and had actually won something. _I wonder if you have to be a senior to get a solo_ , he wondered.

“BLAINE!” his mom yelled up the stairs, shaking him out of his thoughts. “If you want breakfast you’d better get down here, pronto!” _Shit, I can’t be late on the first day._

Blaine pulled open his closet door to survey the outfit he had carefully laid out the night before: red pants, white collared shirt, and a black sweater. _Thank you, past Blaine!_ He shimmied quickly into the pants and took a few moments to adjust his collar before grabbing his school bag and running down the stairs, two at a time.

“Blaine!” his father admonished, “What have I told you about running down the stairs like that? Do you _want_ to end up back in the hospital?”

Blaine grabbed a plate of food and, with a mouth full of eggs, shrugged sheepishly at his dad. His father wrinkled his nose at him with disgust. “Alright, alright. I can see you are in a hurry to get to school. We will discuss this later.” Blaine carefully loaded his dishes into the dishwasher, leaned over to kiss his mother on the cheek, and saluted sartorially at his father before striding out the door. 

—

Blaine parked the Prius in the McKinley High School parking lot and stopped to take a deep breath. He pulled a red folder out of his backpack and reviewed the school map and schedule the guidance counselor Ms. Pillsbury had given him last week when his parents had brought him to register. His father had done all of the talking so Blaine hadn’t really managed to ask any questions but he was pretty sure he could figure it out. He checked his hair in the sun visor mirror and nervously fussed with it. He closed his eyes and imagined a balloon slowly inflating and deflating as he took a few more breaths. _You can do this_.

Blaine hopped out of the car, settled his book bag over his shoulder, and avoided making eye contact with anyone as he entered the school. He managed to find his locker again and stow some of the extra school supplies he had brought before heading to English class. He arrived a few minutes early so he had time to survey the room and strategize about where to sit. 

This was always an important decision for Blaine and if things were anything like his old school, the seat you chose on the first day could well be your seat for the rest of the year. Sit in the first row and everyone thinks you are a teacher’s pet or a show off, including the teacher. Blaine hated to be called on by the teacher in class so sitting too close to the front was dangerous. On the other hand, sit too close to the back and when it was time to pair up for partner work you got stuck with the slackers. So Blaine settled for a spot on the far right side of the room, right in the middle row of chairs. Yes, this would do nicely. He could blend right in from this spot.

Things had been going pretty smoothly until Blaine showed up for U.S. History to see written in large letters on the blackboard, “Please sit according to the seating chart.” _Shit, shit, shit_. Of course, the teacher had arranged her class in alphabetical order which put Blaine right in the first row between Desmond Adams and Rachel Berry. A girl with dark features and pristine posture primly settled into the seat next to Blaine and held out her hand, “Hi, I’m Rachel Berry. You’re Blaine Anderson. I saw that on the seating chart. You must be a transfer because I’ve never seen you before and they don’t let freshman take U.S. History. Are you a good student, Blaine?”

Blaine’s eyes widened and he felt something tighten up in the pit of his stomach. People who talked fast always made him nervous. It was even harder to rely on his strategies with someone who talked a mile a minute like this girl. On the other hand, she had managed to circumvent one of Blaine’s least favorite social interactions, introducing himself, so that was a big plus.  

Blaine reached out his hand to shake hers and nodded in response to her question. 

“Excellent, then you should partner with me for any group work. Desmond is a complete parasite when it comes to group projects; never again.” Her voice shifted down to a conspiratorial whisper, “I think he smokes pot under the bleachers _._ ” 

Rachel seemed intense but Blaine was starting to think that might work in his favor. She clearly did not mind doing most of the heavy lifting in a conversation. Blaine looked for signs that she had noticed the fact that he hadn’t spoken a single word to her but she seemed completely oblivious. This was as good as he was going to get for a project partner so Blaine flashed her his most charming grin and nodded his agreement. 

When the bell rang for lunch, Rachel turned back to him and studied him carefully. “If you don’t have anywhere to sit at lunch you can always sit with me and my friends. We may not be popular but it is better than sitting alone.” Before Blaine could respond, she had skipped off out of the classroom. 

_She might be the easiest person to not talk to that I’ve ever met_. 

—

Blaine skipped past the lunch line and started surveying the table in the lunchroom. He had been a devoted brown bagger since 4th grade. Ordering food was another situation he avoided whenever possible. An arm shot up into the air and caught his eye, waving furiously. “Blaine! Over here!” It was Rachel. While Blaine appreciated her offer, he hadn’t been planning on taking her up on it. He could already feel the tension in his muscles from the first day of school stress and he was not feeling confident in his ability to make conversation. _Oh no, what if I have to introduce myself?_ This thought did not calm Blaine’s anxiety. On the other hand, Rachel was the only person who had made an effort to reach out to Blaine. He did not want to offend her. Blaine saw her nod in recognition as she caught his eye. _She saw me see her. Into the lion’s den we go._

Blaine weaved his way through the crowd of teenagers to a table in the back corner where Rachel sat with five very different looking people. Rachel had mentioned that they were not popular. He had already noticed that the football players and cheerleaders seemed to have the highest social status at this school. They were easy to spot because they were all in uniforms or letterman jackets even though Blaine was pretty sure there was not a game scheduled this early in the school year. 

He wondered what social clique these six people before him were part of. He could imagine this eclectic mix perhaps being theater geeks. While acting on stage was not in Blaine’s wheelhouse, he had always gotten along really well with theater kids at his old school. They had always had his back when things had started to go wrong. Rachel’s personality certainly fit, as did the goth girl with the streaked hair and the elfin looking boy wearing three scarves.

Blaine realized as he got closer that there were no open chairs but Rachel popped up unbidden and turned to the table next door, “Excuse me fine members of the McKinley audio visual club, but do you mind if I borrow this chair?”

Blaine settled into the chair Rachel had retrieved for him and as he looked up all eyes were on him. This was already more attention than he had gotten all day and it made him uncomfortable. _Breathe in, breathe out. Just like a balloon, let your lungs inflate, and then slowly deflate. Let go of the tension in your muscles. Breathe_.  

Rachel turned to the group and in the same oddly formal tone, declared, “Everyone, this is Blaine Anderson. He sits next to me in United States History and I’ve invited him to join us for lunch because he is new to the school and doesn’t know anyone. As the safe haven for McKinley’s misfits, I knew I could rely on the Glee Club to provide a warm welcome to a new student.”

_Oh my god, this is the Glee Club!_ The stakes had suddenly gotten way higher for Blaine. This was his chance to make a good impression to give him an edge in his audition. _God, I hope I’m good enough to make their team. This year is going to royally suck if I don’t get to sing._ Blaine had been surprised to learn that McKinley did not have a choir class when it had been time to choose his electives so he was really putting all his eggs in the metaphorical show choir basket. _Blaine, never use that metaphor out loud or people will think you are a freak._

“So let’s all introduce ourselves, obviously you already know that I’m Rachel Berry. I am the biggest star Broadway will ever see and I **will** be the next Barbra Streisand. I have two gay dads and this is going to be your last day sitting with us if that’s a problem for you. The only thing we don’t tolerate in this club is intolerance. Who will go next?” 

“If that were true we would have kicked you out ages ago, Rachel, because **you** are intolerable,” quipped a high-pitched voice from across the table. At first Blaine thought the goth girl had said it, but Blaine looked over to see that it was actually the boy he had noticed before, with the three scarves. He had sharp, delicate features and he raised a single perfectly-shaped eyebrow in disdain. “Unfortunately, she’s a very good singer so we can’t get rid of her.”  

“Kurt!” Rachel protested. “Well, I guess now you’ve met Kurt. His fashion is on point but he’s kind of a bitch.” 

“At least I don’t dress like I raided the Zoo Gift Shop,” he shot back.

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Case in point.” 

_He’s does kind of have a point, though_. Rachel was wearing a sweater with a panda bear in the middle. The look would have been unremarkable on an 8-year-old but on a teenager it did rather stand out.

The girl with the blue streaked hair spoke next, “Hi, I’m Tina. And just ignore these squabbling idiots, they are actually both sweethearts when you get to know them. This is Mike,” she gestured to the boy sitting next to her, “and we actually kind of have an announcement to make.” 

“Ooooh, let the Glee drama begin!” The voice came from a girl wearing a bold gold jacket with matching gold high-fashion sneakers but she hadn’t introduced herself yet. “What’s the Tea? Spill it because honey you know I don’t take mine iced.”

“Amen,” Kurt called out and the two high-fived. So far Kurt had seemed icy but in this moment he was laughing and seemed almost warm. 

“Well, this summer… we… well, we spent a lot of time together at Asian Arts Camp and…we started dating!” Cheers and clapping broke out around the table and Tina and Mike both blushed. They were an odd group, but they seemed to genuinely rejoice in the accomplishments of their friends. Well, for the most part. Kurt seemed a little half-hearted in his applause and one boy crossed his arms and frowned.

Tina’s face softened as she looked at him, “Oh Artie, don’t be mad. You had your chance with me and you blew it. Can’t you just be happy for Mike and I?”

_Artie, kid in the wheelchair, used to date Tina, got it_. Blaine desperately tried to file away these tidbits of information as they flew by but it was hard when he was so out of the loop. While he was glad the pressure and attention had shifted away from him, he sort of wished they had finished introducing themselves before this fight had broken out. 

“Tina!” he said with a tone of exasperation. “I thought we were going out!”

 “Seriously? You ignored me for all of July.”

 Artie rolled away in a huff.

 Rachel plastered a saccharine grin onto her face and calmly stated, “So that was Artie. He is a surprisingly adequate rapper and apparently no longer dating Tina.” Blaine raised a dubious eyebrow in response. “And _that—_ “ she gestured in a circle to the whole group, “was some pretty textbook Glee Club drama. I wish I could say it is rare, but when you get this many passionate divas together in one room, well things tend to get dramatic.”

 “I’m Mercedes, I can belt for the gods, and I’m f.a.b.u.l.o.u.s. fabulous.” _Mercedes, the golden goddess diva, check_. “Blaine, what are your interests?”

 Blaine froze. He was not prepared. He took a big bite from his sandwich and chewed slowly to buy time. This strategy had gotten him through many a strained holiday dinner around the Anderson family table. As he chewed, he planned his words carefully.

  _Need a word that only has continuant sounds. Let's see..._

 Blaine took a deep, calming breath, and slowly, smoothly said, “Singing.” _So far so good. Now if I can just get a good start.._. Blaine concentrated and then added, “and boxing.” He got stuck for a moment on the word ‘box’ but he didn’t think anyone had noticed.

 Rachel clapped her hands excitedly in front of her. “Oooh, really? You should have said! Wait, how good are you?” her eyes narrowed suspiciously at Blaine and he wasn’t quite sure what the correct answer to her question was.

 “Rachel!” hissed Kurt. He shook his head vehemently at her, looking pissed. _Here comes icy Kurt again_.

Blaine just shrugged. He was already tired from the energy this conversation had taken. Using his techniques was more exhausting than he remembered it being last school year. Maybe he had just forgotten over summer break. _Please don’t let it be getting worse. That is the last thing I need right now._

Rachel beamed at Blaine as if that was just the answer she was looking for, “That’s quite alright. We always need more warm bodies to harmonize behind me while I devastate the audience with my breathtaking solos.”

_Might need to update the rolodex there, Blaine. Upgrade Rachel to number one Diva. Smiles like a kitten but will destroy you with the ferocity of a puma if you threaten her supremacy._

Blaine suppressed a giggle. He really should stop being so amused by his own jokes but someone should get to enjoy them.

Mercedes rolled her eyes at Rachel before turning to Blaine, “We would love it if you would audition. Despite what Rachel might think, we really do need more members after Matt transferred at the end of last year. Keep an eye on the bulletin board outside the main office for a sign up sheet.” Blaine smiled back weakly. 

Tina gave him a sympathetic smile, “Honestly, it’s really not that big of a deal. Last year they let in everyone who tried out.” _Last year the team hadn’t won a competition._ Tina held out her hand, “I’ll text you when we schedule auditions so you can’t possibly miss them. Here, give me your phone and I’ll program in my number.” Blaine felt something warm settle in his chest as he handed over his phone. He wondered if it was too much to hope that he might find a place to sing and find friends. It was starting to seem possible. 

_Anything could happen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! I am having such a blast writing this story that I kind of can't put it down. I have 38,000 words written in total already and I am nowhere near done.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think!


	2. Audition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine auditions for the Glee Club.

Kurt knew that Rachel Berry had always been relentless in her efforts to wrest any and every solo out of the hands of any other Glee Club member but he thought she had finally reached a whole new level.

“You sent her, _where_??” He demanded in horror. Kurt had grown an inch over the summer and drew himself up as tall as possible as he glared down at Rachel, trying to look intimidating. _This would probably work better if I was wearing something more military inspired_. 

Perhaps it had worked, because Rachel looked cowed as she blurted out, “A crack house! I sent her to a crack house, alright! I know it was wrong! I know I shouldn’t have but you didn’t hear how **good** she was! She would have stolen all of my solos and then I never would have gotten noticed by a Broadway director in the audience at Nationals in New York this year and he never would have cast me as the youngest ever Maria in the upcoming revival of West Side Story!” she wailed, pathetically. Kurt almost felt bad for her. Almost. 

“Rachel, if we are going to even make it to Nationals—and that’s a big if—then we need a regulation size show choir of at least twelve members. I know math isn’t your best subject, you tiny terror, but I think even **you** can count to twelve! Did you count twelve in the choir room at rehearsal yesterday? Nooooo, you did **not**. That’s because there are only eleven of us. We need at least one more member before we can even compete. We’re going to need a lot more if you get **arrested** because Sunshine Corazon turned up dead after her so called audition. Thank **gay Jesus** that Tina Cohen-Chang and not you is giving that new kid the audition schedule because right now, Rachel, I trust you about as far as I can throw you. And while, yes, I have been working out this summer, thank you to absolutely **no one** for noticing, my upper body strength is still that of a newborn kitten.”

Kurt paused to catch his breath. He briefly made eye contact with that new kid Blaine as he walked by, rubber-necking Kurt’s outburst like it was a car accident on the interstate. _Call 911 if you think someone’s hurt otherwise eyes on the road, pretty boy_. Kurt decided to bite his tongue for now, he probably shouldn’t scare off the new kid while he could still back out of auditioning. Besides, he had barely said two words to them at lunch the other day. _I hope someone that shy is able to sing in front of an audience without choking_. Before he turned to continue down the hallway, Blaine shot a big grin and a double thumbs up at Kurt. _Maybe not quite as shy as I thought._

Rachel’s crocodile tears had turned into real tears as she turned to bury her face in Finn’s chest, “Oh my god, do you really think she could be dead! I haven’t seen her at school today! I’m too talented for prison! Do you think Broadway checks for criminal records? Oh no, I have to call her and make sure she’s alive!”

Finn shot Kurt a stink eye as he tucked his arm around Rachel and whispered to her soothingly as they walked off, “No, of course she’s not dead, Kurt is just saying that because he’s upset.” Kurt wondered, not for the last time, if maybe he had taken things a bit far this time. He leaned back against the wall of lockers and let his head fall back until he heard a metallic *thunk.*   _Last year I came out, we almost got banned from competing, there was a paternity scandal, and Quinn went into labor on stage. There’s no way this year can possibly be more dramatic than that, right?_ He knocked twice on the lockers, just to be sure.

Kurt linked his left arm through Tina’s and his right arm through Mercedes’ and, doing his best Madonna, called out, “Come on girls!” Tina and Mercedes giggled, fondly remembering Madonna week as they chimed in, “Do you believe in love?” And then all three, “Don’t go for second best, baby, put your love to the test—” before erupting into giggles.

Blaine smiled at them as they sashayed down the hallway, oblivious to the stares they were getting. Kurt grinned when he realized he was mouthing along to the words, “You know you’ve got to, make him express how he feels.”

—

Kurt settled into his usual seat on the highest riser in the choir room that Friday for Glee Club auditions. He leaned down to Tina and whispered, “You remembered to text that new kid the audition details, right?”

“Of course!”

“Good, I will **not** let Berry the Barbarian chase off any more viable candidates. Glee Club is the only tolerable thing about this school.” Satisfied that Tina had not let him down, he leaned back in his chair and waited for Mr. Schuester to get the meeting started.

“All right, attention Glee Club! As you know, today is a big day.” He pulled out his white board marker and wrote the word ‘auditions’ in big letters before underlining it with a flourish more appropriate to the final brush strokes of a work of art than Shue’s predictable move of writing a word on the white board. Kurt sighed, and turned to Mercedes. “Good to see he doesn’t have any new material this year. If the next thing we do is a boy vs. girl mash-up competition I might actually immolate my Alexander McQueen scarf collection in protest.”

Mercedes gasped, “Bitch, don’t even joke about that. Those scarves are eve-ry-thing.” The girl had a point. Let’s not be hasty.

Mr. Schuester continued, “I’m excited to announce that we do have one audition scheduled for today which, considering the debacle with Ms. Corazon, is really a pretty good turn-out. Now, I should not have to say this but given *ehem* recent events, I feel the need to remind you to **be nice** during auditions and let me do the talking. I encourage you to take notes during the audition but please hold your critiques until after the candidate is finished and then we will discuss as a group once they have left.”

Kurt, Puck, and Santana all glared at Rachel. She let out a dramatic sigh. “Mr. Schuester, I’m feeling very attacked right now.” Thankfully Mr. Schuester ignored that comment and turned to the choir room door as it creaked open and that new student, Blaine Anderson, walked in. He waved shyly at Mr. Schuester and Kurt wondered for the second time how someone so shy could possibly handle getting on stage in front of a crowd of hundreds. _Please be decent! Please!_

Mr. Schue smiled warmly at Blaine and then addressed the Glee Club, “Please welcome our candidate for Glee Club, Mr. Blaine Anderson. Blaine is a transfer student from Bath High School where he sang in their choir last year. Let’s give him a warm Glee Club welcome.” Kurt joined in with the polite round of applause, punctuated only by Puck’s obnoxious wolf whistles. _I wonder why he transferred? He must have moved._

“Blaine, whenever you’re ready, go ahead.” Blaine nodded in acknowledgement to Mr. Schuester and put down the boombox he was carrying, fiddling with the buttons for a minute. Kurt noticed for the first time that he moved with almost cat-like precision. _I wonder if he is a dancer?_

Blaine settled himself in the center of the room with his eyes cast down dramatically. He nodded to Mr. Schuester who pressed play on the stereo and Blaine tapped his foot as the first few notes came through. As the first lyric came, Blaine snapped his head up in perfect timing with the music and he began to sing. Nothing could have prepared Kurt for what happened next.

You think I'm pretty  
Without any make-up on  
You think I'm funny  
When I tell the punch line wrong  
I know you get me  
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Kurt’s jaw dropped as the shy, nervous boy suddenly transformed into a star performer. He oozed confidence and charisma as he sang and danced in front of a room full of critical strangers. **This** was the male lead that could take them to Nationals.

Before you met me  
I was alright  
But things were kinda heavy  
You brought me to life  
Now every February  
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Blaine’s choreography was campy and fun in a way that Kurt had never seen before. He would have thought it was cheesy if it wasn’t so **good**. Blaine hammed up the lyrics, acting them out in silly but perfectly executed dance moves.The dramatics made Blaine fun to watch but it was his vocals that impressed Kurt the most. His voice was rich in tone and full of passion. Kurt could barely believe that this was the same shy, quiet boy who had barely made eye contact with him at lunch yesterday.

Let's go all the way tonight  
No regrets, just love  
We can dance until we die  
You and I  
We'll be young forever

Finn had that schoolboy charm and Kurt knew he had the best range, but **this** voice was what they needed. **This** voice paired with this level of performance might be just what they needed to carry them to Nationals in New York. Kurt had no idea what to expect from the quiet, handsome young man Rachel had dragged to lunch on the first day of school but it had never been **this**.

Kurt blushed when Blaine sang about “going all the way.” There was no way he could sing about sex in front of other teenagers with that level of confidence. Or at all. But Blaine did it as if it was nothing. He was seemed suave and mature in a way that Kurt could only hope he would one day achieve. Maybe in college. Or when he was 35.

You make me feel like I'm living a, teenage, dream  
The way you turn me on  
I, can't, sleep  
Let's run away  
And don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back

Kurt felt like Blaine was singing the song to him, inviting him to run away and never look back. He was transfixed. When Blaine had sat down at the lunch table that day, Kurt had obviously noticed that he was good-looking in sort of an old Hollywood, Gene Kelly kind of way. But he had seemed shy and uncomfortable. Spinning out on the choir room floor, he was luminescent. Kurt thought maybe he could see the person underneath, behind those smoldering eyes, and he seemed passionate and fearless. If he had asked in this moment, Kurt thought maybe he would follow this boy anywhere.

Kurt knew he shouldn’t stare but he literally could not tear his eyes away. He had never felt this way before. This was so different from pining after Finn last year. This felt like electricity running through his body. He wanted it to never stop but at the same time felt like he might actually combust if it didn’t soon. Kurt’s chest tightened so much that he felt like he couldn’t breathe. _I always thought ‘you take my breath’ away was an expression but this is remarkably literal_. _Is this what falling in love feels like? Or dying? Yeah that’s it, maybe I’m dying_. _I knew I should have left written instructions about how to dress me for my funeral. Dad is great but he will just have no idea. It’s never too young to be prepared. At least I found love before I died._

My, heart, stops  
When you look at me  
Just, one, touch  
Now baby I believe  
This, is, real  
So take a chance  
And don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back

Blaine was looking at him and, indeed, his heart was stopping. Oh god, no, Blaine was **really** looking at him. Blaine dramatically brought his hands to his heart as he sang, “This, is, real,” and Kurt was really quite sure that this was what dying felt like. 

Kurt privately panicked for the next few verses until Mercedes finally elbowed him and whispered, “Kurt, are you okay?” Kurt noticed that he was still breathing and all his limbs were more or less working so he decided he probably wasn’t dying after all. “Huh? I’m fine. He’s just…really good.”

Mercedes sighed dreamily, “Yeah, he really is.” Kurt felt his stomach drop into his designer boots.

He looked carefully from Mercedes to Blaine and then back again. _Is Blaine looking at Mercedes? Oh no, of course he is! Kurt, you’re an idiot! No one that gorgeous is ever going to look at you like that._ He was not dying. He was also not being serenaded with a Katy Perry love song that also happened to talk about someone putting their hands on someone else’s skin-tight jeans.

_I wear skin-tight jeans sometimes. When is someone going to want me? No one is ever going to want me like that. Even if Blaine is gay, he wouldn’t want me. He’s so beautiful he could have anyone he wanted. Why would he choose this weird, pale, feminine freak?_

I'ma get your heart racing  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight  
Let you put your hands on me  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight

The song came to an end and The New Directions jumped to their feet for a standing ovation. Kurt snorted as he saw Finn physically pull Rachel to her feet and hand-over-hand clap her hands together until she started clapping on her own. _At least someone can keep her in line. Occasionally._ Mercedes let out a whoop next to him. Kurt’s shit-eating grin probably looked ridiculous but he felt physically incapable of wiping it off his face.

Blaine looked ecstatic at his enthusiastic reception and beamed at them. Mr. Schuester reached out to shake his hand, “Impressive, Blaine, very impressive. We will let you know next week.” Blaine waved to the group, grabbed his boombox, and blew kisses as he backed out through the door.

Kurt sat in his seat, stunned. _You are in big trouble Kurt Hummel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2! 
> 
> My fiance/editor said he felt like the story's momentum picks up this chapter. 
> 
> If I can convince him to edit Chapter 3 tonight then I will try to post it tomorrow.


	3. Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is accepted into Glee Club.

Blaine was feeling amazing as he drove home from his audition for The New Directions. He hated to be overconfident but he was pretty sure he had nailed it. _Maybe they are just really nice and give everyone a standing ovation? No, no one is that good of an actor. They really seemed to like it. Don’t talk yourself out of this, Blaine, you did good._

Everyone except that tiny, loud girl Rachel had smiled at him while he was singing. He had either impressed or horrified that fashionable kid Kurt because he had been staring with a sort of slack-jawed wonder through most of the performance. His applause had been one of the loudest though, so that seemed to be a good sign. Mr. Schuester had said he was **impressed**. Blaine had been a little unsure how his dance moves would go over considering that they had never been appropriate for the Bath High School Choir. He had only practiced them in front of the mirror and at school dances. But Blaine pushed that thought out of his head. Today was a good day, no need to think about school dances.

He was humming to himself as he walked through the front door and sung out, “Parents, I’m home!” He was too excited to control himself and singing was the perfect way to cheat.

“In the kitchen, dear” Blaine’s mother called out.

Blaine left his shoes by the front door and slid into the kitchen on his socks, channeling full Tom Cruise in Risky Business but with more clothes on. He couldn’t seem to keep from grinning.

“Blainey, sweetheart, you are positively beaming! I take it your audition went well?”

Blaine grinned harder and nodded vigorously.

“Pull up a stool, honey, I want to hear all about it.” She shuffled around and began to make tea as Blaine settled onto the bar stool and set his book bag on the counter.

“Well, I-I was so nervous, mom! But then—but once—when the—but once the music started it was just like in choir. I tuned every-everything else out. I think even the —dancing was good.” Blaine stopped himself to take a few deep breaths.

Blaine’s mother frowned at him. “Sweetie, did you forget to use your strategies?”

“I’m —just exhausted from trying all day.” He took another deep breath. _In and out. Let the air fill your lungs, expanding your diaphragm, and then release._

“Okay, well I’m really glad to hear your audition went so well. I know how hard you practiced. When do you find out?”

 _I can control it, I just need to focus_. Blaine took a moment to really concentrate on making his speech as smooth and connected as possible, focusing on the forward motion that connected one sound to the next, and thinking ahead for the appropriate moment to pause for a breath before starting a new phrase. His brain felt overloaded with juggling planning what to say with how to say it but he wanted to prove to himself that he had not lost his skills.

“Next week. But I think I…think I have a good shot. The teacher said…he was impressed. I got a standing ovation! That’s never happened before.”

“Honey, that’s wonderful!”

Blaine felt a buzz in his pocket. _Please only buzz once, please only buzz once_.

Unfortunately it kept buzzing. One time in 4th grade someone had asked him to rank the situations that made him the most uncomfortable. Introducing himself had been number one, but talking on the phone was a close second. His mother complained that texting was ruining the art of the conversation but Blaine considered it a minor miracle.

He pulled out the phone to check the caller ID: ‘Incoming Call From Tina.’ There was no way in hell he was answering that phone call. He hit the button to send the call to voicemail. He hoped she would leave a message. A few minutes later, his phone buzzed again with the alert for a new voicemail. Blaine grinned and held it up to his mom as a silent indication that he was heading upstairs to listen to the message.

“Hi Blaine, it’s Tina.” There was a muffled sound and then other voices chimed in, “and Mercedes! And Rachel!” another muffled sound and then Tina’s voice was back, “You get the idea, it’s The New Directions calling. We just finished discussing your performance and although **some** people were threatened by your incredible talent, we would like to officially welcome you to The New Directions!

We rehearse Tuesdays and Thursdays after school in the choir room, with additional rehearsals right before competitions. We try to coordinate with the other big activities like football and cheerleading so they don’t conflict but let us know if you can’t make that work and we will see what we can do. Um…anything I missed guys?” Blaine heard some muffled responses that sounded negative and then Tina finished up with, “Well, that’s it, I guess. We are happy to have you. Text me if you have any questions. See you on Tuesday! Bye!”

Blaine wondered if anyone knew how to end a voicemail without it sounding awkward. Obviously he didn’t but he wasn’t a very good sample subject. Blaine jumped off his bed, leaned out over the railing, and sung out, “Mom, I got in!” He heard some cheering from the kitchen.

Blaine settled back onto his bed, and pulled up Tina’s number in his contacts. The last message was about when to show up for auditions and Blaine asking if it was okay to bring his own music.

**Blaine: Sorry I missed your call, Tina. I forgot to turn my phone off of silent after school today but I got your voicemail. Thank you for calling to tell me so I didn’t have to wait until Monday. It is a big relief knowing that I got in. I’m really excited to be part of The New Directions.**

**Tina: Yay! I’m glad you got my message! I was so disappointed when you didn’t pick up. We all wanted to hear your reaction.**  
****

Blaine thought about how to respond. Should he apologize again for missing the voicemail? His excuse had been a lie but at least it was believable—something that had happened to Blaine for real plenty of times.  
****

It wasn’t like he was going to tell her the real reason he hadn’t picked up her call. He was hoping that maybe at this new school no one would find out. He had gotten a lot better at using his strategies, even if his anxiety from the attack in May plus starting at a new school was making things a bit harder to control at the moment.

He thought about what Rachel had said about intolerance being the only thing Glee club didn’t tolerate. _Was that really true? Or is that just how Rachel feels? She does seem to sort of state things as fact as if saying them will make them true_. Rachel, at least, did seem to very accepting even if she had a cut-throat sense of competition. She was the first person who had been nice to him at McKinley. At the very least, she had made it quite clear that she was not homophobic. As for the other thing, well, he would have to see about that.

While Blaine was staring at his phone, deciding what to say to Tina, it buzzed at him again. Tina had taken his silence as an invitation to just continue the conversation. People usually did.

Blaine tensed before looking at the message, but it was just Tina asking if he minded her sharing his number with the other Glee kids. Blaine was pleased because texting was his preferred mode of communication and he felt a sense of relief that he could get to know some of these other students on his own terms. He smiled as his phone lit up with a string of ‘hello’ texts from each member of the Glee club. One by one he added them into his contacts.

Blaine decided to see if Mercedes or Kurt had any advice about getting back on Rachel’s good side.

**Blaine: Hi Mercedes and Kurt! Thanks for the warm welcome to Glee Club! So tell me the truth, am I going to have to sleep with one eye open to make sure Rachel doesn’t shave me in my sleep?**

**Mercedes: Oh don’t worry about her, she is just threatened by anyone talented. But Kurt and I survived a whole year with her and we’re both in one piece. You will be fine!**  
****

**Kurt: Speak for yourself, Mercedes. Blaine you should be thanking your lucky stars she didn’t find out how talented you are until it was too late for her to sabotage your audition. Remind me to tell you the cautionary tale of Sunshine Corazon one of these days. Perhaps around a campfire with a flashlight under my chin.**  
****

**Blaine: Spoooky! So what kind of animal sacrifice do I have to make to avoid the same fate as this Sunshine you refer to? I hear rams are popular but I’m willing to be flexible with the logistics.**  
****

**Kurt: Actually, she is a vegan so that might work. Last year someone threw eggs at her and she had nightmares about dead baby chickens for a week.**  
****

**Blaine: Someone egged her! That’s awful! Also…does she not understand how eggs work?**  
****

**Kurt: It might have been the worst break-up in Glee history.**  
****

**Kurt: Also do NOT let her get near your head with clippers. Shaving your head would be a crime against fashion. The Gene Kelly vibes are strong and Kurt Hummel approves.**  
****

**Mercedes: OMG same! Gene Kelly was a babe. You should take that as a huge compliment, Blaine. Kurt is literally the pickiest person about fashion on the planet. He only approves of like 30 percent of my outfits.**  
****

**Kurt: And that’s high for me.**  
****

**Blaine: Well, then I guess I’ll shut up and take the compliment :) My mom is calling me for dinner so I’ve got to run but thanks for the advice about Rachel.**  
****

Blaine put down his phone and grinned as he ran down the stairs for dinner. Thinking back on it, he wasn’t really sure he had gotten the kind of advice he had been hoping for when he had texted Kurt and Mercedes, but somehow he still felt a lot better.

At the dinner table, his parents wanted to know all about the other kids in Glee Club. Some of them were easier to describe than others. “Well the l-l-leads seem to be Finn and Rachel, who are a couple. Finn pl-pl-pl-plays football and is —very all-American boy next door. From what I hear, he does he does a great Journey cover. Rach-Rachel is the best singer I’ve ever met and she d-definitely knows it. She has the ambition and talent of a true star. She kind of sc-sc-scares me but she is also the first person who was nice to me at McKinley.”

“Mercedes is kind of a diva too, but she seems more grounded than Rachel. A lot of them fit into c-c-classic stereotypes. For example, T-T-Tina is goth, Artie is a nerd, and Brittney is a ditz. Quinn is the perfect blonde cheerleader. Santana and Puck are the rebels. And Kurt is…Kurt is…”

Blaine wasn’t quite sure what to make of Kurt at first. He was tall with delicate features. He had a very **unique** sense of style that was quite unlike anyone Blaine had ever met or seen in person. His looks were bold and he had a creative eye for pattern and texture. Kurt also had a penchant for knee-length sweaters. Blaine just felt awkward and self-conscious when he tried to imagine wearing most of Kurt’s outfits. There were some individual pieces he thought he could pull off but none of the combinations. It was all just very… **very**.

What Blaine could not figure out yet was if Kurt was **kind.** Kurt seemed to regard most situations with a quiet disdain that made him seem above it all somehow. Blaine wondered if he was conceited or just had very strong opinions. Was Kurt a fierce bitch or a fierce friend? Blaine was torn between being impressed by Kurt and being terrified of Kurt. He certainly did not want to be on the receiving end of those biting quips he seemed to be fond of. Was that silent smirk condescension or might there be a redeeming undercurrent of mirth and affection underneath the attitude.

Blaine imagined what his father would think of Kurt. His father who for years had advised Blaine on how to fit in despite being gay, how to fit in so people didn’t have to think about is queerness when they interacted with him. Blaine wondered if Kurt was unable to hide the qualities that made him different or if he just didn’t want to. _He is just so…gay._ Until he met Kurt, Blaine hadn’t actually been sure that people like him existed outside the offensive stereotypes of overly flamboyant gay men depicted on television shows. Kurt’s speaking voice was high pitched and he moved his body in this sort of floaty way. Society’s ideas of masculinity was all hard angles and rough edges but Kurt was soft and smooth. It seemed like even Kurt’s friends weren’t quite sure how to categorize him, often referring to him with feminine pronouns or nick names. To be honest, Blaine had difficulty determining if these were offensive or affectionate. Perhaps both.

Kurt was definitely an enigma. A mesmerizing and intimidating enigma.

“He’s just—he’s just—I don’t know, he’s just K-Kurt.”

When Blaine looked up he saw looks of intense concern on both his parents’ faces.

“Blaine, sweetie, I think it’s getting worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for all the lovely comments on Chapter 2! It is wonderful to hear that people are enjoying this story so far. 
> 
> Current word count is 43,000 and counting! 
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you thought :)


	4. Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the deal with this Blaine kid anyways?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 4! This time I did not have any outside editing help but I did many rounds of re-writes and edits.

Kurt was desperately curious about Blaine. Who was this boy who barely said two words to any of them at lunch, was a rock star on the stage, and could trade retorts with the best of them over text message? And which version would Kurt encounter today.

Kurt spotted Blaine at his locker before school on Monday and couldn’t help himself from casually dropping by to say hello. He tried his best to sound calm and nonchalant. “Good morning, Mr. Siren. You really knocked our socks off last week with that stunning performance.” 

Blaine turned to face Kurt with a wide smile. “Why, thank you, Kurt. I’m looking forward… to our first rehearsal.” 

There was something unusual about the way that Blaine was talking that puzzled Kurt. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. Was it the slowness? The pronounced pauses? It sounded halfway between singing and talking. Like how people in movies talk when they’re drunk, minus the slurred words. Or that sing-song way some people talk to babies. _Is he making fun of me?_

Kurt narrowed his eyes with suspicion but did not comment on Blaine’s odd speaking pattern. For now. _If I find out he_ ** _is_** _making fun of me then the sequined gloves are coming off_. _I don’t care how badly we need him for Sectionals._

“So, how do you like McKinley so far?” Kurt inquired, keeping his attitude breezy.

“Well…made it into Glee Club… so that’s a pretty good start. I was really nervous about auditioning. My old school didn’t even have show choir and I was…thrilled when I found out that my new one would.” 

Blaine was still using that odd sing-song voice. But his smile just looked so friendly and genuine that Kurt had trouble believing he was really mocking him. _Maybe that’s just how he talks? I’m really the pot calling the kettle black to call someone out for having an unusual voice._

“Oh, wow! You seemed so confident, I never would have guessed.” Kurt noticed a slight pink starting to color Blaine’s cheeks. “So if your old school didn’t have show choir then how did you become such a great performer?”

Blaine’s eyes crinkled and he smiled, the pink in his cheeks receding. Kurt felt relieved when he saw Blaine visibly relax.

“Mostly just messing around with my friend Nick’s —karaoke machine. We even…put on a few…impromptu performances…during lunch at school. This is going to be so much better!” Blaine said, this time the odd sing-song quality was less noticeable.

“Oh excellent, so you’re already used to performing in front of hostile crowds. That will make the transition much easier for you.”

“I can’t tell if you’re jo-joking, Kurt.” 

“Only… sort of? Our public performances at McKinley have had…let’s say mixed reception. But the competition audiences loved us last year. We won sectionals and this year I really think we can take regionals too.”

“I hope so! It sounds like so much—so much fun.” Blaine flashed his excited smile again. It was so dazzling that Kurt found it hard to concentrate for a moment. _Please let someone that pretty be gay, please!_

“So what kind of music did you used to sing with your friends?”

“Pop, disco, show tunes…usually fun, upbeat numbers. But I’m…I’m happy to try anything.” Blaine’s eye twitched slightly as he stumbled over his words for a moment. He turned away from Kurt to adjust his bow tie in the little magnetic mirror hanging inside his locker. Even with that nervous expression on his face, Kurt had to admit that Blaine was incredibly dapper. _Devastatingly handsome more like_. _Get it together, Kurt, stop drooling over the inevitably tragically straight new kid_. _Although…disco? Disco is gay, right? Heinous, but very gay._

“Please don’t mention disco to Mr. Schue,” Kurt begged. “I’m still scarred from when he tried to recreate his own Glee Club victory from the 90s by having us sing disco for the Homecoming assembly last year. Disco may have been experiencing a resurgence in popularity back in his day but we would have been eaten **alive** if we had actually performed ‘Le Freak’ in front of all the jocks.”

“While I would argue… that ‘Le Freak’ is a bop, I concede that it is… unlikely to be perceived as…cool by the broader McKinley High …population. So how much of a disaster was it?” The sing-song quality to Blaine’s voice was back and even more exaggerated.

“There was a mutiny and we performed Salt-N-Pepa’s ‘Push It’ instead with choreography that is definitely the closest to sex I’m going to get to in high school.” 

Blaine threw his head back in laughter. “I kind of wish I had, um, been here to see that!”

“It actually went over really well with the students but the teachers were none too pleased with us.” 

“I need to drop something off in the office so, uh,I should run. See you later!”

Blaine walked off down the hallway. In the opposite direction from the front office. _Poor guy must still not know his way around_.

—

The only class Kurt had with Blaine was Chemistry, which was definitely his least favorite subject. Kurt was sitting by himself at his usual lab table when he was pleasantly surprised to see that Blaine was walking over to join him.

“Is this, uh, is this seat taken? You…you probably already have a lab partner.”

Kurt let out a barking laugh. “Oh no, you are more than welcome to sit with me. But I should warn you, there is a reason I sit alone in this class and it is because the rest of these plebs fear for their lives. There **may** have been an incident involving a small fire last year that they haven’t forgotten yet.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Blaine said with a wink. _Did he just wink at me?_ Kurt gestured for him to take the empty stool next to him. 

As Blaine took his seat, Azimio locked eyes with Kurt and made a lewd gesture, poking his tongue against his cheek. Kurt reddened and looked away, hoping that Blaine hadn’t noticed.

Thankfully Azimio turned back around when Ms. McKenzie called the class to attention. She announced that since everyone had passed the safety quiz last week, they would be starting with their first experiment of the year. “Just something basic to get you familiar with some of the equipment we will be using this year,” she announced. 

As Blaine started finding the different beakers and cylinders they would need from the cupboard, Kurt fished around in his book bag for his personalized safety goggles. 

Blaine let out a bubbly laugh when he looked up, almost dropping a flask. “Kurt! Did you…did you…did you really bedazzle your own goggles?”

“I never miss an opportunity for fashion. Even if these goggles do always mess up my hair at least I can look fabulous while wearing them. You should see what I did to the coveralls at my Dad’s tire shop.”

“I like your moxie, Kurt.” Kurt felt something warm in the pit of his stomach. He was not used to getting compliments like this from boys. It felt…strange but nice.

Korovsky walked up to their table with the box of communal safety goggles, holding it out to Blaine. _Covered in sweat and germs, no doubt. No, thank you. So worth it to buy my own._

As Blaine picked out a set of goggles, Karovsky snarled, “Better watch out, new kid. Hummel’s so clumsy he might just spill his sparkling fairy dust all over you. I hope you remember how to use the eye bath because I hear that stuff can be really hard to wash out.” 

Kurt noticed Blaine’s fists tightening at his sides. His eye started twitching again and he opened his mouth as if to say something but then—as if had thought better of it—he looked down and remained silent. 

“Get lost, Supercuts!” Kurt spat out.

Korovsky slammed his hand down onto the table and glared menacingly at Kurt and Blaine. Then he lumbered off with his bin of goggles. Kurt heard Blaine release a shaky breath; he looked pale and his hands were shaking.

“Blaine, are you okay?”

“I’m f-f-f-f-f-fine.” Kurt was alarmed by how much his voice was trembling. 

“Woah, you don’t sound fine.”

Blaine’s fists started to tighten again but he said nothing. _Right, because I always look like I’m about to start punching people when I’m fine. Yes, yes, nothing to see here._

“I’m sorry, I should have warned you that sitting with me entailed perils beyond the risk of having acid spilled on your shoes. I’m kind of a magnet for bullies. Perhaps you too if you’re my lab partner. It’s probably not too late to switch if you ask Ms. McKenzie today.”

Blaine’s fists were still balled up but he finally made eye contact with Kurt and shook his head no. “Not my first time with bullies.” His voice sounded different this time. The sing-song quality was gone and it sounded much more natural, albeit angry. Kurt wondered why someone would target Blaine for bullying, anyways. He was so classically handsome and so talented that Kurt imagined him fitting in with almost any group, pretty girls swooning over him and guys wanting to be him. 

_Unless he really_ ** _is_** _gay._ Kurt really wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to get his hopes up. He had always kind of assumed that when he finally met another gay person it would somehow be obvious to him. It seemed like a cruel joke for Kurt to be so obviously gay to everyone around him but not be able to tell if the very pretty, currently fuming, boy sitting right next to him was too.

“Then, I guess we’ll have to watch each other’s backs. Speaking of which, was it the red or the blue solution Ms. McKenzie said to mix in next?” Kurt was hoping a subject change would lighten the mood but Blaine still looked tense and would not make eye contact with him.

All Kurt got was a one word answer through clenched teeth, “Red.” When the bell rang at the end of class, Blaine practically shot out of his seat. Kurt wondered if he had done something wrong. _Back to being my own lab partner, I bet._ He started humming quietly under his breath: _All by myself, don’t want to be all by myself._

—

Kurt only started to worry when Blaine didn’t show up to lunch. He finally couldn’t take it anymore and decided to ask, “Has anyone seen Blaine since 3rd period?”

“Yes, where is that short drink of water?” Mercedes said, waggling her eyebrows.

“Oh, he was still working out when I left the weight room. He might still be there,” offered Finn. “Did something happen? He seemed kind of upset.”

“Korovsky happened. I’m going to go check on him.” Kurt finished the last bite of his sandwich and stood up.

As Kurt entered the locker room, he heard a soft, rhythmic thudding sound. He rounded the corner to find Blaine punching the heavy bag. He looked very different in his gym clothes, hair messy, hands taped up, sweaty and angry looking. Kurt tried very hard not to stare at his muscular arms. He was worried about Blaine and wondering if it was his fault.

“Blaine? I know you said you were fine but I got worried when you never showed up to lunch.”

Blaine hit the bag a few more times and then sat down on a bench and started unwrapping the tape from his hands. He shrugged.

“I just—I thought this time would be different, you know? I thought I could hide it. But—but I was stupid. It’s…obvious.”

_Be cool, Kurt, don’t pressure him to come out if he’s not ready._

“Hide what?”

“My stu-stu-stu-stuttering, obviously.” _Wait, what?_

Kurt sat in silent shock for a few beats before he was able to respond. “Oh. I didn’t actually notice that.” _Wow you idiot, of course he’s not gay, he just has a speech problem that some idiots bullied him for. Good thing I didn’t say anything. Well, at least we can still bond over dealing with assholes._

“Really? I kind of f-f-freaked out when you told me I didn’t sound okay. I **hate** when p-people ask if I’m —okay when I stutter. One time, someone called 9-1-1 because she thought I was having a sssseizure or…something.” Kurt tried to imagine the horrible awkwardness of having to explain to paramedics that there was no need to bring him to the hospital. _That would be especially hard if you were stuttering while you were doing it too._

“No, I meant because of what happened with Karovsky. You got all pale and your hands were shaking. It didn’t really register with me that you were stuttering. I thought you were just really upset because Karovsky was bullying us.” Kurt tried his best to explain.

Blaine let out a sardonic laugh, “Well, I di-di-didn’t love that part either. But mostly I was mad that you figured out my se-se-secret. And now—now—which now you you know anyways. Just great.”

Kurt had no idea what to say. He couldn’t imagine how awful he would have felt if he had accidentally outed himself before he was ready. The relief of realizing his secret hadn’t been guessed followed by the horror of realizing he had revealed it himself. He was wracked with guilt for putting Blaine in this predicament, even if it had been unknowingly.

“Blaine, I’m really sorry that this whole misunderstanding happened. I can’t un-know what you shared with me but I **can** promise not to tell anyone. Just consider me a steel trap so fabulous that if Vogue ever did a collaboration with Field & Stream then they would put **me** on the cover.”

Blaine let out a weak laugh, “Thanks, Kurt.”

“No problem. I know what it’s like to be judged for something you can’t control. I promise I’ll never ask you if you’re okay again. Not even if you’re choking. Or on fire. But seriously, I would never judge you for something like that. Us freaks have to stick together, right?”

Blaine waggled his bushy eyebrows and sang in response, “Le freak, c’est chic.”

_You may be cute but disco still sucks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you figured out what was going on with Blaine before it was revealed in the story? Either way, I hope you enjoyed the build up and the reveal! My current word count is 47,000 words (and counting) and progress continues!  
> As I alluded to previously, this story draws from my professional experiences. Now that it won't ruin the plot, I want to expand on that. 
> 
> I work as a speech-language pathologist (a.k.a. speech therapist) at a high school where I work with students who have various speech and language disorders. I have worked with a number of teenagers who stutter and it has become a particular area of interest for me. I'm excited to apply my wealth of professional knowledge and interest to this creative endeavor.  
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> ~~  
> Blaine's comment about hating when people ask if he is okay comes straight from one of my students. He has a letter he passes out to all his teachers every year explaining about his stuttering and one of things that was important for him to have in there was to please not ask him if he is okay. Having to reassure someone that you are fine when you are already having trouble speaking is an unnecessary burden and it also just gets really annoying to hear it over and over again. The part about someone calling 911 is not based on true events, however.
> 
> I'm happy to answer any questions I can about stuttering that come up based on the story. Things shouldn't need additional explanations but I'm happy to provide additional background if anyone is curious.
> 
> PS: I wrote Kurt and Blaine's first date yesterday and it was REAL CUTE. Just saying :)


	5. Blocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine wonders if his stuttering is getting worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting Chapter 5 from vacation! A huge thank you to my new beta-reader mirvly!

When Blaine got home from school that day, he went straight upstairs to his room and flopped onto the bed. Alone, he could finally let down his guard and deal with what a roller coaster his day had been. He fiddled with his stereo system, trying to find the perfect song to work through his feelings.

Besides boxing, music was Blaine’s most effective strategy for calming down when he was upset. It had to be the right song with the right combination of beat, sound quality, and lyrics but when he found a song that worked it could be remarkably calming. He put on headphones and then turned up the volume until he could feel the music resonating inside his body. 

He mind wandered and he thought back to his fraught conversation with Kurt, the one where he had blundered into revealing his stuttering to someone he had only known for a week. Would Kurt keep his promise? Blaine hoped so. Even though Rachel had described Kurt as a “bitch,” he had only ever been welcoming to Blaine. Kurt had a sharp tongue and an odd sense of humor but Blaine realized that so far Kurt had used them to ward off bullies and to cheer Blaine up when he was upset or uncomfortable. 

He thought about what Kurt had said about knowing what it is like to be judged for something you can’t control—he wondered what Kurt had been through. Perhaps that might explain his icy exterior. In the locker room, when Blaine was at his most vulnerable, it was like that icy exterior melted away and this warm, supportive boy emerged. He barely knew Kurt but Blaine realized he trusted him.

It was times like this when Blaine wondered what his life would have been like if he had never started stuttering. 

~~~~~

**Blaine is 3 years old**

Blaine’s stuffed animals were very talented musicians. Gigi the lion played piano, Phillip the giraffe played guitar, Kitty the kitten played drums with her sharp claws, and Salad the seal was on vocals. Blaine’s dad had spent the morning helping him make instruments out of cardboard, which had been very fun. Blaine carefully placed Kitty’s paws on the surface of the drums and nodded to himself; he was pleased with how his band was coming together.

“Hey, Squirt!” Two big hands reached down to pick Blaine up and swing him around through the air. Blaine giggled and then started to squirm. Cooper was holding him too tight and he wanted down. Cooper didn’t seem to notice Blaine’s wriggling, swinging him a few more times around before setting him back down in front of his band. Blaine felt a little dizzy.

Cooper patted Phillip on the head and asked, “So what instrument does Frank play?”

“His name is Phillip,” Blaine whined. “Like the giraffe at the zoo. Why do you always forget?” Blaine frowned in annoyance, then answered, “Phillip plays guitar.”

“Rad,” said Cooper coolly. He patted the stuffed Giraffe again, knocking him over and upsetting Kitty’s drum set.

“Hey!” Blaine protested, “That’s m-m-m- **mine** .” He felt emotions bubble up in him that he was too young to know how to control. 

“Stop whining, Blainey-Bear. Don’t be such a baby!” He reached out and picked up Salad this time. Blaine’s face started to get red. 

Salad was his favorite stuffed animal right now. They had visited Florida over the summer and stayed at a hotel right by the beach. The hotel had  **given** Blaine a stuffed animal seal with their logo stitched into its belly. Blaine had been entranced by her right away. She had the softest nose and he loved nuzzling his face against it. And she was just the right size for hugs. Over dinner that night, Blaine’s mother had asked him what he was going to name his new stuffed animal. He looked out at the table and joyfully declared her name to be Salad. Blaine knew it was a good name because of the enormous grins on both his parents’ faces; even Cooper had liked it, saying, “Oh, this is excellent!” 

Blaine’s eyes filled with tears as Cooper held his beloved seal over his head, too high for Blaine to reach.

“Gi-gi-gi-gi-gi-give her back!” he screamed. 

Cooper just laughed and reached for Kitty, moving her as he spoke as if she were the one saying, “Oh no, Blainey-Bear, cat’s got your tongue?”

Blaine stamped his foot. “Stop-stop-stop-stop-stop it.”

“Geez, stop crying Baby Blaine, it is just a stupid toy. Here.” Cooper tossed the animals back at Blaine and flopped onto the couch.

Blaine’s mother poked her head into the room; she always seemed to know when they were fighting. “Boys,” she said sternly, “What’s going on in here?”

Blaine, his face still tomato-red, pointed a finger accusingly at his brother and announced, “M-m-m-mommy, Cooper s-stole Salad and he called her —ssstupid.” Blaine’s mom gave him a strange look, one he had never seen before.

“Blaine, honey, are you okay?” 

“—No, I’m m-m-m-m-mad at at at at Cooper.”

“Now, Cooper, apologize to Blaine for taking his stuffed animals without asking. Salad is very important to him right now. When you were his age you would have thrown a fit if anyone had tried to take your stuffed Pat the bunny. You have to remember that Blaine is only three.”

“I was just trying to play with him. Ugh, fine. I’m sorry I took Salad, Baby Blaine.” Cooper grunted and then stomped upstairs to his room. 

Blaine’s mother turned to his father. “When is his next check-up with Dr. Jin?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

By dinner time, Blaine was feeling a lot calmer. His head was still swirling but the pace of his thoughts had slowed down thanks to the regulating power of Bon Iver and Andrew Bird.

“So, sweetheart, you’re officially in your second week at McKinley. How was your day?” his mother asked.

Blaine shrugged, not sure if he wanted to get into details. “Fine. We did our first exper-er-eriment in Chemistry. I asked one of the, uh, uh, boys from Glee Club, Kurt, to be my lab partner.”

“That’s nice, son.” His father sounded pleased. “It’s important to have a reliable lab partner if you want to get a good grade in that class. You know, colleges really like to see strong grades in STEM classes.”

“Yeah, Dad, I know.” Blaine decided not to mention what Kurt had shared about his utter lack of aptitude for the subject.  _ Maybe he was over exaggerating. _

Blaine’s mother narrowed her eyes as she studied his expression, “What’s wrong, Blainey?”  _ How does she always know?  _

“This, uh, this-this jerk was kind of, uh, pi-pi-picking on Kurt.”

“Oh no, is he okay? What happened? Are you hurt?” she asked in alarm.

“Woah, mom, I’m fine. He was—he just said some…rude, uh, things about Kurt…being gay. He didn’t lay a finger on us, really it wasn’t a big deal.”

Blaine’s dad furrowed his bushy eyebrows together in concern. “Now listen here, Blaine, I don’t want you being a hero. If that kid, or anyone else for that matter, starts making trouble for you then I’m going to have that principal of yours on the phone so fast that his grandchildren’s heads will spin. Maybe we should sign you up for more boxing lessons.”

Blaine restrained his desire to roll his eyes at his father’s overprotective outburst. He was totally blowing things out of proportion, of course. Blaine tried to remind himself that it was going to take more time for his dad to get over the memory of receiving a phone call that his son was in the Emergency Room after being attacked. He also felt a surge of love towards his dad, who didn’t always express his feelings very directly but clearly loved Blaine very much and would do anything to keep him safe. He reached over a hand to pat his father’s arm reassuringly, “Dad, thank you, but I’m fine.” 

His mother reached out to take his hand and gave it a warm squeeze, before moving to a lighter topic. “So do you think you’re starting to make some friends, sweetie? It sounds like you are have been getting to know some of the other students in choir.”

“Y-yeah, I think some of them could be friends. So far everyone has been really, uh, uh, welcoming, but espe-e-ecially Mercedes, Tina, Mike, Kurt, and-and Rachel. Everyone’s a bit competitive, though. Kurt was really nice to me today when, you know…”

“Any of those girls cute, Blaine?”  _ Not again. _

“S-s-seriously, Dad? It’s starting to feel like G-G-G-Groundhog Day. How many times do I have to tell you you you that I’m gay before it really —sinks in?” 

His father held up his hands defensively, “I know, I know. It’s just, how do you really  **know** that you’re gay if you’ve never even gone out with a girl? You decided before you’d ever really dated anybody. I’ve been doing my research. There’s such a thing as liking boys but also still liking girls, maybe you’re that. Shouldn’t you stay open to possibilities at this age? Your life would just be so much easier if you ended up liking a girl; if there is anything we learned from last year it’s that. I mean look at what happened at school today. Wouldn’t you rather not deal with that if you didn’t have to?”

Blaine was flabbergasted. His father’s heart was in the right place but it was all just so…misguided…and infuriating. 

“Oh, is that what we learned? I thought we learned that some people are heinous b-b-b-bigots. I’m not in-in-interested in girls. I’m—I’m sure, Dad. Like 100% sure.”

Blaine’s mother leaned in towards his father to scold him. But her voice was still loud enough for Blaine to hear every word, even if he tried to tune them out.

“Patrick, we talked about this! Blaine needs your support and acceptance, not for you to question how he identifies. Even if it does end up changing in the future Blaine has told us how he identifies  **now** and as his parents it is our job to accept who he is telling us that he is. And he has been very clear about that so every time you ask him that, you are rejecting his identity, and therefore rejecting  **him.** What you should be asking is if any of the  **guys** are cute.”

His father turned back towards him and cleared his throat, “So, uh, any of those guys striking your fancy?”

_ Great, so my dad is supportive only if mom literally feeds him a script or if he thinks my life is in danger. Just what every kid dreams of. _

“I don’t know. I’m just getting to know everybody still. I think I would have to know someone pretty well before I could like them like that.”

His father let out what Blaine could only assume was a sigh of relief. 

“Very sensible. No need to rush into a relationship at your age.”

_ What do I have to say to make this conversation end? I wasn’t going to bring this up, but I will say almost anything to change the topic at this point. _

“So I, uh, I sort of told Kurt about my, uh, my, uh, my stuttering today,” Blaine admitted. “Accidentally, that is.”

He saw the worry come back into his father’s eyes, “You said he was being nice to you, right? So he wasn’t—he didn’t make fun of you or anything?” 

“Oh, yeah, no he was really cool about it. He’s been on the, uh, receiving end of teasing and all, so I think he gets it.” Blaine smiled fondly, remembering how chill Kurt had been about his frazzled confession in the locker room. Now that he had calmed down from his strong emotions, he was able to appreciate how much embarrassment Kurt had spared him. 

His mom smiled at him. “Aw, sweetie, I’m sorry that happened but I’m glad you found someone supportive at your new school. Maybe you two will become friends.”

“Yeah, maybe. I think we might. We’ll see.”

—

Ever since he had outed himself about his stuttering to Kurt, Blaine had started to keep a closer eye on his stuttering.  _ Is it really getting worse? _ The thought filled him with dread. 

Unfortunately, the side effect of keeping a closer eye on his stuttering was that he became even more self-conscious about his speech than usual. That, coupled with trying to keep anyone at school from noticing, began to take a toll. 

Blaine employed all his best avoidance tactics from relying on nonverbal communication—his record was a full ten minute conversation with Rachel with only nods and “mmhmm”s to keep his side going—to spending his lunch period studying in the library. Speaking one on one was much easier for Blaine; in a big group he was constantly feeling pressure to get a word in edgewise. Add in the chaotic, noisy environment and it was a recipe for disaster as far as Blaine was concerned. 

When his English teacher asked the students to do verbal presentations on Hamlet, Blaine had panicked. In the end, he convinced the teacher to allow him to do a “creative” presentation in which he wrote and performed a song about the book. That was one crisis averted but he wondered if every teacher would give him that much latitude. It had also been twice as much work to put together as the original assignment but not speaking in front of an audience was well worth a few late nights.

It began to be impossible to ignore the inevitable conclusion that his mother had been right: his stuttering  **was** getting worse. When he spoke with his parents at home, where he was more relaxed about letting his stuttering show, he was definitely stuttering on more words than usual. When he spoke to peers at school, where he desperately tried to hide his stutter, it seemed to take more mental effort to deploy the strategies that kept his speech sounding smooth. And he  **knew** he was giving in to unhealthy so called “avoidance behaviors” but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. He knew things would only get worse from here.

~~~~~~~

**Blaine is 5 years old**

Blaine loved kindergarten! He already had three best friends and they read stories every day at school. He had a favorite spot on the rug for circle time and he was one of the best spellers in his class. He loved his teacher, Mrs. Cho, who was very nice and she played her guitar for song time. She had given Blaine a high five when he was the first one to learn all the words to ‘We All Live in a Yellow Submarine.’ 

Valentine’s Day was a big deal in kindergarten. Every kid brought in a shoebox from home and Mrs. Cho helped them each cut a hole in the lid to make it into a letterbox. She spread out a whole table of art supplies and each kid decorated their box with anything they wanted from the table. Blaine had chosen some beautiful shiny purple wrapping paper to cover his box. Elaine showed him how to cut out a heart by folding the paper in half so he glued a big blue heart on the top. When it dried, he carefully wrote out his name in purple marker on the heart. 

Mrs. Cho stopped by to observe his work and gave him a big smile, “Wow, Blaine this looks beautiful! And well done putting the ‘B’ the right way this time!” Blaine beamed up at her from his seat. “Th-th-thanks.” 

His big brother Cooper was excited about Valentine’s Day too.

Cooper’s middle school was having a carnation sale as a fundraiser for the cheerleading team. All week, Cooper had been scheming and by Wednesday he had it all worked out. He had been saving his allowance and he had explained his plan with wide, scheming eyes, 

“I don’t know why no one has ever thought of this before. If I send a flower to every cute girl asking them to go with me to the dance then at least one of them has to say yes. It is simple mathematics.” 

Blaine’s parents did not seem to share their son’s confidence in this plan but said nothing to dissuade him. 

On Wednesday night, Blaine begged his mom to help him make valentines for everyone in the class to pass out at school the next day. She pulled out the arts and crafts box, shuffling through the pile of construction paper to find the pink and red pieces. “How many kids are in your class again, Blaine?”

“Uh, I think—I think—I think twenty?”

“Okay, then this should be enough. How are you doing, honey?”

“F-F-Fine, mommy! Excited f-f-for Valentine’s Day ‘cause it’s the it’s the it’s the b-best holiday ever!” 

His mother had a worried look on his face but didn’t say anything. Grown-ups were confusing; there was nothing to be worried about. It was almost Valentine’s Day!

Blaine carefully cut out the heart shapes just like his friend from school Elaine had showed him and his mom even found some heart stickers at the bottom of the box. He asked his mom to write ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ on each card but he proudly wrote his name on each one at the bottom, making sure to write his ‘b’s facing forwards instead of backwards. Yup, Valentine’s Day was definitely his new favorite holiday.

Thursday evening, Cooper reported back with the results of his plan.

“So, Casanova, tell us about your day,” his mother asked. 

Cooper gulped loudly. “Well, it’s not that my plan  **didn’t** work exactly. It just might have worked a little too well.” Blaine was confused,  _ How can a plan work too well? _ Cooper dramatically covered his face with his hands and then continued, “Mom, Dad, I have three dates to the dance!”

“Cooper!” Cooper pulled his face out from behind his hands long enough to wince in response. 

“Good job Cooper! You you you g-g-got a-a-a date!” Blaine smiled proudly at his brother. His gave him a double thumbs up. Cooper was always talking about wanting all the ladies, whatever that meant, and now he had three.  _ Three is even better than one. I’m only in kindergarten and I know that _ .

“Ugh, now Blaine is making fun of me. Laugh it up B-b-b-b-b-aby Blainey.” 

_ I’m not making fun of him.  _ Blaine didn’t understand why Cooper was upset or why he was talking funny. There were not supposed to be that many ‘b’s in the word ‘baby.’ Mrs. Cho had taught them that one already so Blaine was pretty sure there were only two.

“Oh, Coop! Too charming for your own good. Dad will sit down with you tonight and the two of you can talk about what to do, okay sweetie? Now, Blaine, tell us about your day!”  _ Finally! My turn! _

—

As it turned out, neither Anderson brother had a good Valentine’s Day that year. Things had started out on a good foot for Blaine. He loved all the Valentine’s Day celebrations in class. Mrs. Cho had read the class a Valentine’s Day story, they did counting with candy hearts during math time, and in spelling they learned the word ‘heart.’

The best part was passing out his Valentine’s Day cards. Each student put out their ‘mailbox’ and then walked around putting valentines in all the boxes while Mrs. Cho played holiday songs. Blaine picked out a bright red sweater to wear and it ended up matching the classroom decorations perfectly. He was so excited that he skipped from one mailbox to the next, delivering his cards and feeling like some sort of fantastic Valentine’s Day fairy.

He had a very special valentine that he wanted to deliver in person to his very best friend. Mrs. Cho was playing Valentine’s Day music on the little classroom radio and Blaine couldn’t help singing and dancing along to the song.  _ “L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see” _ he pointed to Elaine when he said that line and she giggled before grabbing his hand and joining in,  _ “V is very very extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that you adore. Now love is all that I can give to you. Love is more than just a game for two. Two in love can make it, take my heart but please don’t break it. Love was made for me and you.” _ Blaine and Elaine did dramatic pointing to themselves and then each other on that last part and then fell into each other’s arms in a fit of laughter. 

Then Blaine cleared his throat, “I have a a a very special Valentine. For my my my best friend, E—“ Blaine stopped and felt confused.  _ Why won’t that word come out? _ He tried again, “E—E—“ Nothing.  _ Elaine is going to think I forgot her name! Oh no! _ Mrs. Cho was watching him with furrowed brows. Blaine began to feel hot. 

_ “E—E—E—“ My mouth is broken!  _

Upset feelings welled up in Blaine until he felt like he might explode if he didn’t give them an outlet. He kicked the bookshelf and threw the stereo on the ground. The music stopped.

Mrs. Cho looked at him with wide eyes and a big open mouth. Blaine burst into tears and collapsed on the floor. “Blaine Devon Anderson, you are in big trouble young man!” Blaine just cried harder.  _ Mommy and Daddy are going to be so upset with me! _

That was the first time Blaine noticed that something was different about the way he talked. When he got stuck saying the name of his best friend Elaine. It had felt like his mouth was glued shut and no sound would come out at all. It had felt like he couldn’t breathe. It had been scary and he hoped it wouldn’t happen again.

But it did happen again, many many times. Much later, Blaine would finally learn that there was a name for the terrifying experience of his throat closing shut until no sound at all would come out. It was called a ‘block’ and of the many different types of disfluencies (or bumps, stutters, whatever you wanted to call them) this was his least favorite. 

At least when he repeated words or sounds people could tell that he was talking and usually waited patiently for him to get through it. But when he blocked, he was silent. Sometimes it would happen at the beginning of a sentence and by the time he worked through it, the person he was trying to talk to had walked away with no idea that he had even wanted to tell them something. 

As he grew older, Blaine came to learn that the problem had never been his mouth but rather his brain. Stuttering was like a time bomb that had always been a part of him, waiting for the right moment to seize control. Blaine had been fighting to get it back ever since and right now he felt like he was losing.

~~~~~~

The breaking point finally came one day in Glee rehearsal. Kurt was trying yet again to convince Mr. Schuester to let them perform Britney Spears. Since Kurt had kept his word about keeping Blaine’s secret, in return he figured the least he could do was join Kurt’s facebook campaign. Besides, he really did adore Britney Spears. So far Kurt did not seem to be having much success. 

Then Finn showed up late to rehearsal, nearly in tears, holding up his letterman jacket.

“Finn, so glad you could join us. Please take a seat.” 

Rachel popped up when she saw Finn’s expression. “What’s wrong?”

Finn held up two halves of what had been his letterman jacket. “Karofsky and Azimio destroyed my letterman jacket, that’s what. Those assholes said I don’t deserve to wear it since I got kicked off the team. This is  **garbage** ! I have to convince Coach Bieste to give me another chance.”  _ Karofksy and Azimio strike again. I really need to stay clear of those guys. _

Rachel delicately steered her enormous boyfriend over to a seat and soothingly rubbed circles into his back. 

Kurt seized the opportunity to bring things back to his agenda, “While I condemn the destruction of any item of fashion—even one as…pedestrian as that—we have more important issues at hand. Like Mr. Schuester’s irrational insistence that we cannot sing Britney Spears despite having no problem with singing the works of many an artist with a troubled past. She is an American icon who sings about female empowerment and I, for one, won’t rest until we pay her tribute. Who’s with me?”

A very awkward silence followed. Mr. Schuester was staring daggers at Kurt and practically daring the rest of them to raise their hands.

Kurt crossed his arms, his tone becoming increasingly irritated, “That’s interesting because almost everyone in this room joined my facebook campaign. Everyone is all supportive in cyberspace but I guess you’re all just too  **cowardly** to stand with me in real life.”

Something came over Blaine as he watched Kurt’s face. He saw the disappointment and hurt Kurt tried to mask with anger, his nose wrinkled and red as he surveyed his teammates with disgust. _Someone say something._ _Why is no one saying something?_ Before he could think, Blaine was on his feet. Suddenly all eyes were on him.

“I grew up listening to Britney. We all did. She was part of our…childhood. I agree with…” Blaine felt the block coming before it hit, but names were the one thing that he couldn’t switch out for a synonym. There was no synonym for Kurt. Desperately, he pushed through the block and finally got it out, “—Kurt.”

He really wished everyone would stop staring quite so much. 

Santana raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at him, “Are you doing okay, there, Twitchy?”  _ Twitchy? Oh, no…no, no. _ Blaine hadn’t even felt anything but if he was twitching then he knew what that meant: his secondary characteristics were coming back too. They had been much worse when he was younger. Bad enough that other kids had made fun of him for having Tourette’s, which he didn’t even have. It was just one of those  **things** that went along with stuttering. The eye twitches, the grimaces, the noises…they were all his body’s way of trying to get unstuck when he was stuttering. 

For a long time, he clung to the notion that they helped. His speech therapist had finally helped him see that they were not effective ways of dealing with his stuttering and he had worked hard to try to get rid of them. It still happened every once in a while, but not so much that people noticed. Until today. Because here he was, standing up in front of everyone, his eye having clearly been twitching enough that everyone had noticed.  _ Maybe the floor will just swallow me up. _

“Just because someone won’t sleep with you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. Please  **do** keep wearing that vile blood red lipstick so no one will mistake you for  anything other than your true form: the devil. See, Mr. Schuester, Blaine’s with me! Now, can you drop this foolish vendetta so we  **finally** sing Britney?”

Blaine awkwardly collapsed into his chair, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor. He was lost in thought until Artie, Finn, and Puck took the center of the room and started performing ‘Stronger.’  _ Huh, I guess it’s Britney…bitch. _

—

When rehearsal ended, Blaine was intentionally slow to pack up, hoping to be the last one to leave so no one would try to talk to him. When he figured it had been long enough for the coast to clear, he finally exited the choir room.

Kurt was leaning against a bay of lockers when Blaine emerged into the hallway.  _ Was he waiting for me? At least it’s not Santana. _ Since there was no avoiding it, Blaine took a few deep breaths as he walked over to wear Kurt was standing.

“Thanks for the, uh, assist back there,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

“Anytime. I would insert a basketball joke here if I knew literally anything about basketball, but alas, I do not.” Blaine let out a quiet laugh and managed to meet Kurt’s eyes, twinkling back at him with warmth and humor. He continued, “Santana’s what I like to call an equal-opportunity bitch. She gets on everyone’s case but it’s not really personal with her. She’s just…spiky.”

Blaine nodded.

“Well, I would ask if you are okay but I’ve already banished those words from my lexicon. So instead, I guess I’ll go with, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Thanks for remem-mem-membering. Nah, it’s just another stuttering thing.”

“Huh, I had no idea that was part of it. Seems annoying.” Blaine appreciated Kurt’s casual tone, as if Blaine were dealing with an inconvenient rash.

Blaine nodded.  _ It is. _

He was grateful to Kurt but right now he really just wanted to go home and listen to his music or maybe spend some time with his punching bag.

“So, uh…” He gestured vaguely towards the parking lot. Kurt seemed to get the message.

“Right. Have a good night, Blaine!”

—

This time Blaine decided to calm himself with boxing. He changed into workout clothes and carefully taped up his hands. Each time he hit the bag, he felt the calming vibrations travel up his arm and throughout his body.

Blaine knew it was time. He knew that his mom was right. His stuttering was worse and with it came all of the other negative things that went along with that from avoiding social situations to more severe secondary characteristics.

It was time to get help. It was time to think about going back to speech therapy. Blaine tried to tell himself that this didn’t mean he was going backwards, even if it sure felt that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I had so much fun writing it, especially the flashbacks. I always love writing from the perspective of little kids. Thank you to my beta-reader mirvly for helping me figure out how to fit in those flashbacks. So excited to have them on board!
> 
> What's the weirdest thing you named a stuffed animal as a child?  
> I tried to name my doll Fertilizer as a kid but my mom wouldn't let me.
> 
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> "Secondary Characteristics" (also known as secondary behaviors) are really common among people who stutter, especially as they get older. The usual explanation is that these are things the person who stutters does to try to get "unstuck" or force themselves to move past the moment of stuttering because it is unpleasant and they want it to end. A lot of them look similar to tics, such as over-exaggerated eye blinking, facial grimaces, tensing certain muscles, looking away from the listener, or noises (clicks, hums, a quick intake of breath). I once had a student with a very unusual secondary characteristic behavior which was that he would take a fist and basically whack himself in the stomach. Thankfully, after about a year he was able to stop doing that. I did first have to convince him that it didn't actually help him not stutter.
> 
> You may be wondering how much people who stutter are aware that they are doing this. I would say that it varies, but typically they are not fully aware. The student who wacked himself in the stomach knew in the abstract that he did this but he didn't realize how often it happened. I have another student with a lot of the blinking, twitching, and making noises behaviors and he has almost zero awareness that he is doing it. He knows about them because we have talked about it but in the moment he doesn't realize it is going on. This is why I wrote it so that Blaine doesn't realize he is doing it until Santana calls him "Twitchy" and then is able to figure out what is going on.
> 
> As for why they are called secondary characteristics, it is because the stuttering behaviors (the repetitions, the blocks) are the 'primary' or 'core' behaviors that characterize stuttering. These behaviors I've described above are 'secondary' to the stuttering itself but are still part of the disorder.


	6. Duets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn doesn't approve of Kurt's choice of duet partners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to bring you Chapter 6! I believe it's the longest one yet (there does seem to be a trend).
> 
> I realize that my updates have slowed down a little but there are two reasons. First, I was on vacation for a week and, second, I needed to work through some plotting dilemmas I was having that required thinking several chapters ahead.

Kurt sighed dramatically and flopped back onto Rachel’s bed. The hangover from romantic movies was always the same: the bittersweet ache of longing for love. Kurt would only let himself wallow for the next minute before he turned his attention back to Rachel and Mercedes. It had been a while since their last sleepover and he was enjoying the camaraderie with his two best gals.

They were all lounging on Rachel’s startlingly pink bedspread in their pajamas. After the credits finished rolling, Rachel picked up her remote to turn off the TV. She sighed. “Leo DiCaprio sure does make a dreamy Romeo. What’s the verdict, Kurt?

“While my loyalty to Zeffirelli’s incomparable adaptation remains unshaken, I have to admit that Luhrmann made some exciting and bold choices. He definitely isn’t afraid of color and I love the retro futuristic vibe for Romeo and Juliet.”

Mercedes nodded enthusiastically. “The modern soundtrack was a lot of fun. ’Lovefool’ for Romeo and Juliet is just so perfect!” 

Kurt nodded his agreement. “But is it Sectionals worthy?”

“Only one way to find out,” Rachel declared. She grabbed her hairbrush and started singing.

Dear, I fear we're facing a problem

You love me no longer, I know

And maybe there is nothing that I can do

To make you do

Kurt snatched the hairbrush to jump in for the next stanza.

Mama tells me I shouldn't bother

That I ought to stick to another man

A man that surely deserves me

But I think you do!

 

Kurt held out the ‘mic’ so all three could lean in together for the chorus.

So I cry, I pray and I beg

Love me love me

Say that you love me

Fool me fool me

Go on and fool me

Love me love me

Pretend that you love me

Leave me leave me

Just say that you need me

Rachel moved to take the ‘mic’ back so Kurt quickly pressed it into Mercedes’ hands and brought them home with the final verse. Rachel’s sulking was short lived; she physically couldn’t hold herself back from adding in backing vocals.

Lately I have desperately pondered,

Spent my nights awake and I wonder

What I could have done in another way

To make you stay

 

Reason will not lead to solution

I will end up lost in confusion

I don't care if you really care

As long as you don't go

They collapsed in a giggling heap onto Rachel’s bed.

“Now, Mercedes, when are we going to find you the perfect Romeo to sweep you off your feet?” Rachel asked with a gleam in her eye. As usual, when Rachel’s own romantic life was calm she quickly took on her friends’ as projects.  _ Well, her other friends. _

Kurt interjected with snark, “Rachel, did you already forget how that story ends? We literally watched them die not five minutes ago! Can we pick  **any** other couple to hold up as a paragon of romance? And before you mention Leo’s other notable role, my only requirement is that it doesn’t end in tragic death. So Titanic is out.”

Rachel grumbled. “Fine! The question still stands, though. Anyone catching your eye these days?” 

Mercedes blushed. “Oh, I don’t know. Although…I must admit that Blaine was a total dreamsicle singing Teenage Dream. I thought maybe he was even looking at me. But…I don’t know, I mean is he even straight? I don’t want to go down that road again.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. My dad still doesn’t believe the story I fed him about a faulty car wash breaking those windows.” 

“What a miracle that would be!” Rachel said with excitement. “A boy that talented and that good-looking actually straight in musical theater. Oh, if he shows up for his first Broadway production still single he is going to have to fight girls off with his stage sword. Better lock that down now, that’s my advice.”  _ Yes, Rachel, what a miracle it is to find a straight boy in rural Ohio. _

Anger started to simmer in Kurt’s belly. It hurt to see how flippantly they were cooing over the possibility that Blaine might be straight. It wasn’t as if they didn’t already have their pick of every other guy in the school. God forbid a viable candidate for Kurt to even dream about be allowed to remain untouched. No, they had to claim him too. The longer his friendship with Rachel went on, the less sympathetic Kurt found himself to her romantic troubles. At least she got to  **have** romantic drama. Kurt was 17 and he had only had one real crush which had been doomed before it began and ended in almost ruining his dad’s relationship. How did neither of them see that the real miracle would be finding just one other gay boy at their Midwestern public high school.

Mercedes looked thoughtful. “You have two gay dads, Rachel, is he pinging your gaydar? I thought Kurt was straight last year and—no offense Kurt—he is the most flamboyant person imaginable. So my judgment can’t be trusted.” 

“Hmm, well he does have good personal hygiene and I’ve never seen him wear cargo pants. He boxes, which is less gay. He likes singing and dancing but that describes every guy in Glee Club. He does seem nervous sometimes, like he’s hiding something. I get mixed signals from him. I’m going to declare it too close to call.”  _ It’s not an election, Rachel. His sexuality isn’t dangling from a hanging chad. God, did they talk about me like this when we met? _

“Oh this is my favorite carnival game!” Kurt spat out bitterly, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Knock over all the pins, win a straight boy!”

Mercedes looked at Kurt in surprise. Rachel, as usual, was oblivious to anything that was not about Rachel who steamed on ahead. “You’re his lab partner, Kurt. Do you have any sense of which team he plays for? Can we give Mercedes any hope?”  _ Do I need to sing Rose’s Turn again? When is it my turn? When does anyone decide to care about giving  _ **_me_ ** _ hope? _

Kurt desperately wished he had a definitive answer to throw in Rachel’s face, but he didn’t. For a moment, he considered the delicious possibility of just lying and saying that yes, Blaine is gay. Even if he hoped it was true, though, he could never actually do that. If he  **was** gay, then that would make Kurt guilty of outing, which he considered abhorrent. If he  **wasn’t** gay, then it was unfair to start a rumor just to benefit himself. In the end he just shrugged sullenly.

Mercedes’ brows furrowed even deeper, “Kurt, are you okay?”

“No, you know what I’m not! You two are supposed to be my best friends and I can’t believe how insensitive you are being. Did it even occur to either of you what it would mean for me if Blaine  **was** gay? No, because you can only ever think about yourselves. Do you really think your happiness over a cute boy being straight when literally every cute boy at this fashion-forsaken school is  **already** straight is more than a drop the bucket compared to the world-altering revelation of me getting to even just meet someone else gay my own age?” Kurt stopped to catch his breath, before standing up. “I don’t think I’m in the mood for a sleepover anymore.”

“Kurt! Don’t!” Rachel protested as Kurt grabbed his duffel bag and started towards the door. Rachel wasn’t the only one who could orchestrate a dramatic storm out when the situation required it.

—

Blaine had been even quieter than usual lately, and that was when he was even around. Kurt wasn’t sure where he was eating his lunch these days but it certainly wasn’t in the cafeteria. He missed having him around. It would have been nice to have someone to talk to when he was on the rocks with Mercedes and Rachel.

Regardless of how subdued Blaine had been the past few days, he always seemed happy in Glee Club and today was no different. As soon as he stepped through the threshold into the choir room, the whole room lit up with his exuberant smile. 

Kurt let out a contented sigh when Blaine sank into the chair next to him, humming quietly to himself.  He could really use whatever sunshine he could soak up from Blaine today. 

“We missed you at lunch again today, Blaine.”  **_I_ ** _ missed you. _

“Had to, uh, study,” he mumbled.

Mr. Schuester strode into the classroom and the students quieted down. “Hello, New Directions! Now that the Homecoming Assembly is behind us, it’s time to really get in gear for Sectionals. Our team has a lot of potential and I won’t stop until we make it all the way to Nationals in New York City!” The students cheered and clapped. Kurt was filled with longing at just the mention of New York.

“Last year at Regionals, we opened our set with a killer duet and I think the way to win Sectionals this year is through the power of…” 

He stopped at this point to write the word “Duets” on the white board and underline it for emphasis before continuing, “Now to achieve this vision, we need voices that blend well musically, song selection that tells a story, and passionate performers who can sell the emotions of that story to the audience. I have decided that the best way to choose our soloists for Sectionals is through a duets competition. The winning pair will perform the opening duet at Sectionals  **and** get this voucher that covers dinner for two at—wait for it—Breadstix.” Wild applause broke out.

_ I simply  _ **_must_ ** _ win this competition. I  _ **_need_ ** _ that solo! All I need is the perfect partner. _

Kurt leaned over to whisper in Blaine’s ear, “Partners? I have the full Judy Garland and Diana Ross catalogs memorized, my range is three octaves, and I think our voices would sound exquisite together.”

“You had me at Diana Ross.”  _ Way to lock it down, Kurt.  _

For the rest of rehearsal, they discussed possible group numbers. Kurt was firmly refusing to make eye contact with Rachel, who was being even more obnoxious than usual.

“This is a group effort so I want to hear everyone’s ideas for group numbers that would best feature me on lead vocals.”

Puck and Finn had to physically restrain Santana to prevent her from tackling Rachel to the ground. Personally, Kurt would have just let Santana at her.

Blaine chuckled beside him. “You all weren’t k-k-k-kidding about the, uh, uh, drama in here, uh, were you?” he asked in a hushed voice, his eye twitching when he started to stutter. Kurt found it pretty easy to disregard now that he knew it wasn’t anything to be concerned about. Thankfully, Santana hadn’t mentioned it again.

“If anything we probably undersold it. One day Rachel is going to say something so insufferable that Santana is actually going to murder her. And she’s going to get off with justifiable homicide.” Blaine laughed out loud, eyes shining with mirth. No one had ever quite appreciated Kurt’s extremely dry and dark sense of humor the way that Blaine seemed to. It was nice to have an appreciative audience.

__

Kurt was gathering his books from his locker before school on Wednesday when Finn arrived, looking disapproving. 

“Kurt, did I see you ask that new kid to sing with you in the duets competition?”

“Yes, jealous I got to him first? You should be. His audition performance was amazing.”

“No, Kurt, I’m obviously partnering with Rachel. I’m concerned that you’re not being fair to Blaine. He’s not used to dealing with things the way you are. Once it gets out that he sang a duet with you, the whole school is going to start harassing him. What if he quits before sectionals?”

“This is absurd! Glee is about musical expression not narrow-minded ideals of gender and heteronormativity. Besides, it’s not like I forced him. He has free will. I asked him and he said, ‘yes.’”

“Maybe he was just trying to be nice. Is Blaine even gay, Kurt?”

“Wow, so that’s offensive. Is it so hard to believe that someone might just want to sing with me because I’m good? I don’t know if he’s gay. Does that actually matter?”

“Most guys don’t know how to handle that kind of attention. I don’t want you to chase off one of our best singers before Sectionals. We need him.”

“Wow, Finn, thank you for your concern that I’m a predatory gay out to get the poor defenseless straight boys. I really thought you had gotten past your homophobic bullshit after last year’s lamp fiasco.”  _ Our parents almost broke up because of you, you imbecile! _

“Dude—“ Kurt cut him off before he could finish. 

“No, no, I get it now. You’re fine with me being gay as long as I don’t get it on anyone else, is that it?  If I sing with Blaine he’s going to get my rainbow stink all over him. Because being gay next to another man is certifiable sexual harassment, right, Finn? When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I’m not being gay  **at** anyone? It isn’t something I’m doing to you, or to Blaine, or to anyone else. Not anymore than you’re being tall  **at** Rachel, Frankenteen.”

“No, Kurt, that’s not—look I’m sor—“ Kurt gestured for Finn to stop.

“I don’t want to hear it right now, Finn.” He stormed off angrily to the only place Finn wouldn’t dare to follow him: the girl’s bathroom.  _ Two storm outs in one week; this might be a record. _

Kurt splashed water on his face. His skin was blotchy and red, the way it always got when he was angry.

“What’s wrong, Lady Hummel?” Kurt jumped in surprise.

“Santana, you simply must stop sneaking up on people like that. You’re going to get a nasty reputation.”

“Yeah, we both know that ship has already sailed.” Kurt managed a half smile. Santana might be a nastier bitch than even he was most of the time but she had a soft, protective side that showed up occasionally. “So what’s the poop?”

“Oh, Finn thinks if I sing with Blaine for the competition then it will be some sort of rainbow social suicide for him. But I think he’s just being homophobic.”

“Well, I was going to ask Mercedes to sing with me but if you’re dropping Blaine then I may need to reconsider; that boy is  **fine** .” 

Santana fanned herself dramatically before dropping the act and turning serious.

“I’m pretty sure you’d have to fight Mercedes for him,” Kurt replied, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

“Seems to me like the only person who gets to have an opinion about whether or not Blaine should sing with you is the hobbit himself. Finn’s not totally wrong. That pocket-sized dreamboat will almost certainly take some heat for spending time getting lady fabulous with you. We’ve all see the neanderthals that go to this school. So, the real question is whether or not Hottie McBoyToy can handle the heat. Finn is a coward who only cares about being popular but who says Blaine is?”

Kurt blinked in amazement at her. “Damn, when did you get so wise, Santana?”

“I was born this way, baby.”

—

All day Wednesday, Kurt kept looking for an opportunity to talk to Blaine alone. All through lunch, they were surrounded by the usual lunchtime Glee Crowd. In the hallway, Kurt tried to catch Blaine at his locker but he kept missing him.

When the final bell rang, Kurt tried to spot Blaine in the hallway but he couldn’t find him in the rush of students pushing their ways towards the doors. He sighed, he would have to try again tomorrow before rehearsal. As he walked past the choir room, he heard beautiful piano music filtering out into the hallway.  _ Why is Brad here on a Wednesday? _ Kurt poked his head in and was surprised to see that it was Blaine sitting on the piano bench, playing beautifully.

“Well, well, well. Look who’s a triple threat. He’s got the voice, he’s got the moves, and now it seems he plays too.”

Blaine jumped slightly, clearly startled by the interruption. “Oh, hey, K-Kurt. I was just toying around with-with-with some... ideas for our duet. When do you have time to work on our song?”

Kurt settled himself onto the piano bench next to Blaine, making sure to leave plenty of space between them.  _ We wouldn’t want to incite gay panic _ . He was filled with bitterness as he wondered if maybe Finn had been right. 

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Blaine. I hope you didn’t feel pressured into singing with me because I cornered you like that. I would understand if you wanted to sing with someone else.”

Blaine’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I—I—you don’t want to s-s-sing with me?” Blaine looked so hurt that Kurt started to panic. This was not at all how he thought this conversation was going to go. 

“I thought—okay, I’m sure I can find—can ask someone else.” Kurt felt like he had kicked a puppy. 

“No, no, no, I definitely want to sing with you. God, who wouldn’t want to sing with you? You’re amazing. I mean, your voice, it’s amazing. Why do you think I snatched you up before those other thirsty bitches could get their paws on you?”

Blaine’s eyebrows furrowed even deeper. Kurt noticed how bushy and thick they were, it was kind of adorable they way they got all crooked when he did that. “Then—I’m confused,” he admitted.

“It was brought to my attention that you might prefer a more…mainstream singing partner. You know, like, of the female variety.”

“Why?” Blaine looked incredulous.

“Because everyone knows I’m gay and apparently other dudes find that threatening to their manhood or something. That and some of the cretins at this school seem to think anyone who gets within two feet of me must also be gay.”

Blaine rolled his eyes, and sarcastically replied, “Yeah, because that’s clearly how that works.”

“Finn hasn’t gotten the memo yet on that one. He was all horrified that I’d asked you and convinced you had only said ‘yes’ to be a good sport.”

“I already told you why I said yes. You had me at ‘Diana Ross,’ remember?”

“Yeah, but I already knew she was your kryptonite. You were powerless to resist!” Kurt teased. 

“There are, uh, other reasons too. I ha-ha-happen to agree with you that our voices would blend really well. You’re the, uh, uh, only one who knows about my-my-my stuttering so I won’t have to worry about hiding it when we re-re-rehearse.” Blaine took in a deep breath, suddenly looking very small and vulnerable. “You’re kind of my only real friend at this school so far, Kurt.”

Kurt smiled reassuringly at him, “Sometimes I feel like you’re my only real friend at this school too, Blaine. Which is way more pathetic for me than it is for you. Come on, let me buy you coffee to apologize for letting Finn get in my head and shaking your confidence.”

—

Kurt introduced Blaine to his favorite coffee shop, The Lima Bean. It was his favorite because it was just far enough away from McKinley that he never seemed to run into anyone from school there. It was the perfect hideaway.

Over coffee, Blaine finally explained why he had been avoiding the cafeteria. “Big, uh, group con-conversations are... hard for me. So I’ve kind of, uh, uh, been k-keeping to my, uh, myself. I just haven’t…been able to d-d-deal with it as well lately.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked. 

“My, uh, my-my stuttering has been—well I think—I mean my parents and I think—that...it's getting worse.”

“Oh, wow, Blaine. That sounds really scary.”

“Thanks, yeah, to be—to be—to-to-to be honest I’m pretty f-f-f-f-freaked out. I don’t know why this is-is happening. I-I-I’m thinking about a-a-asking my parents to get me... back in spe-e-e-e-e-ech therapy.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Blaine. You shouldn’t have to deal with such a big thing all by yourself. I hate that the problem you’re having is forcing you to be even more lonely at a time when you probably need other people the most.”

“I…I never thought about it that way…but…maybe you’re right.”

“Okay, well since we’ve already established that we are friends now, let me know if you want to grab lunch sometime just the two of us so you can have a break from the crowds.”

“B-B-But I don’t want to, uh, take you away from your other friends.”

“Seriously, Blaine, I’m not even speaking to half of them at the moment. It would be a welcome respite from Drama Central.”

“Wha-wha-what happened?!” Blaine’s adorably bushy eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“Rachel and Mercedes are lovely girls but they just don’t understand what it’s like being the only gay kid at this school. They go on and on about this cute boy or that cute boy and oh, no, could that one possibly be gay, that would just be awful because we need every single cute boy to be straight so we have as many options as possible. Oh no, Kurt, we didn’t see you over there pining away in the lonely hell that this high school obviously is for you. What do you mean you want to find love just as much as the next teenager? We thought you only existed to give us makeovers and shopping tips.” As his rant died down, Kurt started to feel embarrassed. That was probably too much to reveal to such a newly developed friend.  _ Was it obvious I was talking about him? Shit, it totally was.  _

Blaine looked stunned for a moment. He was clearly working something through in his head, and Kurt sat patiently, not wanting to rush him. He hadn’t told Blaine this yet but he had tried to find some advice online for talking with someone who stutters. There had been a lot of questionable looking websites out there but he had found a few things that looked decent. One of the recommendations was about not rushing the person to get their words out. He was pretty sure that whole thing about drinking sea water to cure your stuttering was a scam, though.

“Kurt,” he said softly. “You’re not.” He was looking at Kurt with so much emotion in his eyes that clearly this was something important but Kurt had no idea what he was talking about.

“I’m not…what?”

“You’re not the-the-the only gay kid at this school.” Kurt’s heart began to race. He had to be sure. He had gotten his hopes up already once before.

“Then who else is?” 

“—”  Kurt waited patiently as Blaine worked through some silent moment of stuttering before finally answering, “Me.”  _ Yes! Yes yes yes! _

“Oh,” Kurt said breathlessly. “Awesome!”  _ Too strong, Kurt, take it down a notch _ . “That is—it’s just kind of a relief to finally meet another gay teenager. I mean I had wondered if you might—but I didn’t want to assume anything. This is going to be quite a blow to the single ladies of Glee Club.”

“They’ll get over it. I have a feeling me be-be-being gay means more to you than me being straight could e-ever mean to any of them.”

“Wow. You just…got me without even trying. I feel like I’ve been shouting that at the world and no one hears me. But you…you just already know how I’m feeling without me having to explain it twelve different ways. If this is what having a gay friend is like then sign me up.”

“I re-re-remember how it felt when my-my-my friend Nick came out. It was such a-a-a relief not to be the-the only one. And that was basically right after I... came out, so I didn’t have to f-feel that way for very long. I get it because I-I-I lived it.”

Kurt’s whole body felt warm as he considered the possibility of another human being who could understand his experiences inherently.

“Blaine, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Kurt quoted with a grin.

—

Several hours later Kurt was still feeling buoyant from his revelation about Blaine.  _ I’m not the only one!  _ Kurt sang quietly to himself as he started pulling out ingredients for dinner.

Pack up your troubles and just get happy 

Ya better chase all your cares away 

Sing Hallelujah, come on get happy 

Get ready for the judgment day

He was excited to try out a new recipe he had found for Vegan Mac ’N Cheese. It was much healthier than regular Mac ’N Cheese and he hoped his father would stop complaining about being fed “rabbit food” for a few days if he made it. He had been trying to get his father to eat healthier for years but now that he had Carole on his side Kurt finally felt like he had the upper hand. He turned off the blender and dipped in a spoon to sample his sauce. Somehow the combination of cashews, miso, nutritional yeast, and baked carrots blended together into a rather delightful cheesy mixture. It didn’t really taste like real cheese, but it did taste delicious.

He poured it in a casserole dish with broccoli and set it in the oven to bake. Kurt untied his apron strings, hoping he could get some homework done while dinner was baking. The front door opened and his father, his girlfriend Carole, and her son Finn all walked in.

Carole took an appreciative sniff, “Mmm, something smells tasty, Kurt!”

“Thank you.” 

He noticed his dad was giving him a serious look.  _ This can’t be good _ . “Sit,” he pointed at the couch in the living room. Burt put his hands on Finn’s shoulders and steered him to the armchair across from the couch. “This one has something to say and you’re going to listen.” 

Kurt crossed his arms and waited expectantly. He was sure he was in the right this time and wasn’t going to let anyone pressure him into apologizing.

Finn fidgeted in his seat for a moment before he started. “So, I talked to my mom about the fight we had today. And then she talked about it with your dad, who talked about it with me. Things got pretty weird last year and I don’t want that again. So…I’m sorry.”

“That’s not enough, Finn!”

“Kurt,” his dad said sternly.  _ Why do I have to do all the work here? Fine! _

“Finn, I can see that you’re trying and I do appreciate that. I would also like this whole ‘family’ thing to work” His dad nodded in approval. “But apologizing because you don’t want us to fight feels pretty empty. What are you even apologizing for, exactly? Do you know?”

Finn tried to elaborate on his apology. “I’m sorry for assuming it would be a problem for you to sing with Blaine or that he would only say yes to be nice. I thought I was looking out for what’s best for the group but I can see how that would be kind of insulting to you. You’re a really good singer and anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.”

Carole gently jumped in to facilitate. “Finn, remember the part where Kurt felt accused of being predatory? That’s a really hurtful stereotype that unfortunately some people still have about gay men.”

“Oh yeah, thanks mom! Kurt, I’m sorry I made it sound like you were creepy. My mom reminded me that I’ve done way creepier things towards girls I liked. Just because I’m not used to guys acting that way towards other guys doesn’t make it wrong or inappropriate.”

_ Mom of the year: Ms. Carole Hudson. _

“Thank you, Finn. Really, that was the apology I needed to hear.”

“So, are we cool, bro?”  _ That might be the first time anyone has ever called me that. I guess we might be actual bros soon enough.  _

“Yeah, bro. We’re cool.”

—

On Thursday, Kurt and Blaine ate lunch in the choir room since Blaine still wasn’t feeling up to dealing with the big lunch crowds. On the plus side, it meant that Kurt could finally talk to someone who might understand his complicated history with Finn.

“So remember how Finn thought you couldn’t possibly actually want to sing with me?”

“Yeah, I’ve been-been meaning to ask you. How...how bad  **is** the bu-bu-bullying here? Why  **was** Finn so w-w-w-worried anyways?”

“Oh, well, it’s nothing  **that** unusual, honestly. Everyone in Glee Club has been bullied at one time or another but I get that special extra crunchy layer of homophobia on top. They’ve called me names, they’ve slammed me into lockers, they’ve thrown me in the dumpster, they’ve dumped drinks on me. I’ve been bullied for being gay since long before I officially came out last year. I’m pretty sure I was the only person who thought I was passing, it was kind of a tragic joke. People take one look at me and they just  **know** . As my dad once, very lovingly said, I sing like Diana Ross and I dress like I own a magical chocolate factory. Believe it or not, things have gotten better since I joined the Glee Club because at least now I have backup against the bullies some of the time. No one has thrown me into a dumpster in over a year which has been great for my fashion budget.”

Blaine cracked up laughing at the line about Diana Ross. 

“Was it like that at Bath High too?” Kurt wondered if Blaine had similar experiences.

“Yeah.” Blaine looked away from Kurt, clearly not wanting to elaborate. Kurt decided to change the subject.

“Anyways, so I was talking about my fight with Finn. So, last night my dad made us sit down and talk it out and even though Finn wants to understand he just…doesn’t. I had this very…misguided…crush on him last year and all he talks about is how uncomfortable I made him feel. I literally never did anything. I never touched him, I never flirted with him, and I never acted like anything other than a friend. We were supposed to move in together last year but my dad had to pull the plug because Finn…he used the f-slur.”

Blaine gasped, “He  **what** ?! Wow, n-n-not okay. He-he-he should be lucky you still speak to him. But wait…what—you and Finn were-were-were going to m-m-move—in together?” 

“Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t know. Our parents are dating. I’m just glad they didn’t actually break up after that whole snafu. It was weird at first but my dad is a lot happier now.”

“Wild! That’s good that your dad, uh, uh, took your side, though. So, how-how-how was the t-talk? With Finn?”

“Surprisingly pretty good. I think his mom straightened him out. It was weird, though. I’ve always been an only child but it felt like such a sibling moment...my dad sitting us down to work out our differences. Like we had to figure it out because we are family...even though we aren’t yet. But I think probably we will be someday.”

“B-B-Brothers aren’t all-all, uh, all they’re cracked up to be. Kind of-of-of wished my dad had sat us down more for some, uh, um, uh, bro-brotherly talks. Do you get along, uh, uh, well with your dad, then?”

“My dad is the best. He’s not perfect but he loves me like crazy. We’ve only had each other for so long so he’s really important to me. I was terrified of losing him when I finally came out. Of course, he’s just like, ‘Oh, I’ve known since you were three and all you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels.’” 

Blaine laughed, “I have the  **best** me-me-mental image right... now!”

“If you’re nice to me maybe someday I’ll show you the pictures.”

“Deal!” Blaine was grinning again and Kurt thought he might say anything if it would make Blaine light up like that.

“What about you? How did your parents react?”

“Fine.” Kurt couldn’t help but notice that his face fell. He sensed that there was more to it than that but he didn’t want to push Blaine to talk if he didn’t want to. Kurt raised a questioning eyebrow at Blaine but said nothing.

Blaine gave him a half smile. “My dad...he just...he loves me, but, he wants wh-wh-wh-whatever will make, uh, uh, things e-e-easier for me. He doesn’t—I don’t think he—to him, be-be-being straight...is easier.” Blaine fidgeted in his seat and his muscles were so tense that Kurt could see the tendons in his forearms.

“That would feel a lot like rejection to me.”

Blaine gave a single, curt nod. Kurt hesitated, unsure what to do. Blaine’s eyes stared resolutely at the ground for a few moments. When he looked up again, Kurt saw tears shining in his eyes and Kurt’s heart ached for him. It was a pain that he understood but had never seen reflected in someone else. It had always been a lonely pain that no one else could understand, no matter how hard they tried. Kurt knew how hard it was to bear alone. 

“Do you want to talk about it, Blaine?” he asked softly.

Blaine finally looked up to meet Kurt’s eyes. “I ca-ca-can’t...it’s too h-hard. My st-st-stuttering gets so bad that, uh, I can’t really talk-talk-talk to anyone about hard stuff be-because it llllliterally is hard to get-to get-to get-to get the words out.” Blaine paused to take several deep breaths before he continued, “K-K-Kurt, I was s-s-so scared to come out to-to my parents that I ended up writing them a le-le-le-le-letter! I c-c-couldn’t even say it out-out-out loud.” 

Kurt tried to imagine not being able to get something off his chest by talking about it. There were so many bad days he had come home from being teased and not fitting in but he had always been able to vent about it to his dad. His heart ached that Blaine wasn’t able to find the same relief from talking about his feelings. 

“Blaine, just so you know your stuttering doesn’t, like, bother me or anything. If you ever want to talk about the hard stuff, I’m willing to sit here and listen no matter how long it takes you to get it all out. I care about what you have to say not how you say it.”

Kurt glanced up at Blaine to see that his eyes were glistening again.  _ Are those happy tears? Please be happy tears. _

“Th-th-th-thank you.” 

And then a soft weight was on Kurt’s shoulder and he realized it was Blaine’s head. Kurt reached his arm out hesitantly to pat Blaine on the back, ready to pull it back at the slightest sign of discomfort. Boys always jerked away when Kurt got too close to them like he had the plague or something. With girls it was different but Kurt was agonizingly  aware of how uncomfortable boys were around him that he had learned to keep his distance. But instead of jerking away, Blaine just leaned in closer like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like Kurt’s touch was comforting instead of threatening or revolting. Kurt let out the breath he had been holding as he realized that he had never had a friend like Blaine before.  _ Everything is different now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed "Duets." As always, I had a blast writing it.
> 
> A tremendously huge thank you to my wonderful beta [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for helping me problem solve how to fit all the pieces of this story together so they make sense. How could I know I'm doing a good job without getting comments that are just the smiling/crying emoji? 
> 
> The inspiration for Kurt finding something online about sea water curing stuttering is this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj5IWpsOrQE) of a comedian who stutters trying to "cure" his stutter with a list of ridiculous remedies he found online (spoiler alert: none of them work).
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and encouragement! The comments *always* make my day! My favorite thing about writing this story is hearing how people react to it so I would love love love to hear what you thought of this chapter.
> 
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> Avoidance Behaviors: This is what we call it when someone who stutters avoids having to talk. This can involve just talking less or physically avoiding situations that require a lot of talking or talking in a more public manner. 
> 
> Blaine's decision to bring his lunch to school every day in Chapter 1 is an example of an avoidance behavior. He doesn't like the time pressure of having to say what he wants in the cafeteria with a big line behind him (ordering in fast food restaurants is a common situation that is high on the list of stressful talking situations for people who stutter) so he avoids it altogether by always bringing a lunch from home. That's a relatively harmless one because he isn't missing out on anything too important. As his stuttering gets worse, he starts avoiding the cafeteria altogether, which is more serious because he is retreating from opportunities to socialize and enjoy time with his peers. As for why he would avoid the cafeteria, it is probably because it is a less than ideal speaking situation. When being part of a large group conversation, you have to be able to quickly jump in with what you want to say otherwise you will lose your opportunity to speak. This would put more pressure on Blaine to speak quickly (rather than slowing down which is what he should be doing) and to get his sentence started in a timely manner (if you have a block at the start of a sentence then you may lose your turn altogether). 
> 
> Avoidance behaviors can be pretty obvious, like not going to a party, or much more subtle. Something I've had Blaine do once or twice is take a bite of food or drink in order to avoid talking altogether (it give him the excuse of having his mouth full so he can just gesture in response and no one will question it) or buys him time so he doesn't have to talk until he's ready. It's something that probably no one would ever notice or connect to his stuttering. Teenagers and adults have been dealing with this for so long that they sometimes develop pretty sophisticated ways to manage their stuttering.
> 
> There is also something called word avoidance, which is where someone who stutters avoids specific words because they think they are more likely to stutter when they say them. 
> 
> As a speech therapist, my goal with a student is always going to be to reduce or eliminate these avoidance behaviors, with the biggest focus on those that are having the greatest negative impact on the student's quality of life. For example, I would be concerned about a student who never eats in the lunch room because of the big social impact that will have on them.


	7. Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine returns to speech therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the longer wait for Chapter 6, here is Chapter 7! I think we have, yet again, broken the record for longest chapter.
> 
> Thank you to [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) my AMAZING beta-reader for all of their help!

“You were right, Mom.”

“About anything in particular or just a general statement of fact?” she asked cheekily.

Blaine gave her a gentle shove on the arm. “My stu—stuttering has been worse lately. The o-o-other day my eye was twitching enough that, uh, someone—well they kind of—they, uh, they noticed. It’s been years since my-my secon…dary characteristics were that b-bad.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I know how much you used to hate that. What did you tell them?”

“I…nothing…I didn’t have to explain. K-K-Kurt kind of bailed me out, actually.” Blaine smiled when he remembered how effortlessly Kurt had shifted attention away from Blaine like he just knew what Blaine needed without having to be told or asked. 

“Sounds like a keeper. He is one of the ones you said was maybe becoming a friend, right? You should have him over sometime.”

“Thanks, yeah, we’re doing a, uh, p-p-p-project together for Glee so maybe I will. Anyways, yeah, the stuttering is for-for-for sure getting worse.”

“We’ll call the school and get the ball rolling for you to get speech therapy again,” his father stated.

Blaine’s mother jumped in, “Only if that is what you want, honey.”

“Why wouldn’t he want to? We know how to fix the problem so let’s fix it. You break an arm, you go see the doctor. You bust a transmission, you go see a mechanic. Your stuttering acts up, you go see the speech therapist.” Blaine wasn’t quite sure this was the same but he didn’t want to argue.

“Yeah, I want to—I need to. I had it under control before but now…I-I-I don’t.”

His father checked his watch. “It’s only 5 o’clock, do you think someone would answer the phone if we called now?”

“Let’s try.” His mother reached for the phone and started dialing.

It was clear that someone had indeed picked up the phone, and then transferred her over to another department. But then his mother’s tone shifted.

“What do you  **mean** you don’t have a speech-language pathologist at McKinley?”

Blaine’s father silently reached out his hand for the phone.  _ He’s about to go full lawyer on whoever is on the other end of that phone. They won’t know what hit them. _ Blaine rather gleefully settled in to watch the show. He rather enjoyed seeing his father like this when it wasn’t directed at him. Blaine’s mother wordlessly handed over the phone and his father immediately started asking questions. It wasn’t long before he lost his temper.

“I don’t give a damn about your funding, Ms. Pillsbury, it is Federal law that you must provide the services my son needs to access his education. If you don’t have a speech-language pathologist than I suggest you list the position and soon because I will be submitting an official request in writing to have my son evaluated for special education services in person tomorrow morning. If you haven’t read the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act recently I can save you the trouble; you have 60 days to respond to the request or I will see you in court.”

When his father hung up the phone a few minutes later, Blaine and his mother slow clapped in response. His father took a small bow. “There are plenty of downsides to being a lawyer but saying, ‘I’ll see you in court’ never gets old!”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, dear. I’m going to do some research about how special education services are structured in Blaine’s new district. That poor woman seemed to have no idea but they can’t really have  **no** special education, that’s just absurd.”

“Don’t worry, Blaine, this isn’t our first rodeo. We know the drill. Your mother and I will handle it.” 

“That I don’t doubt, Dad. I’m sure they still tell s-s-stories in hush-hushed tones about that one-one-one parent who, uh, uh show-show-showed up with copies of the-the ADA and the IDEA.”

“And had read them cover to cover,” his father said proudly.  _ My parents are so weird. _

Blaine’s mother was already having more success on the laptop than either of them had had over the phone. “Oh, Patty, look I think I found something! McKinley is part of that same special ed co-op as Bath. Maybe that is why Mrs. Pillsbury thought there wasn’t anything available… they don’t have someone in the building, but the co-op has speech therapists that travel around to different schools.” 

Blaine was filled with relief. “Thank you f-for helping figure this out-out-out.” Blaine couldn’t imagine trying to navigate the confusing maze of special education law and procedure without his parents.

He wondered what speech therapy would be like now that he was so much older. Somehow it felt like a bigger deal to have to go as a teenager than it had when he was 5. Things had been simpler back then when he had never even heard the word “stuttering.”

~~~~~~

**Blaine is 5 years old**

In March, a teacher Blaine had never seen before came to visit Mrs. Cho’s class. She had pretty blond hair in a neat braid, tortoise shell glasses, and she carried a clipboard. Mrs. Cho introduced her to the whole class. “Good morning, friends! I want to introduce Ms. Shine. She heard that we have so much fun in room 207 that she decided she wanted to come visit us this morning and see all the fun things that we are doing.” Ms. Shine waved and smiled broadly at the class. While Mrs. Cho was usually energetic, Ms. Shine had a calm stillness that still felt friendly to Blaine. 

Ms. Shine wandered around the class during playtime, checking out a few different stations. She watched Emmy and Elaine play dress up, then she watched Robbie and Darin build with blocks, before she sat down on the floor next to Blaine who was in the music area. 

Blaine played a few notes on the plastic keyboard before turning to her. “What song do you like Ms. Shine?” 

Ms. Shine tapped her pen against her chin and made thinking sounds, “Hmm well I have always loved The Beatles but it is hard to choose a favorite song. How about you Blaine?” 

_ Me too! I like The Beatles too! _ “I know all the w—all the w—all of Yyyyyellow sub-m-m-m-marine,” Blaine boasted. Ms. Shine chatted with him for a few more minutes before sitting down at one of the tables in the back and writing some notes on her clipboard.  _ Maybe she is writing down the name of the song so she can go listen to it later. It’s a really good song. I bet she would like it. _

A few weeks later, Ms. Shine visited room 207 again but this time she walked right up to Blaine, where he was tracing his spelling words at one of the bean tables. “Hi Blaine, do you remember me? We met a while ago. My name is Ms. Shine. We both liked The Beatles.” Blaine nodded. “We are going to go back to my room and play some games just the two of us.” No one had ever come to play just with Blaine at school before. Blaine felt special.  _ It must be because I know Yellow Submarine. _

Blaine took her hand and followed her out of the classroom. She led him down the hallway and stopped in front of a door with a big sun cut out of butcher paper on the front. Ms. Shine noticed Blaine investigating the sun, so she explained “I decided to put a shining sun on my door because I’m Ms. Shine, just like sunshine, get it?” Blaine grinned. She pointed to some words next to the door and read out loud to Blaine, “Here it says ‘Ms. Shine.’ This is my office.” Later, when Blaine was a better reader, he would notice that inside the big paper sun on the door someone (he assumed Ms. Shine) had written the words “It’s Always Sunny in the Speech Room!” She had even dotted the exclamation point with a little sun.

Ms. Shine’s office was different from Mrs. Cho’s classroom. It was much smaller, with room for only a few kids to sit at the little round table at a time. There was a desk with a computer against one wall, some colorful posters hanging, but Blaine’s jaw dropped when he saw her bookshelf. It had two whole shelves of board games, a whole shelf of picture books, and two shelves with colorful plastic bins that Blaine could see toys poking out of. 

Ms. Shine must have noticed where Blaine’s attention was because she squatted down next to him until they were at the level when she faced him. “Blaine, would you like to play with some of my toys? You can pick out one thing to play with first but maybe later we can try something else. I also have really good stickers.”

Blaine picked out a bin with plastic animals and Ms. Shine helped him set them up on the round table. As Blaine organized them, Ms. Shine picked up something small and black from her desk and fiddled with the buttons until Blaine heard a ‘beep.’ “What is that?” he asked.

“You’re very observant, aren’t you Blaine?” Blaine didn’t know what ‘observant’ meant but the way she said it made it sound like a good thing. “This is my voice recorder. It tapes us so I can listen back later and remember all the interesting things you had to say just in case I forget any of them.” Blaine nodded. He did have a lot of interesting things to say. He was glad Ms. Shine could already tell. She must be impressed with him.  _ Just wait until she hears me sing! _

Blaine had fun playing animals with Ms. Shine, then she let him pick out one of her picture books and they talked about each page after she read it to him. The last part was Ms. Shine handing Blaine one of the early reader books like the ones in Mrs. Cho’s room and asking him to read it to her. Blaine was a pretty good reader so he was eager to show off. 

After that, Ms. Shine started coming to get Blaine on Tuesdays every week. It was always fun and he always got a sticker afterwards. 

First Ms. Shine taught Blaine about all the ‘talkers.’ He was surprised to learn how many parts of the body were used for talking. Of course, he knew your mouth was used for talking but there was your lungs and your nose and even your teeth. Ms. Shine taught him the names for all the ‘talkers’ and what they did. Blaine learned about which talkers made which sounds and at night Dad practiced with him on flashcards. They made a game out of it sometimes, where Dad would close his eyes and whatever letter his finger landed on in the newspaper Blaine had to tell him which talkers were used to make that sound.

‘P’ was easy, that one just used your lips. ‘V’ was sneaky because it used your top lip and your bottom teeth. Blaine remembered that ‘g’ was way in the back of his throat because ‘g’ was for ‘gargle’ and when you ‘gargle’ that is the spot you use to make the ‘g’ sound.

She taught him how to take slow, deep breaths that helped him feel very relaxed. There was a special video of a hot air balloon getting bigger and bigger with air and then smaller as the air went back out. When Blaine breathed at the same time as the video, his tummy felt just like the balloon—filling up with air and then letting it all out.

Then one day, Ms. Shine asked him an odd question. “Blaine, how do you feel about the way you talk?”

Blaine looked up from his coloring at the round table in Ms. Shine’s office. Ms. Shine adjusted her glasses for a moment before setting her clipboard to the side and giving Blaine her full attention.

“Sometimes the other kids laugh wh-wh-when I talk but I-I don’t know why.” Blaine chewed his lip uncertainly. He looked away from Ms. Shine and suddenly became very absorbed in coloring a pair of lungs pink. 

“That doesn’t sound very nice. Is talking easy or hard for you?” 

Blaine was used to teachers just giving him answers to his questions. He liked that Ms. Shine wanted to know his ideas. She looked at him thoughtfully as if Blaine’s next words were important.

“I guess maybe talking i-i-i-is a little hard sometimes. Most of-of-of-of the time I think I talk good but then I-I-I try to talk but it doesn’t work-work-work-work.”

“How do you feel when that happens? When it feels like you can’t talk?” 

Blaine thought for a minute. He wasn’t sure how to answer so he shrugged. Ms. Shine reached into one of her desk drawers and pulled out a laminated sheet of paper with faces on it. She placed it on the table in front of Blaine. “Do you feel angry, frustrated, happy, embarrassed, or sad?” As she named the feelings, she pointed to the faces that showed someone having that emotion. 

Blaine’s eyes landed on the picture of a little boy with his lips pursed together and his hands balled up tight. “I think—I think—I think frustrated.”

Ms. Shine nodded solemnly, “I think I would feel frustrated too if I thought I couldn’t get my words out when I wanted to.”  _ Really? But Ms. Shine never looks frustrated.  _ Blaine had trouble imagining Ms. Shine getting stuck in the middle of the word the way he did sometimes. Blaine thought about how Ms. Shine talked to him. It was slow and melodic; Blaine found it relaxing.

Ms. Shine inhaled slowly and then started to explain. “Blaine, talking is kind of like a river. Most of the time it flows forward smoothly, but every now and then there is a rock or a tree branch and the river bumps for a second before it keeps flowing forward.” Blaine pictured the river from when Dad had taken him and Cooper fishing. There had been some rocks and the water splashed up into the air when the stream hit them. 

“Blaine, your speech just has some extra bumps in it.” Blaine imagined a river full of rocks and tree branches. A river clogged and suffocated with obstacles.  _ Is that what I sound like? _

“When your speech gets bumpy it is called stuttering. I’m going to teach you how to smooth things out when your speech gets bumpy and you start to feel frustrated.”

“Okay.”

“Blaine, do you want to play detective with me?”

“Yeah! Like Blues Clues!” 

“Exactly!” Ms. Shine turned to reach into one of those marvelous plastic bins on her bookshelf and pulled out a big magnifying glass.

“Ok, detective Blaine. I want you to try to spot the bumps. When you hear one, hold up this magnifying glass to your eye so you can find the clues.”

“Yay! This is is is a fun game.”

“Blaine, hold up your magnifying glass!” Ms. Shine encouraged, with a smile.

“Why?”

“Because, I spotted our first clue. You bumped on the word ‘is'. I heard you say it three times. Did you notice that?”

“No!” He held up the magnifying glass to his eye anyways, wanting to be good at this game.

“That’s okay. Even really good detectives need lots of practice. Let’s keep trying.”

At first, Blaine felt like Ms. Shine was just making up bumps because he couldn’t hear them at all. But before he had to go back to class he finally did it! He spotted his very first bump!  _ I am a really good detective! _

The next time Ms. Shine taught him how to use something she called Easy Speech. Blaine was surprised to find out that Ms. Shine’s slow, sing-song way of talking actually had a special name. At first when Blaine tried to imitate her it just came out as singing. Ms. Shine told him he was a good singer but that Easy Speech was different than singing. When Blaine used Easy Speech, his words came out smooth and easy without any bumps.

~~~~~~

After his father had gone full lawyer over the phone, things had moved pretty quickly. His parents had been able to have a quick meeting to review Blaine’s records with the school and discuss whether or not they wanted to do any testing with Blaine. Thankfully, everyone agreed that they should move forward with writing an Individualized Educational Program for Blaine so they could get started with speech therapy sooner rather than later.

Blaine felt a mix of anxiety and excitement about having his first IEP meeting and getting started with speech therapy again. It felt good to be  **doing** something rather than sitting around feeling powerless. Blaine had been vaguely aware of these meetings happening when he was in Elementary School but this would be his first time actually going. His father had spent some time explaining all the parts of an IEP to Blaine over dinner but it had gotten a bit technical and Blaine left the conversation more confused than enlightened.

As Blaine sat in U.S. History, his eyes kept wandering to the clock as he worried that he would somehow miss his meeting. Concentrating on the lesson was hopeless. He was supposed to be summarizing a chapter with Rachel but he kept staring off distracted into space. Rachel finally got fed up with trying to get his attention and just finished the summary by herself. He did not want to be late for his meeting but he still had 20 minutes before it started so he tried to focus on summarizing the chapter with Rachel. When he thanked her she had hissed back, “You owe me!"

This was the perfect time to talk to Rachel about something that had been bothering him all week. He glanced up at their teacher, who Blaine was pretty sure was shopping online for new shoes and therefore was unlikely to notice a quiet side conversation.

“Rachel, I, uh, I re-realize this is none of my business but…are you, um, like, um, going to apologize to Kurt?”

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. “He told you about that? He’s the one who stormed out of my sleepover. Maybe  **he** should apologize,” she retorted defensively. But her words had no bite in them.  _ She knows she messed up. _

“I-I don’t—do you really believe that, Rachel? He…told me about your fight. He had good—he had good reasons for storming out.”

Rachel hung her head. “I thought it would just blow over. We both have such big dramatic personalities but usually we fight, we sulk for a couple days, and then we make up. But he still won’t talk to me, Blaine! I don’t know how to make it right. Kurt is so special; I don’t want to lose him as a friend for good.”

“Maybe he needs…a reminder of just how special you think he is. I always find that I express my feelings best through song.”  _ I got through a whole two sentences without stuttering! _

Rachel looked back at him with wide, excited eyes. “Oooh, I have the perfect song! I just need you to help me with a few minor details.”

“Surprise musical performances are-are-are one of my favorite things in the world so I’m your man, Rach. Whatever you need. Now, excuse me, I have a meeting I need to attend.” Blaine waved a quick goodbye before scooping up his books and pulling out the carefully folded note he had kept safe in his pocket the whole morning.

“Excuse me, Mr. Sinclair? I need to be excused for a m-m-m-meeting. I, uh, I uh, I have this note here.” Blaine leaned forward just far enough to sneak a peek at his laptop screen.  _ Called it! _

“A meeting? Let me see that!” He examined the note skeptically. Blaine felt increasingly uncomfortable as more and more students started to notice him. 

“Fine, fine. Just go.”

—

When Blaine opened the door to the small conference room in the front office, he was shocked to see a familiar face smiling back at him. “Ms. Sh-Sh-Shine?! What are you do-doing here?”

“Surprise! Once a week I travel to schools in the special ed co-op that don’t have a dedicated SLP to provide services. Imagine my delight when I saw a familiar name pop up on my schedule. You sure have grown up since the last time I saw you, Blaine!”

Ms. Shine somehow looked exactly as he remembered her. Long blonde hair, tortoise shell glasses, clipboard, and a calm energy.

Ms. Shine sat down and started the meeting. “Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Blaine, I’m glad that you’re here because this meeting is about you.”

She explained that since Blaine only needed speech therapy, she would serve as his case manager in addition to being his speech therapist. 

“What does that, uh, mean?” Blaine asked.

“Oh mostly that I will be running your meetings but I’m also going to be the point person for anything to do with your special education services. Your family has the right to call an IEP meeting at any time to discuss your progress or make revisions and I’m the person to reach out to for anything like that.” 

She handed a business card to Blaine’s parents and gave a second copy to Blaine himself. Blaine was pleasantly surprised to see how much she was involving him in the process. He had sort of assumed this meeting would be a lot of adults making decisions about his life while he sat there quietly and listened. But Ms. Shine was directing everything she said to him as much as to his parents.

“So, Blaine, tell me why you think you need to start up with speech therapy again?” 

Blaine’s mother responded, “For the past few months his stuttering has been getting much worse. He used to be able to manage it really well with those strategies you taught him but he said that lately they haven’t been working as well.” Blaine was half relieved that his mother was handling this for him and half annoyed that she was speaking on his behalf when the question was clearly directed to him.  _ I’m not a child. _

“Thank you, Mrs. Anderson, that’s really helpful information. Now I would like to hear from Blaine.” Ms. Shine turned her whole body to face him. “What have you noticed about your speech, Blaine?”

“It, um, it h-has been worse. It’s like my strategies d-don’t work as well as they used to. Or I have to to to work harder to-to-to-to use them. When I’m really stressed it becomes almost im-im-impossible. Worst of-of all now I’m t-t-twitching and blinking and stuff again.”

“Hmm. Have there been any big changes in your life recently, Blaine? Divorce, death in the family?”

“Uh, no.”

Blaine’s father interjected, “What about the, uh, the incident?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“What incident?” Ms. Shine inquired, keeping her face neutral.

“Some degenerates jumped my son last Spring after the Sadie Hawkins dance. That’s why he had to leave.”

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear about that. Can you tell me a little bit more about what happened? Do you know why they did it, Blaine?”

“Yeah, I was kissing a-a-a boy and apparently that w-w-w-warrants putting someone in the hospital. I had a con-con-concussion. Oh my god, do I have brain damage? The doctor’s didn’t say any-any-anything about that!”

“Woah, woah, slow down. I don’t think hitting your head affected your stuttering. I think it likely has more to do with the circumstances of your attack.”

“Are you trying to tell me that my stuttering got worse because I’m gay?”  _ This  _ **_is_ ** _ Ohio. _

“Not at all. I think it got worse because you were the victim of an awful hate crime. There is a lot of evidence that going through intense emotional experience can cause stuttering to get worse for a while. What you went through was traumatic both physically and emotionally, Blaine, and now you’re also dealing with the stress of starting over at a new school. I’m not surprised that your stuttering has been worse lately.”

Blaine’s whole body was flooded with relief to know that there was a reason why everything had changed. Even better that it was a  **normal** reason, something that happened to other people too. 

Blaine’s father jumped in. “So what are we going to do about it? Can you fix it?”

“I think returning to speech therapy is a great first step. But it all depends on the answer to this question: Blaine, do  **you** want to go back to speech therapy? I guarantee we won’t make any progress unless you are here because you really want to be here.”

“I do. I pro-pro-promise I will work hard on what-whatever you think will-will-will help.”  _ Please let me come back! _

—

Blaine’s first speech therapy session was scheduled for later that week. During his IEP meeting, Ms. Shine had let Blaine decide which class to miss so it wouldn’t disrupt his academics too much. He chose gym, since it was the only class that would not assign him make-up work.

Blaine stopped by the gym just long enough to check-in with the teacher before he headed straight for speech therapy. Mrs. Pillsbury had offered up her office for them to use since obviously Ms. Shine didn’t have one of her own.

When Blaine arrived, Ms. Shine was already there, waiting for him.

She started with some general questions about how his day was going and how he thought his speech had been this week.

So, Blaine now I want to hear about what your goals are for speech therapy.”

“M-m-m-my goals?” 

“Yes. What do you want from speech therapy?”

“To stutter less?”  _ Is this a trick question? _

“Tell me why you want to stutter less.”  _ Still feeling like a trick question. _

“Be-be-because…I hate it. I s-s-s-sound bad. People think it’s weird when my-my face twitches. I feel fru-frustrated and judged. I want to be able to-to-to-to-to just have a n-normal conversation without thinking about which words I’m going to st-stutter on next or con-con-con-concentrate on using my easy relaxed speech.”

“That sounds like a lot to deal with, Blaine. I’m hearing that you spend a lot of energy trying to hide your stuttering from other people and that you worry about that a lot.”

“True.”

“Then that is something we should work on. I want you to imagine what it would be like if you never worried about whether or not you are going to stutter.”

“That sounds... amazing. But how? You can’t—you can’t cure my stuttering, right?” 

“No, Blaine. You know that it will likely always be a part of you. But I have good news! Although we can’t change your stuttering, we  **can** change how you feel about it and react to it. The secret to not worrying about whether or not you will stutter isn’t getting rid of the stuttering, it is getting rid of the  **fear** . I think that would be a great goal for us to work on.”

It had never occurred to Blaine that how he felt about his stuttering was malleable. It was hard to imagine ever not feeling worried about when his next moment of stuttering would be but it did sound alluring.

“Okay, that’s...that’s a g-g-good goal.”  _ I still want to stutter less. _

“I really think your stuttering is going to be so much less of a burden for you if you feel in control of your stuttering rather than letting your stuttering be in control of you.”

“But what about the-the-the actual, you know, uh, uh stuttering?"  _ This is  _ **_speech_ ** _ therapy not psychotherapy, right? _

“Great question! So, even though anxiety doesn’t cause stuttering, it does tend to exacerbate it. Your fear about stuttering is basically a self-fulfilling prophecy: worrying about stuttering makes it more likely that you will. Emotions are an integral part of your speech disorder and helping you feel more in control of your speech  **will** improve your ‘actual stuttering.’” I think this is really going to help you in the short term with the increased severity you’re experiencing but also in the long term with becoming a happy and healthy adult.”

“Oh! Then I-I-I guess it’s worth a shot.”

After the interview, they did some drills practicing a strategy called pausing and phrasing that involved taking planned pauses at phrase boundaries when talking. For the most part, Blaine still remembered how to use it but there were a few moments where Ms. Shine pointed out that Blaine should be making shorter phrases.

So far it wasn’t that different than what he remembered from when he was a kid, just with less stickers.

“Blaine, for the next activity I’m going to ask you to do something a little different. I want to remind you that this is a safe space where I will never judge your for stuttering and where you don’t have to hide.” 

_ This can’t be going anywhere good.  _ “Uh, okay,” he responded with trepidation.

“I want you to say your name and I want you to stutter on the ‘b’”

“What? I can’t—I can’t control that, it-it-it just happens.”

“Sure you can! Look,  **I** can do it. E-E-Elise Shine. Just try.”

Blaine’s heart was pounding.  _ This is insane. Whatever, fine. _ “Blaine Anderson.”

“Blaine!” she said with a laugh. “You forgot to stutter. Try again.”

“This is like opposite day speech therapy or something,” he complained. Ms. Shine just sat there with a calm smile, waiting.  “Ugh, okay fine. B-B-Blaine Anderson.”

“Great! See that wasn’t so hard. How did you feel when you did that?”

“Honestly, kind of…panicked.”  _ This is so embarrassing. _

“That is a totally normal reaction. So, have you ever heard of exposure therapy?”

“Is that the-the-the thing they do where they make you sit… in a room with spiders…until you’re not-not scared anymore?”

“Pretty much. Basically the idea is that you can get over your fear of something by slowly exposing yourself to whatever you’re afraid of bit by bit until it loses its power to make you afraid. 

“So with spiders you might first look at a picture of a spider, and then be in a room with one in a cage until one day you’re totally relaxed with a tarantula in your hands.”

Blaine imagined himself sitting cross-legged, meditating, with a hairy tarantula cupped in her hands. He chuckled quietly to himself. 

“For you, the thing you are afraid of is your stuttering. So instead of desperately trying to avoid your stuttering, we’re going to bring it out into the open. When you stutter on purpose,  **you** get to be in control. I know you felt nervous that first time, but we’re going to keep practicing until you feel totally relaxed doing it. 

“After that, we let the spider out of it’s cage so to speak and you try stuttering on purpose somewhere a little less safe, like in front of a friend.” 

“Wow! And that-that-that really works?”

“For a lot of people, yes! There is very strong research to support this technique. It’s not the only technique we’re going to be using but I think it will be an important piece of the puzzle. That is, if you are brave enough to try it. What do you think?”

“I-I-I guess—yeah, I can do that—just, go-go-go slow.”

“Of course. Now before we finish up for today I have something else I want to recommend to you. The National Stuttering Association runs support groups all over the country for teens and adults who stutter. I can’t recommend these groups enough. I can tell you until the cows come home that what we are doing really works and that your stuttering is nothing to be ashamed of but there is nothing like hearing from someone who is going through the same things you are. The closest meeting is in Dayton, which is about an hour drive. There are also meetings in Indianapolis and Columbus but those are further away.”

“Sure, if you really think it’s that helpful. I have my license so it should be doable. When are they?”

“Once a month. The Dayton chapter meets on Thursdays at 6pm. You could be home by 8; what do you think?” She paused to type something on her computer. “It looks like the first one is actually tomorrow.”

“Oh, wow, well I-I have to ask my parents but-but I will try to f-f-figure it out.”

“Great!”

—

After school, Blaine met up with Kurt for coffee at The Lima Bean. Kurt was the only person he could talk to about his stuttering besides his parents and he really wanted someone he could debrief with about his first therapy session.

Last time they had gone out Kurt had bought the coffees, so this time Blaine figured it was his turn. “One medium drip for me and a non-non-nonfat mocha for this guy.”

“You know my coffee order?” Kurt looked irrationally pleased by this new piece of information.

“Of course.”  _ We’ve gone out for coffee three times, why wouldn’t I? _

The boys found a quiet table in the back where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

“So how was it? It was today, right? Are you fully speechified?” Kurt asked eagerly. 

Blaine was privately pleased that Kurt had remembered. He had mentioned it last week but he had sort of assumed he would have to be the one to bring it up. Surely, Kurt had plenty of other, more important things on his mind.

“It was…good, I think. She said we’re, uh, uh, going to do like exposure therapy for stuttering. I-I-I didn’t know that was a-a thing but…it made sense the way she ex-explained it.”

“Huh. I don’t know anything about speech therapy but that’s probably not what I would picture either. It sounds like a good idea, though. Is it like…I mean exposure therapy, that makes it sound like you have a phobia of talking, I don’t want to say it the wrong way, is that what it is? Is that what stuttering is?” 

“No, yes, sort of? Agh, um let me try to—try to explain. Stuttering is neuro-neurolo-logical so no, it’s not like caused by fear or-or-or anything. But when it ha-happens to you-you-you start to dread the next time it will happen. It feels like…losing control…when it happens. Like you’re drowning.”

Kurt looked at him tenderly. “Wow, I had no idea. That sounds so awful, Blaine.” Kurt reached across the table and gently patted his forearm comfortingly. A middle-aged man at the next table looked over at them sharply and Kurt pulled his hand back as if he had been burned. He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. 

“Thanks. I-I-I wouldn’t expect you to-to know what it’s like if you’ve never experienced it. That’s why Ms. Shine wants me to—she thinks it would be—she recommended that I go to a support group. So I can meet other t-t-teenagers who stutter.”

“That sounds great, Blaine. Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t know, it’s tomorrow and it’s in Dayton. I’ve never even... driven there before and I don’t know any-anyone there.” Blaine stopped to take a deep breath and then reminded himself to use his pausing and phrasing strategy. “I’m sure it would be... a good experience but…honestly, I don’t know... if I’m up for it...a big crowd of strangers...that’s much worse... than the cafe-fe-fe-feteria. Maybe I should... wait until next month.”

“What time is it?” Kurt asked thoughtfully.

“6:00. So I won’t have to... miss Glee or anything,... if that’s what... you were worrying about.”

“No, actually, I was going to offer to come with you. Do you think that would help?”

“R-Really? You would-would-would-would do that?” Blaine was stunned.

“Sure, why not? Sometimes you just need a friend for moral support, right?”

“Y-Yeah, that would actually be... amazing, Kurt. Are you-you sure?”

Kurt smiled at Blaine with pink cheeks. Suddenly driving an hour away on a school night didn’t seem quite so impossible. 

Blaine tried to imagine Elaine or Wesley offering to do something like that and he couldn’t quite see it. He felt a surge of gratitude and a strong desire to do something in return for Kurt. Maybe he could find something that would make the trip worthwhile for Kurt too. A plan started to form.

“What time do you have to be home tomorrow, Kurt?”

“Hmm…I think as long as I’m back by 10 my dad won’t mind. Why? You got something in mind?”

“Maybe.” Blaine said with a wink.

—

Between the two different surprises he was trying to plan, Blaine stayed up later Wednesday night than he really should have. But if they both turned out the way he had hoped, then it would all be worth it. 

First up, Glee Club. Mr. Schuester reminded them to sign up for a time to perform their duets next week on either Tuesday or Thursday. There was a lull in the conversation and Blaine caught Rachel’s eye, giving her a nod. Rachel jumped to her feet, loudly announcing, “Mr. Schuester! I need to say something. And it can only be said in song. Do you mind?”

“Oh…no, I suppose that’s fine. Rachel, you have the floor.” Mr. Schuester was so nonchalant that Blaine wondered how many times this had happened before.

Rachel hopped up and skipped to the center of the room with Mercedes following close behind. Blaine pulled the stack of silver top hats he had been hiding out and threw one to each of the girls before sitting down at the piano.

Rachel turned to Kurt. “Kurt Hummel. We haven’t been very good friends to you lately. We love having you as an honorary girl so much that sometimes we forget you are going through things that we can’t understand. It’s easy to forget that you might feel lonely because you are…”

One singular sensation, every little step he takes

One thrilling combination, every move that he makes

One smile and suddenly nobody else will do

You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who

 

One moment in his presence and you can forget the rest

For the boy is second best to none, son

Oooh! Sigh! Give him your attention

Do I really have to mention he's the one

 

As the rest of the Glee Club caught on, one by one they began to grab top hats from the stack on Blaine’s chair and join Rachel and Mercedes on stage, forming a true chorus line.

 

One singular sensation, every little step he takes

One thrilling combination, every move that he makes

One smile and suddenly nobody else will do

You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who

 

One moment in his presence and you can forget the rest

For the boy is second best to none, son

Oooh! Sigh! Give him your attention

Do I really have to mention he's the one

 

Blaine looked over at Kurt to see that his eyes were shining. He discretely wiped at his eyes with a colorful handkerchief. 

 

One singular sensation, every little step he takes

One thrilling combination, every move that he makes

One smile and suddenly nobody else will do

You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who

 

One moment in his presence and you can forget the rest

For the boy is second best to none, son

Oooh! Sigh! Give him your attention

Do I really have to mention he's the one

 

The number came to a close with the entire Glee Club pointing at Kurt. Kurt jumped to his feet and clapped his hands in a circle in the air—a literal round of applause. Rachel launched herself into his arms and all Blaine could hear was unintelligible mumbling exchanged between the two friends. Rachel was tiny but she managed to lift Kurt off the floor and spin him around before finally releasing him.  _ One down, one to go. _

—

After Glee Club, Kurt and Blaine didn’t linger. They had to get on the road as soon as possible if they were going to make it to Dayton in time. Kurt had offered to help with the driving but Blaine had insisted that Kurt was already doing him a huge favor just by coming along. “Besides, I need you to DJ the perfect road trip mix.”

“Challenge accepted!” Kurt exclaimed, pulling out his iPod and muttering something about making an exception to his policy of requiring a 10 day lead-time to construct a themed playlist. Blaine drummed along to ‘Radar Love’ on the steering wheel as he pulled onto the highway.

They pulled into the Library parking lot at 5:45. Blaine paused to take a few deep breaths and center himself before he was ready to get out of the car. Kurt reached across the gear shift and patted him on the shoulder. “You can do this. I'll be with you the whole time. If you hate it, just give me the signal and I will cause a distraction so we can leave.”

“What is the signal?”

“I don’t know! Just start humming ‘The Final Countdown’ or something equally dire. I’ll pretend that I’ve been overcome by the spirit of the Lord and start speaking in tongues.“ Blaine burst into laughter as a very amusing mental image formed.

“Kurt, I don’t think I will ever meet anyone else quite like you. And I mean that as the highest of compliments.”

“Oh, enough with the flattery. Stop stalling! Get your butt out of this car before I set off the theft alarm.”

“Yes, sir!”

The boys wandered around the lobby for a few minutes before they found a handwritten sign that said, “NSA Meeting, This Way.” 

Kurt stopped in his tracks. “Oh my god, this has all been a ruse hasn’t it! You don’t have a stutter! You’re a deep cover agent and now I’ve been recruited as an asset. You could have at least let me say goodbye to my dad before you changed my identity.”

“Oh my  **god** , Kurt, I can’t take you anywhere. Come on!” He grabbed Kurt’s hand and tugged him onwards. “It’s the National Stuttering Association not the National Security Association. You’re ridiculous!”

“Well if they didn’t want people to get paranoid then they really should have picked a less suspicious sounding name, then shouldn’t they?” he grumbled in feigned annoyance.

Blaine opened the door to a modest meeting room with chairs arranged in a big circle. On the whiteboard it said, “NSA Teen Meeting. Please sign-in.”

—

“Alright, thank you everyone for introducing yourselves. I’m so glad we have so many friends and family members here to lend their s-s-s-support. Our first d-discussion topic is going to be great for all of you to hear. We’re going to talk pet peeves. What is something that people often do in response to your stuttering that d-d-drives you nuts?

Blaine shared about being asked if he was okay, including the story about someone calling 9-1-1. He was pleasantly surprised when two other people chimed in that something similar had happened to them as well. It was interesting to hear what others shared; many of them were things he wouldn’t have thought of but he agreed with a lot of them.

“People f-f-f-finishing my sentences.” 

“When I stutter and someone tells me to ‘spit it out.’”

“When my-my-my mom talks for me when she knows the answer. Sorry mom, but it’s true!”

“Sometimes wwwwaiters in restaurants are like  **too** nice. I-I-I know it’s because I stutter and it’s so fake. It feels—It’s so con-con-condescending. I hate it.”

After everyone who wanted to share had taken a turn, the facilitator turned the conversation to the friends and family. “Were any of you surprised by anything you heard? Do you think it might affect how you interact with people who stutter in the future?”

A few people chimed in and then Blaine was shocked to see Kurt raising his hand. Kurt was just here for moral support, Blaine had never imagined he might want to be part of the conversation. He had assumed Kurt was probably bored if anything.

“Hi, I’m Kurt. Honestly, I had never thought about any of those things you all brought up. I feel like a lot of them are things I might have done without having any idea how obnoxious I was being. Like, I had no idea it would upset Blaine to ask him if he was okay until he explained it to me. Now I have to catch myself so I don’t say it again.”  _ Wait, is Kurt worried about saying the right thing with me? He is!  _ Blaine wasn’t sure whether to feel touched or guilty.

“Thank you, Kurt. This is a good reminder that if we want our loved ones to avoid our pet peeves we need to let them know how much it bothers us because they are not obvious at all to people on the outside. Our second topic is: if it was up to you, would you get rid of your stuttering or keep it?

_ Who would choose to keep it? Is this really even a discussion? _

“Hi, I’m —Jody and I would a-a-a-a-actually keep it. Stuttering is like the…perfect test to find out if someone is a… jerk or not. Seeing how pe-people respond to my stuttering tells me exactly what kind of—what kind of—what kind of person they are. Now I-I tell people I stutter right away and they know one thing about me. How they respond tells me everything about them. All my friends are-are-are awesome people because the stuttering filters out all the rest.”

“I’m B-B-B-B-B-B-Brad and I’d k-k-k-k-keep it too. Made me-me-me sssstronger.”

Blaine noticed it was mostly the older members of the group who responded that way. The people his age and older.  _ Is this how I will feel in a few years? I can’t imagine. _

A young woman with bright red hair who looked about Blaine and Kurt’s age went next. “I’m Kendra and no way would I keep it. I would fucking get rid of it tomorrow if I could. Cut my head open and rip out that stupid broken piece of my brain.”

Then it was Blaine’s turn.

“I’m B-B-Blaine and I, uh, I would probably, uh, say to take it away. It’s such a h—assle and I could do with-with less bullying.”

After the meeting, Kendra walked up to Kurt and Blaine. “Hey Blaine, you’re cute. Here’s my-my number.” She held out a piece of paper. Blaine caught Kurt’s eye and saw that he looked  **very** entertained by this interaction.  _ He’s not going to help me out at all is he? _

Of course the awkwardness of this conversation meant that his fluency tanked and his secondary characteristics got worse. “Oh, uh, uh, thank you…that’s so-so-so f-f-f-f-flatter-er-ering but—it’s just—you see—I-I…I don’t play for-for... your team.” He was sure he was bright red by the time he got through it and handed back the piece of paper. 

Kendra looked nonplussed, then looked from Blaine to Kurt and then back to Blaine. “Oooh, I see. You two make a cute couple. Well, I hope you come again next time!” Before Blaine could correct her, Kendra had wandered off to say hi to someone else.

“Wow, Blaine, so does this happen to you often? I had no idea I was in the presence of such a heartbreaker.” 

Blaine smacked Kurt playfully on the shoulder. “Shut! Up! Come on, we need to leave if we’re going to make our next a-a-appointment.”

“Appointment? What on earth do you have up your sleeve, Secret Agent Man?”  _ He is never going to let me live down that NSA thing, is he? _

“Come on!”

—

Kurt begged to know where they were going the entire five minute drive to their destination. It was almost enough to make Blaine regret his decision to make this a surprise for Kurt. Almost. The look on his face would make up for it.

Blaine parked in front of the Dayton Community Center and Kurt followed him in stubborn silence. Since Blaine wouldn’t spill, Kurt had changed tactics and was now giving him the silent treatment.

Blaine led them upstairs. When Kurt saw the sign on the door, he forgot to be mad at Blaine and screeched for joy. “Oh my god, Blaine, did you bring me to a PFLAG meeting?!”

“Y-yeah. You said you’d never met any-any-anyone else who was gay before so I just thought—I thought maybe we should change that. And the-the-the theme for today is already that we’re not as alone as we think. It seemed…appropriate.”

For the second time today, Kurt started to get misty eyed. “I just…no one has ever done something like this for me. I don’t know why I never thought to find one of these. I just…just thank you. Really, thank you.”  _ I knew it would be worth it for that face. _

“It was my pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Chapter 7!
> 
> If you're not familiar with the song "ONE" from A Chorus Line, [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WWFWvKdZnc) is a clip. The other songs that were mentioned just in passing are [Radar Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf53Pg2AkdY) and [The Final Countdown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw)
> 
> Now that I have actually figured out how to embed links in author's notes, I can try to link to any non-Glee songs in these author's notes in the future (if people enjoy that). I'm assuming that if a song was on the show Glee than you know it, but if that's not the case I can include links to all the songs.
> 
> Again, a huge thank you to [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for all their help! Thank you for keeping me from wading too far into the weeds of technical details about stuttering and special education law. 
> 
> I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading all of your comments! I reply to absolutely all of them so feel free to ask questions and I'll try my best to answer them. I'm happy to answer questions about this story, stuttering, or speech therapy in general. Or just share your thoughts and reactions to the chapter.


	8. We're the Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine finally find the perfect song to sing for the duets competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to present to you...drumroll, please, Finn...Chapter 8!   
> I think this one finally breaks my streak of each chapter being longer than the one before. 
> 
> Keep an eye out for hyperlinks in the story. I've included links for the two songs referenced in case you want to listen along while you read. 
> 
> This chapter beta-read by [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) who continues to be incredibly helpful! Thank you!
> 
> CW: brief, non-graphic mention of violence related to homophobia

**** Kurt’s mind was swimming by the time he climbed into Blaine’s car for the drive back to Lima. 

“So you really came out at your old school with a public performance of ‘It’s Raining Men’?”

Blaine laughed. “In my defense, we-we-we used to do these, like, flash-mob musical numbers in the courtyard and everyone always loved them. But yeah, in re-re-re-retrospect a pretty stupid idea.”

“Please tell me you had…” Blaine jumped in with enthusiasm.

“Yes, of course, we-we-we had umbrellas.”  _ Outstanding! _

“It’s such a power move, I love it. You know, you are full of contradictions, Blaine Anderson. You’re so quiet and shy most of the time but then you pull bombastic stunts like that.”

Blaine awkwardly cleared his throat. Kurt hoped his comment hadn’t come off as offensive. He hadn’t meant to imply that either of those were negatives. 

“I don’t—I don’t stutter when I sing,” he explained. “It’s the-the-the only time I don’t have to con-con-concentrate in order to c-c-communicate. That’s one of the reasons I love singing so much. Usually expressing myself... takes so much... effort so singing is like a b-b-big relief.”

“Wow, really? I sort of thought the whole curing your stutter through singing was just a movie trope or something.”

“Yes. But it-it-it doesn’t cure you. It-it-it’s just something about how your brain works d-d-differently when you’re singing or maybe how everything has to be all smooth and connected. But I s-s-s-stutter just as much when I go back to talking.”

“So tell me more about these impromptu musical performances you used to pull off. Did you get recruited to some sort of guerrilla warfare army for the arts or something? Because, if so, sign me up!”

“Hah! No, it was just s-something fun I-I-I-I-I used to do with-with my friends. We had this g-g-group of us that were all in-in-in choir or in th—eater. We started off doing k-k-karaoke to—gether in Nick’s basement and…I don’t know, once we had choreo-o-o-ography worked out it seemed a… shame to never do it… for an audience. We even gave ourselves a name: The Warblers.”

“Please tell me video evidence exists of this somewhere!”

“You’ll never find it! I have been-been-been trained to withstand most forms of-of-of t-torture. I  **am** an —NSA agent, after all.” 

Kurt cracked up laughing. Blaine was turning out to be extremely fun to spend time with. Kurt felt…lighter around him. 

“Oh! This-this-this one time we did—wait, do-do-do you know that 80s song ‘ [ Strut ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSp0kO-NBWw) ’ by Sheena Easton?” Blaine asked eagerly. “It’s...kind of a d-d-deep cut.”

Kurt considered for a moment before shaking his head. Without taking his eyes off the road, Blaine fumbled around for his iPod and tossed it at Kurt. “It’s on here somewhere.”

Blaine continued his story as Kurt fiddled around with the iPod before he found the song. A strong, synth-heavy beat came over the car speakers. Kurt couldn’t help bopping his head along with the music. It was fun and flirty; it reminded him of Madonna’s ‘Physical.’  _ Note to self: remember to show Blaine that video when we get back. He will die! _

Strut pout, put it out, that's what you want from women

Come on baby, what'cha taking me for

Strut pout, cut it out, all taking and no giving

Watch me baby while I walk out the door

“We-we-we did a whole f-f-fashion runway down the-the-the main…hallway as we sang. It was e-e-epic! Def-def-definitely brought out my i-i-inner diva.” Blaine looked wistful as he described their antics.

Kurt clapped his hands together gleefully. With the song still playing, it was easy to picture Blaine in some over-the-top sequined tuxedo doing a sassy runway walk to this song.

“It sounds like you had a great group of friends over at Bath. You must miss them a lot. Was it hard when you moved?”

“Oh, uh, we uh, we didn’t move.”  _ Then why would he switch schools? _ Blaine let out a sigh and continued to explain. “Singing The Weather Girls may have been fun but it, uh, it sure rub-rub-rubbed someone the wrong way. Things got…bad and I, uh, I had to leave.”

“Wait, you left because someone...did something to you? Shit, Blaine I had no idea that’s why you transferred. No  **wonder** you had so many questions about bullying at McKinley. Can I ask what happened?”

Blaine stared ahead at the road, tight-lipped. “Some assholes...beat the shit out of me. I, uh, I, uh, I my m-memory is a bit f-foggy from the con-con-concussion so I was never able to—to, uh, well—to identify them. I was too—my parents, they re-re-refused to let me go —back there with those g-guys still there.”

Kurt had never wanted to badly to hug someone than he did in that moment. But Blaine was driving, hands gripping the wheel tightly, eyes straight ahead on the road.

“Wow, that’s…god Blaine I’m  **so** sorry that happened to you. That’s awful...I can’t believe those fucked up evil monsters are still going to school there and you’re the one who had to leave. I can’t even imagine, Blaine, that’s so much worse than anything that’s ever happened to me at McKinley. I can’t believe I was rambling on about my insignificant bullying like an idiot when you’ve been through something seriously traumatizing like  **that** .”

“Sto-sto-sto-stop, Kurt, please! It’s not a ...competition, okay? My shit doesn’t in-in-in-invalidate your shit, okay?”

“Okay. I just...geez, Blaine. That fucking sucks. Are you...I mean, god, you had a concussion? And memory loss? Are you...are you okay, now? Shit, I forgot you hate that question, never mind. Wow, we literally just talked about that at NSA.”  _ Idiot! _

“It’s fine. I’m...I’m fine. I used to, uh, get —headaches but not r-r-recently.”

“I hate that you had to go through that, Blaine. I wonder if they ever talk about that kind of stuff at PFLAG. It might be nice to tell our stories to other people who have been through it. Speaking of PFLAG, and changing the subject to lighter things, thank you, again, so much for setting that up. It was so magical to meet those other kids. And I had no idea there were so many different pronouns!”

“Yeah, I had no idea how much I didn’t know. Some of the friends and families knew way more than I did! We’ll have to go back some time so we can catch up.”

_ — _

“How are we ever going to choose, Blaine?!” Kurt threw up his hands in defeat. He and Blaine had been staring at his laptop screen, balanced precariously on their knees, for the past hour and the list of possible duets they were supposed to be narrowing down had only gotten longer.

“It is like S-S-S-Sophie’s Choice up in here. Let’s take a —break and see if-f-f things come into focus.”

“Sure. I’m going to go make some tea, would you like some?” Blaine nodded and hopped up to his feet.

“Let me... peruse your selection.”

As he waited for the kettle to boil, Kurt offered Blaine some roasted almonds. They made a satisfying crunching sound as Blaine enjoyed his snack. Kurt glanced at the clock. “My Dad is probably going to be home soon. Don’t judge him by his flannels.”

“So, has, uh, uh, Glee Club done competi-ti-ti-ti-tions like this before?”

“Last year we had a boys versus girls mash-off competition.”

Blaine sipped his tea and gestured for Kurt to continue. 

“It was kind of a disaster, to be honest. Mr. Schuester forced me to be on the boys team and then we all got disqualified for using performance enhancing drugs.”

Blaine spit out his tea in surprise, “What?! You took drugs?”

“It was just pseudoephedrine. We all got a little hyper, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay.” Blaine gave him a relieved smile. “Wait, s-s-s-so why didn’t-didn’t you want to b-be on the boys team?”

“I’m sort of an honorary girl.”

Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

No one had ever asked Kurt that before. He had just sort of taken it for granted as how things worked for a guy like him. “I guess because all my friends are girls? And I always get invited to things that guys normally don’t get invited to like shopping sprees and sleepovers.”

“Sure, but you’re still a-a-a guy. I just w-wonder if rather than always getting put with the girls, everyone j-just needs to expand their definition of masculin-in-inity to make room for you. I d-d-definitely don’t see you as a —girl.”

“Wow, I have  **never** thought about it that way before. Clearly I’ve been missing out by not knowing any other gay people. Are you  **sure** that was your first PFLAG meeting? You know so much more than me.”

“Yeah, I just—I, uh, I read stuff on-online sometimes. P-p-perks of being a-a-antisocial, I guess. Next time they do b-b-boys versus girls, stick with me and we’ll make them see that we are j-j-just as much men as they are.” 

“Deal.”

Blaine’s eyes got wide and he actually jumped with excitement, “I—I—I know the perfect song!” Before Kurt could find out what it was, he heard a key turning in the lock.

“Hi, Kurt!” 

“Dad! In the kitchen.”

There was a clinking of metal as Burt set down his keys and coat before he joined the boys in the kitchen. 

“Dad, this is my friend Blaine from Glee Club. Blaine, this is my father Burt Hummel. Blaine and I are working on an assignment together this week for Glee.”

Blaine shook hands with his father, “N-n-nice to —meet you, sir.” 

“It’s always a pleasure to meet one of Kurt’s friends. Please, call me Burt."

Kurt drained the rest of his tea and hopped up from his stool. “Well, Blaine and I should probably head downstairs and get back to work.”

Kurt’s dad eyed him with suspicion. “You’re working in your room? With a boy?” Talking more to himself than to Kurt he continued in a quieter voice, “This has never happened before. Do I need to make you leave the door open or something?”

Kurt suddenly wished the floor would swallow him whole.  _ This must be what dying of embarrassment feels like.  _ “Oh my god, Dad! Blaine is just a friend.”

“Oh, okay. He might have been gay, I don’t know. You haven’t invited a male friend over in, gosh, I don’t know how many years.”  _ As I am painfully aware of and now thanks to you so is Blaine. _

Blaine swallowed nervously. “I-I-I-I am, actually. G—ay that is.”  _ Way to seem like a total homophobe and freak out the first gay teenager I meet in real life, Dad.  _

“Dad! Stop! For someone who is so accepting of me you are doing a great impersonation of a bigot in front of Blaine.” Kurt could feel the blotchy redness starting along his neck as he started to feel anger and embarrassment bubbling up. 

His father immediately backpedaled. “Oh, no, Blaine, I don’t mind, of course not.” He ran a hand through his hair nervously as he turned to Kurt. “Kiddo, look, I’m sorry but sometimes I feel like I’m working without a map here. I’m not always going to know how things work.”

“Whatever, fine. Me and my  **friend** Blaine, who happens to be gay, are going to go downstairs now and work on our song for Glee.” Kurt regretted his bitter tone as soon as he was done talking. He knew his dad was trying but he still got angry when he reacted to things like this. At the very least, he could have the courtesy to work through his awkward moments of ignorance in private instead of embarrassing Kurt in front of his friends.

Blaine cleared his throat, “It was, uh, nice to meet you, Mr. Hummel.”

Kurt pointedly closed the door behind him as he followed Blaine down the basement stairs into his room. Kurt flopped down on the couch, “Blaine, I am  **so** sorry about him. I promise he really is very accepting he just…doesn’t always know how to act.”

Blaine gave his knee a friendly pat, “It’s fine. My dad has said way worse stuff to-to-to my friends. He s-s-somehow thought I was taking a girl to our school —dance even after I had —told him I was —going with Nick. He was-was-was-was so c-confused when it was just the t-t-two of us there to take p-p-p-pictures. He was all, ‘Where are your dates?’”

Kurt cracked up laughing, “Oh no, that must have been so awkward.”  _ Date? No wonder Blaine knows so much more than me. He’s been out on a real date and everything! _

“It d-d-definitely was. He’s g-g-getting a bit better with time, though.” 

“Oh, hey, so what was that epiphany you had about our song choice for the competition? I’m dying to find out what had you jumping up and down like a puppy.”

Blaine’s cheeks turned slightly pink. “It was—It was that whole c-c-c-conversation about what it means to be a man that… reminded me of it.”

Kurt started rattling off song titles with the word ‘man’ in them in his head.  _ Man on the Moon, Tambourine Man, Solitary Man, Spaceman…no, they’re all wrong. _

“Color me intrigued! Go on.” 

“‘ We’re the Man ’ from Calvin Berger.”

“Huh? Wait, that sounds familiar… is that the musical based on Roxanne or something?” Kurt didn’t like to be caught unawares when it came to musical theater knowledge but he may have finally been stumped.

“Yeah, s-s-s-ort of. They are both based on the b-b-b-book Cyrano de B-B-Bergerac. I always loved that story be-be-because there is a-a-a character who’s bad at talking, just like me. My m-m-mom got me a bootleg recording of the show. It’s not very well known so I’m not s-s-surprised you’ve never heard of it.”

“Blaine!” Kurt protested. “You’re not  **bad** at talking! You are an excellent conversationalist!”

“Oh—I, uh—well, th-thank you, I guess. It still, uh, it feels that way, okay,” Blaine said a little defensively.

“Sorry, Blaine. Tell me more about this number.”

“Okay, yeah, so it’s set in a high school. There’s Matt who is-is-is the handsome jock but gets t-t-t-tongue-tied around girls and another guy, Calvin, who has a way with wwwords but —doesn’t have the looks.”

Kurt snickered, “I’m starting to suspect that I’m the Cyrano character in this story. Should I be offended?”

Blaine looked horrified. “Oh no, n-n-no. I mean —obviously it’s not that you aren’t handsome, just look at you, I just—you have all the witty comebacks and I—I have this st-st-stutter.”  _ Did Blaine just call me handsome?  _

“I’m kidding, Blaine. It’s perfect.”

—

Blaine came over again that weekend so they could work through the choreography for the number and figure out costumes and makeup. Kurt surveyed his makeup collection. “Do you think it would be too much to wear full ugly make-up for this number?”

“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. Subtle is not really my brand.” Kurt noticed that Blaine was using his fluid, sing-song voice again. 

“I think I’m going to like you, Blaine. Everyone else always shoots down my ideas for adding theatricality to our numbers.”

“They just don’t appreciate you, Kurt.” Kurt looked away, pleased but suddenly bashful.

He changed the subject, finally asking about something he had been wondering about since he had first heard Blaine speak. “Can I ask you kind of a personal question? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to; I’m just curious.”

Blaine frowned. “Sure, I guess.”

“I’ve never heard anyone talk the way you do before.”

Blaine winced. 

“Oh, no, no, no! I didn’t mean the stuttering! That was so rude of me. It’s just, you have this way of talking that sounds all floaty, almost like singing. I’ve never heard anyone talk like that before and I guess I was just curious what that was. I’ve heard you talk without using that voice and it sounds way different.”

Blaine laughed. “Oooooh, that. That’s just how it sounds when I use my fluency strategies; it’s how I talk if I don’t want to stutter. It’s called ERASM or something like that—my speech therapist just called it ‘easy relaxed speech’ when I was a kid. I know, it sounds kind of weird, doesn’t it? Sometimes it’s the only way to get through saying a lot at once, like right now I’m using it, for example. I don’t really sound like  **me** when I use it, though, which sort of sucks.”

“Wait, is this like how you don’t stutter when you sing?”

“Yeah, kind of, there’s something about singing that makes it, like, impossible to stutter when you do it. I guess because everything is so smooth and connected. That’s basically what I try to do when I use ERASM, make everything smooth and connected. It is a little bit like trying to make talking as much like singing as possible. At home sometimes I just straight up sing instead of talking to my parents.”

“Really? That’s kind of fierce!”

“Thanks! I always thought it was kind of embarrassing, actually.” 

“That explains your stage presence. You are  **so** confident when you sing, it’s stunning to watch.”  _ Oh my god, Kurt, stop flirting!  _ Kurt felt his cheeks becoming pink and he turned away from Blaine, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

—

On Tuesday, they were ready. Blaine was looking his usual handsome self and Kurt had used stage make-up to add dark circles under his eyes and blemishes. In the end, Blaine had drawn the line at a prosthetic nose. He had insisted that while he admired Kurt’s dedication to the role, the Glee Club budget simply didn’t have room for a quality prosthetic and they had both seen enough community productions of  _ ‘ _ Wicked’ to know how bad a poorly constructed prosthetic could look. Kurt had relented. 

Kurt was especially proud of the costumes he had created for them to wear. Since the song was all about two men each being one half of the perfect man, Kurt and Blaine would each be wearing one half of a suit. Kurt had cut it right down the middle vertically and after his alterations, they fit pretty well. He had spent most of Sunday afternoon with his sewing machine and it had paid off.

[A/N: Blaine’s lyrics are on the left side, Kurt’s are on the right, parts sung together are in the middle. Singing is in italics rather than center aligned. If you want to listen along, click  [ here ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_01kSbKDFfY) ]

_ My problem is... talking _

_ Talking? You talk fine...more or less _

_ Uh, I'm talking fine now, yeah, but that's only because... _

_ Because why? _

_ Because... because I don't find you attractive, no offense! _

_ Woahhh none taken! _

_ But if I did my words would not be making sense! _

_ That is so hard to imagine... _

_ With only guys around me, I always talk real good _

_ But when I'm talking to a babe things don't go as they should! _

_ I start a conversation, the blood starts rushing south _

_ And yadda yadda, foot is in my mouth! _

_ Yeah but a guy with your looks doesn't need to be articulate! _

_ Dude, when there's a hot girl around, I can't even say “artilicate"  _

 

_ I screw up all the grammar, I switch the words around _

_ I burp a lot, and stammer, and I make this wheezing sound... _

_ Soon my tongue stops working, and no more words will come! _

_ At that point I just stand there looking dumb... _

_ But that's okay, ‘cause... _

_ You're the man! _

_ I'm not... _

_ I'll tell you why! _

_ Why? _

_ A girl can not resist a handsome looking guy! _

_ She will say she needs a man who has a high I.Q _

_ Then she'll settle for a moron if he looks like you _

_ With muscles and a tan _

_ Buddy, face it, you're the man! _

_ Yeah, that's easy for you to say! You don't have a...talking problem _

_ No… _

_ But don't you think your problems could be worse? _

_ How? _

_ Imagine if you had them in reverse! _

_ Reverse...huh? _

_ Check it out: _

_ The thing that I am best at is having lots to say _

_ But when you look like me the girls don't listen anyway! _

_ So I can be poetic, and clever without end _

_ And still they'll only want me as a friend! _

_ Dude, don't be modest! _

_ You're the man! _

 

_ I'm serious! _

_ That's what I've heard! _

_ Nope _

_ 'Cause all the kids here say you're smart but not a nerd! _

_ And if you can give a girl a little food for thought _

_ She will see you as good-looking even if you're not! _

_ Thanks... _

_ So tell yourself you can! _

_ I can't! _

_ You've got wit, so you're the man! _

_ Well, thank you. But my wit is useless, trapped behind this face! Unless... _

_ What? _

 

_ If you were my mouthpiece... I'm sure I could win her over! For...you. A guy with your looks, and my words? She won't know what hit her! _

_ Oh yeah! _

_ But what doctor could do that type of operation? _

_ What? No, listen! _

_ Step one, I write a note for you to give her! _

_ Step one, you write a note for me to give her! _

_ Step two, you ask her out for Saturday night! _

_ Step two, I ask her out for Saturday night! _

_ Step three, I write the lines that you'll deliver! _

_ Step three, you write the lines that I'll deliver! _

_ Step four, I teach you how to say them right! _

_ I'll say them right! _

_ Step five, you ask her out to Johnny Rocket's! _

_ Step five? Where? _

_ It's good _

_ And say all my romantic lines by heart! _

_ And say all your romantic lines by heart! _

_ By then you'll have her heartstrings in your pocket! _

_ Something about pockets! _

_ Step six we go home for the funnest part! _

_ Wait, hang on, I don't think she's the type of girl that would- _

_ Oh, dude! This is brilliant! Ah! I don't know how to thank you! You're just.. you're the man! _

_ No! No, no! From now on.. we're the man! _

_ Huh? Oh! _

_ He talks like a professor, and yet he looks so good! _

_ If this guy can't impress her, then I don't think no one could! _   
  


_ He's handsome as Adonis! _

_ He speaks with grace and charm! _

_ So if he is two people what's the harm? _

_ Ha! _

_ We're the man! We're the Man! _

_ And we've got ourselves a super genius plan! _

_ If it's true there's strength in numbers, then our man is strong _

_ And as long as you don't improvise he can't go wrong! _

_ She'll be his biggest fan! _

_ Like me and Jackie Chan! _

_ What? _

_ Oh, it's like a brand new life has just began! _

_ Begun! _

_ Remember, I'm the words guy. You're the pretty face _

_ Stick to that, and we're the man! _

 

_ All you have to do is put this letter in her hand _

_ And you'll have her like a movie, playing on demand! _

_ Cause nothing's hotter than _

_ A smart and handsome man! _

  
  


_ Like me and Jackie Cha- _

_ Enough with Jackie Chan? _

_ So it's clear (very clear!) _

_ That we're... _

_ The man! _

_ The man _

_ The man _

_ The man _

_ The man _

_ The man! _

 

_ The man! _

Rachel jumped to her feet to applaud.  _ Trust Rachel to overcome her competitive streak when confronted with musical theater excellence _ . “What an excellent portrayal of the pitfalls of the traditional masculine gender role. Brava, I say, brava!”

Santana said drolly, “It is too perfect that the closest Lady Hummel is ever going to get to a real date with a girl is going to be singing with another man.”

Brittany slapped her on the shoulder lightly. “Hey! Kurt went out with me, remember?”

Blaine smirked and arched a questioning eyebrow at Kurt, he mouthed the word “later” back at him. 

“Alright, everyone, attention please,” called out Mr. Schuester. “Thank you Kurt and Blaine for that humorous performance. Blaine you’ve really brought out a lighter, more fun side of our Kurt that I, for one, greatly enjoyed.” Kurt wondered if he should be offended by that comment. 

“All of the teams have now performed. Please take a moment to consider all of the performances that we have seen and then write the name of the pair you think deserves to win. You may  **not** vote for yourself.”

Kurt wondered if he and Blaine had a real shot at winning. After considering his choices for a few moments, Kurt decided to vote for Santana and Mercedes. They had brought the metaphorical house down with “River Deep, Mountain High” yesterday and Kurt honestly thought they did just as good, if not better, than he and Blaine had.

As Mr. Schuester counted the votes, Blaine leaned over to whisper, “Fingers crossed.” Kurt shivered as he felt warm air tickling his ear. 

“And the winners of the first annual McKinley Glee Club duets competition—drum roll please Finn—and dinner for two at Breadstix are…Kurt and Blaine!”

Kurt and Blaine both jumped to their feet and cheered. Before Kurt knew what was happening, Blaine had grabbed him into a celebratory hug. Blaine’s arms were warm and firm around him and Kurt was overcome by a strong desire to hold on tight and never let go. 

—

Kurt could not  **wait** to tell his dad his big news.  _ Dad is going to get to see me singing up on stage front and center instead of harmonizing in the background! He’s going to be so excited!  _

Of course, his father was working late the one night Kurt really wanted him home early. Kurt finally managed to distract himself with learning a new and particularly elaborate recipe. As he waited for his sauce to reduce, he checked his phone.

**Blaine: I still can’t believe anyone thought I should find a different duet partner. We *killed* it out there. Like full on Sweeney Todd. We killed it and now I’m eating it in a gruesome cannibalistic pie.**

**Blaine: Did that metaphor get weird? It got weird, didn’t it :P**

Kurt snickered as he read Blaine’s texts.  _ He really is very funny. _

**Kurt: I do have undeniably good taste in all things, so obviously that includes duet partners. And as long as your metaphors involve musical theater, rest assured that they will never be too weird for me :)**

**Blaine: I’m so psyched for Sectionals I might not sleep until they are over!**

**Kurt: Not unless we’re singing Thriller! There is only so much good eye cream can do, Blaine! Beauty rest is important!**

**Blaine: Speaking of Thriller…what are you doing for Halloween?**

**Kurt: No plans yet. Why?**

**Blaine: My buddy Nick always throws a big Halloween karaoke party at his house. He said I should invite my friends from Glee. He is mostly excited to have fresh blood for karaoke but he also wants to meet you all. It’s usually a fun time. How bout it?**

**Kurt: Sure, sounds like fun! I must attend to my duck now. Bye!**

After he sent his final text, Kurt ran it back through his head and realized how absurd it might sound.

**Kurt: To clarify, I’m cooking a duck. For dinner. I don’t, like, have a pet duck or something now.**

**Blaine: HAHAHAHA!!**

_ I’m never going to live this down am I. _

—

Kurt’s dad was just as thrilled as he was about winning the competition. He proudly circled the date of Sectionals in his calendar so he would be reminded to set up coverage at the shop.

“Nothing and no one is going to keep me from watching you perform, Kurt.”

Kurt couldn’t help getting a little emotional seeing how proud his dad was. His family of two might be small but it was full of love.

“So, kiddo, I actually have something I wanted to talk to you about too.”

“What? Are you sick? Please just tell me if you’re sick.”

“Woah, kiddo, slow down. No one is sick. It’s all happy, I promise.”

Kurt took a few deep breaths so he was calm enough to actually hear what his dad had to tell him.

“So, Carole and I have been dating for some time now, as you know. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since your mother and she cares about me just as much. I realize this may seem too fast to you, but at my age, when you know you have something good you hold on tight.”

_ Is this going where I think it is going?! _

“Get to the point, Dad!” Kurt pleaded. The suspense was killing him.

“Right. Well, uh, what would you think about me asking Carole to marry me?”

“I think that sounds wonderful, Dad! Are you going to? Can I plan the wedding? You can’t marry her unless you let me plan the wedding. Do you need help planning the proposal? I have so many ideas for romantic proposals let me just get my scrapbook…”

“Woah, slow down, Kurt.” His dad had to physically put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders to keep him sitting on the couch. 

“Sorry, I’m listening.”

“Yes, I’m going to ask her. We sort of already talked about the idea of getting married, but both of us knew that you and Finn were an important part of the equation. Blending together two families affects everyone. You and Finn are going to be step-brothers, you realize. Are you ready for that Kurt?”

_ Oh yeah, Finn. Am I ready for that?  _

“Yes! But…can you still be mainly my dad and Carole still be mainly Finn’s mom? I mean, I get that we’ll all be step-whatevers to each other, but…you’ve been my dad for 16 years and Carole can’t just come in and start telling me what to do, right? Because I don’t know if I can handle that. And if there was like, a bring your dad to school day—I know there isn’t but if there was—you would still come with me instead of Finn, right?”

His dad reached out and pulled him into a hug. Kurt could feel the tears starting to form.

“I promise that I will always be your dad and you will always be my son. Nothing is going to change that, okay? Carole is not going to try to be your mom, we understand that you and Finn are almost grown. It’s a little too late for brand new parental figures to come in and start making demands. We can all sit down and talk through all your questions, I promise.”

He kissed Kurt on top of his head and for once Kurt didn’t even object about his hair being ruined. He pulled back from the hug and wiped his cheeks.

“Okay. Then I only have one question left?”

“What’s that, kiddo?”

“Can I plan the wedding? Because you are not allowed to get married unless I can plan the wedding.”

“I wouldn’t dream of letting anyone else plan it.”

—

Kurt quickly realized that his dad hadn’t been kidding about moving fast at his age. When he arrived home from school the next day, Carole was standing in his living room, holding out her hand to show off the sparkling ring on her finger. 

“It’s stunning, Carole!”

“Thank you.”

“So, have you thought about venues yet? Or colors, at least?”

“Not in the slightest. Why don’t you put a few ideas together for me and we can look at them together this weekend? To be honest, I’m more excited about going house hunting! We need to find a bigger place if we’re all going to fit.”

—

Kurt was so distracted as he walked into the choir room that he almost trampled Rachel when she stopped suddenly to talk to him.

“I suppose it would be unsportswomanlike not to congratulate you on your win, Kurt.” 

Kurt rolled his eyes. That was about as good of a compliment as he could expect from Rachel. 

“I assume you will insist the competition was rigged until your dying breath, correct?”

“Obviously.”

But she said it with a broad smile before settling into her favorite seat in the choir room.

Kurt was too excited to sit down. He leaned up onto his toes, trying to spot Finn.  _ Where  _ **_is_ ** _ he? Did he forget? He better not have forgotten. He promised! _

Finally, Finn appeared, the last member to wander in for rehearsal.  _ At least he has the decency to be out of breath. _

“Everyone, if I could have your attention, please! Finn and I have an important announcement to make and I have strong-armed him into making it in song with me. Hit it!”

Our parents are goin' to the chapel 

and they're gonna get married

Goin' to the chapel 

and they're gonna get married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Chapter 8! I do recommend listening to 'strut' if you didn't when you were reading the chapter because it is a total bop! I'd never heard it before until it was on a list of "lost hits of the 80s" and it is SO GOOD. I have basically been listening to it on repeat the whole time I've worked on this chapter. Listening to the musical theater number is less essential if you read the lyrics, since they're the more important part. 
> 
> Chapter 9 is already in completed draft form so it should be up in the next few days or so once my wonderful beta gets a chance to look it over.
> 
> Word Count: 62,000 words (and counting)
> 
> READERS: Keep commenting because I love them so much! How do you like this "Duets" storyline compared to how things played out on the show?
> 
> ~~
> 
> Stuttering Info for this Chapter:  
> ERASM stands for Easy Relaxed Approach-Smooth Movements and it is the more advanced version of a strategy called Easy Relaxed Speech (ERS), which is typically used with younger kids. It basically involves breaking what you are going to say into short phrases, starting each phrase with an "easy relaxed approach," and then continuing the phrase smoothly without any interruption to the forward motion of speech. Speech is typically slowed down, with more frequent pauses, and sounds fairly unnatural. 
> 
> If you want to hear more about the experience of stuttering including what using ERASM feels like to someone who stutters, then I highly recommend this [Ted Talk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MegHiL93B0) from Australian musician Megan Washington.


	9. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine learns that there is more than one way to be in the closet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY PRIDE! For Pride this year, I got you a new chapter of Express Yourself!
> 
> On a personal note, I'm pretty bummed because instead of going to the pride parade like I do every year I spent the morning in urgent care :( I'll be fine but I was in a lot of pain and walking around was just NOT happening. So do me a favor everyone and scream extra loud for me wherever you are celebrating today.
> 
> Content Warnings: Gay Bashing, Bullying, Homophobic language (including slurs). This chapter includes a scene that is a flashback to the Sadie Hawkins dance. If you don't want to read it, once the dance is over just skip to the end of the flashback which is marked off with some of these '~~~~'

Blaine arrived home that night, still floating on a cloud of victory! Winning the competition felt like the ultimate sign that he truly belonged in The New Directions.

“So, Blaine, you came home in a good mood. Tell us about your day?”

“It was amazing! K-K-K-K-Kurt and I won the-the-the glee competi-ti-tition. It means we get to sing the duet for sectionals and we-we-we won a free dinner.”

Blaine’s father clapped him on the shoulder. “Good for you, son. You’re the newest member of the group and you’re already rising to the top. Getting featured at that, section-thing, that’s a big deal, right? I’m proud of you!”

“Yeah, Dad, i-i-it’s a big deal. Th-th-thanks.” Even if his father didn’t totally ‘get’ Glee, he could appreciate the concrete achievement of getting a solo. 

His mother pulled him into one of her warm, tight hugs. She kissed Blaine on the cheek before letting him go. “You and Kurt worked so hard practicing, I just knew you were going to win. So, when are we going to get to meet this mysterious new friend that you suddenly spend all your free time with?” 

She turned to Blaine’s father and said dramatically, “You see? It’s finally happened, Patrick, he’s ashamed of us.” 

“Mom! Th-th-th-that’s not it. K-K-Kurt’s house is just...a-a-a-a lot closer to s-s-school so, it’s just eeeasier.”

“Fine, but one of these days you must get him over here so we can meet him.”

_ I can’t put it off forever.  _ What Blaine had told his parents was true, it just wasn’t exactly the only reason he hadn’t brought Kurt over to his house. He knew his parents wouldn’t mind that Kurt was gay, but he wasn’t sure how his father would react to Kurt’s presentation. Kurt was just, well, he sort of flew in the face of everything his father wanted Blaine to be. His father wanted him to be masculine, to not rock the boat, to be accepted. 

He wondered what his father would think of Kurt with his high pitched voice and his experimental sense of fashion. Would he say something rude? Would he think Kurt was a bad influence on Blaine and want them to stop hanging out? Blaine knew he couldn’t put it off forever but he wasn’t exactly eager to get these two together.

— 

“So, how has your speech been this week, Blaine?”

“Hmm…I guess a-a-about the same.”

“And how about your strategies? Any change there?”

“The, uh, practice…with pausing and phrasing…helped, I think. I’ve been trying…to use it more…like right now…but it’s so exhausting. Maybe…I need more practice.”

Ms. Shine pursed her lips in thought before speaking. “Blaine, the reason you feel mentally exhausted when you use your strategies is because they are exhausting to use. You’re not bad at using them they just  **are** hard. You don’t have to use them all the time, you know.”

“But then… how do I talk?” Blaine was starting to feel alarmed. 

“You just talk naturally, stuttering included.” Blaine looked at her, mouth agape.  

“Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to without worrying about your stuttering? What about at home with your parents? Or with your close friends?”

“I guess I don’t mind so much in front of my-my-my parents, or at least my mom. My dad, he kind of always—he wants me to be…normal, I guess. He just…wants me to be…accepted. He’s…he’s just very pro-pro-protective of me…more so now…after the, uh, the attack. He w-w-worries about me being bullied.”

“What if you explained to him that if you could relax at home and just stutter freely you would actually be better equipped to use your strategies more effectively at school or in public, where he is concerned about you?”

Blaine shrugged. “That could work. He…he never said I-I-I couldn’t stutter at home…I just…can tell when I do…that he worries.”

“Is that a conversation you think you can have with him? I can always talk to him but I think it would be really good for you to take ownership of this. I want you to have practice advocating for yourself because before we know it you’re going to be an independent adult, managing all of this on your own.”

It was very tempting to take Ms. Shine up on her offer but now his competitive streak was insisting that he meet this challenge. 

“I got it, thanks.” Blaine managed to sound more confident than he felt.  

“Great! So after you talk to your parents, I really want to encourage you to give yourself a break at home from using your strategies and see if that helps you feel less exhausted when you do choose to use them. So that’s your homework for this week.”

—

Blaine knew he had agreed to **talk** to his father but he figured writing a letter wasn’t **really** cheating if it got the job done. 

Dear Mom and Dad,

I promise I’m not “coming out” this time! I just thought it would be easier to explain in a letter than with a conversation. Although, we can follow-up with a conversation, of course.

Since my stuttering has been worse lately, I have to work extra hard to use my strategies to stay fluent at school. It hasn’t been working so well lately. I feel like I have to use up so much brain power to use them that I barely have any left to think about what it is I actually want to say, let alone listen to what others say in response. I’m worried it will start to affect my grades.

I talked about it with Ms. Shine in Speech today and she said I should give myself “breaks” from using my strategies when I’m at home. She said that if I do that, I will probably be more fluent at school, where I really need to be.

So, I guess I’m just letting you know that I’m going to be trying this. I don’t want you to be surprised or worry when I start stuttering more at home. It doesn’t mean something is going wrong with my speech; on the contrary, something is going right! Ms. Shine said most people who stutter don’t use their strategies all the time.

We can talk about it if you have questions or you can e-mail Ms. Shine.

Love,

Blaine

Blaine played every card he could think of from mentioning that this could affect his grades to reassuring them that he could be more fluent at school. He just hoped it was enough to convince his father that it was a good idea.

It wasn’t that his father hated his stuttering or something. He just…he always worried about how Blaine would be perceived by others. When other kids started making fun of Blaine for stuttering in elementary school, it was his father who had been the most upset. “How dare they laugh at my son! He is smarter than the lot of them,” he had shouted angrily at the kitchen table. He was apoplectic when Blaine came home with grass stains on his knees after being shoved on the playground after his stuttering interfered with a game of ‘Cops and Robbers’ during recess. 

When Blaine wanted to wear his favorite bright red rain boots to school on a sunny day in second grade, his father had forbidden it. “Why give other kids a reason to laugh at you, Blaine? You’ll just make things harder for himself.” So he wore his ‘normal’ shoes instead. 

In middle school, the teasing about his stutter was worse than ever. His mother would pet his hair when he came home crying because everyone had laughed when he was asked to read aloud in English class. “They-they-they all think I can’t read, mom! It was hu-hu-humiliating”

“Shh it’s okay, sweetheart. We know better.”

But other kids starting teasing him for other reasons too. The other boys in Blaine’s grade were shooting up like rockets but Blaine just…wasn’t. The locker room was the absolute worst, though. It felt like everything Blaine did in there was somehow wrong to his peers. 

“Blaine, stop singing musicals in the shower.”

“Blaine, only girls spend that much time on their hair.”

“Blaine, do you  **seriously** have socks that match your underwear?”

“Blaine, are you staring at my ass?!”

Of course, by this point Blaine had long since figured out that he was gay but it was alarming that everyone else seemed to know too. In retrospect, of course, they didn’t actually know. Almost every boy in his class was on the receiving end of this type of harassment at one time or another. It was just the typical policing of gender-norms that boys and girls both engaged in at this age. Everyone was insecure about their bodies and who they were becoming; the only way to cope was to put others down for doing puberty ‘wrong.’ They were all so desperate to prove that they were becoming men that they called out anything remotely different. 

But in Blaine’s case it was worse because they were right. He  **was** different. Not because he did his hair or he liked to sing but because unlike the many straight boys who also enjoyed those activities, he actually was gay. At first, he tried to ignore it, thinking it might go away.  _ Maybe I just really want to be as cool as him. I’m too young to have a crush on anyone right now.  _

When he started high school, it was obvious that this was never going away. Puberty had definitely hit, his voice had dropped, he had even grown a few inches (not as many as he’d hoped), and the childish crushes had grown into full-on hormonal teenage desire. It was impossible to ignore who he was attracted to when he was desperately trying to hide erections in class and not stare when someone wore tight pants to school. 

It wasn’t that Blaine didn’t try to tell them out loud first. It was just that every time he tried, the words never quite seemed to come out. He would get so disfluent that he gave up each time before he got the key words out, “I’m gay.” 

So in the end, he gave up and wrote a letter. It was something he had done a few times before, when he wanted to tell his parents something. It was easier than talking, especially about something he was nervous about. And he had never been as nervous to tell them anything as was to tell them about his sexuality.

Dear Mom and Dad, 

I have something to tell you but every time I try, I just can’t get the words to come out. I know that being different is hard and this will just make me even more different, but I think this is something else that I can’t change even if you want me to. Even if I want me to. Trust me, I tried. 

The truth is that I’m gay. I’ve known for a while and I hoped that maybe it would go away if I just waited but that hasn’t happened. At this point I really don’t think it will.

I hope that you can learn to accept this about me. 

Love,

Blaine

He had slid it under the door to their room one night after he saw the lights go out in their bedroom and then cried himself to sleep. In the morning, he woke up to his mom jumping onto him in his bed and wrapping her arms around him into what felt like the biggest, safest hug in the universe. 

When his father came into his room a few moments later, though, was when the tears really started to fall. He had sat on the edge of the bed and ruffled Blaine’s curls. “I’ll always love you, kiddo, okay?” He gulped loudly. “I’m still getting my brain wrapped around it but that’s my business to figure out. You can be whoever you need to be and your mom and I will always love you, okay? I kind of wish we didn’t live in podunk Ohio right now, but we will figure it out, okay?” Blaine’s father wasn’t as affectionate as his mother but Blaine had jumped up and thrown his arms around him after that speech. It was such a relief to have finally told them, to not have a secret anymore. He finally felt like maybe everything would be okay.

Of course, even if Blaine’s parents accepted him things were far from perfect. Blaine’s father had a lot of ideas about how to ‘help’ Blaine be gay in Ohio. At first, he suggested that maybe Blaine just shouldn’t come out until college. Blaine’s mother  **thank God** had dismissed that as unrealistic. “He’s a teenage boy, Patrick, don’t be ridiculous. High school is all about crushes and dating. He is going to have to come up with some very creative excuses to turn down all the pretty girls that are going to be knocking down our door and don’t tell me my son isn’t going to get to take someone he actually likes to the prom. I’ve dreamed about that since Cooper was born and he insisted on going stag so he could ‘keep his options open,’ so Blaine is my last chance.”

Blaine laughed, “But no pressure, right mom?” She stuck out her tongue at him.

His father had also suggested that Blaine, “Keep an open mind. Maybe say yes to one of those pretty girls, just to see.” 

In the end, his dad’s advice had been the same as it always had. Try to fit in because it will make your life easier. If you’re going to stand out, stand out for your talents so you don’t give people something to make fun of. Oh and if all else fails, know how to protect yourself.

He spent the summer before his sophomore year of high school rebuilding a car in the driveway and working with a boxing coach at a local gym. Blaine thought mechanics were boring but he was surprised by how much he liked boxing. Hitting the heavy bag was cathartic. Also, his coach really didn’t seem to expect him to respond when he gave Blaine direction, so he didn’t have to worry about his stuttering. By the end of the summer, he told Blaine he was ready to try fighting in the ring. Blaine threw one punch and immediately felt nauseous. He decided that while hitting the bag felt good, hitting a real person was not for him. Blaine had worried his father would be disappointed but he had only said, “Good for you. Violence is abhorrent. No real man uses violence to get his way. I just want you to be strong and know how to protect yourself against the cowards who haven’t figured that out.” Blaine’s dad wasn’t perfect but he had his moments.

— 

In the end, Blaine’s mother had handed his note back to him with a response scrawled on the back in her messy cursive. All it said was, “Thanks for letting us know. Love, Mom and Dad.”

He showed it to Ms. Shine that week in Speech, when she asked how he had done with his homework.

“So how do you feel?”

 “Less ex-exhausted. Thank you…it was a good idea.”

 “You’re welcome. I’m sure it will take more time for you to get used to but I’m really glad you’ve taken this first step. Now, is there anyone else you feel comfortable not using your strategies in front of? Any friends?”

 “My, uh, my friends don’t really know about my stuttering. Just Kurt.”

“Is Kurt your boyfriend, then?”

Blaine blushed bright red. “N-N-No, just a friend. He sort of, uh, found out by accident. I guess I feel more comfortable stuttering with him because he knows, but…I still want him to…be able to understand me…and not be too messy with my speech in front of him.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you there. So you don’t ever really tell people about your stuttering, then, huh?”

“No…why would I?”

“That’s a reasonable question. Let me answer your question with a question. Why did you decide to come out about being gay? I realize it’s a personal question and we don’t have to discuss it if you’d prefer not to but I promise I have a speech therapy related point I’m getting to.”

“O-okay, then. It was…stressful to have that big of a secret, you know? I wanted to just be myself…to not have to pretend anymore.”

“I don’t have personal experience but I can imagine how much of a burden that could become for a young person. Or anyone, really. So now that you’re out, do you still worry about people knowing that you’re gay?”

“No. That’s…that’s part of why I did it.” 

“That makes sense. Sometimes I think that the harder we work to keep something hidden, the more power we give it to be used against us. What do you think about that?”

“Yeah, I…I think that’s probably true. No one can hold it over me be-be-because there’s no secret to protect.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Blaine. Right now, you are in the stuttering closet, so to speak. As you already know, having a secret like that can really weigh someone down which is why a lot of people who stutter choose to ‘come out’ or ‘disclose’ their stuttering status to relieve them of that burden. Just like being out about your sexuality, if you were out about your stuttering, you wouldn’t have to worry about keeping it secret so much. Imagine if stuttering didn’t feel like ‘slipping up’ every time it happened. How do you feel when you think about telling people about it?” 

“Terrified.” _And after that, maybe a bit relieved?_  

“Sure, I might be surprised if you weren’t. I think if you did decide to come out as a person who stutters, you might feel some of the same relief as you did when you came out about being gay. There is absolutely no rush and I don’t want to pressure you to do this. But think it over. That’s your homework for this week. Just to think it over, maybe talk it over with some trusted people. If there are people in your life who have ‘come out’ about something, maybe consider asking them why they chose to come out.”

“I guess I can do that. Thank you, Ms. Shine.”

“You’re welcome, Blaine. Same time next week?” 

Blaine nodded and then headed back to class. He had a lot to think about.

—

Blaine had laid awake that night thinking about what Ms. Shine had said. While he hadn’t exactly done it one purpose, he realized that he had already come out to Kurt about his stuttering. He had only mentioned it because he assumed that it was obvious to Kurt, that Kurt had already figured it out. 

Kurt had been cool about it, Blaine conceded. On the other hand, was Kurt really the best metric for how other people would react? Kurt was a very unusual boy who had dealt with his fair share of being different. Besides, Kurt had also been through a ‘coming out’ process of his own, so of course he would be sympathetic. Blaine doubted that other people would be so understanding. Right now he was flying under the radar and no one had bothered him about his stuttering. 

Were stuttering and being gay even really that similar? Blaine wasn’t sure there were. Yes, coming out had felt like a burden lifting because he wasn’t keeping a secret anymore, but that wasn’t the only reason he came out. Being gay was a fundamental part of who he was and a necessary step in achieving other things he wanted.  _ Like maybe having a kiss that doesn’t end in an ambulance ride. That would be a good start _ . Stuttering wasn’t part of his identity the way being gay was. Was it?

Blaine thought back to his coming out process. There had been a lot of bumps along the way but it had all been worth it in the end, hadn’t it?

~~~~

**Blaine is 15 years old**

In retrospect, coming out at school via a musical number was probably not one of Blaine’s smarter decisions. Blaine knew that the only time he felt confident and accepted was when he was singing. In his defense, The Warblers’ flash-mob-esque musical numbers in the past that had been very well received. It had started with them getting together on weekends for regular karaoke nights at Nick’s house and then it had spiraled into plans for a clandestine musical performance. Wesley was in the A.V. club, so he would arrange for microphones and speakers for their guerrilla performances. 

It had all started well enough. When the Warblers had gathered in Nick’s basement for their usual round of weekend karaoke, Blaine announced, “I came out to my p-p-parents this week! And it went okay!” There had been applause and cheers. They had dedicated the night to Blaine with renditions of, “Y.M.C.A.” and “Working at the Carwash.” In the glow of friendship and disco, the idea hadn’t seemed so crazy. It would be just another one of their infamous guerrilla song performances. And maybe this time, girls wouldn’t try to give Blaine their number after it was over.

Wesley, as usual, was on audio. Blaine was on lead vocals and in charge of props. Nick and Jeff had worked out the choreography. The boys congregated in their usual spot at the top of the stairs that led down to the school quad where students sometimes ate outside when the weather was nice. It was a sunny day and they had a decent crowd. Wesley ran through the sound checks and Blaine passed out the props: umbrellas in red, yellow, green, and purple. Wesley had insisted that they do a gender-swapped version of the first verse for “authenticity.” 

Hi, we’re your weather boys

And have we got news for you

You better listen

Get ready, all you lonely boys

And leave those umbrellas at home

Alright

At first, people seemed really into it. The Warblers had some fans from previous performances and they started cheering when the boys began their campy choreography with their umbrellas. Blaine really let himself get lost in the song and when he got to the verse about all the different types of men he pointed out into the crowd examples matching each description.

It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men, amen

I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get

Absolutely soaking wet

It's raining men, hallelujah

It's raining men, every specimen

Tall, blonde, dark and lean

Rough and tough and strong and mean

 Their performance was cut short when Rick, the boy he had pointed to on the word “mean,” jumped up and grabbed the microphone out of Blaine’s hand, shouting, “This song is fucking gay.” 

Blaine looked back at his co-performers who were all frozen in horror. Jeff finally regained control of his body and shouted, “Abort! Abort!” into his mic before dashing off. The other boys followed quickly after. 

When Blaine caught up to them, he was surprised to see that Nick was crying. “Shit, Blaine. I thought that maybe if you could be out and proud at this school then so could I but…shit, Blaine, that was rough.” Blaine’s eyes widened as he realized what his friend was saying.  _ It’s not just me? I’m not the only one! _

Blaine had no idea what to say so he gave Nick a hug. “I still think we can do this, if you want to. Maybe it will be easier if we do it together.”

In the end, Nick came around. The whole school thought all four of them were gay after their performance anyways, so it was sort of a moot point. That was the last time the Warblers performed for an audience.

The bullying was unpleasant. Boys would corner him in the hallway or the locker room and with a double layer of mocking, call him a “f-f-f-f-fag.” Blaine decided to ignore their words and channel his anger into the heavy bag in the basement at home every night. He would think of comebacks sometimes but the fear of stuttering as he said them made Blaine bite his tongue. The last thing he wanted to do was add fuel to fire. Blaine tried to ignore them and move on.

Months passed and Nick plopped down next to Blaine at their usual table in the cafeteria. He was holding a flyer. “Who is Sadie Hawkins and why are we having a dance for her?” 

Blaine shrugged but Elaine seemed to know. “Oh my gosh, I think my mom had one of those when she was in school. I can’t believe people still have them! It’s a dance where instead of the boys asking the girls, the girls are supposed to ask the boys.” 

Nick grunted, “And the gays are supposed to ask…?”  

Blaine laughed, “I th-th-think this idea comes from before gay people were, like, invented.” Nick rolled his eyes in response.

Elaine laughed and then looked nervous. “Well, Blaine you can always go with me. You know, just as friends. Or whatever.”  _ Why is Elaine blushing? Weirdo _ . 

Wesley perked up. “No, you should protest this out-dated tradition that assumes women are second class citizens and erases LGBT people. Why don’t you and Nick go together? You know, as friends. Or whatever.” He winked at Blaine on the word whatever.  

“What do you say Nick, will you go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me? Just as friends or whatever.” He imitated Wesley’s wink.

Nick smiled nervously, “Sure, screw the haters.” 

Belatedly, Blaine had a thought.  _ Wait…did I just ask Nick out on a date? I said ‘friends or whatever’ but we never agreed which one it was. How do I find out if this is a date without looking like an idiot? Yikes! _

—

Blaine’s mother had gotten a bit overexcited about Blaine’s first school dance with a date and had tried to convince him to get a boutonniere and have Nick come over for pictures. “Oh my god, Mom, stop! It is not prom and we are just going as friends, I think. And that’s only if I don’t die of embarrassment first.”  

“You think? Oh, honey do you want it to be a date? Is this your first crush? I’m so excited!” She clapped her hands and bounced on her heels.  _ Oh, right, this is where I get my dramatic side from. _ “Well then you simply must sweep him off his feet. We are going to go to the florist tomorrow and order a boutonniere for you to give Nick. Do you know what color tie he is wearing? It is important not to clash. It will ruin the photos.”

In the end Blaine got up the courage to text Nick to ask if he knew what color tie he would wear to the dance. 

**Nick: I was just going to pick something out the night before. Probably black or red. You?**

**Blaine: I’m thinking burgundy bow tie with a floral pattern. Too much?**

**Nick: Go for it!**  

Nick’s dad dropped him off before the Sadie Hawkins dance so they could take some pictures at Blaine’s house. When Blaine opened the door, he had the sinking realization that he had overdressed. Blaine had picked out a charcoal grey suit, a black dress shirt, and his bow tie, of course. Nick had black dress pants, a not quite wrinkle-free white dress shirt, and a straight black tie. 

“H-h-h-h-hey Nick. This-this-this—this is for you,” he awkwardly handed Nick the boutonniere.  

“Oh, uh, thanks, dude. Should I have brought you one?” 

“No, no, of course not! My—it’s just that—it was only that my my my mom thought I should and um um so I just I just I just did.” Blaine took a deep breath like Ms. Shine had taught him and focused on relaxing all of his muscles. There was no need to freak Nick out any more than he already had with his unwanted romantic gestures.

Neither Nick nor Blaine could figure out how to pin the boutonniere on correctly and Nick insisted they call for back up before he ended up with an accidental nipple piercing. “Dad! We need your help,” Blaine called up toward his father’s office.

Mr. Anderson appeared a minute later and Blaine felt relieved. “Dad, phew, we can’t figure this out. Can you pin this on for us?”

“Sure. So who are you taking to the dance tonight?” he asked Nick. 

“Uh, Blaine?” Nick answered, but it sounded like a question. 

Blaine flushed scarlet. “Dad! I told you I was going with Nick.” 

“Oh, I thought you just meant that you were going in a group, like with your dates. Isn’t it a Sadie Hawkins dance? I assumed you were going with girls.”

Blaine buried his face in his hands. Nick cleared his throat awkwardly. Mrs. Anderson plastered on a smile and grabbed her husband by the elbow, tugging him forcefully into the other room. “Patrick, don’t be obtuse. The boy is gay. I don’t know what you thought…” Her voice faded as they exited.

— 

By the time they made it to the dance, Blaine had mostly recovered from his humiliation but he was still going to have to work extra hard if he wanted to keep his speech smooth with his nerves this frayed. Hopefully the music would help him unwind.  

Once Blaine got out onto the dance floor, he felt more in his element. Elaine had ended up asking Wesley to the dance and the two of them quickly found Blaine and Nick on the dance floor. Before long they were busting out some of their classic Warbler moves, teaching them to Elaine who did pretty well when she wasn’t cracking up laughing. They sang along to all their favorites and generally had a fun time. Blaine still wasn’t sure if this was a date but regardless he was having fun. Nick was a good friend but Blaine couldn’t tell if he liked him as more than a friend. Was that something that happened over time or right away? How did you know if you’d never had it before? _I don’t think I’m very good at romance. It can’t be this confusing for everyone._  

The dance ended at 10 and everyone flooded out into the parking lot. Nick’s dad had texted that he was running late so they found a quieter spot on the side of the school to wait for him. Nick cocked his head to the side and looked at Blaine thoughtfully, “So, Blaine. You brought me flowers, we took pictures together…was this a date?” 

Blaine flushed red again. “N-n-n—I don’t know, was it?”  _ Did I want it to be? _

Nick shrugged, “I wasn’t sure. I’ve never been on a real date before so I wasn’t sure what the telltale signs were exactly. I think—I think maybe in retrospect I’m leaning towards just friends. But also, you’re the only other gay kid I know and—is it weird if I also kind of want to kiss you, like just as friends?” Nick blushed bright red.

“I don’t think friends kiss. I don’t think that’s how it works.” _I_ ** _really_** _don’t get romance._  

“I just—I really want to have a first kiss. I don’t want to wait until college and what are the odds I’m even going to meet another gay kid until then. But only if you want to—well, what do you think Blaine? Wanna make out?”

_ Why am I overthinking this? Someone wants to kiss me! A boy someone!  _

“I—I—I—I—” Words failed Blaine. He decided to just go for it. Suddenly his hands were grabbing onto Nick’s shirt and pulling him towards himself until their lips met.  _ Oh, wow _ . Nick’s lips were soft against his and Blaine felt his heart race faster. Nick pressed Blaine up against the wall and kissed him harder. Blaine’s breath quickened as his tongue met Nick’s.  _ Making out is awesome _ . 

And then Nick was yanked suddenly backwards, away from Blaine.  _ But it was just getting good _ . Blaine fluttered his eyelids open just in time to see a dark shape appear in front of him. Before Blaine could react, hands were grabbing him and throwing him against the wall, knocking the wind out of him. Blaine doubled over, gasping for breath. The hands grabbed him again and this time threw him to the ground. There was a sickening crack as Blaine’s head hit the metal handrail on his way down. Lights popped in front of Blaine’s eyes and he tasted copper in his mouth. The pain was unbearable, like someone had stuck a hot knife in the back of his skull. Blaine moved to pull himself up but he was overcome with nausea and disorientation. 

He heard laughter from somewhere above him; it sounded tinny and distant.  _ Is Nick okay? _ He tried to call out, “N—N—N—N—“ but he kept blocking. 

The laughter got louder. “Look, the fucking homo is so queer he can’t even talk straight.” 

Now there were two voices laughing. “Maybe the message just hasn’t sunk in yet.” Blaine moaned as someone kicked him in his side, again and again, as they grunted out, “You. Are. Disgusting.” 

Blaine was barely holding on to consciousness, his vision swam and his thoughts turned fuzzy. He felt disconnected from the pain where the boy had kicked him. He heard new voices now, worried voices calling his name. Then there were sirens and a man was shining a light in his eyes and asking if he knew where he was.

~~~~~~

At lunch the next day, Blaine decided to poll the Glee Club members. There was a larger crowd than usual, so he had plenty of brains to pick. Some of the Glee kids who usually sat at the ‘popular’ table with the cheerleaders and jocks had joined the rest of Glee club today.

Blaine also felt the increased pressure of having such a large audience so he took the time to carefully plan what to say and what strategies he would use to get his words out as smoothly as possible.

“Who here has ever had to c-come out about something?”

Everyone looked at Kurt, who raised his hand and smirked at Blaine. “Not—not just about sexuality but anything. Any secret you hid and then came out about later.” 

“Oh, I know!” Rachel said, excitedly. “Tina had to come out about her stutter being fake.”

“Wha-what?” Blaine felt his hands starting to shake horribly. This was not the direction he had wanted this conversation to go in at all.

“Oh, yeah, I guess that was kind of like coming out.” Tina said, casually. “Artie was so mad when I told him that he wouldn’t go out with me for a while after that.”

“But—but, why?” Blaine knew he must look dumbfounded but he couldn’t help it. 

“I was painfully shy in 6th grade. I faked a stutter so teachers would feel bad for me and not make me speak in front of the class. It was one of those things that started small and got out of hand. By the time I started high school, I had been keeping it up for so long that I was scared to tell anyone. I knew that the longer I hid it, the bigger the lie would be but somehow I didn’t know how to walk it back. Glee was the first time I didn’t want to push people away. I’m grateful to Artie for helping me feel brave enough to finally admit it. It was scary but I was so relieved to finally have it over with.” 

Blaine was speechless. He could not believe that someone had faked the very real problem he had to get out of some stupid schoolwork. Blaine’s stuttering had been a wall between him and everyone else for most of his life now, and he wished he could bring it crumbling down with just a few words. It felt so unfair to him.  

Tina was genuinely shy but Blaine was fundamentally a people person. People usually assumed he was shy but he actually loved being around people. If he didn’t stutter, he imagined he would be very talkative and outgoing, more like the version of himself that emerged when he sang. After all, the only time he could escape his stuttering was singing. When he performed he became the charismatic and connected person that he wished he could be the rest of the time.  

When Blaine’s downcast eyes finally looked up he noticed that Kurt was watching him with concern. He was the only one who would understand how personal this was for Blaine. All he could manage was a strained smile right now. Kurt nodded back at him. 

“Well, the best part of coming out for me was obviously not having to pretend to have a crush on Rachel anymore.” Blaine realized that Kurt was trying to lift the mood and shift attention away from Blaine; he felt extremely grateful. 

“Hah! You can only dream of having a beard this fabulous, Kurt Hummel,” Rachel snapped back.

“Well you are like 3/4 of the way to being a gay man, Rachel, so maybe less of a beard and more of a mustache. You are, indeed, fabulous.”

“Kurt!” she swatted at him her binder and Kurt almost fell out of his chair as he shouted, “Don’t touch my hair, devil woman!” 

At that Blaine burst into laughter. 

Finn shot Kurt a glare. “Well, just joining Glee Club was kind of scary for me and some of the other guys on the football team. We had to sort of ‘come out’ about liking music.” 

Blaine appreciated the genuine answer. “Was it the right choice?” 

“Yeah, totally, dude! It was definitely a blow to my popularity but I’m happier when I’m honest about who I am.”

Blaine nodded contemplatively. “Thanks, Finn.”

Santana cocked her head and looked over at him suspiciously, “So, Blaine…new kid that we hardly know. Is there something you would like to ‘come out’ about? Some secret you want to unburden?” 

Blaine’s eyes widened and he shook his head awkwardly.

“Very interesting. Ladies and gentlemen, I will now be opening the betting pool on what Blaine’s little secret is. Personally I’m putting my money on can’t sleep without his stuffed animals but the possibilities are endless.”

“Oh no—I don’t h—I don’t…” Blaine trailed off realizing that he was starting to get incoherent. 

“Sounds like the words of someone who has a  **secret** .”

Kurt kicked Santana’s leg under the table. “Lay off, Satan. Projecting does nothing to flatter your complexion.”  

—

After school, Blaine and Kurt went out for coffee at The Lima Bean.

Blaine blew on his coffee, trying to cool it down enough to start drinking. He glanced up at Kurt, who looked nervous. He kept leaning forward like he was about to say something but then would lean back as if he had thought better of it.

Finally Blaine broke the awkward silence. “What?”

Kurt looked flustered. “Sorry, I wanted to ask you something but it’s kind of personal. I didn’t want you to feel like I was trying to intrude.”

_ How thoughtful. _ “Well, the-the-the only way to find out if it’s too personal is to ask.”

“Right. I was just—I was wondering what that was about when you asked people about coming out at the lunch table. Are you thinking about coming out as gay at McKinley?”

“I—wait, what? That wasn’t about being gay, it was about my stuttering.”

“Oh. Huh. I don’t understand.” 

“So my speech therapist, Ms. Shine, thinks that I should, like, uh c-come out as a stutterer. But I’m not so sure about it. So I thought I would ask other people if that has, uh, uh, helped them.”

“Wow, interesting. I’d never thought about that as something that people come out about. Why does she think it’s a good idea?”

“She thinks I, uh, uh, uh, worry about people finding out. If I was just out about it, maybe I would feel more relaxed talking to people and my stuttering would im-im-improve. Something like that?”

“That makes a lot of sense to me. Coming out as gay was really important for me, even if people kind of already knew. I still felt relieved not to be trying to hide it or deny it anymore. I don’t think I realized how much mental energy it was taking up until that burden was lifted. Besides, the Kurt Hummel brand is basically be yourself and fuck the haters.”

“That’s a k-k-kickass brand. I was mostly just relieved that my parents were m-m-more or less okay with it.”

“Yeah, I was worried about my Dad too. You’ve met him now so you might understand that it’s not obvious he is someone who would be cool with having a gay son. Like your dad, he is still getting used to it. He loves me and he accepts me but he isn’t always sure what to  **do** with me. I think if my mom was still alive that she would have been the super supportive parent.”

Blaine’s heart ached for Kurt. He thought about how brave Kurt was to face the world every day, refusing to be anything less than his fabulous self, no matter how hostile the world was to who he is and how he presents himself. Blaine felt like a coward in comparison. Here he was, running away from his school, trying to pretend to be normal. If Kurt had a stutter, Blaine imagined him wearing it with pride and cutting down anyone who teased him with witty retorts. Blaine could never be that fearless. 

_ That reminds me… _ “So earlier, why did you think it was about b-b-being gay? I mean, you already know that I’m gay. It’s not-not-not-not exactly a secret.”

Kurt studied his face warily, then raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it? I mean it’s fine with me either way, whatever you need to do, but I honestly can’t tell if you’re trying to be in the closet at McKinley or not.” 

Blaine was gobsmacked. Why would Kurt think he was trying to be closeted? Hadn’t he told him about his humiliating coming out story already? How could he not be out? He had done it. He even had the scars to prove it.

“No, I’m not in the cl-cl-closet—I told you I came out—why would you th-think I’m not?” This was so confusing.

Kurt looked frustrated which felt unfair to Blaine. He let Kurt explain but he was already starting to feel defensive. “I thought maybe you were trying to keep it on the down low because of what happened at your old school. You haven’t exactly mentioned it to anyone, at least not that I’ve seen. Rachel and Mercedes were examining the clues to your sexuality like it was the fucking Da Vinci Code or something. Even Ms. Rachel Perfect Gaydar Berry couldn’t figure out the mystery of the century: Is Blaine Anderson on Team Gay? They were practically salivating over you at the thought that you be available. It was disgusting.”

The realization hit Blaine in stages. He was an idiot. He had crept back into the closet without even realizing it. God why was he always so obtuse about this stuff? This was the kind of obliviousness that had led him to sing his sexuality to the entire school—that had led him to totally misinterpret his “date” with Nick into thinking it was something more. 

“Wow, I really am that dense. I don’t even know how I manage to swim without si-si-si-sinking to the bottom, that’s how dense I am. You must think I’m an idiot. I—I honestly thought people knew. I thought that was how it worked. You came out, people accept you or they don’t, you deal with the f-f-f-fallout, and then you are out.” Blaine buried his face in his hands.

“Sorry, honey, but I think it only works that way in the movies. In real life you have to come out over and over again for the rest of your life. Or at least until assumed heteronormativity stops being the law of the land, but I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for that one. To be honest, I haven’t really had to deal with this myself. People seem to figure out that I’m gay without having to be told. It is the  **one** benefit to being a walking stereotype.”

Blaine felt offended on Kurt’s behalf. “You’re not a ster—eotype! You’re just… you.”

Kurt flashed him a rare grin and Blaine felt pleased with himself.

“Clearly this whole c-coming out as a stutterer is going to have to wait until I c-c-come out as gay, for the second—and apparently not the last—time.” Blaine cleared his throat and assumed a very serious facial expression. He reached out to grab one of Kurt’s hands in his, enjoying the drama of the moment.

“Kurt, I have a very important question to ask you?”

Blaine was thrilled to see Kurt immediately start to play along. He fanned himself with his free hand and feigned a Southern belle accent, “Oh my! I do declare. What could it be? Daddy, will he finally propose?”

“Kurt Hummel. Will you…” he stared straight into Kurt’s eyes and paused for dramatic effect, “…help me come out to the Glee club?”

“Yes, a thousand times yes!” Kurt took his hand back and clapped enthusiastically.

Blaine looked around and noticed they were starting to get a few stares. He finally broke character and erupted into a fit of giggles; Kurt soon joined in. 

“Any ideas?” Blaine asked.

Kurt looked back at him with a gleam in his eye. “Absolutely! Do I need to say more than  [ Diana Ross ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xMvP6PsD9A) ?” 

— 

At the next Glee rehearsal, Kurt stood up before Mr. Schuester could launch into whatever the new theme of the week would be. “If you would allow Mr. Schue, I’ve prepared a number that is very dear to my heart. I would really appreciate the opportunity to perform it for the club today.” 

“Alright then, Mr. Hummel you have the floor.”

Just as they had planned, Kurt set up the portable karaoke machine and turned on the music. 

I'm coming out

(I’m coming)

I'm coming out

I'm coming out

They had agreed that Kurt would start alone. Kurt has reassured Blaine that if there was one place it was safe to be as dramatic as possible, it was definitely the Glee Club. Blaine was ready to reclaim his coming out story into one that didn’t end in humiliation and violence. 

I want the world to know

Got to let it show

I'm coming out

I want the world to know

I got to let it show

Santana rolled her eyes at Kurt and heckled, “Yes, lady face, tell us something we don’t  know!” Kurt ignored it and playfully hid behind the piano, jumping out for the next line.

There's a new me coming out

And I just had to live

And I want to give

I'm completely positive

I think this time around

I am gonna do it

Like you never do it

Like you never knew it

Oh, I'll make it through

And then Blaine jumped out of his seat and joined Kurt in front. He seamlessly stepped into Kurt’s dance choreography, matching him step for step. He took the next verse alone.

The time has come for me

To break out of the shell

I have to shout

That I'm coming out

He pointed to himself whenever he got to the line, “I’m coming out” just in case his message wasn’t already crystal clear. Kurt and him finished the song in unison.

I'm coming out

I want the world to know

Got to let it show

I'm coming out

I want the world to know

I got to let it show

I'm coming out

I want the world to know

Got to let it show

I'm coming out

I want the world to know

I got to let it show

On the final “let it show,” Blaine yanked on his jacket hard enough for the snaps to come undone revealing the outfit he had carefully kept covered up. He wore a black, fitted button-up with short sleeves. He had accessorized it with a matching rainbow bow tie and rainbow suspenders. _If you tell Blaine Anderson he’s allowed to be dramatic then you best be ready for me to come correct._  

After the music cut, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and together they took a bow. Kurt caught Rachel’s eye and winked haughtily at her. She wrinkled her nose at him. Mercedes just looked impressed and clapped loudly along with the rest of the Glee club. 

Blaine felt euphoric as he took in the applause. He wondered if coming out about his stuttering could ever feel this good. 

Rachel stood up primly. “I want to applaud you on your bravery for coming out with so much confidence. We have all worked to make Glee club a safe space for anyone who is different. While I cannot speak for those you may encounter beyond these walls, we accept you Blaine. Thank you for sharing your truth with us.”

“Thank you, Rachel.” He said, stiffly. “I appreciate the compliments but the truth is that I came out over a year ago. It’s really not that brave coming out the second time.”

Blaine caught Kurt looking smugly at Rachel.  _ Let is go, Kurt. She’s being nice. _

—

The rest of Glee had been relatively uneventful after Blaine’s big opening number. The unambiguous show of support from all the members of the group had felt wonderful. When rehearsal wrapped up, Blaine was still riding the high of a great performance when he walked out into the hall with Kurt. 

Blaine was thanking Kurt again for helping him when he looked up to see several football players staring at him with cold eyes. Blaine swallowed hard. He looked down at the jacket he was carrying in his hands.  _ Shit!  _

Karofsky took a step closer and looked down at Blaine. “Azimio, look! They really are running a little conversion camp in there.” He snapped one of Blaine’s suspenders. The sting was barely painful but Blaine still flinched. It felt menacing somehow. “Now the tiny one has caught a case of the gay.” 

Puck and Finn arrived in the hallway and took stock of the scene in front of them. They stood on either side of Blaine, a half step in front of him, and stood there silently. 

After a tense moment, Karofsky took a step back. “Come on, Azimio. We don’t want to get infected too.” They shuffled off down the hallway.

Blaine finally let out the breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Kurt reached out and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. “I’ll walk you to your car.” Blaine nodded silently. He slipped on his jacket and did up the buttons with trembling fingers. He was grateful that Kurt chose not to comment on his change in wardrobe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for catching inconsistencies, perfecting my punctuation, and making sure this isn't all just one hellishly long paragraph.
> 
> I've gone back and added some more detailed explanations to the end notes about stuttering to some of the earlier chapters so if you are curious go check out the little "Esperanto's Stuttering Corner" notes I've included at the end of Chapters 4, 5, & 6\. See below for some notes on today's chapter for those who are curious to learn more.
> 
> ~~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> ~~~  
> Today I'll be covering some terminology, the concept of 'disclosure,' and Tina's fake stutter. 
> 
> **Terminology**  
>  Disfluency: Anything that disrupts the smooth forward momentum of speech. Stuttering is the name for the overall disorder but individual moments of stuttering are often called "disfluencies." It is also often used as an adjective, such as "I'm very disfluent today" or "I get very disfluent when speaking in public." 
> 
> Fluency: You are being fluent any time you speech has the smooth forward momentum without interruptions. 
> 
> No one is always fluent or always disfluent (people who stutter and people who do not stutter alike). *Everyone* experiences disfluency in their speech sometimes (every time you say 'like' or 'uh,' every time you stumble over a word, every time you stop and start over again you are being disfluent). 
> 
> **Disclosure**  
>  The main feature of stuttering treatment covered in this chapter was the concept of "disclosure." This is something very commonly encouraged by speech therapists working with adolescents and adults. I explained the rationale pretty well in the chapter but feel free to ask questions. I've mentioned previously that I have a student who passes out letters explaining his stuttering to his teachers on the first day of school. This is a form of disclosure. It also allows him to communicate his preferences about how people should handle his stuttering (such as please don't finish my sentences or ask if I'm okay). I'm really proud of him because a couple years ago he would have never willingly told people about his stutter. This year on the first day of class, when the students were all saying their name, grade, and a fun fact he chose to share about his stuttering as his fun fact. Sometimes SLPs will have students give a little presentation to their class about stuttering. It can also help with bullying because it educates the other students.
> 
> I would also say that just as coming out was important for Kurt even though many people consider his sexuality to be apparent, disclosing about your stuttering can be really powerful even when you have a very severe stutter that is sort of obvious already.
> 
> **T-T-Tina**  
>  Finally, that whole Tina faking a stutter plot line was just SO BAD. Stories about people faking a disability only contribute to the very real problem of people with disabilities being accused of faking them (which is often just an excuse for harassment or bullying). Check out this [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLUvIwrGCV0) from comedian Drew Lynch where he addresses his feelings about being accused of faking his disability (he also starts off by explaining how he discloses his stutter at the beginning of every show.


	10. Never Been Kissed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt is the target of bullying.
> 
>  **Content Warnings** : Homophobic Language, Verbal Sexual Harassment, Sexual Assault (non consensual kissing), Bullying, Violence (non-graphic).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my lovely readers! I ended up re-ordering some of the chapters and that led to some extensive re-writes. I'm really happy with how I finally have things settled but it took some time to sort through. That also means you should disregard anything I said in the author's notes or comments about Chapter 10 being fun or happy because the chapter I was referring to has since been moved to later in the story.
> 
> This is definitely the most emotionally intense chapter so far, even just for me to write/edit. Be sure you check the content warnings before reading. I think most readers should be just fine but obviously you know yourself best. If anyone decides to skip this chapter because you are concerned about being triggered, just leave me a comment and I'll post a plot summary so you can pick things back up with Chapter 11.

“It’s a good thing I can’t legally get married because if planning my dad’s wedding is anything indicator, I would be such a Bridezilla!”

Kurt and Blaine were sprawled out on the floor of his basement, wedding magazines and scrapbooks as far as the eye could see.

“If he sc-sc-scares that easy then he’s not right for you. Besides, legal or not, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t st-stiill have a wedding.” 

“Good point.” Kurt had been dreaming about getting married since he was three. 

“Okay, show me the options for the groomsmen to wear again.” 

Kurt flipped through the pages of his scrapbook. “I just can’t decide if vests are classy or too formal. My dad is pretty casual and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable. Carole keeps gently reminding me that they don’t want anything too over the top. I just want it to be magical for them, you know!” 

Blaine smiled softly at him. “They are t-t-truly lucky to have you. It’s going to be per-perfect. So here’s a cr-cr-crazy idea: what if you did vests but no-no suit jackets? It’s st-st-stylish but a little less… stuffy.” 

Kurt threw his arms around Blaine’s neck in gratitude. “That’s genius! I’m officially deputizing you as assistant wedding planner.” 

“Uh oh, what have I gotten myself into this time?” Blaine asked with a smirk. 

“You can’t back out now that you’ve proven how indispensable you are. Sorry! I’m pretty sure it does secure you a spot on the guest list; however, so that’s a perk. It’s going to be the event of the season!” 

“You’re lucky I don’t sc-scare so easily.” 

—

Kurt was giddy as he described the amazing florist he had just found to Rachel while they walked to Home Ec together. He couldn’t help pulling out one of the brochures so she could really get the full visual for what he was describing. 

“I’m thinking something like this, but without the purple flowers. Wouldn’t it look beautiful with Carole’s skin tone?” 

*Wham*

His brochures skittered to the floor as his body was catapulted sideways into the bay of lockers. 

“Watch where you’re going next time, Homo.” It was Karofsky.  

Kurt was too shocked to reply, rubbing the spot where one of the locks had dug into his torso. That was definitely going to be a bruise tomorrow. 

Rachel looked horrified. “Kurt, are you okay?” She gathered his dropped brochures, offering them back to him as he collected himself. 

“I’m fine,” he snapped, more embarrassed than actually injured. 

—

Chemistry was still Kurt’s worst class; the only thing that made it tolerable was Blaine’s presence.  

“Now we have to titrate the solution,” Kurt read aloud from the lab procedure. “What does that mean again?” 

Blaine sighed in gentle exasperation, “That’s where w-w-we do it one drop at a time until it turns p-pink.” 

“Ooh, I wonder if that would be a good shade of lipstick for Carole. What do you think?” 

“Kurt!” hissed Blaine. “I think I n-n-need you to focus and p-p-pass me that beaker. No, not  **that** one—the other one!”

“Sorry, right, okay here.” 

Kurt reached his arm out with the beaker to Blaine when something jostled him from behind. He lurched and the beaker slipped from his hand, splashing solution all down Blaine’s front before shattering into a million pieces on the floor. 

“Kurt!” Blaine protested. 

“Next time you should wipe the lube off your hands before you come to school, Mr. Magoo” taunted Karofsky under his breath.  

“Oh, no, Blaine I’m **so** sorry! Oh my god, do we need to use the chemical shower? Ms. McKenzie!” Kurt called out in a panic. 

“Calm **down,** Kurt!” She held out her arm to keep him from walking closer to Blaine. Looking down, Kurt realized she had just stopped him walking into the sparkling scatter of glass fragments. 

“Blaine, take a hall pass so you can go clean up and change into your gym shirt.” 

Then she rounded on Kurt.

“As for you, if you had been paying attention during the pre-lab yesterday you would know that this particular solution is too weak to burn human skin. Although, I can’t speak for the state of Blaine’s sweater. You will spend your lunch period cleaning every speck of glass off my floor and consider yourself lucky it’s only lunch detention.” 

“But Dave..” Ms. McKenzie cut him off before he could even get the words out to defend himself. 

“Do you **want** to stay after as well, Mr. Hummel, because that can easily be arranged.” 

Kurt swallowed the rest of his objection and meekly shook his head ‘no.’ _This is so unfair._  

The bell rang before Blaine came back so Kurt didn’t even have a chance to really explain what had happened and apologize properly. _At least it wasn’t stronger stuff or that could have been so much worse._  

He was stuck in the Chemistry classroom for all of lunch, cleaning not only the broken glass but also all the lab counters in the room. _I’m not a janitor, this is ridiculous._  

Thankfully, Blaine didn’t stay mad at Kurt for long. He grumbled a little about having to throw away his sweater and that maybe Kurt should at least try to pay attention in class. Kurt bought him apology coffee and Blaine quickly moved on. 

— 

“What do you think, Blaine?” Kurt held up two different cake toppers for his friend’s consideration.

“Definitely this one,” Blaine responded confidently.  

“Good, that’s the one I like the best too.” 

Kurt was still holding them in his outstretched hands when out of nowhere they were roughly grabbed out of his hands. 

“You two are getting married already? Oh look, I think they made a mistake at the store, Hummel, because they put a real woman on there instead of whatever you’re supposed to be. Let me fix it for you.” 

One at a time he snapped them in half, separating the bride from the groom. He threw the brides into the trash and handed back Kurt the pair of grooms. Kurt stared down in horror at the broken pieces in his hands, knowing that there was no way he could put things back together again. _Don’t cry, Kurt. Just hold it together. You can cry after he’s gone._  

Blaine laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You ok?” he checked. Kurt nodded and then Blaine took a step closer to Dave, now standing protectively in front of Kurt. 

“Back off, Dave!” 

“Or what?” 

Blaine balled his hands into fists. This was his boxing stance, Kurt realized. He remembered it from the time he had found Blaine furiously punching the heavy bag after his first encounter with Dave back in September. 

“Blaine, don’t,” he hissed. “He’s not worth getting suspended over.” 

“Isn’t this precious. Your miniature rent boy is going to beat me up. Compensating for something, squirt? He can’t possibly be satisfying you, Kurt,” Karovsky jeered. 

Blaine reddened but did not drop his fists.

“G-g-g-g-et out…of—get out of our way, y-you-you-you —creep.”  

“Oh, now I get it,” Karofsky drawled. “No one normal would date you so you had to troll the special ed class to find a boyfriend.”

“Fuck you, Karofsky!” Kurt reached his hands out to shove Karofsky away from them. 

“That’s enough, Hummel. Get to class! All of you!” shouted Coach Sylvester. 

— 

After school that day, Kurt braved visiting his locker so he could collect some books he absolutely needed for homework that night. He kept glancing over his shoulder, but thankfully Dave did not make a second appearance.  

Instead, it was Blaine who showed up. 

“Well, that s-s-sucked. Come on, finish up here and then c-c-come with me.” 

Curious, Kurt grabbed the last book and closed his locker. Blaine grabbed him by the hand and led him down the hallway.  

“Why are we going to the principal’s office, Blaine?” 

“Be-be-because you need to report what happened, Kurt! And I’m your w-w-witness.” 

“But..”

“No, buts. You are doing this.” 

Kurt was learning that Blaine could be impressively stubborn when he had his mind set on something, so he decided not to argue. Blaine would just have to find out the hard way that Principal Figgins wasn’t going to do anything to help him. 

Blaine marched them right into the office, where Principal Figgins was indulging in a late afternoon pudding. 

“Mr. Anderson? Mr. Hummel? To what do I owe this unexpected visit?” 

“K-K-Kurt is being bullied.” 

“That’s a very serious accusation, Mr. Anderson. But I doubt that whatever is going on here actually constitutes bullying. That term has a very specific definition, you can’t just throw it around all willy nilly.” 

“Call it whatever you want but Dave Karofsky is on some kind of mission to make my life a living hell,” Kurt replied. 

“Did he call you some mean names?” 

“Well, yes, he’s called me hateful homophobic slurs which you should really take more seriously. He has also been shoving me into the lockers and today he broke my cake toppers!”  

“Mr. Hummel! There is no need to raise your voice. I’m sorry, he broke your what? Your toppers?” 

“You know, the little figures you put on top of the wedding cake? I’m planning my dad’s wedding…you know what, it doesn’t really matter what they are. The point is that they were mine and he took them from me and then he broke them.” 

“Do you have any witnesses?” 

“I-I-I-I was with Kurt to-to-to-to-today when-when…” Blaine explained. 

“Spit it out son, I’m going to be late for my squash game.” Kurt’s jaw dropped. _He did not just say that!_  

As calmly as he could, Kurt explained, “Blaine stutters, Principal Figgins. Rushing him will only make it worse.”  

 ** _This_** _ladies and gentlemen is the authority figure I’m supposed to turn to for help? Maybe now Blaine will see that this is pointless._  

Blaine took a few deep breaths. Kurt knew Blaine well enough to be able to tell that he was trying to release the tension in his body so he could speak more fluently. When he started talking, this time it was in his ERASM voice. “As I was saying…I was with Kurt…today…and it was just…like he described. Dave pushed him…into the lockers…and then broke…his cake to-to-toppers.”  

“There, that wasn’t so hard. Now, Kurt, did you do anything to provoke Karofsky?”  _ Because this is obviously my fault. _

“No! I wasn’t even talking to him. I never am. He just shoves me on sight.” 

“Well then help me understand why he would do something like that for no reason?” 

“Because I’m gay! That’s the only reason. That’s the only thing I’ve ever done to him is just be gay. Apparently, that warrants daily harassment, which I’m pretty sure **is** bullying.” Kurt was starting to lose his temper.  

“How do you know?” 

“Because he calls me ‘homo’ and ‘fairy.’ Subtlety isn’t really in his wheelhouse.”  

“Language, Mr. Hummel!” 

“Shouldn’t you be saying that to, Dave, Principal Figgins?” Kurt retorted. “He said those words first, I’m just reporting them to you.” 

“Alright, well I’ll have to speak to David about his behavior tomorrow.” 

“Fine. Thank you. I guess.”

— 

“Kurt, st-st-stop! Are you seriously mad at me? I was t-t-trying to help?” 

Kurt rounded on Blaine. He was raw and emotional from the conversation in Principal Figgins’ office. 

“Well, then you can stop, okay! Now he is going to question Dave, who will deny everything, and he’s just going to target me even worse! They’re not going to do anything about it. They never do! No one cares!” 

“Kurt,” Blaine said in that soft, sympathetic voice that always managed to crack through Kurt’s prickly exterior even on his grumpiest day. “I’m sorry. You’re right, that wasn’t very p-p-p-promising. But…I just thought…I mean we have to try, right? Maybe if he gets written up enough times they will have to do something.” 

“Maybe,” he conceded, still doubtful. 

— 

When Kurt checked in with Principal Figgins at the end of the next day, he was not hopeful about the outcome of his little ‘chat’ with Dave.

“David Karofsky claims that he was merely clumsy. Bumping into another student isn’t a crime, Mr. Hummel. It’s your word against his. My hands are tied.” 

The day after that there was a note in his locker that said, “Snitches get stitches.” It was unsigned but it was obvious who had written it. 

While the harassment before had seemed to be mostly a crime of convenience, now Kurt could swear Karofsky was actually seeking him out. It seemed like every time he walked down the hallway, there he was again, shoving him into the lockers or whispering nasty things under his breath.  

His friends would pick him up off the ground and tut tut but other than that no one seemed to be **doing** anything. No one except for Blaine, who would drag him back to Principal Figgins’ office to report the incident. Kurt even showed him the note in the hopes that Blaine would finally give it up, but Blaine had just given that to Principal Figgins as well as “evidence.” Since the note was anonymous, there wasn’t really anything he could do, but he dutifully wrote down Kurt’s report anyways and wearily sent him on his way. 

Kurt compensated by doubling down on his wedding planning efforts; it was the ultimate distraction. There were a million details to organize and arrange into neat spreadsheets, schedules, or scrapbooks. He would only go to sleep when his eyes got too blurry to keep going. 

During the day he was constantly on the alert, jumping at the smallest noise or touch. He was starting to rack up tardies from hiding in the girls bathroom during passing period until the bell rang and he could safely walk down the hallway. 

Finn seemed to think Kurt was just excited about the wedding and kept telling him to take a break from planning. That was the opposite of what he needed to do; planning was the only thing keeping him sane. The only time he felt happy was when he was lost in a sea of details that would culminate in the ultimate expression of love.

— 

Blaine was turning into an annoyingly persistent shadow. Kurt didn’t have his schedule memorized but he was pretty sure Blaine was walking him to classes that were on the opposite side of the school from where his own classes were. In fact, Kurt rarely found himself alone in the hallways these days. He was pretty sure that Blaine was somehow responsible, although he denied it when asked directly. But who else would be making sure that he always had an escort from class to class.  

It was embarrassing to require this level of coddling, but Kurt would be lying if he said that he wasn’t relieved too. Karofsky glared daggers at him still when he walked by, but he couldn’t touch Kurt when he was always surrounded by friends. Kurt was finally able to sleep again. 

— 

Of course, as soon as the stress from Karofsky started to ease up, it was immediately replaced by the stress of preparing for Sectionals. Mr. Schuester started scheduling extra Glee rehearsals to make sure they were in good shape for Sectionals.  

Today, he was especially grumpy about the extra rehearsal because he usually went out for coffee with Blaine after school on Wednesdays. It had become a routine that Kurt looked forward to. They almost never rehearsed on Wednesdays because Football practice was on Wednesdays, but Mr. Schuester insisted that everyone who could make it needed to be there. 

Mr. Schuester was choreographing a high energy dance routine to go with ‘Valerie’ and they had a long way to go before it was performance ready. Kurt was starting to be able to picture it, though, and he could tell it was going to phenomenal if they managed to pull it off. Santana already sounded amazing on lead vocals. Watching Rachel resentfully sing backup vocals for once in her life was just a bonus. 

When rehearsal finally ended, Kurt was unbearably sweaty from running the number so many times. Rehearsal had run late so most of his fellow singers were eager to leave as soon as possible. Kurt, on the other hand, was not about to just let all that sweat dry on his delicate skin. 

Kurt sat on the risers with his book bag and started to towel off. He opened his compact mirror and studied his complexion. There was nothing he could do about the rosiness of his cheeks but he could at least bring down the shine a little bit. He carefully blotted his T-zone with an oil absorbing sheet. He looked up to see that Blaine was the only one left in the choir room. He was sipping his water bottle and watching Kurt’s ministrations with interest.  

“So were you a boy sc-sc-scout? Be pre-prepared and all that?” Blaine asked. 

“Somehow, I don’t think this is what they had in mind when they wrote that motto.” 

“This is what ha-ha-happens when you d-d-don’t let gay people into your organiza-za-zation. You miss out on our unique p-p-perspec-pec-pectives.”  

Kurt couldn’t help but appreciate the biting sarcasm in Blaine’s voice. He didn’t mind the ERASM, but somehow Blaine could never manage to sound sarcastic when he used it. He would take the stuttering over the flat delivery any day. 

“Ooh, there could be badges for bedazzling and voguing!” 

“Yes!” Blaine clapped with enthusiasm. 

Kurt pulled out his travel pack of cleanser. Blaine picked up his book bag and leaned towards the door. “I’m g-g-going to head out, then. Good night, Kurt!” 

“Until tomorrow, Scoutmaster General.” Kurt gave him a jaunty salute. 

Kurt finished up as quickly as he could, feeling ready to get home where he could take a nice, hot shower and get fully cleaned off. He flipped off the lights to the choir room before he left, since he was the last one out. A few muddy football players wandered down the hallway. Kurt idly wondered if practice was just getting out.   

“Hey, fairy boy!” a familiar voice called out and Kurt’s heart dropped right into his Cole Haans.  

He looked around nervously but he couldn’t see anyone else around.  

“Korovsky,” Kurt said with a stiff nod, determinedly walking towards the door. 

Karovsky stepped into Kurt’s path. Kurt tried to sidestep him, but Karofsky just blocked him again, looming over him. It took every inch of willpower that Kurt had not to break eye contact with him.  

“Was that your butt buddy Anderson I saw leaving just now? You two sure are red and out of breath. Could it be that you finally found someone willing to debase themselves enough to fuck you, Kurt.”  

Kurt was flabbergasted. Karofsky had said a lot of hateful things before but this was by far the most… explicit. It unsettled him in a different way than the name calling.  

“We were not…we were not having sex, you creepazoid! We had dance rehearsal. Why are you so obsessed with my love life, anyways?” 

Dave’s eyes flashed angrily, “Because it’s sick and disgusting!” 

“You’re the one talking about it, though. Blaine and I aren’t even dating, you know.”  

“Special Ed too st-st-stupid for you?” Something inside of Kurt snapped when Karofsky imitated Blaine’s stutter. 

“You can’t talk about him like that, you horrible excuse for a human being,” Kurt fumed. “Blaine is twice the man you’ll ever be and smart enough to be a rocket scientist if he wants to. You’ll be lucky if they hire you at the local rendering plant. You may be hot shit now but in 10 years no one will care if you were on the **high school** football team. You think we’re losers? We’re going to blow this one horse town and leave you choking on our fabulous, sparkling dust to wallow in just how incredibly unremarkable you are.” 

Karofsky angrily punched the lockers right next to Kurt’s head. Maybe insulting Karofsky was not the right move at this juncture. He decided to change tactics. 

“What do you want from me? What is it going to take for you to stop this? We haven’t done anything to you!” 

“You’re freaks.” 

“Sure, fine, we’re freaks. You don’t get it. This is just who we are and there is nothing you can do to change us. I can’t make you stop but I can promise you with absolute certainty that no matter how many times you throw me to the ground, it’s never going to change who I am. You can’t punch the gay out of me anymore than I can punch the ignoramus out of you!” 

Karofsky stared into his eyes in fury before lunging forward. 

Kurt closed his eyes, bracing for impact, when something entirely unexpected happened. Instead of the punch he anticipated, hands grabbed his shoulders and then Karofsky’s mouth was pressing hard against his. A slimy tongue forced it’s way between his lips and Kurt tried to scream there was no sound. Some sort of fight or flight instinct must have kicked in because he responded remarkably fast, before he had really even registered what was happening. His arms desperately fumbled until they found purchase on Karofsky’s solid chest and finally, finally, he pushed as hard as he could, wrenching himself free. 

Kurt’s heart was pounding. He could hear each beat in his ears, vibrating through his skull.  

Dave just stood there, mouth agape, as Kurt’s pulse ticked the second by. Then he started back towards him. _No, no, no!_ This time he was prepared and he shoved Karofsky back before he could do it again. Karofsky took a few stumbling steps backward, still gaping at Kurt, before he turned and fled down the hallway. 

Kurt felt the bile rising in his throat and just barely made it to the toilets before vomiting.  He sat on the floor of the bathroom and shook, tears running down his cheeks.   

When he managed to stay the flow of tears, Kurt picked himself up and cleaned himself up as best he could with wet paper towels at the sink. His mouth still tasted sour and the skin around his eyes was puffy. When he looked at himself in the mirror flat, lifeless eyes stared back. Which was about par for how he felt. It was as if he was looking at someone else’s body. _You are not okay._  

Kurt fumbled with his phone and called the only number he could think of: Blaine’s. It went to voicemail. He tried again. Again it went to voicemail. Kurt wanted to throw his phone against the tiled wall in frustration.  

 _Fine, I don’t need him anyways. I don’t need to depend on anyone but myself. That’s how it’s always been, it was stupid to think anything had changed._  

Kurt felt the tears starting up again and he had to start all over again with the deep breaths and the wet paper towels.  

Kurt was pretty sure he was in no condition to drive home but he couldn’t bear the thought of calling anyone to pick him up. He would have to tell them what happened. The only person he had thought he might be able to share it with had ignored his calls so Kurt was on his own. He gripped the steering wheel like it was the only thing tethering him to reality, driving mostly on autopilot, but he made it home without incident. 

He turned off the engine and pulled down the visor to examine himself in the mirror. His eyes were still puffy and bloodshot; it would be obvious to anyone that saw him that he had been crying. He fished a pair of sunglasses out of the glove box and put them on, feeling foolish. It was 9pm and completely dark out. 

Kurt opened the front door to the house as quietly as possible. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the lights downstairs were off. Looking up the stairs, however, he could see the crack of bright light outlining his dad’s bedroom.  

If his dad was awake then it was only a matter of time before he came out to greet his son. That man had the hearing of a bat. The only way to avoid it was a preemptive strike. 

Kurt tried his best to sound normal as he called out, “Hey Dad, I’m home! I had a bite after rehearsal and I’m exhausted so I’m going straight to bed. Love you!” 

“Okay, kiddo!” a warm voice called back. 

Kurt closed the door to his bedroom. He collapsed into a heap on top of his bed and cried himself to sleep. 

— 

The next morning, Kurt woke up to a knock on his bedroom door. Kurt grunted and roughly shoved off the blankets he had pulled over his head in the night. He opened his eyes to see his dad’s smiling face peering inside, “Good morning, kiddo!”  

Given the face his dad was making, Kurt could reasonably assumed that he looked at least a fraction as awful as he felt.  

“Are you alright, Kurt?” His dad asked, with concern in his voice. 

“No.” Kurt answered honestly. “I feel terrible. Can I please stay home from school today?” 

His dad looked at him with some surprise. Kurt rarely got sick and he usually insisted on going to school anyways. 

“Sure, kiddo, I’ll call the school and then I’ll bring you up some juice, okay?” 

“Thanks, dad.”  

Kurt felt guilty for lying to his dad but the thought of going back to McKinley filled him with dread. He couldn’t face him. Just thinking about him made his stomach twist and waves of nausea wash over him. He wasn’t totally lying; he **did** feel terrible.  

Realistically, Kurt knew he couldn’t stay home forever, but for now he had won himself one day of respite.  

After his dad left for the shop, Kurt finally dragged himself out of bed and took a very long, very hot shower. He wanted to scrub every last skin cell that might have gotten on him when Karofsky had touched him. He wished he could scrub his brain with a loofa too, but the memories stuck to him more stubbornly than the grime. He tried to think about anything else but it was like his brain was playing a tape over and over again in his head.  

When Kurt was dried off and dressed, he checked his phone to see that he had missed a few texts from Blaine. He let out a dry laugh. _Oh, now he wants to talk._  

 **Blaine: Where are you? I’m waiting for you at your locker to walk you to first period but the late bell is about to ring.**  

 **Blaine: Never mind, Finn just told me that you’re sick. I hope you feel better soon! Get lots of rest :)**  

Kurt threw his phone down on the bed in frustration. Some rational corner of  Kurt’s brain knew that it was unfair to be mad at Blaine for not picking up the phone when he had needed him. But it was a small part. Practically microscopic. 

The rest of him was furious. He had been there for Blaine to comfort him, to support him, and the one time he had really needed Blaine he hadn’t been there.  

 _I called him twice! That’s like the universal signal for ‘pick up the phone, this is urgent.’_ What was the point of having friends if you couldn’t count on them? He should have known that the only people he could truly rely on were his dad and himself. 

Kurt’s phone chimed again. _Leave me alone, Blaine!_ But it wasn’t Blaine this time. 

 **Rachel: I’m picking up your missed assignments. I will drop them off after school so you don’t get behind. If you’re not too tired, you could start doing the reading for English now. He wants us to read chapters 3 and 4 for tomorrow.**  

 **Kurt: ok**  

He figured he might as well follow Rachel’s suggestion and get some of his reading done so he wouldn’t fall behind. At least it would give him another distraction.  

That turned out to be a bad idea. Their class was reading ‘The Heart of Darkness’ and as the title implied, the tone of the novel was pretty dark. When he finished Chapter 4, his heart was pounding again. 

He flipped through his extensive collection of musicals on DVD, looking for something upbeat to help him shake this mood. He ended up picking ‘South Pacific,’ which always reminded him of singing ‘I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of my Hair’ in the bath with his mom. It has a happy, comforting memory.  

 _I should wash Blaine right out of my hair,_ he thought bitterly. He spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on the couch, binging his favorite musicals. They were like comfort food and he found that the tape in his head stopped looping so much when they were on. 

A knock on the door made Kurt jump. _He wouldn’t show up at your house._ Kurt paused the video and peered through the peephole in the front door, just to be sure. He was greeted by Rachel’s bright eyes, the rest of her face obscured by a surgical mask.  

She handed him a folder of homework and proceeded to ask him far too many nosy questions. 

“What symptoms are you having, Kurt? Are you congested? Do you have a headache? Did you throw up? I hope you don’t have the flu because I had the flu in middle school and I missed a whole week of school. You haven’t lost your voice, have you? Because you need to tell us if you lost your voice. I am of course prepared to fill in for you in the duet and while I do put on a stunning impromptu performance it is always appreciated to get advanced warning so I can give a perfect performance rather than a simply outstanding one.” 

“You have reached new heights of insanity, Berry. My voice is fine and you can pry my solo out of my cold, dead, well-moisturized hands. Ugh, just give me that.” He yanked the folder out of her hands. 

“There’s no need to be rude, Kurt.” 

“Thank you for bringing me my work. Now, please go away.”  

Kurt practically shoved her out onto the porch and then slammed the door. 

Finally, he was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that was heavy but I hope you liked it! Comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> Mirvly is really busy right now so I gave them a break and got my lovely fiance to beta-read instead. 
> 
> I'll try not to leave you all hanging for too long before Chapter 11 is up. 
> 
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> ~~  
> I don't really have any relevant factoids for you this time because Blaine's stuttering wasn't prominently featured this chapter (other Mr. Figgins is a jerk, but I trust you all to figure out that you should never, ever tell someone who stutters to "spit it out.")
> 
> Instead, I'll share the two main stuttering organizations we have in the U.S., which both have so many wonderful resources for people who stutter, families, teachers, friends, and professionals. As I've alluded to before, there is so much damaging misinformation about stuttering on the internet but these are both highly trusted sources.
> 
> National Stuttering Association (NSA): https://westutter.org/  
> The Stuttering Foundation: https://www.stutteringhelp.org/
> 
> Oh yes, and yes the NSA really does have a support group that meets in Dayton, Ohio :) As does PFLAG. This is the level of unnecessary research you can expect from me :)


	11. Stronger Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is worried about Kurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for editing!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy Chapter 11!

**** When Kurt didn’t show up to school again the next day, Blaine started to get worried. He grilled Rachel about how Kurt seemed when she had dropped off his homework yesterday. She mostly complained that he was rude and ungrateful.

“He didn’t seem that sick, honestly. He didn’t sound congested or anything and I didn’t notice coughing. He just looked tired.”

That did not quell any of Blaine’s concerns. He decided to try texting Kurt again today.

**Blaine: Hey Kurt! Are you feeling any better today?**

He watched his phone for a few minutes but got no response. He sighed and put it on silent before getting out his books for class. In Chemistry, Blaine had to work on a lab alone, which sucked. The only fun thing about that class was having Kurt to joke around with, even if he did keep almost ruining their experiments. Without him, it was pretty boring. 

Blaine squatted down so his graduated cylinder was at eye level as he carefully poured in the solution. Suddenly, something bumped into him from the side and his hand slipped. Blaine cursed under his breath as the solution spilled out onto the table.

“Oh, sorry, did I do that?” Karofsky asked sarcastically.

Blaine ignored him as he grabbed paper towels to stem the flow of liquid before it started dripping onto the floor. Ms. McKenzie still wouldn’t let them use anything actually dangerous so, once again, Blaine got to avoid the horror of needing to use the chemical shower. At the moment, he was more concerned about whether or not he would have to start over from the beginning with his lab assignment. He was already behind from having to work alone.

“Where is fairy boy today?” 

_ When is he going to give this up?  _ Blaine glared straight into Karofsky’s eyes, “St-st-stay the hell away from him.”

Blaine saw a strange emotion flash over Karofksy’s eyes. Was it fear? “He told you, didn’t he? He’s going to fucking pay for that. I’ll make him pay that little liar.”

“Told me wh-wh-what?”

Karofksy considered Blaine with suspicion. “Nothing.”

Blaine waited for his hands to stop shaking before he gathered up the materials to start his lab again. He checked the clock and realized he was going to have to stay in for lunch if he was going to get this finished. He selfishly wished that Kurt was there, so he wouldn’t have to deal with this alone.

When the lab was finally finished, Blaine pulled out his phone, hoping that Kurt had responded. No new messages. He decided to try again; maybe humor would get through to him.

**Blaine: Chemistry without you almost blinding me with science is surprisingly boring. I miss the rush.**

Blaine kept checking his phone, his anxiety building the longer he went without hearing from Kurt. Karofsky’s confusing panic about Kurt having told Blaine something was ping-ponging around in his head. Kurt had only been home sick for two days but he had this nagging feeling that something was  **wrong** . Kurt hadn’t even seemed sick at rehearsal on Wednesday.

**Blaine: I’m worried about you, please text me back so I know you’re ok.**

When the bell rang for the end of 8th period, Blaine caught Rachel in the hallway. “H-hey, Rachel. I was—I was thinking I might bring K-Kurt his homework today. Do you—do you mind?”

“Sure, you can deal with his Royal Rudeness this time. I’m more than happy to pass the unhappy duty along to someone else. Here is what I have collected so far. Mike is picking up his math work but this should be everything else.” Rachel handed him a pink folder, neatly labeled with the date and Kurt’s name. Inside, stacks of papers were neatly paper clipped together and labeled by class.  _ Aw, _ s _ he knows how much Kurt appreciates things being organized.  _

“Thanks!”

Blaine barely made it through his last class of the day. What if something really was wrong with Kurt? Rachel could be self-centered to the point of obliviousness. What if she missed some signs that he was injured or gravely ill? 

Blaine stopped to use his diaphragmatic breathing techniques until he was calm enough to focus on the lesson. 

After class, Blaine picked up the math work from Mike and then drove straight to Kurt’s house. He knocked on the door and then bounced on his toes, impatient for the door to open. If he could just see Kurt, see that he was okay, he would finally be able to calm down.

“Go away!” Kurt’s voice shouted through the door. 

Blaine rocked back on his heels, momentarily stunned.  _ He doesn’t want to see me?  _

Blaine knocked again. “T-t-tell me what’s go-go-go-going on, K-K-K-K-Kurt!” He felt himself losing control of his speech as his anxiety ratcheted up.

“Leave me alone, Blaine! I don’t want to talk to you!” Kurt’s voice shouted, still through the firmly closed door.

It had never occurred to him that Kurt was ignoring him on purpose.  _ Wait, is he  _ **_mad_ ** _ at me?  _ A wave of sadness and hurt passed through him and, with embarrassment, he realized his eyes were stinging with tears.  _ What could I possibly have done to make him mad at me? This makes no sense! _

“K-K-K-K-K—“ Great, now he was blocking so hard he couldn’t even get Kurt’s name out.

Blaine sat down on the stoop in defeat and pulled out his cell phone. 

**Blaine: Kurt, why are you mad at me? I don’t understand. Please talk to me! I can’t stand the idea of you being mad at me. I don’t know what I did but whatever it is, I promise I’m sorry!**

**Blaine: Also, I have all your homework.**

**Kurt: Oh, so NOW you want to talk?**

**Blaine: ????**

**Blaine: When have I ever not wanted to talk to you? You’re my favorite person to talk to.**

**Kurt: Sure, I’m your favorite person to talk to when *you* need something. But when I need something, suddenly you have better things to do.**

**Blaine: I have no idea what you’re talking about!**

**Kurt: I called you. I needed you and I called you and you weren’t there.**

Blaine pulled up the call log on his cell phone and saw a series of two missed calls from Kurt, one after the other, from Wednesday night. He didn’t even remember getting them. Blaine mostly tuned out phone calls, since he never answered them anyways. People would leave a message or text him if it was important. 

**Blaine: I don’t answer my phone. I guess that hasn’t come up before. You usually just text me.**

**Blaine: Look it’s nothing personal. I wouldn’t pick up the phone for my own mother.**

**Kurt: You seriously never answer the phone? You’re an even bigger diva than I thought, Blaine.**

Blaine groaned in frustration.  _ This is so unfair. _

**Blaine: I’m not a DIVA, Kurt! Did it occur to you that talking is really fucking hard for me? Over the phone is ten times worse than in person.**

_ Yelling at Kurt is not going to make this better Blaine. Deep breaths. _

**Kurt: Fine. You’re not a diva.**

**Blaine: I probably am, but not about that.**

**Blaine: Please believe me that if I’d had any idea something was wrong I would have been wherever you needed me to be. Next time just… leave a voicemail or send up a smoke signal or something.**

**Kurt: No one listens to their voicemails anymore, Blaine.**

**Blaine: *I* do!**

**Kurt: Of course you do, you old-fashioned weirdo.**

Blaine let out a sigh of relief. If Kurt was joking around like this then Blaine was in the clear.

**Blaine: I’m so sorry that I let you down, Kurt. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. But I’m here now, if you would just let me in.**

Blaine looked up as he heard a metallic *click* and the door opened. Blaine jumped up to his feet to see an exhausted looking Kurt. He had dark circles under his eyes, his eyes were red and puffy, and his hair lay flat on his head. Blaine had never seen him this not put together. He had never seen him look this sad. His heart ached for his friend.

Kurt stared at him for a moment and then launched himself into Blaine’s arms, burying his face in his chest. It was like a dam broke and suddenly Kurt was sobbing in his arms. 

Blaine wrapped his arms gently around him and thought that he would do practically anything if it would make Kurt feel better right now. Blaine gently rubbed circles into his back and kissed the top of his head. Kurt’s hair was soft against his lips and smelled like patchouli.

“I’m sorry, K-Kurt s-s-s-so sorry. It-it-it will be okay, what-what-whatever it is, we will figure it out. I promise.” 

Kurt still wasn’t saying anything but he grasped more tightly onto Blaine’s shirt in response.

Without letting go of Kurt, Blaine maneuvered them out of the doorway. He managed to get the door closed with one hand and carefully steered them over to the couch. He just sat with Kurt in silence, holding him, waiting for him to be ready to talk. After a few minutes, Kurt finally retracted from Blaine’s arms and dabbed at his eyes with a tissue.

Blaine managed to take enough deep breaths to use his easy relaxed speech to get out a few longer sentences. “I hate that you needed me and I wasn’t there. You have been there every time I needed a friend, Kurt. You have become so important to me so quickly. You’re—you’re my best friend and I will do anything to make it up to you.”

Kurt looked up at him through wet lashes. “You’re my best friend too, Blaine. That's why I was so angry when I thought you had blown me off the one time I needed you. You don’t have anything to apologize for; I’m the one who jumped to conclusions. I should have known about the whole phone thing or at least it should have crossed my mind at some point. I think I was so upset that I wasn’t really thinking straight.”

“Are you ready to tell me what hap-hap-happened?” Blaine asked.

So Kurt told him everything. The horrible names Dave had called him, the way that Kurt had called him out, and even the horrible nauseating kiss. When Kurt told him about sitting alone on the floor of the bathroom, wishing that Blaine would pick up his phone, Blaine felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He had been the one person Kurt trusted to ask for help and he had failed him; it felt like a horrible kick in the gut.

When he thought about what Karofsky had done, when he saw the fear in Kurt’s eyes, Blaine wondered if this is the kind of anger that leads people to violence. He remembered this fury from his own experiences being bullied.  _ I’ve got a date with the heavy bag later but right now I need to be there for Kurt. He doesn’t need my anger, he needs my support.  _

Blaine thought about everything Kurt had said to Karofsky. Karofsky deserved every nasty thing that Kurt could think of to say to him and then some, but Blaine was more impressed with the way that he had shifted the balance of power by telling Dave that he could never change who Kurt was. Blaine didn’t think he could have stood up to him like that. He wondered what would have happened if he had been to shout down his bullies rather than run away from them.

“Kurt, I’m s-s-s-so proud of you for st-st-standing up for yourself. I ra-ra-ran away from my bullies but you were fearless.”

Kurt gave him a withering look, gesturing to himself. “Do I look fearless to you?” 

Kurt’s face might be blotchy and red from crying. He might still be wearing what Blaine could only assume were the clothes he slept in. But his sharp blue eyes had a fierce glint to them that gave Blaine hope. Kurt looked battered, but definitely not broken.

“You look up-upset, which you-you-you have every right to be. You also st-stood up to him, even though you-you were afraid. That may not make you fearless but it cer-cer-cer-certainly makes you bra-brave. You’re going to move p-past this.”

“I can’t ever move past it. I’ll never get it back,” Kurt said forlornly.

“Wait, what? The cake toppers? Kurt, I’m sure we can buy you new ones.” 

“Not the cake toppers, Blaine! I know this might seem insignificant, given the circumstances, but Blaine, that was my first kiss. The first one that counted, anyways. It was supposed to be special and romantic. Now  **this** is always going to be my first kiss. This horrible moment that I’d much rather forget is what I’m going to have to think about every time someone asks about my first kiss.”

The despair in Kurt’s voice was breaking his heart.

“Kurt,” he said with a soft voice, “That was  **not** your first kiss. That was sexual assault; it does  **not** count. You are still going to have that special, romantic first kiss, okay? I promise!”

“R-really?” Kurt stammered out.

Blaine reached out a hand to smooth his hair, and gave him a very serious look. “Yes. Definitely.”

“I’m going to have to go back to school on Monday, aren’t I? I know I can’t stay home forever but how am I supposed to face going back after what happened?”

“I…hmm…let me just—hold on. Just…one sec.” Blaine pulled a notepad out of his book bag and started writing:

_ “You’re going to face it because you once told me that Glee Club was like family.  Tomorrow, I am going to drive you to Saturday Glee rehearsal and you are going to finally tell them what has really been going on these past few weeks instead of thinking that being brave means hiding your pain and being strong means dealing with everything by yourself. And then on Monday, you are going to walk back into that school with your head held high with me and all of your friends by your side.” _

“Blaine, I could barely tell you what happened. I can’t tell them that Dave hate-kissed me! It’s too humiliating.”

_ “So don’t tell them that part, but tell them the rest. Tell them about all the horrible names he called you, about all the bruises you probably still have from being thrown into lockers, about how he left a threatening note in your locker. Tell them that he cornered you alone after school and attacked you. Tell them that you were too scared to come to school. And maybe someday, when it doesn’t hurt so much to talk about, you can tell them the rest because you have nothing to be embarrassed about.” _

“You’re going to make me tell Principal Figgins too, aren’t you?” Kurt sounded resigned. 

“J-J-Just promise you will th-think about it.”

—

“Oh hell to the no! No one lays their hands on my boy, Kurt.”

“That fucking psycho, what is his problem?”

“I’ll show him who the real psycho is if I ever get myself alone with him. I’ll tear his fucking face off.”

“Puck, aren’t you on probation?”

Needless to say, things got a little bit chaotic after Kurt—with the occasional encouragement from Blaine—finished explaining what he had been dealing with. 

Blaine was glad to see that they were finally taking Karofsky’s bullying seriously. Now if they could just channel their righteous indignation into some productive problem-solving, maybe they could come up with some realistic solutions. 

Beating up Karofsky, as cathartic as that sounded, would only get them suspended and therefore unavailable to guard Kurt. 

“What are you all doing in here?” Mr. Schuester called out from the doorway to the choir room. “Rehearsal doesn’t start for another 15 minutes.”

Blaine suddenly felt like he had been caught out after curfew. “W-w-w-we…”

Rachel took over Blaine’s explanation. “We’re here as private citizens, not as members of the Glee Club. We came to support Kurt in his time of crisis.” 

“Crisis?” 

Tina rose to her feet. “Yes, Mr. Schuester, crisis! Dave Karofsky’s horrendous bullying of Kurt has finally turned physical after no one at this school did anything to help him. It’s despicable! We won’t stand for it!”

“Woah, Tina, calm down. I had no idea. Kurt, is this true?”

Kurt nodded stiffly. “He cornered me after rehearsal on Wednesday.”

“Kurt, are you alright? Why didn’t you report him to Principal Figgins?” Mr. Schuester asked in frustration.

“Because I  **did** report him to Principal Figgins. Many, many times! My over-optimistic friend here made me do it. Do you want to know what he did, Mr. Schuester? Nothing. He wrote it all down and put it in a file drawer to rot while things just got worse and worse. Why didn’t I report him? I was too fucking scared to even show up at school until Blaine convinced me to.” Kurt was fuming.

“Wow, that’s…well, I can see why you would feel upset, Kurt. Perhaps if we got your father involved, he could put some pressure on the administration? It’s not my decision whether or not to punish Dave but I will do whatever I can to make sure that disciplinary action is taken against David Karofsky. I don’t want any of you kids to ever feel unsafe at school.”

“My dads always say that hate is just ignorance. I don’t think discipline is enough, Mr. Schuester. We need to educate Karofsky,” Rachel suggested.

“Yeah!” Finn agreed, enthusiastically. “We need to get him some homo-acceptance lessons!”

Rachel hissed back, “That’s not a  **word** , Finn!”

Kurt finally piped up. “While I appreciate everyone’s concern here, the problem goes well beyond David Karofsky. The problem isn’t just homophobia, it’s bullying of all stripes. I challenge you to find one person in this room who hasn’t been bullied for something they have no control over. How many times has Artie been ridiculed for being in a wheelchair? Mercedes, how much racist bullshit do you have to deal with on a daily basis? How much slut shaming did Quinn have to suffer when she was pregnant last year? Need I go on? This issue has touched everyone in this room.”

Blaine was in awe of Kurt as he spoke. He sounded like such a…leader. It was hard to believe that the same kid who had been crying on Blaine’s shoulder yesterday who was now standing before him, rallying the troops.

Rachel was on her feet now. “Well, Mr. Schuester. It sounds like Glee Club is going to have to get a little bit political.”

It seemed like everyone suddenly had an idea.

“A walkout!”

“A sit-in!”

“A march!”

“What about a rally?” Mr. Schuester suggested excitedly. “We could organize an anti-bullying assembly for the whole school. Our nation has a rich tradition of expressing discontent peacefully through song so how better to express your message than musically? The options for songs against hate and intolerance are practically endless.”

“What about Sectionals?” asked Rachel. 

“I know I have been working you all pretty hard for Sectionals but you’ve reminded me that some things are more important than winning trophies.”

“Who are you and what have you done with our teacher?” Kurt snorted.

“I’m serious! I’ll get Ms. Pillsbury to sponsor the event. I don’t think even Principal Figgins can object to the guidance counselor organizing an assembly about an important topic that affects the well-being of all McKinley students. Plus, she’s very handy with costumes.”

—

On Sunday, Kurt was finally ready to tell his dad what happened. Blaine figured Kurt had been underselling his bullying to his dad but he was shocked to find out that Burt knew nothing about what had been going on with David Karofsky.

“My grandfather died of a heart attack when he was just around Dad’s age.” Kurt had explained. “Do you want me to kill him?”

“But he’s your dad and he loves you. He would want to know.”

In the end, Blaine’s argument had won out. Kurt, of course, had a whole plan for how he was going to break the news. He would make Burt a soothing cup of camomile tea and sit him down in his favorite chair. He would watch the last 30 minutes of the Buckeyes game so Burt could cathartically yell at the TV. And then Kurt would tell him.

**Kurt: Everyone over here still has a heartbeat. Operation Truth Bomb was a success. We’re meeting with Principal Figgins at 10am tomorrow.**

**Blaine: Would it be weird if I came?**

**Kurt: At this point, it would be weirder if you didn’t. My dad’s heading to the shop soon. Do you want to come over and watch a movie or something?**

**Blaine: Sure! I just need to run one errand first.**

Hummel Tires & Lube was quiet for a Sunday. Blaine only saw one employee working as he weaved his way towards the back of the shop, looking for Burt. 

“Excuse me, Mr. Hu-Hu-Hummel?”

“Blaine? What are you doing here?”

Blaine held out a thick, heavy book with pink post-it notes peeking out from behind the black cover.

“What’s that?” 

“It’s a b-b-book on Ohio educa-ca-cation law.”

“I can see that Blaine. What is it doing in my mechanic shop?” Burt was impressively cool for someone who had—according to Kurt—narrowly avoided cardiac arrest just earlier that day. Blaine wondered if Kurt was exaggerating slightly. He could see why Kurt might be slightly overprotective towards his only living parent.

“I, uh, I—I know I’m probably over st-st-stepping, but…I marked some p-pages. You should read them before you meet with the principal.”

“You are. But thank you, I will.” Burt took the book from Blaine. On his way out, Blaine looked back over his shoulder to see that Burt was already paging through the tome he had left him.  _ He really is a good dad.  _

On Monday, Kurt walked back into McKinley High School with his head held high, flanked by Blaine, Finn, and Rachel. 

At 10am, Blaine walked Kurt to the principal’s office. He was ready to fight for Kurt, but he was hoping he wouldn’t have to. Kurt and his dad already had everything they needed.

—

“The question is whether there is sufficient evidence that Mr. Karofsky has been harassing your son in a manner than ‘causes mental or physical harm’ and ‘is sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for the other student.’ Now you say that he attacked you, Kurt, but once again it’s your word against his.”

“Now hold on minute, Principal Figgins, Kurt told me he had been reporting this David kid for weeks. Surely that documentation is enough to prove that the problem has been persistent. As for harm, my son lied to me about being sick for  **two days** because he was too scared to come to school. If that’s not mental harm then I don’t know what is.”

“Very well, Mr. Hummel. I will suspend David Karofsky for one week and when he returns he will be on probation. If that is all…”

“It is  **not** all. Now I may not have a fancy university degree like you or know all the words in this book that defines the rights of my  **son** but I’m smart enough to figure out that you’re not following all of these laws!”

Burt paused for a moment to take a deep breath before continuing in a calmer tone.

“It says right here, in black and white, that this school ‘must establish a policy prohibiting bullying.’ I looked at the Lima Schools website and those policies haven’t been updated since the 70s! They define bullying but there is nothing about specific procedures for reporting or disciplining bullying like the law requires them to. 

“Now, I understand that Ohio law only ‘encourages’ districts to teach their students about bullying but as a father I’m  **demanding** it. If you can’t promise me today that McKinley will have some kind of anti-bullying education program or something then my next meeting is going to be with the school board and after that with a lawyer.”

This fiercely protective, loving father was so different from the brief but awkward encounters he had had with Mr. Hummel in the past. Blaine understood now why Kurt was so close with his dad. Blaine felt a surge of warmth towards the middle-aged man in his flannel shirt and his baseball cap, taking on the world to keep his son safe.

“Very well, Mr. Hummel, I’m sure our guidance counselor can put something together. She has already come to me with a proposal for an Anti-Bullying Assembly which I see no reason not to approve. Now, I don’t want to keep these fine young men out of class any longer than is necessary.”

“Alright, then. Good.” Burt said gruffly. “Thank you for your help, Principal Figgins.” Burt Hummel rose to his feet and shook hands with their principal before walking towards the door. Kurt and Blaine jumped to their feet and trailed after him.

Kurt gave his dad a long hug goodbye before rounding on Blaine.

“You knew! You planned this from the beginning!” Kurt pointed an accusing finger at Blaine, his mouth agape.

“That’s why you dragged me into his office time after time. It was because you knew about that whole…’persistent’ thing.”

“I only found that b-book this weekend. But I was taught from a very young age that the key to a solid case is proper documen—tation.”

“I must have missed that particular page in ‘Mother Goose.’”

Blaine smiled and shrugged. “Lawyer’s son, remember?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought!


	12. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kurt attends a Halloween Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be an extra fun (and extra long) one, because it's A Very Glee Halloween! I was always kind of disappointed that they never really did a full-on Halloween episode so here is my contribution. I have included hyperlinks to everyone's costumes, which I encourage you to check out.

****The leaves were beginning to turn, there was a chill in the air, and Kurt Hummel breathed a sigh of relief because David Karofsky was suspended. Ms. Pillsbury had gotten right to work organizing McKinley’s first ever Bullying Awareness week, to be held in December before Christmas break. All that Kurt wanted now was for his life to return to normal.

And normal, at least for Kurt Hummel, meant finding the perfect Halloween costume for Blaine’s party. He had a million ideas but he needed to pick one soon if he was going to have enough time to pull together a costume that was up to his exacting standards. Obviously, nothing off the rack from the local costume shop would be remotely acceptable.

Last year, he had rocked his[ Alexander McQueen](https://data.whicdn.com/images/77969199/large.jpg) look to perfection and it was going to be hard to top it this year. Kurt had always loved Halloween, ever since he had been little. As a dramatic, fashion-obsessed child a holiday where you could wear anything and be anyone was a dream come true. While Kurt saw every day as an opportunity for fashion, Halloween presented the unique opportunity for an added layer of theatricality that was on a whole other level.

Of course, there had been backlash. There was the year he begged and pleaded until his dad had finally given in and let him dress up as Dorothy Gale from The Wizard of Oz. It was the first and last time he would ever wear a dress to school. 

But that hadn’t been enough. In 6th grade, he was so sure he would be a hit with his C-3PO costume. It was from **Star Wars** for Pete’s sake, all the boys loved Star Wars. But that didn’t seem to matter when he showed up to school, glittering from head to toe in gold.  _Well I know that I looked amazing and that’s what matters._ That was about when he had given up for good on making an effort to fit in.

Blaine had been a little thin on details about this party. All Kurt knew was that it was at his friend Nick’s house—the one he went to that awful Sadie Hawkins dance with, that he was pretty sure Blaine wasn’t still dating since he never mentioned it—and that there would be karaoke. 

So Kurt wasn’t really sure what to expect but he had a feeling that this might be a real high school party, like the kind with alcohol and debauchery that he had only ever seen in movies. 

The first and last time Kurt had tried alcohol, it had ended up all over Ms. Pillsbury’s shoes. He wasn’t eager to repeat that experience. The only parties he had been to were pretty sedate. Somehow he sensed this was going to be more rambunctious than Rachel’s Sound of Music Sing-Along Summer Bash or playing charades at Tina’s Sweet Sixteen.

Kurt wasn’t sure how many people were coming, but he figured that if Blaine was allowed to invite the entire Glee Club to a party that wasn’t even at his own house then it had to be pretty big.

This year Kurt was feeling even more pressure than usual to put together an amazing costume. All of Blaine's friends from his old school were going to be at this party and Kurt wanted to make a good first impression on them on them. _What if I’m too out of the box for them? Or not theatrical enough? After all, some of them used to put on flash mobs!_ Maybe if he knew what other people were wearing it would help him decide.

**Kurt: Have you picked a Halloween costume yet? I can’t choose!**

**Blaine: Yes, but it’s Top Secret.**

**Kurt: I hate you.**

**Blaine: :D**

_Well, clearly he is going to be no help at all._ Kurt pouted to himself before sighing and pulling open his notebook. His brainstorming session was now spilling onto a second page but you couldn’t put a page limit on perfection and it was absolutely essential that Kurt find the perfect costume for this party. 

If he was really honest with himself, he wasn’t only concerned with impressing Blaine’s friends. He was hoping that this party was an opportunity to make an impression on Blaine himself. If he showed up to the party in a jaw-droppingly amazing costume, maybe—just maybe—Blaine would finally see him in a different light.

Blaine had certainly made an impression on **him** , especially these past few weeks. In spite of how hard talking was for him, it had been Blaine sticking up for him to their principal. Blaine had inspired Kurt to be brave enough to go back to school and vulnerable enough to let people in who could help him. Blaine had such a good heart that Kurt felt like he was becoming a better person just being around him. 

 _Halloween is all about taking risks._ It was the holiday for being anyone that you want to be.

What he needed for this party was confidence. If he couldn’t find it within himself, then he would just have to borrow some from one of his iconic heroes. What Kurt needed was to dress up as someone so confident that he wouldn’t be able to help channeling some of their energy. He could do this!

After some internet research and furious scribbling, the perfect idea finally hit him. 

**Kurt: Help! It’s a shopping emergency!**

**Mercedes: ?!**

**Kurt: I finally figured out my costume and I’m going to have to pick through half the thrift stores in Allen County to find all the right pieces.**

**Mercedes: I’m free all day Saturday if you promise to help me find stuff for my costume too.**

**Kurt: THANK YOU!!!**

—

“You weren’t kidding about hitting half the stores in the county, were you Kurt?” Mercedes asked, slightly out of breath.

“Come on, Mercedes, pain is beauty! You know that. The ends justify the means!”

“Someday I’m going to be interviewed on daytime TV about you and I’m going to have to lie and say, ‘he was always a quiet one.’”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“I’m exhausted, Kurt, I need to refuel before we hit the next store. Please! Take pity on me!” She was practically begging. 

“Very well. I suppose we have time for a **brief** lunch before we hit Spencerville.”

“Great! You’re buying!”

They settled down with some healthy sandwiches. Kurt knew he could turn into a bit of a diva when it came to his clothes and he appreciated Mercedes’ ability to tolerate him when he got like this. She really was a good friend.

“So…you seem to be getting cozy with our new kid on the block. Anything interesting going on there?” She waggled her eyebrows at him.

Kurt blushed.

“We are **just** friends, Mercedes.” 

“But is that all you want?” _Is it that obvious?_ Kurt groaned in frustration.

“Ugh, no, it’s not. I should probably only be allowed to wear non-flammable fabrics because I want to be his boyfriend so badly I think I might actually combust.”

“I knew it!” Mercedes clapped her hands in delight. 

“I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this. You had a crush on him too, Mercedes!”

“For like a hot minute, Kurt, calm down. I’ve seen the way you look at him and trust me, I never felt that strongly about him. I’m so over it, honestly.” 

“Then help a sister out. What am I supposed to **do**?”

“Do? Uh, ask him out on a date? Use your words? It’s not that complicated Kurt.”

“But it **is** complicated. He’s my best friend. Isn’t it better to have him as a friend for life than as a boyfriend for a few months? He is the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t know what I would do if I messed that all up with some stupid high school romance that will probably never last.”

“If the feelings are real, then it’s never stupid, Kurt.”

“My feelings of friendship are real too. I mean, how do you know if it’s worth it? To take that risk?”

“Well, maybe you never do. You just have to jump and hope that someone is there to catch you. I think that’s why they call it **falling** in love, Kurt. Not that you’re in love yet or anything but…you know what I mean.”

“I’m just…I’m scared, Mercedes. I have no idea if he feels even remotely the same. I mean we spend so much time together and he’s always giving me these really great hugs, but…those could all just be friendship things.” 

“Hmm…I guess it never hurts to do some reconnaissance first, so you can make an informed decision. Let’s both keep a close on how he acts around you at this party, see if he drops any hints that he is interested.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Kurt grumbled.

“It’s not like I’ve had any more success than you have in this department, Kurt. But you asked my advice and that’s the best that I’ve got.”

“You’re right. Thank you, I do really appreciate it. It sounds like good advice. Just do me one favor: let me know if you notice anything like that too. I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with boys flirting with me so I’m worried I’ll miss it.”

“Oh, honey, of course.”

—

Kurt studied his ensemble in the mirror. He had found an amazing pair of white pants in Spencerville that fit him perfectly with some minor alterations. The flowing, white top had been more challenging to achieve. In the end, he had found a long pleated, white skirt that he had been able to modify into an impressive replica of the original garment. It had taken a very long weekend with his sewing machine but it was pretty darn perfect.

Next, he applied a heavy black eyeliner. The final touch was the wig.

Rachel poked her head out from Kurt’s bathroom, “Oooh, Kurt, you look amazing!” 

Having an adjoining bathroom was the second best thing about their new house. The number one best feature was that he and Finn had their own rooms, so thankfully he was getting ready across the hall.

“Thank you, Rach. Your makeup looks flawless. Are you girls almost done in there?”

“Five more minutes, please!” Rachel pleaded.

“You can have three.”

Kurt checked his look in the mirror again; he was digging this angelic vibe he had going on with his all-white ensemble. Then he considered what the girls were wearing. He started to get nervous.

Before he could say anything, Rachel flung open the bathroom door, this time with a witch’s hat perched atop her head to finish off the costume. She was lurching closer to Kurt.

“Stay back, Witch! I mean it! You too, Mercedes! I’m going to have to insist on a five foot minimum radius at all times. If I end up covered in green and purple body paint before we even get there…well let’s just say I will find a new and creative hell to reign down upon you both.”

Finn came in from the hallway, looking sheepish in a bright red vest. Rachel dressing up as[ Elphaba](https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/JyTW3Wjyx0Tyh2qSp98b062axIo/fit-in/2048xorig/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2018/10/19/779/n/1922283/tmp_z8Hj4S_c116c914272796f5_main2.jpg) was almost predictable; Rachel even physically resembled the actress who played the role in ‘Wicked.’ 

On the other hand, Kurt had to wonder what insidious blackmail she had used to get Finn to dress as her romantic counterpart,[ Fiyero](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/wicked/images/6/67/Musicalfiyero.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/310?cb=20180807032024). He would have pegged Finn as the kind of guy who wears his football jersey to a Halloween party and calls it a day. Kurt would have put money on it.

“I know it’s fashionable to be late but if we don’t go now I think we’re going to leap straight past fashionable and go directly to rude,” Finn said impatiently.

Kurt checked himself one more time in the mirror, tucking a stray piece of hair back under his wig, before declaring himself ready.

Carole and his dad were waiting for them downstairs. Carole was there mostly to coo over their costumes and take too many pictures. Carole even insisted on taking a photo with Mercedes. Kurt wasn’t sure if it was because she loved her costume or if[ Ursula](https://icecreamconvos.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Halloween-Amber-Riley.png) was just the only character she actually recognized. It was probably the latter.

His dad was there, apparently, to reiterate the rules. “Finn is the designated driver but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with any of you kids drinking tonight. If you want to go anywhere other than this Nick kid’s house or this house you call me to let me know. Curfew is midnight and not a second later. If for some reason you need me to pick you up, just call me and I’ll be there, no questions asked. I’d rather you be safe than too afraid to ask for help, okay?”

—

The party was in full swing when Finn pulled up to park. As the group walked up towards the door, they were greeted by someone who was clearly way too old to be at the same party as a bunch of high schoolers. For a moment, Kurt worried he had written down the address wrong. 

The middle-aged man in a vampire costume seemed to be well on his way to drunk. The Transylvanian accent was definitely too much. “Velcome! You kids must be here for Nick’s party, right? I don’t think we’ve met.”

Rachel stuck out her hand stiffly, “Yes, sir, that’s correct. I’m Rachel, this handsome man here in my boyfriend Finn, this is Kurt, and that is Mercedes. Blaine Anderson invited us. I believe he is a friend of Nick’s.” 

Kurt couldn’t help but appreciate Rachel’s unflinching confidence around strangers. He would have been a lot more awkward handling this interaction than Rachel was. She seemed perfectly at ease discussing their entrance to a house none of them had been to before that belonged to a kid none of them had met before.

“That’s vonderful! I’m Nick’s dad. Come in, come in!” He shepherded them to the back of the house, where the basement door was. “Grown-up party is upstairs, teenage party is downstairs. Have fun and don’t steal our booze!”

_At least this whole party isn’t actually Nick’s._

They tramped downstairs and emerged into a large finished basement with an impressive karaoke set-up. Most of the furniture had been pushed to the walls to create an open space for dancing. There must have been at least twenty or thirty people mingling, talking, and dancing.

“Kurt!” a voice called out from the other side of the room. He saw a familiar arm waving from amidst a sea of strangers. _Blaine!_

When they made their way over to Blaine, Kurt was finally able to get a good look at what he was wearing. Kurt and Blaine burst into hysterical laughter at almost the exact same time.

“Holy co-co-coincidence, Batman!” Blaine shouted with delight.

Rachel crinkled a green eyebrow, looking befuddled. “I don’t get it. What are you supposed to be, a trucker?”

Kurt was laughing so hard he couldn’t actually catch his breath enough to explain. 

Blaine pulled a prop microphone out from his back pocket and leaned back dramatically. When Rachel still didn’t get it, he started to sing, “Mama…just killed a man…put my gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he’s dead.”

Kurt jumped in with the next line, “Mama, life had just begun, But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away!”

Rachel clasped both hands to her mouth, “Oh my **God** , you did not seriously both dress up as Freddie Mercury! Did you plan this? This is too funny!”

Kurt finally managed to catch his breath. “We most certainly did not. I tried to ask who he was going to dress as but oh, no, someone had to be all secretive. At least I went[ early Freddie](https://www.etonline.com/sites/default/files/styles/640xh/public/images/2018-11/gettyimages-466057689.jpg?itok=8ZHSa7Wk) and you went [ late Freddie](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c3/37/da/c337da40c1f4acabca36840e5c3929cc.jpg). So this isn’t a full-on wearing the same dress to the prom level disaster.”

“No, this is-is-is fantastic!” Blaine looked absolutely thrilled. Which in turn, thrilled Kurt. Anything that made Blaine light up like that was a good decision; the best decision. _I knew I could count on you, Freddie!_

“Blainey Days!” Someone Kurt had never met before threw his arm around Blaine’s shoulders. “Are these your dastardly Glee friends who stole you away from me?” This must be one of Blaine’s friends from his old school. Kurt was pretty sure he was already drunk.

“Guilty as charged. Kurt Hummel.”

“Nick.” They shook hands.

 _So_ **_this_ ** _is the infamous Nick._  

“Well the two of you simply must grace us with at least one Queen number.”

“Obviously,” Blaine agreed, smiling brightly at Kurt. _Was that flirty smile or a regular smile? Why is it so hard to tell?_

Blaine introduced the rest of the Glee group to Nick and then had to start all over when his friends Wesley and Elaine showed up.

“I’m going to go put us into the k-karaoke cue, Kurt.” Blaine said and then wandered off, leaving Kurt to fend for himself with Blaine’s friends.

So far, Kurt was unimpressed. Nick’s zombie costume was predictable and he had no idea who Wesley and Elaine were even supposed to be.

“I’m The Doctor,” Wesley stated, like that was supposed to mean something.

“Huh? Which one? Doctor who?” Kurt asked with confusion. _What kind of doctor wears a trench coat?_

“Exactly!” said Wesley. 

 _I’m stuck in some kind of ‘who’s on first’ hell. Blaine, come back and rescue me!_ “What?” Kurt said again, getting exasperated.

“I’m The Doctor from the British cult classic Doctor Who, revived in 2005 to great acclaim. I’m the[ 10th Doctor](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51wJQNiBXRL._SY450_.jpg) to be more specific. And Elaine is my loyal companion, [ Rose Tyler](https://badwolfcosplay.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/12.jpeg).”

“Never heard of it. But you…you both look great!” Kurt tried to sound enthusiastic. He hoped he hadn’t offended them by not knowing who they were. He really wanted to make a good impression on Blaine’s other friends and he hated getting caught out of the loop on a pop-culture reference.

“It’s the best! You have to watch it sometime. He travels all through time and space, fighting aliens and righting history. Blaine is the one who first introduced me to Doctor Who. He’s obsessed, he has them all on DVD.”

“Huh, he’s never mentioned it before. I’m more Project Runway than SciFi; no offense.” 

Kurt was struck by an uncomfortable pang of insecurity and his thoughts quickly started to spiral. _If Blaine is_ ** _obsessed_** _with this Doctor When show, or whatever it’s called, then why wouldn’t he ever try to show it to me or even bring it up? Does he think I’m shallow for preferring to watch reality TV? That’s it, isn’t it! He thinks I’m a total ditz. After seeing what a klutz I am in Chemistry, what else would he think? Oh no, this is a disaster!_

Thankfully, Wesley seemed oblivious to Kurt’s internal freak-out. “To each his own. Now where did that mustachioed sex god run off to? I think your first Queen number is next in the karaoke cue and I’d hate to leave you hanging.”

“Are all of Blaine’s friends gay?” Kurt blurted out.

Wesley laughed. “I’m not gay.”

“Oh—I just, you called him a sex god, so I thought…never mind.” _Way to make a good first impression, Kurt. Real smooth._

Kurt was relieved to see that Wesley seemed unperturbed. “No worries. I’m straight but definitely not narrow.” 

He leaned in close to whisper in Kurt’s ear, “Actually, I’ve been trying to woo Elaine for a couple of years now but I swear she’s still hung up on Blaine. She’s had a crush on him since she was 5 and was pretty devastated when he came out. Oh, but you can’t tell Blaine. He doesn't know. I really shouldn’t drink this much; apparently my lips get loose enough to sink a whole fleet of ships.” _Am I the only sober person at this party?_

“Kurt!” Blaine called from the karaoke area, “Get over here Freddie, we’re up!” Kurt wasn’t exactly channeling Freddie’s confidence the way he had hoped to, but a performance waited for no man.

The beginning notes of ‘[ Crazy Little Thing Called Love ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO6D_BAuYCI)’ began to play over the speakers and Kurt jogged up to the stage. Blaine tossed him a microphone just in time for the opening lyrics. 

This thing called love, I just can't handle it  
This thing called love, I must get round to it  
I ain't ready  
Crazy little thing called love

This thing (this thing)  
Called love (called love)  
It cries (like a baby)  
In a cradle all night  
It swings (woo woo)  
It jives (woo woo)  
It shakes all over like a jellyfish  
I kinda like it  
Crazy little thing called love

Blaine took lead on the second stanza, serving a full plate of ham as he mimed rocking a baby and wiggling his arms like a jellyfish. Kurt missed some of his backup vocals because Blaine kept making him laugh with his over-the-top dance moves. 

Just like that, his worries seemed silly. Nothing had changed. Blaine was his sweet, goofy friend who he always had fun with. Kurt managed to stop laughing enough to take lead for the next verse. Kurt forgot about impressing Blaine or Blaine’s friends and just started to have fun.

There goes my baby  
She knows how to rock 'n' roll  
She drives me crazy  
She gives me hot and cold fever  
Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

It was impossible to tell if Blaine was flirting with him while they were singing, Kurt concluded. Blaine **always** flirted with everyone when he performed, it was just part of his charisma. Kurt wasn’t even sure if Blaine realized he was doing it. So he tried not to read anything into the intense eye contact he was getting from Blaine. _Maybe I should take a page out of Freddie’s book._

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip  
And get on my track's  
Take a back seat (ah hum), hitch-hike (ah hum)  
And take a long ride on my motorbike  
Until I'm ready (ready Freddie)  
Crazy little thing called love

This thing called love, I just can't handle it  
This thing called love, I must get round to it  
I ain't ready  
Ooh ooh ooh ooh  
Crazy little thing called love  
Crazy little thing called love, yeah, yeah

They received an enthusiastic round of applause from their audience. Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand and they bowed. Blaine’s hand felt sweaty and warm and perfect in his. Kurt’s whole arm tingled from his touch. _Crazy little thing called love, indeed._ _Get ahold of yourself, Hummel._

“Wooo! Freddie Squared!” shouted Nick. _Yes, definitely drunk._  

Rachel took over the stage next. She was determined to perform every single Elphaba song on the Wicked soundtrack, executed to perfection. Kurt thought about intervening but he figured eventually someone would get annoyed enough to kick her off. Kurt wasn’t her babysitter.

Blaine asked, “Do you want something to drink? There’s soda, juice, beer, vodka.” _Definitely a real high school party._

Everyone else seemed to be drinking, including Blaine, so Kurt figured he might as well do this whole high school party thing right. He just hoped Blaine couldn’t tell this was only his second time ever drinking alcohol. _What is literally any drink I have heard of?_  

“Vodka and cranberry juice?”

Rachel was belting quite loudly at this point, so Blaine had to lean in close to be heard. “Be right back.” 

Kurt shivered. It was hard to think straight when he felt Blaine’s breath on his ear like that.

—

Kurt’s joints felt loose and warm as he got further into his drink. He made sure to go slow and have some snacks. Kurt may not have much experience with drinking but he hadn’t come totally unprepared. If anyone asked him, he would never admit to having googled “how to stop from being a sloppy drunk.” The key seemed to be staying hydrated and carbs. _I’m taking that secret to my grave._

Blaine was a drink or two ahead of Kurt and it was starting to show. Blaine was already a very physical person; drunk Blaine was downright clingy. Strangely enough, his stuttering, if anything, was better when he was drunk. _Maybe because he’s more relaxed?_  

“Kurt! Dance with me!” _Alright, Mr. Bossypants._ Kurt would have preferred being asked rather than told but it wasn’t as if he didn’t want to dance with Blaine. He wanted to very much. _Is asking me to dance a hint? Does it count if he’s drunk?_

Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hands and pulled him over to the large oriental rug that was apparently serving as the dance floor. Kurt was surprised when Blaine kept ahold of Kurt’s hands when he started dancing. Blaine was dancing with abandon and singing along loudly to the Halloween classic, ’Purple People Eater.’

Well, I saw the thing comin' out of the sky  
It had the one long horn, one big eye  
I commenced to shakin' and I said "ooh-eee"  
It looks like a purple eater to me

Blaine’s unrestrained joy and goofiness was infectious. Kurt found himself singing along with the chorus and trying to follow along with Blaine’s absurd dance moves that acted out the lyrics. _So this is what people mean when they say alcohol lowers your inhibitions._ Kurt wasn’t complaining. _Maybe alcohol isn’t so bad._

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater  
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater)  
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater  
Sure looks strange to me (one eye?)

Kurt twirled, causing his flowing top to spread outwards into a big circle of floating fabric. Blaine stopped dancing and reached out to touch the fabric. “Did you make this Kurt? It’s a-a-amazing!” He fingered the soft material gently, and Kurt shivered when his fingertips brushed against Kurt’s torso through the fabric.

“Yes, I did, thank you. Well, it was thrifted but I had to do some heavy alterations to recreate this piece.”

“I s-s-stoned this leather cuff but otherwise minimal cr-creativity was involved.” 

Kurt couldn’t deny that the pale denim and white ribbed tank top were far from haute couture but Blaine had recreated the iconic look to perfection. Besides, what was not to like about Blaine in a tank top. 

He had to rip his eyes away so he didn’t stare. And those pants. Not that Kurt didn’t wear tight pants. But Kurt was all bones and angles. He liked the way that skinny jeans made his legs look long and elegant but he had never fooled himself into thinking he might look sexy in them. 

But Blaine was muscular where Kurt was bony and in those tight jeans…well, he looked amazing. Blaine turned away from Kurt for a moment, his hips rolling in time with the beat of the music. Kurt’s breath hitched in response.  _He is going to be the death of me._

Blaine spun back to face Kurt and then grabbed Kurt’s right hand to spin him next. Kurt was taken by surprise and stumbled halfway through the turn. He started to fall but then those arms were firmly around his waist, steadying him. “I’ve got you.” _Oh, yes, you definitely do._ For a moment, Blaine’s face was inches away from Kurt’s, his warm brown eyes staring right back into Kurt’s, his breath hot against Kurt’s cheek. 

What was it that Mercedes had said? ‘Sometimes you have to jump and hope that someone catches you.’

Then Kurt was back upright, steady on his feet, and Blaine let go of him. _Friends don’t let friends fall on their ass. That doesn't mean anything._

Then Rachel appeared, slinging an arm over each of their shoulders, shouting far too loud, “Kurt! Blaine! This party is amazing!”

Kurt roughly shoved her off of him. “Rachel, don’t you **dare** get your green body paint on my costume or I will burn all of your reindeer sweaters. Don’t test me!”

Rachel just giggled. Kurt was slowly realizing that Rachel was more than a little drunk. She leaned harder into Blaine, who steadied her. She pointed a shaky finger at Kurt. “He’s so uptight, Blaine! Don’t you think he needs to loosen up?”

Tactfully ignoring Rachel’s question, Blaine replied, “Let me get you some water, Rachel.” Blaine made sure that she wasn’t going to fall over before he headed to the drinks table.

“Who are you kidding, Berry? **I** need to loosen up? You’re wound so tight I think you’d break my sewing machine if I put you in there. Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean you’re suddenly all cool and relaxed.” 

“Boo, you! Would an uptight girl do this?” _Uh oh…_ “Who wants to play Truth or Dare?” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

Kurt clapped his hands over his ears but he wasn’t fast enough to block out her yelping. _Ow._

Before he knew it, Kurt was sitting down in a circle of teenagers in various states of intoxication. _I guess people really do play this game in real life._

“Oooh, I want to go first!” Nick shouted. _Why is everyone at this party so_ **_loud_ ** _?_

 _“_ Elaine, Truth or Dare?”

“Hmm, I guess I’ll go with truth.” She sipped at her drink nervously.

“Fuck, Marry, Kill. Me, Blaine, and Wesley. Go!”

“I would marry Blaine because I’ve known him the longest, I would fuck Wesley because he’s the only one of you three that’s actually straight, and I’d kill you Nick for asking me this stupid question.”

“Nice one, E!” Blaine said, offering her a high five. _I think I’m starting to get why they’re friends. She’s got some attitude._

“And now, I have the power position,” Elaine said with a cackle. “Alright, I want to know more about these new people Blaine’s brought into our midst. Rachel, you started this whole shebang…truth or dare?”

“Oooh, well I did say I was going to show how much I can loosen up, so, dare!” 

_This should be interesting._

“Okay, I dare you to…sneak upstairs and steal a bottle of liquor from the adult party!”

Rachel, the ultimate rule-follower, had been dared to break the only rule that they had been given by Nick’s dad. 

Rachel’s eyes widened in fear for a moment before a look of fierce determination settled over her face. “I’m going up there and I’m bringing back not only a bottle of spirits, but a slice of humble pie for my dear friend Kurt here.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Kurt replied, innocently.

While Rachel was off on her covert mission, Kurt decided to see what he could glean from Blaine to give him the upper hand in this game. “Any tips, Blaine? Who should I be watching out for dares from?”

“N-Nick will always dare you to kiss someone. Elaine is vin-vin-vindictive, as you just saw, so be prepared. Wes and Tr-Trent are pretty safe all around. Sh-Shanice will look into your s-soul so don’t let her ask you a tr-truth.” 

“Good intel. Are you absolutely **sure** you’re not a spy?” Kurt teased.

“I would s-say yes, but…so would a sp-sp-spy,” Blaine said with a wink. _Touché._

There was a loud noise as Rachel ran back down the stairs to the basement in a fit of giggles. She held a bottle of Fireball Whiskey aloft in triumph.

Blaine leaned over to Kurt and said, “Oooh, that stuff is really good! It tastes like cinna-cinna-cinna-nina—fuck that word has too many nasals.” _Huh?_

Rachel plunked back down in the circle and turned to Kurt. “Mr. Mercury, truth or dare?” 

Rachel knew too much about Kurt’s crush on Blaine to give him much choice. “Dare.”

“I dare you to take a shot of whatever booze I grabbed from upstairs.”

_I guess it could be worse. So much for pacing myself, though._

Nick poured him a shot of the amber-colored liquid and handed it over. Several people cheered. Kurt was decidedly out of his comfort zone, but…Halloween was about taking risks, right? 

 _Here goes nothing._ Kurt raised his shot glass in the air, “To the late great Freddie Mercury.” He tipped the glass back and managed to empty it in two swallows. The alcohol burned spicy and sweet on his tongue.

“Mercedes, truth or dare?”

“Hmm…I’ll take a truth, please.”

“Who do you think has the better Freddie Mercury costume? Me or Blaine?” Kurt asked.

Blaine raised an eyebrow at him and Kurt shrugged back. He didn’t want to ask Mercedes anything too embarrassing and this seemed safe enough. 

“No fair! You’re both my friends and you both did such a good job! They’re such different looks,” Mercedes complained. “Okay, fine, I’m going to give it to you Kurt only because your look was harder to recreate. Sorry, Blaine! I love yours too!”

“It’s fine, Mercedes, and I happen to agree with you. Kurt, your outfit is amazing!” Blaine enthused.

Kurt could feel his face heating up in response. The alcohol seemed to be choosing this moment to really kick in; Kurt started to feel giddy.

“Alright, Second Best Freddie, you’re up. Truth or dare?” Mercedes asked.

“Freddie was always fearless so I must accept a dare,” Blaine answered.

“I dare you…to…kiss Kurt!” 

“What?!” Kurt yelped. _I can’t have my first kiss right now! But it’s Blaine! I really really want to kiss Blaine._

Blaine eyed Kurt carefully. “I don’t think Kurt is comfortable with that. Maybe you could pick something else? I know you’re not supposed to refuse a dare but it’s my dare, not Kurt’s, so he shouldn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

Kurt felt a mixture of both relief and disappointment. 

“Well, it’s Nick’s house so our usual rules state that Nick gets the final say on any disputes about the rules,” Wesley interjected.

“I’ll allow it.” Nick declared authoritatively. “But…the spirit of the original dare must be kept intact. Dare Blaine to kiss someone else.”

“You just want an excuse to get your mack on with your favorite make-out partner, Stud Muffin,” Elaine teased. 

 _Favorite make-out partner?_ Kurt’s heart sank. Suddenly he wished he had just sucked it up and let Blaine kiss him. Anything would be better than watching Blaine make-out with Nick who was definitely gay, and Blaine had definitely gone on a date with and definitely kissed at least once and maybe many more times if this was any indicator. 

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Fine, get over here player.” 

Kurt didn’t want to watch but somehow found that like a bad car accident, he couldn’t look away.

Blaine leaned forward and pressed his lips against Nick’s briefly before pulling away. But then Nick grabbed the front of Blaine’s shirt and pulled him back in, this time kissing him a lot more…energetically. _Is that tongue? Oh god, I think that’s tongue. This is torture._ Blaine elbowed Nick in the ribs and the horrible kiss finally ended. 

“Asshole,” Blaine said in a long-suffering tone. 

The Blaine looked over at Kurt and his eyebrows furrowed together in concern. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked softly.

“Yup. Peachy.” Kurt lied.

“Do you want to take a break? We can go sit in the backyard and talk or something?” Blaine offered.

 _God, why does he have to be so_ **_nice_ ** _?_

“You know, I could use some air. I think I need a minute alone, though. You should stay here with your friends. Enjoy the party.” 

There was no way that Kurt could trust himself to keep his feelings to himself right now if he let Blaine get him alone. Blaine could clearly see that something was wrong and Kurt didn’t know how to lie to him. 

“Okay, then. If you’re sure.” Blaine said with a frown.

—

He emerged into the backyard, which was blessedly empty. He settled into a porch swing, wrapping his arms around his knees. 

It only took his girls about ten minutes to find him.

“Kurt?” Rachel asked hesitantly. “Can we sit with you?” Kurt shrugged in response, which Rachel seemed to take as an affirmative answer because she settled herself next to him on the porch swing. Mercedes squeezed in on the other side.

“Did you come to gloat Rachel? You were clearly right.”

“I’m sorry I called you uptight.” Rachel said sincerely. 

Kurt just shrugged at her again, not sure what to say. 

“I’m sorry I pressured you into doing something you weren’t ready for. I thought I was helping but it was stupid. And I definitely didn’t mean to send Blaine into the arms of another guy.” Mercedes added.

That one hit a little closer to home. “Thanks, I guess. It’s not your fault. I just…” Kurt didn’t know how to explain without telling them about Karofsky. It wasn’t just the jealousy he felt watching Nick kiss Blaine, but also the way that Nick had just grabbed him. It was too aggressive. It made Kurt feel queasy. No one should touch Blaine like that.

“I just…a drunken kiss in front of strangers on a dare…that’s not how I always imagined my first kiss to be. I know I’m a silly romantic, but, well, that’s just who I am.” 

“Oh, Kurt, that’s not silly! I think it’s really sweet, actually.” Mercedes smiled at him.

Rachel nodded seriously. “In the competition to prove who was more uptight, I’d say that we both lost. I almost wet my pants stealing that alcohol, which—oh yeah—I’d never even tried before tonight.”

“I guess I’m not cut out to be one of those cool teenagers who goes to big parties, gets drunk, and makes out with people. I’ve officially tried it and it’s not for me.” Kurt declared.

“Well, I could have saved you the embarrassment and told you that, Kurt. But it’s okay because the three of us are cool in a much better way! We’re stars! Who needs alcohol when we have the natural high of performing!” Rachel was starting to get loud again so Kurt gently shushed her.

“Do you want to go home? I can go get Finn right now and we can drive back to your house.”

“I can’t do that to Blaine and Nick. I’ve already been incredibly rude by leaving in the middle of the game. They didn’t do anything wrong and they invited me here. Oh no, is Blaine mad at me?”

“No, I think he was just worried about you. He was actually the one who suggested we go check on you after you didn’t come back.”

“God, he’s perfect, isn’t he?” Kurt sighed miserably.

“Let’s go say good night to Mr. Perfect, then.” Rachel suggested.

Kurt checked his watch. “Wow, I am super lame. It’s only 10pm, Rachel.” 

“That just means we have time to watch at least one Halloween movie before we all fall asleep on your living room floor. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s really more our scene anyways.”

“That sounds perfect, Rachel.” Kurt hugged her and kissed her cheek. She grabbed his hand and they walked back down into the basement together.

Kurt was relieved to see that Truth or Dare appeared to be over. Everyone had gone back to karaoke and dancing. Blaine and Nick were doing some impressively synchronized choreography to The Backstreet Boys when Kurt found them. He gave a pathetic wave.

“Kurt!” Blaine said, looking genuinely relieved to see him. “Are you o-o-okay?”

“Yeah, I hope I didn’t ruin the party or anything by freaking out like that.”

Nick gestured around him to the partygoers, clearly still enjoying themselves. “Doesn’t look ruined to me.”

“Okay, well, good. Thank you so much for inviting me Blaine and for welcoming me into your home, Nick. I think I’m just about all partied out so we’re going to make an early exit.”

“No worries. Happy Halloween!” Nick clapped him on the shoulder and wandered off to grab another drink.

“I’m really glad you came,” Blaine admitted. “I have wanted to intro-intro-introduce you to everyone for ages.”

“I’m sure I made a great impression,” Kurt said sarcastically.

“Hey, none of that, you did! I told them you were the coolest kid in the state of Ohio and you did not disappoint with your out-outrageous homemade costume and that k-k-killer number we performed.” 

_How does he always know exactly what to say to make me feel better?_

“Thanks, Blaine. I really did have fun tonight.”

Blaine pulled him in for one of his amazing hugs and Kurt let himself hold on just a few extra seconds, soaking in the comfort.

“Good. Freddie Squared forever!”

—

They spent the whole car ride back arguing about which Halloween movie to watch. Rachel had already vetoed any horror movie because she would get nightmares.

“Rocky Horror?”

“Horror is right if our parents walk in during the wrong scene. Pass.” Kurt could just picture his dad’s face.

“Hocus Pocus is an all-time classic,” insisted Finn. “You all have impaired judgement from drinking so I win by default.”

“That’s an invalid argument, Finn.” Rachel barked. “Shut up, and drive. Hocus Pocus is **ancient**! Obviously the Disney Channel Original Movie ‘Halloween Town’ and the subsequent sequels are superior to all others. They have everything: magic, teenage romance, Halloween creatures, evil plots!”

“Those movies are all too cheesy,” complained Mercedes.

“Normally I would nominate Beetlejuice but tonight I need something with a little less lovers tragically dying in a car crash in it. Instead, I think we should watch Stardust. While not a Halloween movie per say, it has magic, ghosts, witches, and pirates which I think more than qualifies it as a contender. It is full of adventure and has one of the cutest romantic plots ever!” 

Kurt tried his best to be convincing. He just wanted to get lost in a romantic fantasy for a little while before he had to think about his own romantic…conundrum.

“Oh, you just think Tristan is cute,” quipped Rachel.

“And you don’t?” Kurt retorted.

“Touché.” 

In the end, Kurt had won them over after he proposed they put on Hocus Pocus after as the movie to fall asleep to. “We’ve all seen it a million times so it won’t matter.”

Kurt set up the movie in the DVD player while Finn and Rachel collected sleeping bags and blankets from the basement. They all settled in with their pillows and bedding, an enormous bowl of popcorn, and more than enough candy to feed everyone at Nick’s party both upstairs and down. Kurt looked around at this group of friends that he loved, at Finn who was almost his brother, and decided that this night had turned out to be pretty great after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for being my beta reader.
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought and to vote for who you think should win the Glee Halloween Costume Contest.
> 
> Starting tomorrow I will be on vacation for a week hanging out in a mountain cabin with family so I may not be able to update. If I can, I'll try to get at least one chapter posted.
> 
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner  
> ~~  
> Nasals=sounds produced with nasal resonance, or in simpler terms sound comes out of your nose rather than just your mouth. In English we have two nasal sounds, 'm' and 'n.' 
> 
> There is nothing specifically about nasal sounds and stuttering, but words that repeat the same or similar syllables can be tricky to say for everyone (e.g. synonym, anemone). Blaine knows this terminology from speech therapy but most people would not, hence Kurt's confusion. The scene of Blaine giving up on the word "cinnamon" comes from a clip of Drew Lynch trying and failing to say the word "banana" a bunch of times, before finally getting it.
> 
> I don't know how drinking alcohol would affect someone's stuttering; I imagine it would be different for everyone (some people would get worse because they are less coordinated and less able to focus on using strategies). Since I only work with teenagers, I haven't actually heard any first hand accounts ;) This seemed plausible enough.


	13. Clueless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, honey, you know I love you but you are the most romantically oblivious person I’ve ever met."
> 
> Blaine does some self-reflection and The New Directions compete in Sectionals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a wonderful week of hiking and sailing in the Colorado mountains! I'm back with another update for you.
> 
> Please enjoy and comment when you're done reading :D
> 
> Thank you to [mirvly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirvly/pseuds/mirvly) for all their help with editing.

****“Next time, p-p-please take me with you wig shopping. I’m not —convinced you didn’t st-st-steal that costume from the wardrobe trailer in Cardiff but, honey, that wig was entirely the wrong shade of b-blonde.”

Elaine swatted Blaine with the magazine she had been idly paging through.

“I’m going to forgive you only because this massage chair is so calming that I can’t stay angry.”

“I knew… getting —pedicures was a… good idea,” Blaine replied. _They really do feel amazing._  

“The best!” 

“Speaking of your c-c-costume, El, you and Wesley… had **quite** the… couple’s costume for… two people… who are not a couple. Anything you want to tell me?” 

Elaine brandished her magazine threateningly. 

“Y-y-you’re blushing, El!” 

“I am not!” she protested, although it was useless. Elaine’s fair, rosy face always gave her emotions away. She groaned. “Ugh, fine, things have been…different lately? When Wesley said we should go as Rose and The Doctor I was excited because we both love that show but then he picked me up to go to the party, and…suddenly I started asking myself if it was a date.”

“—Been there, girl. Well, you-you…you have to ask yourself…” 

“…how did I get here?” she interjected with a smirk.  

Blaine winced. _That’s_ **_not_ ** _what I was going to say. Is it really too much to ask for people to let me finish a freaking sentence?_ He clenched his jaw but said nothing.

Rationally, he knew Elaine wasn’t finishing his sentence because she thought he needed help or couldn’t do it on his own. Obviously, that wasn’t even what she thought he was going to say, it was a **joke,** a reference to the Talking Heads…to a song that Blaine loved, no less. He tried to find the emotional distance within himself to find it funny, but…he couldn’t. _That would have been funny to anyone else. I’m just an oversensitive jerk._  

“N-n-no… you have to ask yourself…if **you** wanted it to be a date. Do you like Wes?” 

“I don’t know…maybe…I think so! It might have been the alcohol but things felt…different somehow.” Elaine’s face split into an enormous grin.

“Oooh, girl, you **do** have a-a-a-a crush on him! You have such a crush on him. You love him; you want to-to-to have his babies.”

“I am seriously regretting having this conversation with you, ‘fro boy.” 

“I’ll stop! I’ll stop!” Blaine put his hands up in defeat. 

“You’d better! What about you?”

“What **about** me?”

“Anyone catching your eye?”  

“Come on, I’ve barely even set-set-settled in at my new school. Dating is not… exactly high… on my list of priorities. Besides, it’s… di-different for me. It’s less of a sea full of fish and… more of a puddle that… further s-s-scientific analysis may yet —reveal is p-p-proof of life on Mars. I don’t exactly have… —eligible men ffffawning over me like you do.” 

“Well, I don’t know about boys plural fawning over you but I think you might have the attention of one specific boy.” 

“What? Who?”

“You **really** don’t know.” Elaine crossed her arms and gave him a skeptical look.

 _Is she still going on about how Nick and I should date? Just because we are the only two gay guys she knows doesn’t mean we’re automatically going to date. We need to stop kissing in front of her if she’s going to react like this. It was a_ ** _game_** _,_ _for crying out loud._  

“Blaine, will the real Freddie Mercury please stand up?” 

“Kurt?”

“Yes, Kurt! Did you really not notice the way that he was looking at you all night? Like you were his lost cat or something. He was pining!” 

“He just—we’re just—he—we’re just…really close.” Blaine stopped to take a deep breath. “We’ve both…supported each other…through some tough times. We’re best friends, like you and me. Why would he… have a cr-cr-crush on me?” 

“Because you’re a heartthrob?” She said this with a question in her voice but her tone implied that her words were obvious. 

“Heartthrob?” _What on earth is she talking about?_  

“Wow, really? Do you have any idea how many girls have asked me for your number? And some of them even after I told them you were gay! That’s not normal, the way girls fawn over you. That doesn’t happen to most boys.”

“Oh, that. But it’s just…I mean it’s just girls. Being attractive… to girls… is kind of pointless for me. I want **boys** … to fawn over me and, uh, uh, well it’s not like that’s happening. The rules and ex-ex-expectations are d-d-d-different if you’re gay. You have to be like…model hot…and that’s not me.” 

“Whatever you say, I still think Kurt has a crush on you.” 

“He—I w-w-would know if he had a-a-a crush on me,” Blaine protested.

“So you would definitely notice if one of your best friends had a crush on you?” 

“Duh!” Blaine insisted. Elaine let out an exasperated sigh. 

“I never told you this because I thought it would be too embarrassing but I think this one is actually going to hurt you more than it hurts me. I hate to break it to you, but **I** had a big ‘ole crush on you Blaine. It went on for years and you never noticed. So yeah, I think you might not be the best judge.”  

“You? No! Huh?”

“I know, I know, it’s such a cliche, having a crush on your gay best friend. But, it would have been so perfect, falling in love with your childhood best friend. I mean it even sounds right, ‘Blaine and Elaine,’ I mean, how perfect is that? I forced myself to get over it after you came out.” 

“Wow, I can’t—how c-c-could I miss that?” 

“Oh, honey, you know I love you but you are the most romantically oblivious person I’ve ever met. You are so smart and so talented but you really don’t have a clue when it comes to matters of the heart. You wouldn’t know a crush if it bit you on the ass.”  

 _Wow, Elaine liked me. Wild!_ Something that had always bothered Blaine suddenly clicked into place. 

“Oh, so **that’s** why you were s-s-so weird when I… came out. I th-thought you didn’t accept me at first! Elaine! That r-r-really messed with our fr-friendship for a while!” 

Blaine couldn’t help but feel a small surge of anger. On the one hand, he was relieved that she had never been homophobic. On the other hand, what a stupid reason for him and Elaine to spend practically a whole year on the rocks. He really could have used her support during the worst of the bullying at Bath High.  

“Shit, I’m sorry Blaine! I really wanted to be a good friend and support you but it was just hard; I was so disappointed. I promise I never cared that you were gay, just that it meant you for sure didn’t return my feelings and never ever would.” 

“Whatever, we got past it in the end.” Blaine tried not to sound bitter. He really didn’t want to fight over something that far in the past. But if he was honest, it kind of sucked.

— 

“Blaine, have you thought anymore about what we talked about several weeks ago? About disclosure?” Ms. Shine asked. 

“Yeah, I have, actually. I t-t-talked to my friends about it, but —something else came up. Ap-ap-apparently Kurt was the only one of my friends here that even knew I was gay. So I had to c-c-come out all over again about that.” 

“How did it go?” 

“Fine. Glee Club is a pr-pr-pretty accepting group. I’m n-n-not the first gay member, either.”

“So, why do you think no one else knew you were gay?”

“Elaine says it’s because I’m clueless.” 

“What do you think she means by that?”

Blaine shrugged. “I guess I tend to miss things that are sort of obvious.” 

“Hmm…Do you ever feel like you have trouble reading people’s facial expressions?”

“No, I th-think I’m fine with that.”

“How is your eye contact when you’re having conversations with friends?”

He shrugged again. It wasn’t something he paid that much attention to, even though he knew that he tended to avoid eye contact when his stuttering got bad. He just hated seeing the reactions on people’s faces when he stuttered. He just knew they were thinking, ‘Come on already, finish your sentence.’ “Probably worse than it should be,” he finally admitted.

“I know we talked about eye contact back in Elementary School. I probably presented it as part of good social skills to look at the person you are talking to, but I may not have properly emphasized what eye contact does for **you**.” 

“For me?” 

“Yes! Any time you are not looking at the people you are in a conversation with, you risk missing subtle nonverbal cues such as facial expressions or changes in body posture. Those can all be very important to decoding the complicated social dynamics of teenage relationships. Try to notice how much eye contact you use this week when talking with friends. Report back next week.”

“Sure.” 

“Now, back to disclosure.”

—

**Blaine: Are we on for our usual Wednesday coffee run after school today? I’m buying :)**

**Kurt: Sorry, have to study.**

**Blaine: No problem. We can hang out this weekend.**

**Blaine: Nordstrom is having a huge sale I want to check out. We’re also tragically behind on Project Runway and they’re starting to fill up my DVR so we should really catch up.**  

**Kurt: Yeah, maybe. I’m really busy with wedding planning. I’ll get back to you.**

He hadn’t been sure for the first few days, but now he had definitive proof: Kurt was avoiding him. If Kurt would just talk to him, he was sure he could work things out, but in order to do that he kind of needed Kurt to actually, you know, **talk** to him.

He had tried to make friendly conversation during Chemistry like he usually did, but Kurt had become the king of the monosyllabic response. _That’s supposed to be my gig._   

He tried talking to Rachel about it but she was absolutely no help at all.  

“Kurt’s not mad at you,” Rachel had reassured him. 

“Then why won’t he talk to me?” Blaine said with exasperation. 

“You’d have to ask him. But I really don’t think he’s mad at you, Blaine.”

Rachel did sound oddly confident that Kurt wasn’t mad at him. _Maybe something else is going on? Like family stuff? He should know by now that I would be supportive. I thought we were best friends. Unless I’m a shittier friend than I thought._  

—

The longer it went on, the more worried Blaine got. Which meant that now he wasn’t even sure he **could** talk to Kurt. He just knew that if he tried, he was going to devolve into a disfluent mess. He wouldn’t end up making any sense and then Kurt would just be even more annoyed with him than he already was. 

On Friday, Blaine finally broke. He had really thought that with all the progress he had made in speech therapy that he was past the point of writing letters but apparently not. It felt like giving up, but Blaine was worried enough that he was willing to do that. He slipped the letter through the slot in Kurt’s locker, hoping that it was enough.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I’m sorry about taking the coward’s way out and writing you a letter, but, well here we are. Talking about feelings can be really challenging for me so sometimes I have to write them down instead._  

 _I know I can be pretty clueless most of the time but even I can tell that you’re avoiding me. Not knowing why is kind of killing me._  

 _Are you still upset because of that dare? I can only imagine how sensitive you are about kissing right now. I understand if you felt uncomfortable but surely you must know by now that I never would have let anything happen to make you uncomfortable. I thought I was protecting you but now I’m worried I embarrassed you by refusing the dare. If that’s the problem, then I’m really sorry._  

_Please just tell me what I did so I can apologize to you properly. It can’t really be so bad as to ruin our friendship if I can’t even figure out what it is, right? (Please say I’m right!)_

_I have to think that if you’re not mad at me than something else is going on with you, something bad. Honestly, that worries me even more. Last time that happened you shut me out but I had hoped we’d moved past that. Is someone bullying you again? Is something going on at home? You once told me that isolating myself when things were hard was counterproductive and now I would encourage you to do the same. I’m here for you, if you want to talk. I’m here for you if you want to do anything_ **_but_ ** _talk. I’m really good at coming up with fun distractions._

_If you are seriously just busy with wedding planning and this is all in my head than just burn this letter and I promise I’ll get over the embarrassment in about a millennia or so._

_Your friend,_

_Blaine_

—

Blaine waited all day for Kurt to do or say something to acknowledge that he had received Blaine’s letter, but if he had he was keeping it close to the vest. When the final bell rang, Blaine had to resolve himself to facing a whole weekend of not knowing. He had kind of laid it all on the line in that letter so if Kurt still wasn’t reaching out then at this point he had to respect that sometimes no response **is** a response. 

Blaine absentmindedly sorted through his locker, considering which books he would need for his weekend homework when a hand roughly grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled, turning his body to face whoever his assailant was. He reflexively threw his hands up to protect his body before he realized who had grabbed him. 

“K-Kurt?” 

Kurt’s eyes were blazing fiercely for a moment, before abruptly softening. He let go of Blaine’s shoulder, looking horrified. 

“Oh, god, you thought…I’m so sorry Blaine, I wasn’t thinking. With your history I should never have…I’m sorry.”

Blaine’s heart was still pounding. “It’s fine.” 

“I got your letter. I was going to yell at you for being so stupid as to think I was mad at you but I think I’ll take pity on you and skip straight to inviting you to get coffee so we can talk.” 

“Okay, yes, thank you.”  

— 

Blaine fidgeted nervously at their table while he waited for Kurt to bring over their coffees. _Truth time._  

Kurt placed their mugs on the table. There was a small packet of Blaine’s favorite sweetener sitting on the saucer. _He knows how I like my coffee._  

Kurt fished around in his book bag for a moment, before pulling out Blaine’s letter and studying it thoughtfully. Blaine’s body filled with nervous anticipation. He was finally going to get some answers. 

“Blaine,” he sighed. “I wasn’t avoiding you because I was angry. **You** didn’t do anything wrong, okay, this was just about me being stupid.”  

“I thought you said I-I was the one being stupid.” 

“Yes, well, luckily there’s no rule that says only one of us is allowed to be stupid at a time. I promise I’m not mad at you and you are not a bad friend. If I didn’t already know it, then this letter is certainly proof of just what a thoughtful friend you are.”

“Well, that’s a relief. But then what **has** been going on?” 

“I was **embarrassed** , Blaine! I’m just—I’m not as experienced as you are or as comfortable with this whole casually kissing your friends thing. Not that I’m judging you, not at all. I’m the one that freaked out and ran away. In front of all your cool, chill friends. If anything, you should be mad at me!”

“Well, I’m not. And I don’t see why you should feel embarrassed that you didn’t want to kiss me. I can see how it’s a little embarrassing for me, but my friends will only tease me about it for two weeks, tops. It’s just my luck that all the straight girls fawn over me and the gay boys are repulsed by me." 

“Oh, Blaine, you’ve got it so backwards, you don’t even know.”

 _It really is everyone tell Blaine how clueless he is week._ He gritted his teeth for a moment.  

“Then enlighten, me, Kurt. Apparently there’s a lot I don’t know these days,” he said bitterly. 

“I just—I promise I’m not repulsed by you, okay? I really was just embarrassed by the whole situation. I shouldn’t have avoided you, that was immature.” 

— 

“I…there’s something I want to tell you. I’ve…I’ve never r-r-really told anyone this before, but I’m trying to get better… about not keeping… everything a secret. And you are my best… and oldest friend.” 

“Oh my god, Blaine, you sound so serious. Are you sick? Are you adopted? Are you…are you bi and secretly in love with me?” Elaine said in a dramatic tone. 

Blaine chuckled. 

“No! I just—the thing is—I—I—I s-s-s-stutter.” His hands trembled as he got the words out. 

 _There, I said it. I didn’t even have to write a note, I_ **_said_ ** _it!_

“Uh, huh.” Elaine looked at him expectantly, as if she was still waiting for his announcement. 

“That’s…that’s the whole thing.” Blaine felt oddly deflated. 

“Oh, okay. I’m not sure why you’re telling me that, though. I guess you’ve never said it out loud but it’s not like I don’t know that you stutter.” 

“Wh-wh-what?”  

“Oh, wow, okay I guess you didn’t think I knew. It’s not a big deal, Blaine, I’ve known you forever. I’ve known you since kindergarten! I knew you when you were getting sent to the principal’s office because you were throwing things in class when your stuttering got really bad. I held your hand when you cried in third grade after those boys were so rude during your book report. I guess I could see how someone who just met you might not notice it but I’ve known you since before you knew how to control it. I hope this isn’t some big weight you’ve been carrying around, thinking I would be mad or something. I promise I don’t care.” 

Blaine sat in stunned silence for a minute or so. This was not how he had imagined this conversation going. _Of course she knows, it’s obvious. Everyone in the school probably knows by now. I’m such an idiot for thinking otherwise. No one wonder the only people who wanted to be my friends are the outcasts._

“I—I’m—once again, oblivious. I…” Blaine trailed off. Now that Elaine knew—or rather he knew that she knew—he felt something change inside himself. That part of his brain that was always whirring away, peeking ahead to the words coming up next, eyes out for danger, ready to course correct at any moment to avoid a collision, well that part was just a little bit quieter than usual. “I think I-I-I-I needed-d-d to do it for-for-for me. My speech therapist th-th-thinks I w-w-w-worry about people finding out so-so-so-so-so I should just tell people. It’s like coming out.” 

“Oh, well that’s great Blaine! I’m sorry if I didn’t give your coming out the weight it deserved, I didn’t really realize what was happening, to be honest. I’m honored that I’m the first person you chose to come out to about your stuttering.” 

“Well, s-s-s-second, but yeah.” 

“Second?”

“K-K-Kurt sort of, uh, I told him—but it was—I told him by a-a-accident. I thought he’d f-f-f-figured it out, but he…he hadn’t.” 

“Are you **sure** you don’t have a crush on that boy? You told him—a boy you have known a couple of months—your big secret before you even told me—the girl you have known for over 10 years—and you still maintain this is purely platonic? Whatever you say, Blaine. What. Ever. You. Say.” 

Blaine decided not to argue, even though she was obviously wrong. He hadn’t decided to tell Kurt it had just happened to him. It didn’t mean anything. Elaine just didn’t understand. _That or I really_ ** _am_** _clueless._  

— 

Kurt had to skip lunch that day to meet with Ms. Pillsbury. Blaine thought it was something to do with Bullying Awareness Week but he wasn’t exactly sure. Apparently, Rachel decided this was the perfect opportunity to confront Blaine.

“Blaine Anderson.” She said his name as if even that alone was cause for suspicion. 

“Something has been bothering me about this whole situation with Karofsky. I don’t think Kurt told us the whole story but I think you know it, so spill. What really happened?”

Blaine closed his eyes to imagine the balloon slowly expanding and contracting as he breathed deeply, letting his diaphragm do the same. “Look, this is Kurt’s… private business… to share or with-withhold. If he wanted to tell you, he would… have told you.”

Rachel glared at Blaine suspiciously. “Why would he tell you but not me? I have known Kurt for over a year now and you just waltz in and think you can replace me?” 

Mercedes interjected, “Don’t be ridiculous, Rachel, Kurt doesn’t tell you things because he knows you would use them against him in a heartbeat if you ever thought it would give you the edge in getting a solo. Kurt and I are actually close though; he usually tells me everything so it does hurt that Kurt trusts you, Blaine, more than he trusts me.” 

Blaine shrugged helplessly. “Try not to take it per-per-personally, okay? Kurt loves you both, but you have… no idea… what it is like… to be a gay teen… in Ohio. I can just relate… to what Kurt… is g-going through… in a way that none of you can. It doesn’t make you bad friends, it’s just r-reality.” 

Rachel continued to glare at Blaine. “I don’t see how being gay gives you some special empathy. Have you even **been** bullied? Mercedes and I have but you’ve never had so much as a slushy thrown in your face since you transferred here.”

Anger welled up inside him, bitter and hot. “God, Rachel, you re-re-really are something. Did you ever even a-ask me why I sw-switched schools? I don’t live in this district, did it not seem st-strange to you that I go here?” 

Rachel looked cowed as she whispered, “No, I guess not. Why did you come here Blaine?” 

“Be-be-be-because I was beat un—conscious by —bullies at my old school. They hated me so much for b-being gay that they put me in the hospital. You have **no** idea what it’s like for us, just none at all.” 

 _Eye contact, Blaine,_ he reminded himself. He looked up at Rachel and noticed her eyes were as wide as saucers. She looked surprised and remorseful. It softened his anger, if only slightly. 

“Oh, Blaine I didn’t know. That’s horrible.”

“Yeah, it was. I—sorry I lost my t-temper there. There’s no…way you would have known…if I didn’t tell you. I just…I have some experience…with bullying. I’m helping…Kurt deal with it.”  

Mercedes reached across the table to pat him on the hand. “Kurt is really lucky to have you as a friend right now, Blaine.” 

— 

Blaine set down two coffees before sitting down across from Kurt.  

“How, uh, uh was that m-meeting?” Blaine asked. 

“He’s coming back,” said Kurt forlornly. “Karofsky is coming back. I don’t know what I thought…I guess that maybe he would be expelled or something, but no, he’s going to be back at the end of the week.” 

“Oh, Kurt.” 

“Ms. Pillsbury tried to reassure me that I will be safe but…” Kurt’s voice trailed off. Blaine studied his face; he looked worried. 

“What did she say?”

“Um…he’s going to basically be on, like, probation for a while. He is supposed to stay away from me completely, which means he can get in trouble for even talking to me. She also, um, she…she said she wants the two of us to have a talk.”  

“What!” 

“That was my reaction at first. But she explained that part of Dave’s probation is that he has to meet with her for regular counseling. When she feels like Dave is ready to apologize, then she would like to sit down with both of us to have a conversation. But…I can’t really picture him ever apologizing, can you?” 

“Well…if he ever gets over his in-in-interna-na-na—fuck that’s hard to say—internalized homophobia, then maybe?” 

“Hmm, perhaps.” 

“Ooh, let me dis-dis-distract you with gossip!” 

“Yes, please!” 

“So I think E-Elaine and Wes might turn into something.”

“They did seem pretty cozy at the party. Would it be weird for you if two of your close friends dated or would you be excited for them?”

“I think it’s g-g-great! Although…it would be awkward if they br-broke up.” 

“Yeah, friends dating always seems like a risk. But…if you have really strong feelings then, I bet it’s probably worth it. What do you think, Blaine?” 

Kurt sipped his coffee, his eyes staring rather intensely at Blaine.  

“I have no idea. To be honest, I’m pr-pr-pretty clueless about romance.”  

“Really? Mr. Teenage Dream is clueless about romance? You seduced half the Glee Club with that song?”

“I know how to p-p-perform it in song but…that’s it.” Blaine was starting to feel embarrassed about having to insist. 

“But you—you’re Nick’s ‘favorite make-out partner.’ You must have done something to romance him,” Kurt insisted. 

Blaine chuckled. “Hardly. Making out a few times drunk at parties does **not** count as romance, Kurt. I’m only his fa-fa-favorite because the others are **girls**.” 

“Oh.” Kurt seemed to be holding back a smile. “I think I’m starting to get why you chose that Calvin Berger song for us.” 

“Shut up, Cyrano!”

—

“Mom?” 

“Yes, sweetie?” 

“How…how do-do-do you know when you l-l-like someone as friend or r-r-romantically?” 

His mother lit up like a Christmas Tree. _This might be the happiest I’ve ever seen her._  

“Oh, Blaine! Does this mean you like someone? That’s wonderful! Who is it?” 

“I d-d-d-don’t even know—I’m trying—I don’t know if I **do** like them. That’s sort of—that’s what I’m—that’s what I’m asking.” He groaned in frustration. “I knew this was a-a bad idea, forget it.” 

“Woah, woah, roll the tape back. You know how I tend to get overexcited about things like this. I promise I can be calm now and help you figure this out. Sit back down.” 

She paused to take a few deep breaths.  

“So this guy is a friend?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And how do you feel about this friend?” 

“He’s…he’s such a-a-a good friend and…a good person. We have s-s-so much fun together and so much in common. I can talk to him when I’m upset…I-I-I guess I trust him. A lot. But what does that all mean? Does that describe a friend or something more?” 

“Well that big smile on your face when you talked about him might be a clue. Knowing if someone is a friend or more than a friend can definitely be confusing, sweetie. It gets easier with practice. I wish I could just tell you how you feel about him but you’re the only one who can figure that out.” 

“Well…how did you-you know? About d-dad or…before dad, with other people?”

“Hmm…I’ve always had this kind of instant reaction to people. If it’s someone I could potentially develop romantic feelings for, I know pretty quickly after I meet them. Not that it’s love at first sight—that doesn’t exist—but I always had a feeling that there was something there. Sometimes it developed into feelings, and a few times beyond that into a relationship. Other times, as I got to know someone better, I realized they weren’t a good fit. You have to learn how to listen to your gut; it knows things that your brain hasn’t figured out yet. It’s one of those things you get better at with age and experience, sweetheart.” 

“So…how do I…listen to my gut?” Blaine still wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that. 

“Gut instincts are emotional more than logical. Listening to your gut instincts is like trying to hear someone calling to you from far away; you need quiet or you won’t be able to hear them. If you have too much emotional ‘white noise’ in the background, then you won’t hear what your gut is trying to tell you. So you have to find a way to quiet all of that noise, and then maybe, if you’re lucky, you will feel it.” 

“O-Okay.” 

“I can tell you’re not buying it. That’s fine; you kind of have to experience it to really understand. But when you do, when you have that strong feeling of just knowing all of a sudden something with so much certainty…well, you would do well to follow your feelings.” 

“What does liking someone f-f-feel like?” 

“It’s the best!” she said with a big smile. “It’s hard to put into words. For me, it feels like this tug in my heart when I think about them. Like someone has tied a rope around my heart and they are pulling on it gently. It is bliss and hurt all rolled into one. It feels like getting excited just to see them because they are my favorite person. When they are not with me, it’s like they are tugging at that rope, the one tied around my heart, and I should be angry because it kind of hurts but instead you kind of just want them to pull harder so that you can feel them or maybe so you’ll finally get back to them again.” 

“So love is an elab-b-borate game of tug-of-war?”

His mother stuck out her tongue at him. 

“I’m k-k-kidding. That’s really sweet mom. I hope it feels that way for me s-s-someday.” 

— 

Now that it was officially November, Sectionals suddenly seemed alarmingly close. 

Mr. Schuester certainly must have thought so because he was scheduling so many extra rehearsals that Blaine was barely keeping up with his homework. Everyone was exhausted and one by one the members of Glee Club started to unravel under the stress. 

Blaine had expected things to heat up and Kurt had warned him how cut-throat his fellow singers could be when it came to solos, but even so Blaine was taken aback when Rachel started angling for his and Kurt’s spot. She kept insisting that they were shooting themselves in the foot by having two men sing a duet together. 

“I just think this choice might alienate the judges. I mean, it **is** Ohio, Mr. Schuester. Obviously, I have nothing against it personally but I would hate for it to ruin our chances of winning.”  

Kurt was grinding his teeth so intensely that Blaine could practically feel the vibrations in his own skull as he muttered under his breath, “Only Rachel Berry could have the **gall** to pull a stunt like this.”  

Blaine was beginning to understand why Kurt had once described her as “intolerable.” Blaine really liked Rachel but it was hard not to feel resentful when she made comments like that. 

Thankfully, Mr. Schuester managed to quash this particular power grab without any lasting damage. Rachel simply shifted her focus to campaigning to sing lead on both group numbers. She was easier to ignore when she wasn’t directly trying to steal his solo. 

— 

The last few weeks before Sectionals flew by in a whir of extra rehearsals. Before he knew it, they were loading up the bus at the crack of dawn on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. Blaine shivered, wishing he had worn a hat. Most of the students wore sweatpants or pajamas; Rachel was wearing a fluffy pink robe and holding what he suspected was the pillow from her bed at home. 

Not Kurt, though. No, Kurt was in full Kurt regalia. He wore skinny jeans with a metallic sheen to them, a button-up shirt with a pattern of tiny owls, a wool coat in mustard yellow, sequinned fingerless gloves, and several scarves wrapped around his neck.  

Kurt unwrapped one of the scarves and started wrapping it around Blaine’s neck. “Here, silly. You should have dressed warmer.” 

“Thanks,” Blaine mumbled hoarsely. Ugh, it was so early that he still had his morning voice. Maybe Kurt wouldn’t notice. As Kurt tucked in the scarf ends, his fingertips brushed against Blaine’s cheek. They were warm and soft. Before he knew what he was doing, Blaine let out a quiet, “Mmmm.”  

Kurt’s eyes widened in response. Blaine cleared his throat, suddenly feeling extremely awkward. “I—uh.” 

Thankfully, Kurt swooped in with a topic change. “So, what kind of music did you bring for our road trip? I, of course, made a special playlist for the occasion with all the best thematically appropriate songs. I’ve got ‘Keep the Car Running’, ‘The Wanderer’, and, of course, ‘I’ve Been Everywhere.’” _That sounds amazing. Why didn’t I think of that?_

Blaine shrugged, “Just whatever’s on my-my-my phone, I guess.” 

Kurt looked unimpressed. 

They filed onto the school bus, most of the students choosing to take a whole row to themselves so they could spread out. Rachel promptly pulled out an eye mask and then settled herself on her pillow and sternly informed them, “No one wake me up, I need my beauty rest.” 

Kurt caught Blaine’s eye and made a face before settling into a seat. He patted the seat next to him, a silent invitation to join him. Blaine smiled and settled himself next to Kurt. Kurt pulled out an old iPod and earbuds. He started putting in his headphones but then he paused, holding one of them out to Blaine. 

“I worked hard on the playlist. It would be a shame if I was the only one to appreciate it.” 

Blaine accepted the earbud gratefully and scooted closer so the cord would reach. The bus started moving and the soothing sounds of ‘I Can See For Miles’ started to play through the headset. Blaine gave Kurt a thumbs up of approval.

They sat in comfortable silence, enjoying Kurt’s eclectic road trip mix and watching the trees roll by through the window. A few songs in to the drive, Kurt started to[ sing along](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSw3KfThXFU) very quietly.

It's a long and dusty road, it's a hot and a heavy load  
And the folks I meet ain't always kind  
Some are bad and some are good  
Some have done the best they could  
Some have tried to ease my troubled mind 

And I can't help but wonder  
Where I'm bound, where I'm bound  
Can't help but wonder where I'm bound

Kurt’s singing was beautiful, as always, even singing quietly to himself. There was something wistful in his expression that went beyond the lyrics. Blaine realized with surprise that Kurt was starting to get misty-eyed.

“This song i-i-is important to you, isn’t it?” Blaine asked, belatedly wondering if his question was too personal.

Kurt nodded as he wiped a tear from his face. “My, uh, my mom used to play this in the car all the time. She was obsessed with Nanci Griffith and we would always sing along to this in the car.”

Kurt didn’t talk much about his mother. Blaine knew that she had died many years ago and he had gotten the impression that she and Kurt had been close. _He must miss her so much. I can’t even imagine life without my mom._ Blaine didn’t want to think about it.

“We can skip it, if it’s too hard.”

“I put it on here, didn’t I? Remembering the good times is nice. It hurts but it’s a good kind of hurt, you know?”

I've been wanderin' through this land just doin' the best I can  
Tryin' to find what I was meant to do  
And the people that I see look as worried as can be  
And it looks like they are wonderin' too 

And I can't help but wonder  
Where I'm bound, where I'm bound  
Can't help but wonder where I'm bound

Honestly, Blaine wasn’t sure that he did. _Why would anyone choose to be sad? On purpose?_ When Blaine felt sad he regarded it as something to be worked through, so he could climb his way back up to happiness again. _I guess Mom was right. That’s really is what love feels like: a good hurt._

He reached out his hand, palm up, as an invitation to Kurt. Kurt stared at him for a moment before taking Blaine’s hand in his. Blaine gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He never knew what to say in situations like this, but at least he knew what to **do**. So he just held Kurt’s hand and sat in the moment with him. He had never heard this version before and it really was quite lovely.

If you see me passing by and you sit and you wonder why  
And you wish that you were rambling too  
Nail your shoes to the kitchen floor, lace 'em up and bar the door  
Thank your stars for the roof that's over you

Blaine imagined young Kurt, with his big, sad blue eyes, looking up to the heavens and wishing he could span the distance. But the Kurt sitting beside him in the present seemed perfectly content with where he was.

And I can't help but wonder  
Where I'm bound, where I'm bound  
Can't help but wonder where I'm bound

“Wh-wh-where do you see yourself in t-t-t-ten years?” Blaine asked.

“Oooh, I love this game! Somewhere glamorous like New York or Hollywood, making it big as an actor in musical theater or on TV. I would live in a chic apartment…no, a loft…and I would finally be able to afford all the designer clothes in my scrapbook. I guess dad and Carole would be married by then and still living happily in Ohio, so I would have to come back to visit them constantly. Maybe if I got a house with one of those in-law suites I could convince my dad and Carole to come with me; do you think they would? They would if I had kids, I bet. Anyways…I would cook amazing dinners with all the exotic ingredients that I can never find at the Lima Ralphs. Of course, I would be sharing this blessed existence with my devastatingly handsome and talented partner, who absolutely adores me.” 

“You-you-you…you have fashion scrapbooks?”

“That’s what you got out of that?” 

“No, I just—you’ve been holding out on me! It s-sounds nice, Kurt, all of it. 

This fantasy was…more detailed than Blaine had been prepared for. He could practically picture it. Kurt wearing an apron, putting something in the oven, singing to himself…some tall, dark, handsome man wrapping his arms around his waist from behind. He felt something twist in the pit of his stomach. He chastised himself. _Don’t be jealous of Kurt’s fantasy, you can have all of those things too!_ Well, he could never be an actor but singing…he could do that. 

So why was that knot in his stomach still there?

—

About an hour into the trip, Kurt’s eyelids started to droop. As he drifted off, his head lolled to the side. The bus hit a bump and Kurt’s head shifted until it rested on Blaine’s shoulder. _Should I wake him up? He seems really tired, I can’t_. 

So Blaine tried to focus on the music. Kurt really did have impeccable taste and he was pleasantly surprised by the wide variety of genres and time periods. He started to feel distracted by the weight of Kurt’s head on his shoulder and by the warmth that soaked through his layers of clothes after a while. 

Kurt’s breathing was calm and steady. Blaine glanced over and studied his face. He had never looked at it this close up. Kurt’s dark eyelashes were long and striking against his cheek. His skin was unblemished and smooth; pale with just the slightest touch of pink in his cheeks. Clearly the moisturizing routine Kurt referred to was effective. Blaine wanted to reach out and feel it, to see if it was as soft as it looked. 

Kurt usually went through the world with a prickly protective shell pulled around him. Blaine had come to realize that this was not cruelty or condescension as he had first thought, but rather the defense mechanism of someone who had been rejected and mocked by the world time and time again. But asleep, his defenses were down. He looked so peaceful and warm and open. Blaine felt something warm stirring in his heart. He wanted to make the world a better place where Kurt could be this version of himself all of the time. But for now, Blaine just felt special that he was one of the few people Kurt felt safe enough with to be this way. 

He was so happy that Kurt was his friend. They had only known each other for a couple of months but it felt like much longer. He felt so close to Kurt; he was realizing how special their bond was. Blaine felt like he could tell Kurt anything, knowing that Kurt would listen without judgement. 

Even though he hadn’t chosen to tell Kurt about his stuttering, he was so glad that he had. Kurt was just so nonchalant about it. He treated it like this very normal, almost boring, fact about Blaine. He asked questions when he was curious without making Blaine feel a spectacle. Blaine had had plenty of opportunities to observe how short-tempered Kurt could be, but somehow he never ran out of patience when Blaine was taking forever to get through a sentence.

He gazed out the window at the farmland going by out the window and felt a deep sense of calm and relaxation. He was alone with his thoughts and Kurt’s soothing music in his ear and Kurt’s head warm and cozy against his body. He tried to **really** look at Kurt. 

Tug. _Was that it?_ Tug. It was faint, but it was there. A very gentle tug in his chest. It felt like…longing. It felt like…potential. He hadn’t noticed anything special when he had first met Kurt but he had also been drowning in ‘emotional noise’ for the duration of their friendship. Blaine lips curled up into a smile. _Maybe this_ **_could_ ** _be something._

Blaine knew for sure that Kurt was special to him as a friend. He needed to be sure that he had real true feelings for Kurt before he could dare to risk everything they already had. Blaine knew how much Kurt wanted to find someone but Blaine…Blaine was more hesitant about the whole concept of dating and relationships. He and Kurt had already had to navigate some pretty serious miscommunications that had put their whole friendship in jeopardy and he could only imagine how magnified that could become if they were dating. No, he had to be sure.

He leaned his cheek against the top of Kurt’s head and slowly drifted off to sleep.

—

“Wake up, lovebirds!” shouted Rachel’s entirely too chipper voice. 

Blaine groaned. “G-go away.”

“But we’re here! You have to get off the bus. Up, up, up!” 

Blaine’s eyes blinked open and he began to stretch out the crick in his neck. Kurt started to wake up, jumping back from Blaine in surprise. “Oh my gosh, Blaine I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you! Why didn’t you wake me up?” His cheeks were flushed pink with embarrassment and he looked down at the floor.

Blaine shrugged. “It seemed like you n-n-n-needed the rest.” _Besides, you’re kind of cozy._

They grabbed their backpacks and filed off the bus. He couldn’t help but notice that Kurt wasn’t making eye contact with him. If he had realized Kurt would be this embarrassed by sleeping on his shoulder then he really would have woken him up but Blaine didn’t see the big deal. _Well, you clearly misread that situation. Now Kurt is uncomfortable and wishes I had woken him up. Get it together, Blaine. Don’t be creepy with your best friend._

Blaine reminded himself that not everyone was as comfortable as he was with physical affection. Blaine wasn’t sure if he took after his mother in this regard or if it was a side-effect of his preference for nonverbal communication. It had always been easier to give someone a reassuring pat on the knee or hug than it was to offer words of comfort. 

—

Sectionals had been everything Blaine had hoped for, and more. His duet with Kurt had been even better than the first time, clearly having benefited from all the extra practice. Their group number of ‘Valerie’ had half the audience dancing in their seats by the end. Mike and Britney were the star dancers but Blaine was pretty proud of how well he had done with the group choreography.

That blissful feeling Blaine got from performing was heightened by the large crowd, the bigger stage, and the brighter lights. For those few minutes, all his worries and anxiety melted away and he was just in the moment, neither looking forward nor backward but just being. He couldn’t imagine anything on this earth giving him a bigger high than this, right here. **This** is what he had dreamed about when he had first auditioned for Glee club. 

Best of all, they had won! Meaning that Blaine would get to do it all over again for Regionals. A bigger stage, a bigger audience, a bigger thrill. 

When they piled onto the bus to return home, Kurt grabbed Blaine’s hand and led him to a pair of seats. Blaine had wondered if Kurt would even want to sit with him this time, seeing as how he had totally violated his personal space the last time they sat together. Clearly, that was not the case. He felt relieved that Kurt wasn’t mad at him. 

_Don’t screw this up, Blaine!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this long, introspective chapter! As always, I implore you to leave a comment to let me know what you thought because they truly do keep me going and light up my day every time!
> 
> The advice Blaine gets from his mom about love is basically the advice I would give if someone asked me :) It is based on my own experiences, things I have heard from therapists, and this class I took in college about the psychology of decision-making. The class taught me that most people make decisions based on a "gut instinct" rather than reasons (even if that is how they would explain it to others), my therapist taught me that anxiety creates "white noise" that makes it hard to access that gut instinct which is why anxiety tends to lead to great difficulty making decisions, and my own personal experience has been that when I have been able to access those gut instincts they have always led me to good decisions. With time and experience, I've gotten better at listening to and following my gut instinct. Personally, I'm very much like Blaine's mom in that I always know pretty much right away if I like someone romantically or see romantic potential there. It was important to me to find a way to explain Blaine's very different experience in a way that felt realistic and true to his character; I hope I've achieved that.
> 
> ~~  
> Music Notes:  
> ~~  
> Kurt's Road Trip playlist is, of course, based on my own themed playlist that I created a few years ago for road trips. I had a lot of fun finding all the songs I had that talked about the road, driving, cars, or travel in some capacity.
> 
> "I Can't Help but Wonder Where I'm Bound" was originally written and performed by folk singer Tom Paxton and has been covered by many artists including Johnny Cash and the Nanci Griffith version I included in this chapter. My own mother used to play this song a lot in the car so it brings back a lot of childhood memories for me. I always loved the line about "nail your shoes to the kitchen floor" because I would imagine someone literally doing that. It's a really beautiful song if you've never heard it or her version of it. Tom Paxton's is excellent too, but I think I like Nanci Griffith's the best.
> 
> The Talking Heads reference was to the song "Once in a Lifetime." I hope those who are familiar with the song were able to get the reference, even though it was pretty quick. You may recognize it better from the lyrics, "And you may tell yourself, 'that is not my beautiful house.' And you may tell yourself, 'that is not my beautiful wife.'" 
> 
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner:  
> ~~  
> Here the different types of disfluencies and how I have chosen to write them for this story. While there are systems for transcribing disfluent speech that SLPs use, I mostly had to make this up to hopefully make it as understandable to the casual reader as possible. Here's a glossary with examples from the chapter:
> 
> Sound repetition: w-w-would  
> Syllable repetition: ex-ex-expectations  
> Word repetition: you want to-to-to have his babies  
> Interjection (adding filler words like uh or like): and, uh, uh, well it’s not like that’s happening  
> Block: I’m not —convinced  
> Elongation (a sound is stretched out for longer than typical): ffffawning over me  
> Revision (a sentence is revised, you keep going back to start over): He just—we’re just—he—we’re just  
> Pause: ... (note, I'm including this to show when Blaine is using pausing and phrasing as a fluency strategy, rather than to denote a type of stuttering, but for thoroughness I thought I should mention that pauses can be considered a disfluency.)
> 
> Note: The difference between blocks and revisions in how I've been writing them is that I will put a space before the dash if it is a block, but there will be no space for a revision. 
> 
> You will also notice that Blaine is not the only person in this story who has the markings in his dialogue. I wanted to show that everyone has disfluent speech sometimes. Some of the more common types of disfluencies for people who do not stutter are: word repetitions, interjections, and revisions. People who do not stutter almost never block or have elongations. If they repeat words, sounds, or syllables it tends to only be once or twice while someone who stutters is more likely to repeat them 4 or 5 times. To diagnose stuttering we look at a lot of factors including the types of disfluencies, the 'severity' (the number of repetitions or how long the elongation etc. lasts), the frequency (sometimes measured as %syllables stuttered, usually people who stutter are disfluent on 10% or more of the syllables they speak), and the presence of secondary characteristics. It is not required for the diagnosis, but a good clinician will also assess the emotional component of stuttering in order to guide treatment.


	14. Aware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McKinley High hosts its first ever Bullying Awareness Week.
> 
> **Content Warning** : This chapter includes discussions of bullying and suicide. No one gets bullied nor is there any suicidal ideation or attempts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm flying solo this chapter, beta-loose and fancy free, so all mistakes are my own! Mirvly isn't available this week and I'm too excited to keep posting updates to stop. I really want to reach my goal of finishing the story before I have to go back work in the fall.
> 
> This chapter got LONG. Every time I went back to it I just kept adding more to it. But I think now it finally all coheres together in a way that it just wasn't before. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with Bullying Awareness Week and then finally, at the 11th hour, I realized exactly what needed to happen. This chapter is a little heavy but I think in an uplifting way. 
> 
> I do recommend reading Ms. Pillsbury's lines in her voice, if your imagination can conjure it, because that's how they were in my head when I wrote them. Everything very peppy with a lot of enthusiasm.
> 
> **Content Warning** : This chapter includes discussions of bullying and suicide. No one gets bullied nor is there any suicidal ideation or attempts.

Kurt wanted to throw his alarm clock across the room before he woke up enough to remember why it was screaming at him at 4am; _Oh yeah, Black Friday_. He managed to find the off switch and then leapt out of bed. He had to hurry if he was going to make it through his morning routine on time. He took the world’s fastest shower, which at least helped wake him up a bit. He yanked on the skinny jeans that were laid out on his dressing table from the night before. He checked his watch; it was 4:20am which meant he was still on schedule.

He crept as quietly as possible down the stairs, cursing under his breath as he trod on a creaky step. The problem with living in a new house was that he hadn’t learned all the quirks yet. Thankfully, his dad, Carole, and Finn all seemed to be sleeping soundly. Kurt breathed a sigh of relief and made it the rest of the way down the stairs without incident.

He filled a travel thermos with coffee from the coffee machine he had programmed the night before. Kurt managed to eat half of a muffin before his phone buzzed, alerting him that his ride was here.

Kurt hopped in the back seat of Mercedes’ car. Rachel turned around and greeted him from the front seat. But Mercedes whipped her head around and glared at him.

“Kurt, don’t tell me you brought food into my car? You know the rules!”

Glancing guiltily at the half eaten muffin in his hand, Kurt gulped. 

“Shit, I really am sleepy. I promise to hold it very still?”

“Yes, and you will dispose of that when we get to Blaine’s house or this is the last time you ride in my baby again, are we clear?”

“As Swarovski crystal.”

As they drove, Kurt realized that he had never been to Blaine’s house and he wondered what it would be like. His neighborhood was pretty, with old gnarled trees lining the sidewalks and vintage street lamps. Blaine’s house was a two-story craftsman-style clad in white, wooden siding. It was almost as nice as Rachel’s house.

While Mercedes texted Blaine, Kurt hopped out of her car to scarf down the rest of his muffin in safety, letting the crumbs fall onto the fresh blanket of snow. Blaine emerged from his house, wrapped up in a thick black coat and slick, black ear warmers. 

Kurt managed to swallow the final bites of his muffin, before sweeping his hand towards the car in a grandiose gesture, declaring, “Your chariot awaits, my king!”

“Oh thank you, kind sir. Make haste, for we must defeat the sales in glorious battle.” Blaine’s words came out smooth in the sing-song voice and false accent he was affecting.

Blaine and Kurt settled into the back of the car.

“What are the two of you giggling about?” Rachel asked.

“Nothing, fair lady,” Kurt responded. Blaine just giggled harder.

Rachel pouted. “I hate inside jokes.”

Blaine caught Kurt’s eye and they shared a private smile. Kurt got a thrill out of seeing Blaine’s smirk and knowing it was just for him.

On the drive over to the mall, they formulated a plan of attack. Kurt pulled out his color-coded map of the mall.

When he saw it, Blaine had raised a questioning eyebrow at him. “What is **that**? A —Black Friday murder-er-er board? All it’s missing is r-r-red thread!”

Mercedes and Rachel both gasped in horror.

“ **That** is how we are going to find all the best deals before everything is sold out! **That** is a work of deal-hunting genius, nay, art! All the stores advertise their deals online to generate interest. Every year I spend the week of Thanksgiving going through them with a fine-tooth comb, copying the most pertinent information onto a mall map, and color-coding it based on how good the deals are. Honestly, Blaine, it’s like you didn’t spend the last month going over wedding spreadsheets with me. How is any of this a surprise to you?” Kurt huffed in mock outrage.

“Oh, l-let me see that,” Blaine grumbled with exasperation, holding his hand out for Kurt to give him the map.

“Ah, ah, ah, those who ridicule the tried and true Kurt Hummel Black Friday organizational schemes do not then get to benefit from them. You must apologize to the map for insulting it’s integrity before you are worthy to gaze upon it’s gloriousness.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Is he always this… punchy first thing… in the morning?”

In unison Rachel and Mercedes responded, “Yes!”

Blaine put one hand over his heart and the other on top of the map…which was sitting on Kurt’s leg. _Oh my god, he is touching my thigh!_ Kurt felt his heart speed up and tried desperately to hid his reaction.

“My d-d-darling map,” Blaine began, “pl-pl-please accept my apology most sin-sincere… for any insult… to your honor.” 

Kurt struggled to keep a straight face. “Alright, your groveling was sufficient, you may now view my work of staggering genius.”

Mercedes made eye contact with Blaine in the rear-view mirror. “I hope you learned your lesson, Newbie. He’s a little less forgiving if you tease him about his study notes for final exams. He totally froze me out last year.”

“And you’d better watch your mouth too because you’re still on probation,” Kurt snapped back.

Blaine belly shook with silent laughter and he smiled warmly at Kurt, eyes full of mirth. _Blaine would never make fun of my study notes._

—

Several hours later, the four of them collapsed in an exhausted heap on some chairs next to a fountain in the mall. 

“How are we doing on our lists, everyone?” Rachel asked, surveying the group.

“I’m all set but I think we need to find a Brooks Brothers addict support group for Blaine,” Kurt said, smirking at Blaine who was laden down with several large shopping bags.

“Hey!” Blaine protested, giving Kurt a light smack on the shoulder. “It was a **really** g-good sale.”

“Kurt, you are in no position to judge the amount of clothes someone else purchases,” Rachel chided, eyeing his own sizable pile of shopping bags.

“Hah!” Blaine said in a victorious tone. “If you’re done m-m-mocking me, perhaps you can… help me figure out… what to buy Cooper.”

Kurt pondered Blaine’s question for a moment. It occurred to him that the knew very little about Blaine’s much older brother who had run off to Los Angeles to become an actor and never looked back. 

“You have a brother?” asked Mercedes.

“You really don’t talk about him much,” Kurt commented. 

“Oh, uh, yeah I suppose not.” Blaine looked slightly uncomfortable, his gaze shifting to his feet rather than his friends. “He’s, uh, uh, he’s 25 and…”

“Oh wow, that’s a big age difference!” Rachel said with surprise. 

“Rachel, don’t interrupt,” Kurt chastised. _Blaine hates that._

Blaine quickly glanced up at Kurt and mouthed " _thank you”_ before continuing. 

“So…he’s an aspiring actor…out in L.A. He always has…some new project… that he’s working on…for his day job. I think he’s a waiter now…I can never keep track. He’s into all these…fads…but I can…never keep up with them. Last year it was Kabbalah but this year, who knows? We both love 80s pop…but otherwise…we’re pretty different. We’re…we’re not that close.”

Kurt felt a sympathetic pang as Blaine awkwardly described his brother. He could tell from how much Blaine was using his speech strategies that he must have a complicated relationship with Cooper; Blaine’s stuttering always got worse when he was talking about emotional topics.

Rachel got so excited that she jumped up out of her chair. “Oooh, I know! My Dad is into all that new wave nonsense and he’s been raving about this new book he just finished reading. I bet they have it at the bookstore here. Come on!” She grabbed Blaine’s hand and dragged him off towards the bookstore. Over her shoulder she called back to them, “Meet back here when we’re all done, okay?”

Kurt shook his head in disbelief. “There’s no stopping her when she gets like this, is here?”

“Did she seriously run off without **any** of her shopping bags? What does she just expect us to haul all this shit around while they scamper through the bookstore? That stuck-up little…” Mercedes ranted.

“Ugh, I know, just…let’s just watch her crap and then punish her later.”

—

On the way home, Rachel continued to be utterly tactless.

“So, Blaine, what’s the story with the big age difference between you and your brother?He’s, what, nine years older than you? That’s quite a gap!”

“Rachel!” Kurt protested.

“What? I’m just asking. Blaine doesn’t mind, do you Blaine?” Rachel said innocently.

_Well that is clearly not a trick question,_ Kurt thought to himself sarcastically. He seethed quietly, hating that Rachel was pressuring Blaine to open up more than he seemed comfortable with. But he couldn’t speak **for** Blaine, that would be overreaching in a different way. 

“Oh, sure, it’s fine,” Blaine answered in an uncertain tone. “My, uh, my mom isn’t a U.S. citizen. She grew up here…but she was born…in the Philippines. There was some c-c-complications with her… green card after she married… my dad. She had to… leave the country… for it to get… approved but it took… five years. Kind of d-d-delayed their plans for a second kid.” 

“Oh my goodness!” Rachel responded. “That must have been so hard for them. Your parents must really love each other to get through such a long separation.”

Blaine smiled back at her, “Yeah…they do.”

Kurt was happy to see Blaine relaxing again. At least Rachel was being supportive about the information she had pried out of him.

Mercedes chimed in from the driver’s seat. “Boy, how did I not know that you weren’t white?”

Blaine shrugged sheepishly. “I guess p-passing as a straight, white man is my secret t-t-talent.”

“Well then you know what, take that privilege and put it to some good use for the rest of use, deal?” Mercedes requested.

“Sure,” Blaine said with a smile.

—

_“And you kept the clothes,” said Amy Pond._

_“Well I just saved the world... the whole planet for about the millionth time, no charge, yeah, shoot me, I kept the clothes.” The Doctor looked at her, stubbornly unapologetic._

_“Including the bow tie.”_

_“Yeah, it's cool, bow ties are cool.” The Doctor adjusted his bow tie with a smirk._

_“Are you from another planet?” asked Amy._

_“_ _Yeah.”_

_“Okay…”_

_“So what do you think?” asked The Doctor._

_“_ _What?”_

_“Other planets. Wanna check some out?”_

The credits rolled as the episode ended and Kurt shut off the living room television before turning to Blaine. “I think I finally understand why you like this show so much.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Blaine said unconvincingly.

“Really? ‘Bow ties are cool’? It’s probably wired into your DNA to fall in love with this show.”

A broad grin of adoration spread across Blaine’s face. “It really is great, isn’t it? And Matt Smith is so damn pretty.” Blaine blushed slightly at this admission.

_I kind of look like Matt Smith. A little._

“You know I’m not usually that into science fiction but I would be willing to check out a few more episodes of this.” Kurt probably would have watched anything if he got to do it sitting next to Blaine, but he wasn’t going to mention that. Besides, it really wasn’t half bad.

Blaine fisted the air in triumph. “Yes!” 

“Oh, speaking of bow-ties!” Kurt had suddenly remembered something.

“That is officially my favorite segue. Go on!”

Kurt ran into the other room and returned with a thick envelope that he handed to Blaine. “I know I told you that you were invited already, but this makes it official. This is your invitation to my dad and Carole’s wedding.” 

“I’m r-r-really invited, Kurt? You know I didn’t mind h-h-helping you plan; you don’t have to invite me be-because of that.” Kurt couldn’t figure out why Blaine was being so insecure about the invitation.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you’re invited! Blaine, you’re my best friend. I wasn’t **not** going to invite you to my dad’s wedding. And you better show up looking handsome as hell in one of those new outfits you bought.” 

Blaine fingered the thick paper for a moment before opening the envelope. 

Kurt hesitated for a brief moment before deciding it was only fair to mention it. “Dad said everyone’s allowed a plus-one, so if you want to bring a friend or a date or something, you can.” 

Blaine chuckled as he he pulled a pen out of his book bag and started writing on his lap, where Kurt couldn’t see what he was doing. 

“Look,” Blaine said, holding up the RSVP card. In the spot for the guest’s name, Blaine had written, _Blaine “Handsome as Hell” Anderson_. “I’ll finish it later,” he said, tucking the invitation away into his book bag.

Kurt sighed. “I’m going to have fun explaining that one to my dad. You know I think he still gets suspicious when we hang out in my room alone. This is **not** going to help.” 

Kurt couldn’t help but secretly wish that his dad **did** actually have something to be suspicious of for a change. But alas, their hangouts were still tragically platonic.

“So, you survived your first Hummel Black Friday. Were you scarred for eternity?” Kurt asked.

“Once I stopped fearing for my life after I be-be-besmirched the honor of your map, it was…really a lot of fun!” Blaine enthused.

“Your shopping etiquette met my exacting standards so play your cards right and you just might be lucky enough to be invited back next year.” 

Teasing Blaine was too much fun for Kurt to resist. Especially when Blaine was such a good sport about playing along. He chuckled to himself, remembering their early morning antics getting into the car. Blaine brought a side of Kurt that leaned towards the absurd and he found that he enjoyed it.

“If I’m g-g-going to be graded its only fair that you g-g-give me a ru-rubric.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me of school! That was the one rule for this TV date.”

“Date?” Blaine quirked an eyebrow at him. Kurt felt himself turning a bright shade of pink. _Not that kind of date…he doesn’t think…does he think…_ “I’m kidding! Sorry, watching you panic is a little too fun.” _What is_ ** _that_** _supposed to mean? Does teasing me about calling it a date count as flirting? Oh God, he knows and he’s going to ask me about it!_

“Consider yourself uninvited from Black Friday,” Kurt grumbled, hoping to deflect from the whole topic of dates. 

“Not only am I c-c-coming next year, but n-next time I want to see you in at least one outfit from Brooks Brothers.”

Kurt groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“Hey, Kurt?” Blaine’s voice sounded tentative and when Kurt unburied his face he saw that Blaine now had a very serious look on his face.

_Please don’t ask me if I have a crush on you! Please!_

“Yeah?”

“You’ve had…like, uh, you know…c-c-crushes on boys before, right?” Blaine asked nervously.

_Oh no. No, no, no! This conversation cannot be going anywhere good. He_ **_does_ ** _know!_

Kurt was filled with dread and tried desperately to keep an external veneer of nonchalance. Inside his heart was starting to pound.

“Yeah.”

“How did you know…that you had feelings for them?” Blaine asked.

Kurt wasn’t sure he understood the question. “I just…I just knew it.”

Blaine let out a frustrated sigh, clearly not satisfied with his answer. “But **h-how** did you know? Was there a mo-mo-moment or did it sneak up on you s-s-slowly? 

His face was full of genuine curiosity. Maybe, just maybe, Blaine wasn’t suspicious of him. _But then why is asking about this?_

Kurt’s heart sank…there could only be one reason. _He has a crush on someone…oh god I’m going to have to watch him fall in love with someone else, aren’t I? He’s going to bring them to the wedding and I’m going to have to smile through my teeth and pretend to be happy for him._

Kurt took a few deep breaths to compose himself. As much as he felt devastated by the thought of Blaine having a crush on someone else, he strangely still felt himself wanting to help Blaine work through his confusion. He looked so lost that Kurt couldn't help but want to help him. Blaine was still his best friend, after all, and he would help him even if it broke his heart.

“Sorry, no one has ever asked me that before. I guess…it could be a moment when you first meet them or they do something that really makes an impression on you.” _Like singing Teenage Dream while simultaneously being extremely dreamy._ “I told you I had a crush on Finn last year, right? I didn’t have a crush on him at first. He actually used to hang out with some of the guys that bullied me. But after he joined Glee Club, he got…nicer. I’m not exactly used to guys—especially jocks—being nice to me. It crept up on me slowly but then also all at once; like a kick in the stomach.”

“Like a…a g-gut feeling?” Blaine asked with a tone of recognition.

“Sure, I guess you could call it that. I mean…I was able to kid myself for a little while that maybe he just didn’t know he was gay or something but…deep down I always knew it was hopeless. I pined for a little while and then things got…weird when our parents started dating…and then I got over it. Actually, I think them dating helped me get over it.”

Kurt wasn’t sure why he was going into this much detail but he realized he had never actually gotten to sit down and tell the whole story to someone before. It was nice to just tell it all to Blaine without worrying about being judged. It was almost hard to remember how his crush on Finn had felt when those sparks of feelings were so fully eclipsed by the full-blown fire that burned inside of him for Blaine.

Kurt wished he could explain to Blaine that it was different this time, where it at least felt possible. It was so much better this time. But how could he talk to Blaine about having a crush on someone who was gay when Blaine knew Kurt didn’t know anyone else who was gay…it would be the same as admitting his feelings, and he wasn’t remotely ready for that.

Kurt looked up at Blaine who seemed to be in a state of deep contemplation, staring into the depths of his tea as if it held all the answers.

“Blaine, can I ask what this is all about?”

Blaines dark brown eyes flicked up to meet Kurt’s. “My friend E-Elaine…she said something to me…it has my head spi-spi-spinning. She said I’m ob-ob-oblivious. Romantically oblivious. Do you…do you think that’s true?”

Poor Blaine looked so uncertain, his eyes searching Kurt’s now for answers. 

Kurt reached his hand across the couch to give Blaine’s a quick, comforting squeeze. 

To his alarm, Blaine’s eyes were starting to look watery.

“Why am I-I-I-I so bad at r-r-reading people?” he asked in a tone of despair.

“You’re not!” Kurt insisted. “After all, who is the only person who knew that something was wrong with me after all that shit happened with Karofsky? You, Blaine! You were the only one. My own **father** didn’t have a clue and he even saw me that first morning after it happened. None of my other friends were worried, not even Rachel when I so rudely kicked her out of my house. If you’re asking me, then Blaine Anderson is actually pretty perceptive. At least when it really matters.”

Kurt was surprised to see Blaine wiping the corner of his eye. “Aww, Kurt that is…that has to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said about me.”

“Well, it’s true. You’re a great friend and I guess I need to tell you that more often.” Kurt said with a smile.

Blaine leaned over and wrapped his arms around Kurt, pulling him into a warm hug. Kurt gently rubbed circles across Blaine’s back, in what he hoped was a comforting manner. 

“Thanks,” whispered Blaine.

He pulled back from the hug and took a deep breath, wiping the last tear from his eyes.

“At least I know how to do friendship right. I’m still kind of w-w-worried she’s right that I’m clueless about romance, though. I…well, apparently I n-n-never notice when someone has a c-c-crush on me, be-be-because, well-well she did and I-I never noticed anything, not even a t-t-tiny hint. And that got me thinking…I think I might be ob-ob-oblivious to my own feelings even. K-Kurt, I’ve never had a real crush on someone. That’s not normal, right? I’m sixteen! I mean, I’ve been attracted to people sure, but not…not with f-f-feelings, you know? What’s wrong with me?” Blaine asked pleadingly.

“Wow, she really did on a number on you, didn’t she? Look, I can’t tell you what’s going on inside your own head and heart, but I think being confused by feelings and dating is something we all have to deal with in one way or another as teenagers. It’s not like my crush on Finn went anywhere; I was pretty confused and naive about the whole thing. I may not have been oblivious to my feelings but I certainly didn’t know what to **do** with them…I still probably don’t.”

“R-really?” Blaine asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing, not remotely. I don’t think any of our friends do, or at least they didn’t at first. They just—they’ve had more practice, you know? They’ve had some chances to learn from trial and error if nothing else. Being gay…being gay in Ohio, we haven’t had those opportunities to try dating different people and learning from it. I think if we are a little behind in the romance area, well, it’s hardly our fault.” 

Kurt hoped he was managing to be reassuring rather than depressing. When he made eye contact with Blaine, his eyes were wide as if he had just had an epiphany.

“K-K-Kurt! You’re…you’re so right!” Blaine said with excitement.

“I could do without the tone of surprise, but…you’re welcome.” Kurt smirked teasingly at Blaine.

“I’ve been c-c-comparing myself to Elaine and Wesley and Rachel…but I n-n-never thought about how it might be d-d-different for me. For us.” 

“As much as I wish it wasn’t, until the world evolves it **is** different for us. Tina and Rachel and Finn can run around flirting and trying things out, but we don’t have that luxury. When I had a crush on Finn I was more focused on hiding my feelings than exploring them. Expressing romantic feelings has never exactly felt safe for me. Those hideous straight jocks already erupt into gay panic when I’m around and that’s when I’m openly disdainful towards them. I can just imagine what would have happened if I had ever **liked** one of them and dared to act on it. Well, I guess you don’t have to imagine…” 

Kurt trailed off, realizing that Blaine knew far too well what could happen. “Don’t be so hard on yourself next time, Blaine. The rest of the world is hard enough on us as it is; there’s no need to pile on.”

“You’re—you’re a g-g—you’re a great friend too, K-Kurt.”

—

Kurt woke up before his alarm went off on Monday morning. He stumbled over to the window to peel back the curtains; the ground outside was covered in a clean blanket of snow that must have fallen while he had slept. 

_What exactly does one wear to the first day of Bullying Awareness Week? Should I have borrowed Blaine’s rainbow suspenders? No, that’s probably too much._

Kurt considered his closet before deciding that he had absolutely no idea what would be appropriate. Whatever he wore, though, had better be warm because the temperature had dropped sharply overnight. _Alright, boots for the snow, sweater for the cold, gloves, and my fur hat._

Kurt pondered the week ahead of him as he ate breakfast. Carole and Burt had already left for work and Finn always slept in until the very last minute. It annoyed Kurt on the days when they carpooled but Mondays Finn had football, so at least Kurt didn’t have to worry about dragging him out of bed. _If he wants to be late, that’s his business._

Kurt still wasn’t really sure what to expect. The week would end with a big Anti-Bullying Rally where The New Directions would sing a selection of songs that addressed themes of tolerance, acceptance, and individuality. Ms. Pillsbury had also managed to find some acting troupe that did educational events for schools. They were going to be putting on skits or something…Kurt wasn’t sure. Apparently, they had agreed to come for free since McKinley was an “underfunded” school or something like that. 

Kurt knew there would be daily discussion topics but he was hazy about the rest of the details. He was trying not to get his hopes up too high. _You can’t fix a problem this huge in a week._ He just wanted some tangible sign of progress that he could hold on to. 

He was also mildly nervous that the event would trigger some belated act of retaliation from Karofsky for complaining about him to the administration. Blaine had already offered to be a full-time hallway escort but Kurt didn’t want to go backwards. Karofsky was still on probation; that would have to be enough.

Driving to school took longer than usual, because the roads had not been plowed yet. His dad, of course, made sure his car had the highest quality winter tires and had made him practice winter driving so much that Kurt was pretty sure he could steer out of a fishtail in his sleep. Kurt drove confidently, adjusting his speed to keep traction on the snow without skidding when he braked. He shook his head in disapproval at the cars that already littered the sides of the road.

Kurt kicked his boots against the front steps of the school to knock the snow off of them before opening the doors and heading inside. He looked up to see a banner hanging from the ceiling over the heads of his fellow students as they puttered around completing their early morning business of lockers and gossip. 

The banner said, “McKinley High School Celebrates Bullying Awareness Week: Be an Upstander, not a Bystander!” _What on earth is an upstander? Now they’re just making up words? No one is going to take this seriously!_

They always overheated the school in winter so Kurt made a beeline for his locker and quickly began to shed layers before he got unacceptably sweaty. He carefully hung them on magnetic hooks he had installed inside his locker. He wasn’t going to just throw his coat on the locker floor like some of the heathens around him. 

“Kurt!” He spun around to see Blaine bouncing in front of him, his cheeks bright from the cold air. “Happy Bu-Bullying Awareness Week!” He handed Kurt a to-go cup of coffee.

“Thank you, Blaine,” he said with surprise. “And here I didn’t get you anything. You should have told me that caffeine was the traditional gift for this holiday.”

“Psh, why would you get me anything? You’re the re-reason this is even happening!”

“No, Blaine. You had just as much to do with that as I did. You’re the one who got me to report what happened. Tomorrow, I’m bringing **you** coffee, okay? Seriously, I don’t even know where I would be without you. I should be bringing you coffee every day for at least…I don’t know, a month or two?”

Blaine’s lips curled into an enormous grin. “Aw, now look who’s getting all mushy on me.” He leaned his head affectionately against Kurt’s shoulder for a moment. “So, was that a s-s-serious offer because I am n-n-not turning down free coffee delivery? Don’t taunt me like that, it’s cruel and unusual p-p-punishment.”

Kurt rolled his eyes in response. “I will bring you coffee for the rest of this week and then that’s **it**. You’re just lucky you’re cute when you get all excited like that.”

“It’s a curse,” Blaine said in mock self-deprecation.

_You have no idea._

—

“All right, settle down, settle down everyone.” Mr. Sinclair said grumpily. “I know you were all looking forward to discussing the symbolism of the jungle in ‘The Heart of Darkness,’ but unfortunately for all of us, we will be spending this class period discussing something that has nothing to do with literature: Bullying.”

_He could at least fake a little enthusiasm._

“Please watch this short video about bullying and then be prepared to discuss it. Excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” He started the video and then left.

Kurt glanced around the classroom before pulling out his laptop and started typing.

     To: _epillsbury@limaschools.org_

     From: _khummel@limaschools.org_

 

     Subject: Help!

 

     Dear Ms. Pillsbury,

     Mr. Sinclair is officially the new Gordon Brown! I’m going to start bullying **him** if you don’t come in soon and take over this lesson!

 

     Respectfully Yours,

     Kurt E. Hummel

He turned his attention back to the video playing on the projector screen just as Mr. Sinclair returned. A few minutes later, Ms. Pillsbury appeared in the doorway. She started clapping as the video came to an end.

“Yay! What an interesting video! So much to discuss!”

_See, that’s how you fake enthusiasm._

“I’m walking around today to see how everything is going and I would love to get the discussion rolling in here, if Mr. Sinclair doesn’t mind the intrusion.”

Mr. Sinclair grunted in agreement.

Ms. Pillsbury started off with some easier questions first.

“What kinds of bullying did you see in the video?”

“Well that dude was calling him names, so that’s—what—verbal bullying, right Ms. P?”

“Yes, exactly! Raise your hand if you’ve ever seen verbal bullying happen at McKinley.”

Kurt raised his hand. He looked around the room and saw that every hand was in the air.

“Wow! Look how common it is, everyone in here has seen it! Now, keep your hand in the air if you have ever been the target of verbal bullying.”

About half the hands went down, but Kurt was surprised to see how many hands were still in the air. It wasn’t just outcasts like himself, there were football players and cheerleaders with their hands in the air too.

“Thank you. Put your hands down. As you can already see, bullying is something that affects many of the people in this room. Did you know that at least 1 in 4 kids has been bullied at school? Some reports say 1 in 3. So if bullying is so common, who is safe from bullying?”

“A cheerleader,” someone shouted.

“Okay, we have a few cheerleaders in here. Have any of you ever been bullied?”

Both cheerleaders in the class raised their hands in the air.

“When I gained weight over the summer, people were really mean about it. They called me fat and tried to steal my food,” the first cheerleader shared.

“I’ve been bullied because I’m…a virgin.” The second cheerleader blushed as she confessed this. “Most of us have been bullied at one point or another. Santana was bullied for getting a boob job, Evie was bullied for sleeping around, and Brittney was bullied for forgetting to wear underwear.”

“So it sounds like it’s not enough to be in the most popular social group in the school. Even if you are popular, you need to be smart enough to remember your underwear but not so smart that you’re a teacher’s pet, be hot but only if it’s natural, have had sex but not too much sex…basically you have to be just about perfect. Raise your hand if you’re perfect.”

No hands went up.

“Does anyone still feel like they could never be targeted by bullying? No? Okay, so hopefully now you all see how this issue really does affect every single one of you. Over the next few days, you will be having more conversations like this about how we can all work together to create a safer learning environment.”

Kurt was surprised to see that most of the students actually applauded when she concluded her lesson. _Maybe this week could change things._

—

On Tuesday, Kurt brought Blaine coffee as promised. The lesson for the day had focused on the reasons why people bully and the harmful effects of it. Kurt was pleasantly surprised to see how much his colleagues were actually engaging in these conversations. He had felt so alone in his bullying that it was rather shocking to discover just how common it really was among his peers.

After school, they had their usual Glee Club meeting. Now that Sectionals were behind them, finally, Mr. Schuester was giving them a break from extra rehearsals for a while. They reviewed the setlist and schedule for the assembly and then Mr. Scheuster handed Glee Club over to Ms. Pillsbury.

“Hello, Glee Club! I’m very excited about our upcoming rally.” She clapped her hands a few times. “I have been doing a lot of research about bullying prevention and there are so many great ideas out there. I was hoping to organize an Anti-Bullying Club to help keep the Bullying Awareness message going after this week ends and everything gets back to normal, but obviously I need to find motivated students to get involved. If I can get a few students involved, then we can advertise at the rally. Since this issue is so important to many of you, I said to myself, where better to start than the Glee Club. So, any takers?”

Kurt was trying to decide whether or not to raise his hand when Santana’s hand shot into the air without hesitation.

“Santana?” Mr. Scheuster said incredulously. “Are you sure that **you** would be the best person for this?”

“What? I’m a great leader!” Santana objected.

Rachel scoffed. “Sure, no one is denying that, Santana, it’s just that…no offense, but you have bullied most of **us** at one point or another. That is not exactly a glowing recommendation for running an anti-bullying club. You can’t run that club and then turn around and be seen bullying students in the hallways.”

Santana looked furious. “That’s ridiculous! I’m not a **bully**! I’m just really honest with people; I keep it a hundred percent. Right guys?”

There was awkward silence punctuated by a few answers that quickly trailed off.

“Uh…”

“Well…”

Ms. Pillsbury jumped in, still infusing everything she said with her usual aggressive cheeriness. “Well, Santana I think it is wonderful that you are interested in being part of my club. As our first project, I want to focus on making Glee Club truly a safe space for each and every one of you to be your authentic selves without fear of judgement. Santana, do you have any ideas about how we could do that?”

Santana’s eyes got wide at being put on the spot. She sat in silent thought for a moment, before answering. “Everyone in here has come to love and embrace themselves, but we need to do better at accepting each other. There’s too many secrets. If everyone was just honest with each other, everything would be better.”

“Wow, great idea Santana! While I admire your commitment to radical honesty, it’s important that we allow everyone to maintain their own personal boundaries around what they want to share at school. **However** , an opportunity to share something about yourself that others in the group might not know, optional of course, might be a great start!”

Mr. Schuester beamed at Ms. Pillsbury in admiration. “I think this is really going to help us all come together and really bond as a team. It could even give us the edge we need at Regionals this year!”

“Exactly!” Ms. Pillsbury cheered. She directed everyone to form a circle with the chairs in the room. “This circle is a judgement-free zone. Can everyone agree to that?”

The New Directions murmured their agreement.

“Does anyone want to share with the group? Santana, you could go first to set an example.” Ms. Pillsbury looked hopefully an her new lieutenant. 

Brittney swept her long, blonde hair out of her face and leaned over to whisper encouragingly in Santana’s ear. Santana was shaking her head vehemently, starting to turn red. 

_I am seriously starting to wonder if those two are dating._

Kurt cleared his throat and raised his hand. 

“We already know that you’re gay,” Santana snapped.

_Shut up, I’m doing this for you._

“Nothing gets past you. What I was **going** to say was that I think that while this club has been safer than anywhere else at this school for gay students, I still think there is more we could do to support our LGBT members.” 

“Thank you for sharing Kurt, perhaps you could give us some specific suggestions?” Ms. Pillsbury asked.

“Yeah, okay, well everything is just very heteronormative. It’s always boys versus girls and boy-girl partners for dancing and duets. Blaine and I should have been able to sing a duet together without anyone making a big stink about it.”

Rachel sat guiltily in her chair, avoiding eye contact with Kurt.

Kurt continued, “And I realize this is a lot to ask, but we could stop assuming everyone is straight unless they tell us otherwise. I mean Blaine had to come out all over again because you all just assumed he was straight. Which I understand, I really do, it’s not your fault, it’s just what society tells us. It’s something we have to actively unlearn. Even just little things like if you want to know if someone has a crush or is dating, let’s be more open-minded about our pronouns. And another thing, calling me ‘Lady Hummel’ is both homophobic and misogynistic so I’d really appreciate if we could retire that one permanently.” 

Several students applauded, including Blaine.

“Wow, thank you for getting us started Kurt! A lot to think about there. Who else would like to share with the group?”

Brittney raised her hand. Santana shot her a warning look.

“I wanted to tell you all that even though everyone thinks I’m stupid, I’m not. I just have something called ‘slow processing speed.’ It means my brain works slower than other people’s but I can still do all the same stuff. Sometimes people think I do it on purpose to be cute or something but I can’t help it.”

Kurt had always wondered what Brittney’s deal was but had never felt comfortable asking. He was surprised and impressed by Brittney’s calm demeanor as she shared this with the group. She had clearly come to terms with this long ago. 

Santana linked her pinky with Brittney and looked a her affectionately. “I’m really proud of Brittney for sharing this with the club,” Santana said. “I’m the only person who knew besides her family until today. I think she’s perfect just the way she is but most people don’t understand her.”

Ms. Pillsbury clapped her hands a few times. “Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. Now it should go without saying that this information should not leave the room so Brittney has control over who knows her private information. Perhaps some of you have words of support for Brittney?”

Artie raised his hand. “I thought I was the only one in here with a disability. It feels cool not to be alone, Brit. I think you’re awesome just the way you are!”

“Brittney, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know,” Kurt added. “You have always accepted me as I am without question and I’ll never forget how you taught me the Single Ladies dance.”

Brittney and formed her fingers and thumbs into the shape of a heart on her chest. Kurt made the same gesture back to her.

Blaine raised his hand. “I, uh, have a, uh, a second thing to, uh, uh come out about.”

_Oh my god! He’s going to do it!_

Ms. Pillsbury nodded to him encouragingly. Kurt leaned over to whisper in his ear, “You’ve got this!”

Blaine flashed a quick smile at Kurt before he continued. “I, uh, I also have a…di-di-disibility. I s-s-s-s-stu-stu-stutter.” Blaine’s eyes went wide briefly as he lost control on the very word that named his problem. 

_They really should have named it something easier to say._

Kurt watched with pride as Blaine took a deep breath. “I was d-d-d-diagnosed when I was fffive…and I’ve been bu-bu-bullied a lot —because of it. As some of you…know…I was a-a-a-attacked last year…that’s, uh, uh, why I transferred here…and my-my-my-my stutter-er-ering got worse after. I, uh, I work with a sp-sp-speech therapist that helps but it’s —never going to g-g-go away.”

Kurt noticed that Blaine’s hands were starting to shake. He reached out to offer his hand, in case Blaine needed the physical reminder of Kurt’s unwavering support. Blaine took it and shot him a grateful smile.

“K-Kurt’s known…for a while now…but I’m ready…for all of you-you-you to know too. I think-I think—I know that hiding it…it’s not g-g-good for me. So, now you know.” When Blaine was done, he let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you for sharing with us, Blaine. Is there anything you want us to know about your stuttering that would allow us to be more supportive friends and colleagues?” Ms. Pillsbury asked, her voice calm and warm.

“Oh! Yes, actually. Pl-Pl-Please don’t interrupt me or t-t-try to finish my sentences. I know…people mean to help…but it’s really fru-fru-frustrating. Don’t ask if I’m o-okay when I stutter. I’m fine I j-j-just need to get through it. And if my face twitches or I blink too hard when I get stuck, please just ignore it.”

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand, hoping to convey how incredibly proud he was. 

“Oh, wait that’s why you got all twitchy that one time?” Santana asked as the realization hit her. “I had no idea that had anything to do with stuttering. Well, thank you for explaining. Next time, I’ll just be chill about it.”

That was about as kind as Santana got and Kurt was relieved that this was the response Blaine was getting from her.

“Wait?” Rachel called out, her brown eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “But when you sing…I mean how…?”

Blaine laughed. “I don’t stutter when I sing. That’s one of the r-r-reasons I love it so much.”

“Oh! That’s…so cool!” she replied.

Blaine was practically luminescent he was smiling so brightly.

—

On Wednesday, the anti-bullying lesson happened during Kurt and Blaine’s third period science class. Kurt was relieved to see that Ms. McKenzie took the assignment much more seriously than Mr. Sinclair had. She was strict but even Kurt had to admit that she was a fair teacher who delivered well-organized lessons.

“Attention, class! As you know, today instead of Chemistry we will be having a conversation about bullying. To start with, please raise your hand if you have ever witnessed another student being bullied.”

Over half the hands in the room went up in the air, including both Kurt and Blaine’s. Ms. McKenzie raised her hand as well.

“So it looks like a lot of us have. Since I’m a numbers girl, I’m going to try to keep track of these polls.” She started filling in a chart on the white board. She wrote, _have witnessed bullying 65%._

“Now, keep your hand up if you have ever tried to intervene in bullying. That could mean telling the bully off or even just trying to change the subject.”

Ms. McKenzie surveyed the room. “Interesting, now we’re down to about 15%. That’s not surprising. Most of us choose to be bystanders when we see bullying, which means that we **stand by** while bullying happens and don’t do anything to stop it. Today, we are going to talk about how to be an ‘upstander’ or someone who **stands up** with your friends to be an ally against bullies. Now let’s watch some video clips and I want you to think about what you could say in each situation.”

Kurt leaned over and whispered to Blaine, “Thanks for being such an upstanding young gentleman.” Blaine flashed one of his wide grins back at Kurt.

They discussed strategies for being an “upstander” for a while and then Ms. McKenzie moved on to their final discussion topic. “How do you think someone who is being bullied feels?”

“Sad.”

“Angry.”

“Afraid.”

Kurt raised his hand. “What people don’t understand is that being bullied isn’t just feeling scared or angry in the moment that it’s happening. When you’re being bullied, you’re in a state of constant fear because you never know when the next attack is coming. You are constantly looking over your shoulder for danger or figuring out how to get to your next class safely. You’re so distracted that you start to fall behind in your classes. The constant stress makes it hard to eat or sleep. It’s like living in a war zone.”

Only when he was finished, did Kurt feel brave enough to glance over at Karofsky. Dave was staring at him, jaw hanging slightly open, a puzzled expression on his face.

Azimio raised his hand. “A war zone? Come on, isn’t that kind of over-dramatic? It’s just some harmless schoolyard bullying.”

Ms. McKenzie kept her tone calm and patient, in that special way that teachers do. “That’s what a lot of people think. But Azimio, did you know that victims of bullying are more likely to commit suicide, which is already the third most common cause of death among young people like yourselves?”

“Oh, shit!” he responded.

“Not so harmless now, is it?”

“No, ma’am.” 

“Another thing too. Those who bully are no better off. They usually have something bad going on in their own life, or even are being bullied themselves. They are also at increased risk of suicide.”

She let that sink in for a moment before continuing with the usual teacher spiel about suicide. “Now it’s important for you all to know that suicide is a complex issue without a simple cause or explanation. That’s why we take it very seriously at this school and encourage you all to please speak to Ms. Pillsbury or any staff member you trust if a friend mentions anything to you about considering suicide. Even if you think they are joking, it is better to be be overly cautious.”

Kurt looked over at Karofsky again, and for the first time he felt a pang of sympathy. _He’s so deep in the closet that he must be just as miserable as I am. No one comes out on top in this fucked up situation._ Dave was looking steadfastly ahead this time, almost as if he was avoiding Kurt’s questioning gaze.

—

On Thursday, Kurt was surprised when he was summoned from his math class to Ms. Pillsbury’s office. But that was nothing compared to his utter shock when he saw none other than David Karofsky sitting in one of the chairs, nervously rubbing the toe of his shoe against the worn carpet.

Kurt froze in the doorway. Logically, he knew that Karofsky wouldn’t try anything with a teacher sitting right there but emotionally just seeing him unexpectedly was enough to flood him with fear. “What is **he** doing here?” Kurt demanded. 

“Kurt, David is here because he is ready to have a meaningful conversation about what happened between you two I think you would both really benefit from hearing what the other one has to say. I’ll be here the whole time, so I promise that you will be safe, Kurt. You can leave at any time if you feel uncomfortable. What do you think?”

“Fine,” Kurt said, his voice still edgy. Reluctantly, he stepped into the office, closed the door, and took the other seat. He scooted it a few inches further away from David until he felt decidedly out of range of whatever attacks his lizard brain could conjure up.

“Go ahead, David,” Ms. Pillsbury encouraged. 

“Did you really mean what you said in Chem the other day? About how it felt to be bullied?”

Kurt nodded.

“I…I had no idea.”

“Well, now you do. I guess that was sort of the whole point of Bullying Awareness Week, right, to make you **aware**. I really wish **I** had the luxury of having no idea how it feels,” Kurt replied bitterly.

“I deserved that,” Karofsky replied. _Yes, yes you did._

“David, if Kurt could tell you more about the impact your bullying had on him, do you think you could listen respectively like we practiced? This is not the time for explanations or defenses, just for listening.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” Karofsky said gruffly.

“Kurt? I think this would be really good for both of you.”

Kurt felt his heart rate speed up but he found that he really wanted to do this. “Well, you heard some of it in class. How I felt scared all of the time, because I never knew when the next incident would happen so I could never feel safe. I was so stressed out that I lost ten pounds, I started having nightmares, and after that, uh, that time in the locker room I stayed home because I was too scared to come back to school. Blaine had to come to my house and practically drag me back. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t made me go to Principal Figgins and if Principal Figgins hadn’t finally believed me.”

“Would you have…you know?” Dave asked, in a hushed voice.

“No,” Kurt said resolutely. “I would never have killed myself because I actually have a pretty great life despite whatever you would think. I have some really good friends, the world’s best dad, and enough talent to get me the hell out of this backwards town and never look back. But the next kid you victimize might not be so lucky.”

Karofsky looked up from his shoes and Kurt saw a very pained look on his face.

“Kurt I…” he swallowed and then tried again. “Kurt, I’m really, **really** sorry that I made you feel that way. If it helps…it’s over, okay, I promise. I’m done. I won’t bother you anymore.”

Kurt sat in stunned silence. “Thank you. I think it will take time for me to really believe you, but I appreciate the gesture.” He almost left it at that but…he felt that he had to say something.

“Dave…you heard the other part of Ms. McKenzie’s speech too, right? You need help, serious help. I’m not going to expose your secrets but they are going to poison you from the inside out if you don’t talk to someone about them. Ms. Pillsbury is pretty great. I really hope you’ll consider actually talking to her about what all of this was really about. Otherwise, you’re never going to feel any better.”

Ms. Pillsbury’s forehead wrinkled in confusion and Karofsky’s face turned white with panic. 

“What is he talking about, David?” Ms. Pillsbury asked, a hint of emotion in her voice.

“Stop it, just stop it!” David said, practically begging. “I don’t even know if I **am** , okay?”

“You’re never going to figure that out if you don’t talk about it with someone. It’s just going to keep torturing you forever. What is the worst that could happen if you told Ms. Pillsbury? She’s like, sworn to secrecy or something, right Ms. P?”

“As the school guidance counselor, anything you say to me is kept completely confidential unless you share something that indicates you are a danger to yourself or others. Then I would have to share that will the other school administrators and your parents. You can trust me, David, really.”

David looked wildly from Ms. Pillsbury to Kurt and back again. He let out a defeated sigh.

“I…I can’t…you tell her, Kurt, I just…I can’t say it.” Tears welled up in his eyes and suddenly the enormous, terrifying bully was nothing more than a scared little boy.

“You’re sure?”

Karofsky nodded.

“The, uh, the reason David was bullying me, at least in part, is because he is…or he might be…gay, like me. He didn’t hit me in the locker room like I said he did; he kissed me.” 

Karofsky gazed at Kurt, wiping away tears. “I’m sorry about that part too, I know that was the worst thing. I…I would have stopped after that anyways. I realized I had gone too far.”

Ms. Pillsbury’s already saucer-like eyes managed to become even wider in response to this revelation. “Oh, I see. Well that certainly puts things in a new light.” She turned to Kurt, “I take it this kiss was not…consensual?”

“No way! Dave, that was a really awful thing to do! It was way worse than hitting me, I felt so violated you just have no idea.”

“I was so angry that night. You just…you looked so disgusted with me, it was the reaction I had feared from everyone else but I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t respond that way.”

“Seriously? I wasn’t disgusted that you were **gay** I was disgusted because you sexually assaulted me! Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean it’s open season on kissing Kurt Hummel as long as you’ve got the right junk in the trunk!”

“Right…of course, no, I get that now. I just…I’m really sorry, Kurt, I never meant to…I just, I’m sorry.”

“May I be excused now?” Kurt asked as politely as he could muster.

“Yes, of course.” 

He stood to leave but before he opened the door he turned back to face his bully, “I hated you for what you did to me but I’m proud of you for talking to someone. I really hope you figure things out and find a way to be happy.”

And then he walked out, head held just a little bit higher, now that the last bit of weight he didn’t realize he had still been carrying was lifted from his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought! 
> 
> HAPPY things are coming next chapter!
> 
> ~~  
> Bullying Background/Commentary:  
> ~~  
> I did do a fair bit of research about bullying prevention but ultimately this is all from my own imagination, so apologize if anything seems inaccurate. My research sources were: cdc.gov and stopbullying.gov. Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional.
> 
> The causes of suicide are really complicated and the information I found on the CDC website really emphasized that every kid has risk factors and protective factors for suicide. Being the victim of bullying is just one risk factor that goes into the equation. I hope I made it clear that Kurt has some good protective factors on his side including good family support and good school-connectedness (Glee Club) which are why he is at low risk. The social work team at my school emphasizes that all comments about suicide should be treated seriously and reported to the student's social worker (one protective factor my students have is that every single one already meets regularly with a social worker). The teacher's comments were based on my own school's policies plus my research.
> 
> I hope that final scene landed the way I meant it to. I wanted Kurt and Karofsky to have some of that resolution of the scene where Karofsky tearfully apologizes to him in the hallway after becoming a bully whip but with a little more closure for Kurt. I didn't want it to be too pat or perfect, because that seems unrealistic. So I wanted Kurt to still feel angry and hurt while still getting that closure and that apology.
> 
> ~~  
> Doctor Who Background:  
> ~~  
> The scene from Doctor Who is just a transcription of the script of the final scene, with a few narration notes added in by me. It is from Season 5, Episode 1 which is called "The Eleventh Hour" and it is the first episode which introduces the "11th" doctor, who has a strong obsession with wearing bow-ties. "Bow ties are cool" is one of his catchphrases. So obviously Blaine is a fan :)
> 
> ~~  
> Gordon Brown?  
> ~~  
> He is a British politician with a reputation for being an incredibly boring speaker. I wanted Kurt's email to have a niche reference just like when he emails to complain about how Sue is running Glee club on the show.


	15. Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The New Directions performs at the Anti-Bullying Rally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 15! 
> 
> Once again, I've thrown caution to the wind and posted without the review of my beta-reader. Next time we shall return to a more organized world where all the punctuation marks play nice with one another.
> 
> I hope there hasn't been too noticeable of a drop in quality. Mirvly has expressed that there has been less and less to fix as the story has gone on but I still always feel better running it by them, plus there have been some very helpful stylistic notes as well.
> 
> But, well, I'm too excited to keep posting chapters to stop! So, enjoy!
> 
> See the end notes for rambling commentary on the chapter, somewhat helpfully labeled, as well as a long Stuttering Corner note about why people who stutter usually are fluent when they sing.

Blaine awoke to a quiet, wet dripping sound from outside his window. The last of the snow and ice that had accumulated on the roof and trees from Sunday night’s snowstorm were finally melting. The warmth in the air disassembled their harsh, solid forms into harmless water droplets. 

When he looked out the window, he was pleased to see that the clouds had cleared and the sun shining through to illuminate the crisp morning. Bullying Awareness Week was ending tomorrow, and this seemed like a fitting way to bring it to a close.

He glanced wistfully at his collection of boat shoes, knowing that the wet slush outside rendered them utterly impractical. He would probably have to retire them for the winter soon but he hoped there would be at least a few more warm days yet. Perhaps tomorrow, when the puddles had dried, if the sun kept shining. He had at least had the foresight to purchase a new pair of water-resistant leather ankle-boots on Black Friday. They would be perfect for such a melty day. 

Blaine avoided wearing hats whenever possible because they reeked havoc on his hair not to mention the sticky residue left behind inside the hat itself. Ear warmers were usually enough; they were black and lay flat on his head. _Don’t forget to wear a scarf._ It was Kurt’s voice he heard in his head, a memory of his friendly nagging. He selected a classic Burberry plaid cashmere scarf that would keep his neck toasty warm and placate his overly concerned friend.

Cooper had always complained about having to drive himself to school once he turned sixteen but Blaine loved the quiet time to himself at the start of each day. Sometimes he sang along with the radio or went over his schedule for the day in his head. Today he had a math quiz and then, after school, Glee Club was doing a final run-through of their setlist for the rally and Mr. Schuester had mentioned something about making costumes. 

Blaine pulled into the McKinley lot, scanning the cars to see which of his friends had already arrived. Kurt’s Navigator was already parked, so Kurt and Finn were already here. He spotted Tina’s Jeep as well.

As he walked towards the school entrance, he noticed Rachel hopping out of a Mini Cooper. Blaine waved hello to her from across the sidewalk. She smiled brightly at him before turning to say her goodbyes. Blaine couldn’t help but be curious about her parents; he didn’t know anyone else with gay parents. He imagined meeting them would feel like looking into his own future, or at least the future he hoped to have one day. 

As he walked closer, Blaine was surprised to see that both fathers were getting out of the car to hug and kiss their daughter goodbye. Blaine increased his pace slightly, hoping he might have the opportunity to be introduced before they went off to wherever they were going next in their stylish, European car.

“Good morning, Blaine Anderson!” Rachel greeted him cheerfully.

“Morning! Are the-these your dads?”

“Oh, yes! Dads, come meet my friend Blaine Anderson before you leave. Blaine, this is Daddy Hiram, and Daddy LeRoy.”

Blaine worried about seeming too overenthusiastic but he just couldn’t help it. A real-life partered gay couple, in the flesh! He shook each of their hands vigorously.

“Hi! I’m B-B-B-Blaine!”

He had a million questions swirling around in his head, none of which seemed appropriate to ask during student drop-off at his high school. _I wonder how they met. How old were they when they came out? I think they are old enough to have lived through the AIDS crisis; I can’t even imagine what that was like. Why didn’t they move out of Ohio to somewhere more progressive?_

Hiram, the one with the glasses, pulled gently on his partner’s arm. “LeRoy, you promised you would take me to that figure drawing seminar. We’re going to be late!” he complained.

“Oh, quit your kvetching,” he scolded, before turning back to Rachel and LeRoy. “Sorry, muffin, you know how your father gets about being late. We’d better scoot. Have a beautiful day at school. Lovely to meet you, Blaine!” said LeRoy.

With a few waves and extra kisses for Rachel, the two men climbed back into the car and drove off. Blaine stared after them until Rachel broke his concentration.

“You and Kurt should start a fan club. He was just as gaga the first time he met them.” She let out a sigh. “I’ll have you over for dinner sometime and you can meet them properly. Come on, let’s go inside.”

_Smooth, Blaine. Real smooth._

Inside, Kurt greeted him with his third cup of coffee for the week. He had to admit that he was enjoying being spoiled.

Kurt arched an eyebrow at Rachel. “Why does Blaine look like he just saw Judy Garland’s ghost?” He waved a hand in front of Blaine’s face, as if to shake him from a trance.

Rachel giggled. “Because he saw the next best thing: Mr. and Mr. Berry.”

“Oh, yes, that would do it. I keep begging them to adopt me but apparently they have their hands full with this broad over here.” Kurt gestured to Rachel. “They sing before dinner, Blaine. Every night! And they have some **wild** stories.”

Blaine felt a bit less embarrassed seeing that Kurt was just as enthralled as he was. “Did you, uh, uh, did you t-t-talk to them when you came out?” _I wish I had known them back then._

“Yeah, they were great. They don’t know much about coming out in high school, though, I mean their generation…it was so different. They didn’t come out until much later in life.”

Blaine nodded. He handed his coffee back to Kurt to hold while he opened his locker and swapped out the items he needed from his backpack. As he checked his hair in the mirror, he caught a glimpse of Dave Karofsky over his shoulder in the reflection. _Why is he walking closer?_

Blaine felt his stomach tighten as his protective instincts kicked in. He glanced over at Kurt, nervously, to see if he had noticed. Kurt was still chatting away with Rachel, acting normal and relaxed.

His locker door made a loud noise as he closed it a little too hard; Rachel flinched in response. Blaine instinctively stepped into the space between Kurt and the hulking figure that approached them. 

Dave came to a stop about five feet or so from Kurt, looking straight at him, making it undeniably clear that he was really here to say or do something to him. His face cracked into a half smile and with an awkward wave, he finally spoke. “Hey, Kurt.”

Kurt looked surprised but, to Blaine’s complete shock, he didn’t appear scared. 

“Um, Hi, Dave.” 

Karofsky jerked his head in an upwards nod and then lumbered off.

Blaine blinked in stunned surprise for a few seconds before he and Rachel rounded on Kurt in unison.

“What was **that**?” Blaine demanded.

Kurt bit his lip nervously. “That was… we sort of had a **talk** yesterday. In Ms. Pillsbury’s office.”

Blaine immediately started scanning Kurt for possible signs of injury. He looked fine but he wore so many layers that it really was rather hard to tell what was going on under there.

“And you…you’re okay?” Blaine asked hesitantly. He felt fiercely protective. _If he touched one hair on his head I’m going to…_

“Yes, yes, we were fully supervised. Better than fine, actually. It…it was…I think I got some closure finally.” 

Blaine looked down at the ground before he caught himself. _Eye contact!_ Looking up, he studied Kurt’s face carefully to see how he was feeling. He looked…calm. He really did seem to be fine.

Rachel cocked her head to the side, and then asked, “Did he apologize? Because David Karofsky doesn’t get to just walk up and say ‘hey’ like nothing happened if he didn’t even apologize.”

Blaine felt a surge of warmth towards Rachel for being so protective and loyal towards Kurt. _She really does have her moments. i_

“He did.” Kurt said with a tone of mild bewilderment, as if he was still getting used to the idea.

“Was Ms. P j-j-just making him do it or…do you, uh, do you think he, uh, re-really meant it? Blaine asked.

“I actually think he did. He was really emotional, crying even. I guess that stuff I said during Chem really got to him.”

“I never thought I would see the day that David Karofsky would shed a tear,” Rachel said solemnly.

“I kind of felt sorry for him. It was…weird.”

_You felt sorry for him? After what he_ ** _did_** _to you?_ Blaine didn’t know what to think. He wondered if Kurt was incredibly big-hearted or incredibly naive.

“He doesn’t de-de-deserve your sympathy, Kurt. You don’t owe him-him-him anything,” Blaine insisted.

“I know,” said Kurt, softly. “I promise I’m still plenty angry at him Blaine but I also…you didn’t see how he was, Blaine. I just…I **did** feel sympathy for him, not because I owe him anything but just because, well, that’s how I felt.”

“Well, what I want to know is if this apology came with any promises or conditions?” Rachel asked suspiciously. “Because I don’t think he has earned his way out of probation yet. One apology is not enough. He has to walk the walk.”

“No, but he did promise that its over. I think that’s why he said ‘hello’ this morning. To show me that he’s trying to be better. It was…odd, but I guess sort of nice too. Rach…can I speak to Blaine in private? Just between us gays?”

Rachel harrumphed before turning on her heels and flouncing off down the hallway. She cast a sharp, accusatory glance over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Such a drama queen.”

“So?” Blaine questioned, wondering what all the secrecy was about. Kurt glanced around the hallway, milling with students. He grabbed Blaine’s arm and led him into the empty choir room. 

“Sorry for all the cloak and dagger. I just…I can’t out him.” Kurt dropped his voice to just above a whisper. “So anyways, I-I got him to come out to Ms. Pillsbury!”

“Wow! That’s huge. So no one else knew?”

“I don’t think so, no. He just…he looked so…tortured, I couldn’t help but feel for him at least a little bit. He must be so deep in the closet that it’s eating him up inside. He pretends to be okay but I think he’s really just miserable and terrified most of the time. You and me…we have so much support from our parents and our friends. It felt like this horrible glimpse into what my life would have been without all of that. I feel…I feel so lucky Blaine.”

Kurt’s voice grew increasingly emotional as his explanation went on. His wide blue eyes looked so earnest, so full of compassion. 

“You were h-horribly bu-bu-bullied and the t-take-away you came up with is that you’re **lucky**! You really are some-something else, K-Kurt Hummel.” Blaine shook his head in disbelief.

Kurt gave a self-effacing shrug in response.

“I’m…I’m glad you got some c-c-c-closure, Kurt.” 

Blaine was suddenly filled with a very strong desire to hug Kurt, so he did. As he pulled his friend, his very dear friend, close he felt it again. Tug. It was stronger this time.

—

“Everyone gets a t-shirt and a sharpie!” Ms. Pillsbury said enthusiastically. Blaine was dubious. When Mr. Schuester had mentioned that they were going to have costumes for the assembly, this wasn’t quite what Blaine had pictured.

“Everyone has a shirt? Excellent! Alright, so we are making these for the assembly but the process of creating them is going to be a great activity for all of you as well. Everyone in here has been bullied or teased or judged by their peers, right?” 

They all nodded or grunted in agreement.

“Right. So I want you to think of all the reasons you have been bullied and write those words on your shirt.”

“Are you crazy?” Santana demanded. “We don’t need to give people more ideas about how to insult us!”

“Bullying really doesn’t require much creativity or intelligence Santana,” Ms. Pillsbury countered. “Look, just do the shirt for now and once you see the whole idea I have for the number if you still don’t want to wear it then I won’t make you. Look, I’ll even go first!”

Santana scoffed but stopped arguing. “Let’s see it, then.”

“Very well. I’ll write ‘ginger’ because people can be so rude about my being a red-head. Oh and also ‘bug-eyes’ because that’s what kids at school used to tease me about. Lastly, let’s go with… ‘clean freak’ because you’ve all seen the way I like things tidy.” She finished writing her last word with a flourish and then held her shirt aloft for all of them to see.

“Well, go on…get started!” Ms. Pillsbury encouraged, with her usual peppiness. 

Blaine considered the blank, cotton canvas before him. He didn’t really want to think about all the most embarrassing parts of himself. _Am I really brave enough to wear this in front of the whole school?_ He felt a little bit like he was drowning when he tried to picture it, so he stopped.

He glanced over at Kurt, but he was already hard at work.

_If Kurt can do this, than so can I._

He picked up the marker, starting with the easiest one: “S _hort.”_ The others would be harder. He took a deep breath. Next he wrote “ _Gay.”_ He glanced over at Santana and then added _“Twitchy.”_ He wondered if he was supposed to write down things that people had bullied him for that weren’t even true, like all the kids who thought he couldn’t read when he was at Bath Elementary.

Blaine paused to check on Kurt’s progress and maybe get some inspiration. Each word on Kurt’s shirt was written carefully, artfully placed in just the right spot. _Trust Kurt to view this as an exercise in fashion._

In the very center of the shirt it said, _“Likes Boys”_ with other words like _“Bitch,” “Condescending,” “Too Femme,” “Girl voice,”_ and _“Weird clothes._ ” The words reminded Blaine of his very first impressions of Kurt and how Rachel had introduced him as a “bitch” to Blaine on the very first day of school. The person Blaine had gotten to know since then was so much more than any of these words. And, yes, Kurt could be bitchy he had to admit, but he could also be incredibly kind-hearted.

Kurt was biting his lip in concentration as he considered the quickly disappearing white space still left on his shirt. Blaine felt that it would be wrong to interrupt him when he was so focused so he slunk back over to his mostly empty shirt. He had to figure this out on his own. 

_You’re overthinking it. Just write whatever comes to mind._ Blaine closed his eyes and let his mind wander. _What are you insecure about? What are you judged for?_ He took deep meditative breaths, trying to find that quiet space his mother had described, the one where all the white noise fades away until you can hear your own truest feelings.

_“Preppy.” “Clueless.” “Bad eye contact.” “Quiet.”_

He gathered every ounce of courage he had and added one last word to the shirt.

_“Stutter.”_

There it was. Who knew if anyone in the audience would even be able to read it but **he** would know that it was there. He felt a strange combination of fear and relief. When he was done, he noticed that Kurt was watching him. He smiled when Blaine met his gaze. Blaine held up his shirt.

Kurt’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and then he smiled in approval. “Awesome!” _Kurt’s proud of me!_

**“** I think, Ms. P was right. This is… weirdly —cathartic.”

—

Blaine watched with anticipatory excitement from the wings of the auditorium stage as Ms. Pillsbury introduced them.

“In a few moments, I want to welcome to the stage one of our most diverse and talented student clubs: The New Directions. Through making music together, the members of this club are proud to have learned how to accept, and even celebrate, one another’s differences. Today they have a message for the those of you in the audience who have ever bullied another student and for those who have been the victims of bullying. We are more than our flaws and insecurities. We are proud of who we are because the things that make use different can also be the best things about us. We stand strong together and no one can bring us down. Please put your hands together for The New Directions, who will be performing songs about self-acceptance.”

Blaine stepped out onto the stage, blinking under the harsh stage lights. They stood together in their homemade t-shirts, literally wearing their insecurities on their sleeves. Even Santana had agreed to wear hers in the end. 

For once, there had been no fighting over solos. This performance was about everyone’s voice being heard, so everyone would have a moment to shine. Rachel started them off, her shirt splashed with words like _“Two Dads,” “Jewish American Princess,”_ and _“Showboat.”_

You, with your words like knives  
And swords and weapons that you use against me  
You, have knocked me off my feet again,  
Got me feeling like a nothing  
You, with your voice like nails  
On a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded  
You, picking on the weaker man

Next was Mercedes ( _“Fat”)._

 

You can take me down  
With just one single blow  
But you don't know what you don't know

Then Santana ( _“Bitch”)._

 

I bet you got pushed around  
Somebody made you cold but the cycle ends right now  
'Cause you can't lead me down that road  
And you don't know what you don't know

Blaine and Kurt took the chorus together.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Why you gotta be so mean?

Blaine couldn’t help but find Karofsky in the audience. Even if he had apologized, Blaine couldn’t forgive him yet. He wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive him. But he did know that he would always have Kurt’s back and Dave had better know that.

Finn ( _“Can’t dance”)_ :

And I can see you years from now in a bar  
Talking over a football game  
With that same big loud opinion

Quinn ( _“Teen Mom”)_ :

But nobody's listening, washed up and ranting  
About the same old bitter things

Mike ( _“Tone deaf”)_ :

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing  
But all you are is mean

 

They ended the song singing all together, their voices harmonizing and blending. 

And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Why you gotta be so mean

Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me  
Why you gotta be so mean

And all you're ever gonna be is mean  
Why you gotta be so mean?

There was moderate applause as they transitioned to the next number. Kurt and Rachel took the stage for their duet. Blaine had heard about the so-called “Diva-Off” between these two the previous year, but this was his first time hearing either of them sing this song. 

It was majestic. They were so much better when they worked together instead of trying to tear each other down.

Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by the rules  
Of someone else's game  
  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes and leap!

As they sang, Kurt and Rachel grabbed the collars of their shirts where Ms. Pillsbury had snipped them with scissors. The cheap cotton tore easily, ripping down the middle to reveal what was hiding underneath.

After they had covered their shirts with every bad name they had ever been called, Ms. Pillsbury had given them another assignment. “Write down all your favorite things about yourself. Who are you on the inside? Who would people see if they got to know the real you?” 

Kurt’s shirt said _“dedicated follower of fashion”_  and _“proud to be different.”_ Blaine approved wholeheartedly of his reference to The Kinks. Rachel had just drawn an enormous gold star on hers. _Of course._

It's time to try defying gravity  
I think I'll try defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down

Blaine watched from the wings, in awe of Kurt. Kurt had bragged about his range before but Blaine was still impressed to hear him effortlessly hit some of those high notes with such a clear tone. 

He thought about what Kurt had written on his shirt, “proud to be different.” Kurt showed up every day to this school with his head held high, defiantly himself in the face of so much pressure to conform. And now he sang that defiance out into the crowd fearlessly.

Kurt and Rachel started the next song alone. One by one, each member of the Glee club walked back out on to the stage, ripping off their shirts to reveal their true selves.

I am beautiful  
No matter what they say  
Words can't bring me down

I am beautiful  
In every single way  
Yes words can't bring me down  
Oh no  
So don't you bring me down today

They joined their voices together for the final verse. They extended their arms, pointing towards the audience, sending their message of love and acceptance to everyone sitting below them.

You are beautiful  
No matter what they say  
Words can't bring you down  
Oh no

  
You are beautiful  
In every single way  
Yes words can't bring you down

  
Oh no  
So don't you bring me down today

They cleared the stage and took their seats so the special group of actors could put on their anti-bullying presentation. It was a little hokey at first, but once they got going Blaine was pretty engrossed in the skits they enacted on stage.

In each skit, they would “pause” the action at some point and invite students to come up on stage and discuss what they could say to be an “upstander” in that situation. Then they would re-start the scene, letting the student stand up for the target of the bullying. The strategies they had discussed in class had seemed useful, but Blaine had a better sense of how they could actually be used seeing them played out in front of him like this.

He clapped and cheered loudly when Ms. Pillsbury took the microphone and thanked them for coming. _That’s my cue._ Quietly, Blaine left his seat and headed backstage again.

“Thank you, again, to our talented guests from ‘Actors Stand Up Against Bullying’! What a tremendous success this whole week has been. I want to thank you all for your participation in the discussions all week long. I saw a lot of you taking this topic very seriously and giving some real thought to some hard issues that do not have simple answers. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us and with that in mind I am beyond thrilled to announce that I am sponsoring a new club at McKinley led by Ms. Santana Lopez.”

Santana briefly stepped out from behind the curtains in the wings to give a stiff, princess wave to the audience before ducking back out of view.

“I hope that many of you will join us. Please keep an eye out for sign-up posters on the bulletin board when we all return from winter break in the new year. And now, to send us on our way, The New Directions will perform a spirited closing number.”

The applause was by no means deafening, but it was more enthusiastic than usual for this crowd. They wanted to end the assembly on something uptempo and fun so the final number was high energy and full of attitude.

In reality I'm gon' be who I be  
And I don't feel no faults for all the lies that you bought  
You can try as you may bring me down when I say  
That it ain't up to you, go on do what you do

The members of the Glee Club clapped to the beat and slowly the students in the audience started to clap along.

Hate on me hater  
Now or later  
'Cause I'm gonna do me  
You'll be made baby

Go ahead and hate on me hater  
I'm not afraid of  
What I got I paid for  
You can hate on me

Blaine had spent so many years trying to blend in or hide in desperate attempts to avoid the bullies and the haters. As he sang, he tried to absorb some of the untouchable confidence of the lyrics in the hopes that he could hold on to that feeling after it was over. 

He wanted to be brave enough one day to walk through the world with enough self-acceptance to say, “Here I am, you don’t have to like me, but I’m never changing.” He wanted to be brave enough to be more like Kurt.

You cannot hate on me  
Hate on me hater  
'Cause my mind is free  
Now or later  
Feel my destiny  
'Cause I'm gonna do me

The crowd roared and Blaine was stunned to see a few students even jump to their feet. Before long most of the crowd was up, cheering loudly. Blaine had never imagined they would receive a standing ovation. 

He noticed a few students sitting defiantly in their seats, but they looked so small in the sea of cheering students. It gave Blaine hope that while their bullies might yell the loudest, perhaps they really were outnumbered by allies.

—

“That was glorious!” exclaimed Tina. The rest of The New Directions cheered in agreement. They were gathered in the choir room, putting away their costumes. 

Blaine was riding the high of a great performance. Kurt was beaming with unbridled confidence and joy. Blaine could practically feel it coming off of him in waves from across the room.

Mr. Schuester entered the room clapping his hands. “Excellent performance, guys! I think you are ready for Regionals!”

The reference to competitions jogged something lose in Blaine’s brain. He grabbed his book bag and started shuffling through the papers inside until he pulled out the coupon they had gotten for winning the duets competition and held it up, triumphantly.

“Kurt! I f-f-forgot about this. Cele-celebratory dinner at Breadstix?”

Santana catcalled, “Ooooh, sounds like a date! Don’t do anything I would do.”

Blaine didn’t mind her teasing, but clearly Kurt did. He turned very pink and looked uncomfortable.

“What are you twelve?” Kurt sputtered furiously.

“I think the lady doth protest too much,” she fired back with a wink. 

The pink was now spreading to Kurt’s neck and ears. Blaine suddenly wished he had asked Kurt in private. He hadn’t meant to embarrass him. _Great job, Blaine, now you’re raining all over his parade. He was so happy a minute ago._ That was the opposite of his intended effect. 

He needed to fix this but seeing Kurt so uncomfortable was affecting him, and he found that he was too nervous to talk right now, not without being a total mess. _But I can sing…_

Blaine turned to Santana and crooned out, “Go ahead and hate on me hater, I’m not afraid of, What I got I paid for,” Blaine fanned himself with the coupon, “You can hate on me.”

Blaine let out a sigh of relief to see that Kurt had perked back up; his fierce confidence had returned. _That’s more like it_. 

Kurt grabbed his book bag with one hand and Blaine with his other, “Peace out, losers. We would invite you to join us but I don’t think they actually serve hater-tots at Breadstix, do they Blaine? We will be enjoying unlimited bread sticks while all ya’ll enjoy unlimited jealousy.”

They ran out of the choir room, still hand in hand, giggling gleefully.

—

“I’m st-st-still so amped right now, Kurt! That p-p-performance was amazing!”

“It was ev…er…y…thing! I’m glad you remembered that we had this. I definitely feel like celebrating.”

The waitress came up to the table and to read them the specials and collect their drink orders. She dropped off a generous basket of bread sticks before moving on to her next table. 

As Blaine surveyed his menu, he took in their surroundings. They were seated in a cozy booth, decorated with a small sprig of flowers and a flickering candle. Somehow this felt different than the countless times they had gone out for coffee together. It sure looked a lot like a… Blaine felt his stomach drop. _Oh no, it’s happening again! Santana was right! This really_ ** _does_** _look like a date._

Blaine snuck a peek over the top of his menu to see if he could read anything on Kurt’s face. He wasn’t even really sure what sort of clues he was looking for but Kurt just looked thoughtful as he considered his options on the menu.At least he seemed oblivious to Blaine’s staring. _Come on Blaine! Be cool, relax._

Kurt set his menu down on the table and when his eyes met Blaine’s he smiled warmly. Blaine’s anxiety was somewhat eased by Kurt’s relaxed demeanor. This was just Kurt and Blaine, hanging out, like they had done countless times before. _Nothing to be nervous about._

“So, did you have a favorite number from our concert, Blaine?” Kurt asked with interest. 

“H-H-Hard to choose. I was…really impressed with…Defying Gravity. Your voice was…ex-ex-exquisite, the per-performance was emotional, and the theme…felt very appropriate. I wonder—I hope you really feel that way.” 

Blaine tried to express how dazzled he had felt by Kurt’s heartfelt performance. He knew that he had a strong ability to emote through song, but there was something so raw about Kurt’s performance that was unlike anything Blaine himself had ever done. 

Kurt blushed at Blaine’s compliment. _Is blushing a sign that he thinks it’s a date? No, Kurt blushes all the time. It’s just because he’s so fair-skinned; it doesn’t mean anything._

“Wow, thank you, Blaine! That’s incredibly sweet of you to say. I’ve always felt a very personal connection to that song; it’s sort of an anthem for me. Singing it this time, though, I connected to it on a whole new level. All of those negative feelings that were eating away at me before, it all felt as inevitable and irresistible as gravity. But when you came to me and helped me believe that I really could come back; well, it felt like realizing that I could fly after all this time convinced I was at gravity’s mercy.” Kurt stopped and let out a laugh, “Geez, when did I get so mushy? If you poked I think pure maple syrup would come out, that’s how full of sap I am right now.”

Blaine just smiled at him. “I’m ju-just happy that you’re happy.”

He really, really was. His chest was flooded with warmth as Kurt waxed poetic about expressing his feelings through song. _He really is one of a kind._

“I’m…I’m so pr-proud of you, K-Kurt.”

Blaine’s whole body was already humming with excitement from the high of performing and now all of these emotions flooded him as he thought about how incredibly proud he was of Kurt. He thought about the grace with which he had handled the conversation with Karofsky and the fierceness with which he stood up for his right to be himself. 

Then Kurt was cackling in a fit of laughter, and Blaine’s reverie was broken. He cocked an eyebrow at Kurt because he had no idea why he was laughing; the conversation they had been having was pretty serious.

“I can’t believe they’re playing this song,” he explained. “At Breadstix! This is a family establishment,” he said in mock outrage. Blaine tuned in to the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7f9038oIgs), which he had thus far been ignoring, and finally understood Kurt’s amusement.

Wild thing you make my heart sing  
You make everything groovy, wild thing

Wild thing,  I think I love you  
But I wanna know for sure  
Come on, hold me tight, I love you

“I kind of lllove this song,” Blaine confessed. “It’s t-t-totally silly and over the top, but…sometimes you have to ju-ju-just lean in to the camp.”

“This is… not surprising at all now that I think about it. It’s very on-brand for you.”

Blaine rolled his eyes at Kurt and started singing along, partly to annoy him and partly for the sheer joy of doing so. He hammed it up even more than usual, channeling all that excess energy into his seated performance. When it got to those dramatic drum and guitar beats between the lines of the song, Blaine air drummed with great energy.

Wild thing  
 _[buh buh…buh…buh]  
_ you make my heart sing   
_[buh buh…buh…buh]  
_ You make everything… groovy   
_[buh buh…buh…buh]  
_ wild thing

Wild thing, I think you move me  
But I wanna know for sure  
Come on and hold me tight  
You move me

Kurt laughed and joined in with Blaine’s air drumming, albeit rather more sedately. “You are the most ridiculous person that I know!” he said affectionately.

“Oh, yes!” Blaine admitted cheerfully.

The waitress seemed quietly amused by their antics as she delivered their pastas. Blaine’s stomach felt warm and satisfied as it filled up with homemade pasta and rich tomato sauce.

Kurt seemed lost in thought so Blaine enjoyed his food in relaxed silence. Finally, Kurt looked up and gave Blaine a quizzical glance. “Blaine, why did you want to have dinner with me tonight?” 

_Please don’t ask me if it’s a date. I don’t know if it’s a date!_

“Like you said, we h-h-have a lot to c-c-celebrate. And we…we had that coupon, so, you know…hence, dinner,” Blaine explained somewhat awkwardly. 

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him, like he was trying to figure Blaine out. There was something else, behind his eyes. Was it disappointment? He hoped not. He never wanted to disappoint Kurt. 

Blaine handed the waitress their coupon with the bill, hoping desperately that Kurt would just leave it alone. He was too confused right now.

As they gathered up their coats, Blaine realized that this was it. They would walk outside to their separate cars and go home to their separate houses. _I don’t want to say goodbye to you._ The thought popped up, seemingly out of nowhere. It felt like a voice that wasn’t even his.

Looking over at Kurt, who was doing up the complicated clasps on his coat, he felt a lonely pang. It felt instinctual, this need to make the night last a little longer, even if he didn’t really know why.

“D-D-Do you…maybe, want to go f-f-for a walk?” Blaine stumbled through his words. 

Kurt turned to look at him with surprise, but then he looked pleased. “Sure! There’s a park near here that has a nice walking trail. Oh hey, isn’t there supposed to be meteor shower tonight? I think Ms. McKenzie mentioned something about it in Chemistry. I have blankets in my car if you want to try to find a spot to watch it in the park.” 

Kurt was clearly getting excited about this idea and then, as if he was worried he had taken it too far, he caught himself and started to backpedal. “Or…I mean, just a walk would be nice too. We don’t have to…”

“It s-s-sounds perfect.”

—

Kurt and Blaine enjoyed a peaceful walk through the park, chatting amicably about shooting stars and the universe. They talked about the movie ‘Contact’ and Kurt’s obsession with ‘Star Wars’ when he was a kid. Blaine told him about how his grandfather used to let him look through his telescope on clear nights as a child.

When they found a spot with a good view, Blaine spread out one of the blankets for them to sit on. Thankfully, the ground wasn’t too damp. He set aside the second blanket for now, not sure if they would need it. They were bundled up pretty well, and it really had warmed up quite a bit since Sunday, but it was still December.

“What do you think is the best stargazing scene from a movie?” Kurt asked.

“D-Definitely ‘The Lion K-King’. I like how they talk about their —ancestors looking down on them.”

“Do you really believe in all of that? Like heaven or going somewhere after you die?” Kurt asked.

“I’m not—I’m not really sure…to be honest. I like the idea of it. You?”

“Nah. I gave up on God and religion a long time ago. About the time that they gave up on me.” Kurt sounded sad.

“What do-do you mean?”

“Well, it was hard to believe in a God that would take my mom away from me so young. I would rather think that there is nothing than accept that that could be part of anyone’s divine plan for the universe. She was such a wonderful person, and I—I needed her, you know? I was only eight when she died. And then…later when I realized what I was, I mean… the church isn’t exactly friendly to people like us.”

“That makes sense. I s-s-stopped going to —church after I came out too.”

Something flashed in the corner of Blaine’s eye. Kurt pointed. “Look it’s starting!”

They laid back on the blanket to get a better view but Blaine kept finding himself looking at Kurt instead. His face looked sort of magical in the moonlight; his milky skin was almost glowing. 

He practically had to tear his eyes away so Kurt wouldn’t catch him staring. 

Inviting Kurt to dinner had been a decision driven by impulse. He didn’t have any sort of plan in mind and he certainly hadn’t imagined that this was where the night would take him. But it was always like that when he spent time with Kurt. Things always felt so organic with him that Blaine never really worried about what they were going to do or if he would get bored. Kurt was never boring. Quite to the contrary, Kurt had to be one of the most interesting people he knew.

He thought of Kurt’s face when he had cracked up laughing at Blaine’s rendition of ‘Wild Thing.’ _Spending time with Kurt is always fun_. He felt so free around Kurt. Free to be himself, to feel however he was feeling in the moment, and Kurt was somehow always the right person to be around, no matter what was going on.

_I think you move me. But I want to know for sure._ He hummed quietly as the words popped into his head. He noticed Kurt smirking out of the corner of his eye.

Blaine gazed up, watching as tiny streaks of light raced across the inky, infinite blackness spread above them. He felt small but in a way that didn’t make him feel lonely or unimportant, rather he was awed by how big it all was. There was so much space and so much quiet. It was calming in an almost hypnotic way.

It was so quiet that he could hear the gentle rustling of leaves and the far off whirring of cars on the highway. All at once, everything clicked into place and he felt it. He heard it.That tiny, quiet voice of intuition that had been whispering to him for longer than he cared to admit, well now it was practically shouting. 

In the quiet stillness of the darkness and the trees, under a blanket of stars, Blaine finally knew for sure. _You move me._

As the realization hit him, alarmingly similar to a punch in the gut, Blaine thought he might have fallen over if he wasn’t already on the ground. This was it. This was that gut feeling his mother had told him about.

Once the thought was there— _I have feelings for Kurt—_ it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world. He had imagined there would be doubts, when he finally had feelings for someone but somehow he just **knew** with the fiercest of convictions that it was true. Of course he had feelings for Kurt because Kurt was amazing and beautiful and compassionate and…he was **Kurt**.

Blaine’s heart pounded furiously in his chest. His feelings for Kurt suddenly felt so urgent. He had to **do** something, now that he knew. He almost gasped aloud from how strong the wanting became. He wasn’t even sure what it was that he wanted. He just wanted… Kurt. He wanted to be close to him. _Slow down._

Blaine glanced over at Kurt, who was still gazing skywards, transfixed. Slowly, he inched his hand closer to where Kurt’s was laying on the blanket, until his pinky brushed up against Kurt’s. He felt Kurt jolt ever so slightly in surprise but he did not pull away. Too nervous to look over, Blaine moved the rest of his hand until it covered Kurt’s. He gently stroked the soft skin on the top of Kurt’s hand with his thumb. That glorious painful tug in his heart responded.

After a few more seconds of this, Kurt’s hand turned underneath him and then their fingers were interlacing. It felt so good. They had held hands before, but never like this. There was holding hands not to be separated in a crowd or to comfort a friend. Then there was holding hands just to feel the other person.

Blaine’s whole body was thrumming with excitement from this one point of contact. If he hadn’t been sure before than this would have confirmed his feelings. Just touching Kurt like this was already more exciting than kissing Nick had ever been. Blaine ran his thumb over Kurt’s and warm tingles ran all the way up his arm.

Kurt finally turned his head to look at Blaine. He felt his gaze from the corner of his vision.Still holding tightly to Kurt’s hand like it was his only tether from floating away, Blaine finally turned his head to face him. Kurt was looking at him with intense wonder in his eyes, like maybe he was feeling just as emotional as Blaine was. He hoped that Kurt was feeling the same way. 

“Blaine? I…” Kurt trailed off, as if he was struggling to put his thoughts into words. “What is this?” 

He blocked hard. He managed to pull in a shaky breath but then his vocal cords slammed shut as soon as he tried to speak. He was filled with anxiety and joy…and it was all too much, he was overpowered and overwhelmed.

So it would be actions, rather than words. That was his usual move, after all.

Blaine stood up and pulled gently on Kurt’s hand until he rose to join him. “Blaine?” he asked again, his blue eyes still wide, still full of questions.

Not letting go of Kurt with his left hand, he reached out to touch Kurt’s cheek with his right. The skin there was even softer than he had imagined that day on the bus. 

Blaine leaned forward slowly, his eyes asking the question that his mouth wasn’t cooperating enough to ask. It was agonizingly slow, giving Kurt ample time to pull away, before finally he was brushing their lips together. 

Kurt did not pull away. Instead, he cupped Blaine’s cheek and pulled him in closer. The skin of Kurt’s lips was impossibly soft and yet firm as they pressed back against his. Blaine inhaled a shaky breath through his nose and _God he smells amazing._

It wasn’t Blaine’s first kiss but it was the first one that mattered. All of those feelings he had just discovered for Kurt were swirling inside of him, turned up to eleven, and it felt…amazing. Their lips parted and then he could **taste** Kurt, which was even better. 

Kurt sucked Blaine’s bottom lip into his mouth and Blaine felt like his entire body was melting or on fire or possibly both at the same time. That gentle tug in his heart now felt like someone had set the rope on fire. But, somehow, in a good way.

He pulled Kurt closer, kissing him for minutes or hours, he couldn’t be sure.

Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt’s waist, keeping him close even when they finally separated to catch their breaths. 

“Oh, so that’s what a first kiss should be like,” Kurt whispered.

“I th-think this is what all k-k-k—kisses should be like,” Blaine responded. He gently traced one of Kurt’s cheekbones with the pad of his thumb. 

Then Kurt pulled him into a hug that was much closer and tighter than any hug they had ever shared. _So come on and hold me tight._ Blaine’s cheek rested on Kurt’s shoulder and he felt a deep wave of comfort as Kurt did just that. _You move me._

Kurt’s lips brushed against his ear and then he whispered, “Thank you for a magical first kiss, Blaine. It was perfect.”

He squeezed Kurt tighter in response, moving one of his hands from Kurt’s back to gently pet the hair on the back of his head.

Blaine wanted to stay there forever, but he knew that it was probably getting late and Kurt needed to get home before curfew. So, reluctantly, he released Kurt and took a step back. 

“Ready?” He gestured back in the direction of their cars with his head.

“Sure,” said Kurt, breathlessly.

They folded up the blankets in silence. Kurt smiled shyly as he offered his hand for Blaine to hold again. Blaine took it gladly, flashing him a grin, and they walked in content silence to their cars. Kurt finally let go of his hand to put the blankets into the trunk of his car. 

Blaine managed to get out a few more words. “G-Good night, —Kurt.”

“Thank you, for the walk and…well, everything,” Kurt said awkwardly. He stared at the ground, worrying a loose bit of gravel with the toe of his boot. _He doesn’t want to say goodbye either._

So instead of “goodbye,” Blaine just gave him one last hug and kissed him gently on the cheek.

—

When Blaine got home, he found his mom curled up on the sofa with a mug of tea and a novel. He flopped down next to her, unable to contain the enormous grin on his face. His mother raised her eyebrows and put down her book, giving him her full attention.

“Blaine, something happened I take it?” she asked.

“I—I felt it, mom! The g-gut feeling.” Blaine couldn’t help but gush.

“Aw, honey, that’s wonderful! So are you finally going to tell me the name of this, ehem, gut feeling?”

Blaine laughed as he remembered he hadn’t even told his mom who all his mixed-up feelings were about. “K-Kurt,” he said dreamily.

“I take it Kurt returns your feelings then, based on how over the moon you are?”

_More like under the moon._

“I k-kissed him, mom! He kissed me back. It was p-p-perfect!” He sighed happily.

“That’s wonderful, sweetie. I’m so happy for you! So how did you leave things? Are you dating or…what?”

  _How did we leave things? How_ ** _did_** _we leave things?_

“Uh…”

She raised her eyebrows at him.

“Actions sp-sp-speak louder than words, r-r-right?” Saying it aloud, it didn’t sound as convincing as it had in his head.

“So you did not talk to Kurt about all these feelings you’re suddenly so sure about?” She asked with a twinkle in her eye.

“I…I tried. But…he-he-he…he has to know.” _Doesn’t he?_

“Actions do speak loudly, sweetheart, but words…are a little more specific. Seeing you this happy, well, it’s everything a mother wants. Let me give you a little advice. Make sure that Kurt knows just how happy he makes you, okay?” She reached out to take his hand, giving it a familiar squeeze. “If you want to have a real relationship then you’re going to have to find a way to express yourself.”

“Yeah.” 

_How hard can it be?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it! I wrote this chapter the first time ages and ages ago but it went through many revisions and transformations as the story and the characters developed. 
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think! I'm especially curious to hear your impressions of this chapter!
> 
> What did you think of the assembly, the costumes, the kiss, or my bizarre incorporation of the song 'Wild Thing' into Glee?
> 
> Commentary:  
> ~~  
> Actors Stand Up Against Bullying  
> ~~  
> I made up this organization but my description of their presentation is loosely based on something we did as a school assembly once. Illinois has something called "Erin's Law" that requires schools to do education regarding sexual abuse for all students. We had a group that came in and did essentially what I described in the story where they put on skits and had students sort of "tag in" and speak up for themselves. It was really emotional to watch but very well done.  
> ~~  
> Rachel's Dads  
> ~~  
> Without the budget restrictions of a TV show, I have to imagine that the Berrys would have taken Kurt and then later Blaine under their wings. On the show, when that sweet lesbian at the ring shop asks Blaine if he has any adults he can talk to about this and he says "no", I was screaming in my head, "Yes, you do! Rachel's Dads!" 
> 
> I also may have gone down a research rabbit hole about what children of same-sex parents call them because I've basically only seen variations of Daddy and Papa. Glee did not do a very good job with handling many topics (such as disability) so I had a moment of doubt that maybe Rachel not having unique names for them was another such example. Based on my research, it looks like Daddy and Papa are a popular choice but there were plenty of parents posting that their children just called them both mom or dad and then differentiated using first names when speaking about them to others. Babies are very smart and sort of just figure these things out for themselves. Since on the show Rachel only ever refers to them as her "Dads," it seemed to make the most sense that she would just call them both "Dad." That's how I arrived at the conclusion I did.  
> ~~  
> Music Notes:  
> ~~  
> "Dedicated Follower of Fashion" (which Kurt writes on his shirt) are the eponymous lyrics to a song by The Kinks. 
> 
> And then, of course, we had "Wild Thing" by The Troggs. I wrote a whole spiel about how I ended up including that song and then deleted it because it seemed self-indulgent but I can expand on it if anyone is curious.
> 
> The rest you know from Glee.  
> ~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner  
> ~~  
> By special request from HKVoyage, some information about singing and stuttering.
> 
> Many (not all) people who stutter are more fluent when they sing and this phenomenon has been widely documented but is still not fully understood. I can't offer a definitive answer. I can only share my professional opinion based on the research I have read. To me, there are three factors in play: Neurological, Linguistic, and Speech Production.
> 
> 1) Neurological: Our brains work differently when we sing versus when we speak. The left hemisphere of the brain is dominant for language while the right hemisphere is dominant for singing (This isn't even universal; some people are right hemisphere dominant for language).  
> There is even a specific treatment used to aphasia (language disorder caused by stroke) called "Melodic Intonation Therapy." Following a left-hemisphere stroke, this treatment approach is supposed to recruit the intact right hemisphere to support speaking. It is only appropriate for certain types of deficits, where the aphasia affects the person's ability to pronounce words (called non-fluent aphasia, or you may have heard of Broca's aphasia). 
> 
> 2) Linguistic: When you speak you are also thinking about what to say. In most cases when you sing, you have the words memorized. I found a study that had people who stutter sing songs they knew the words to and songs they did not. They were more fluent when they knew the words. 
> 
> 3) Speech Production: Singing naturally forces you to do a lot of similar things to the fluency strategies we teach people who stutter. Those strategies are all about making everything smooth and connected, keeping the forward momentum of speech, and stretching out some of the sounds. I was trying to allude to this when I described Blaine's ERASM as "sing-song" from Kurt's POV. 
> 
> Famous singers who stutter(ed) include: Carly Simon, Chris Martin (of Coldplay), and Elvis Presley. 
> 
> Again, I want to recommend the Ted talk from Megan Washington in which she talks about how singing is one of the only times she feels fluent. It's great!


	16. Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Blaine both have some questions after their kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments on the last chapter! It has a very special place in my heart and it was so gratifying that it hit the right notes. Hearing your reactions, thoughts, and questions has been one of the best parts of this whole process.
> 
> Unfortunately, some things have come up for Mirvly and given the limited timeline I've set for myself to complete this story, I have decided to press on ahead alone (with their blessing). My apologies for any errors; I can only hope that those that sneak through are minor. Mirvly's careful editing has really improved my ability to edit my work so I credit him with any improvements you see in these later chapters as compared with the first few un-beta'd chapters. 
> 
> Speaking of the timeline, I had a question about that last chapter. So from the beginning, my goal has been to complete this story before the school year starts back up for me. I have a little over two weeks until I go back and that is still the goal. See the end notes for more details.
> 
> I do recommend listening along to the second song in this chapter :D

Kurt’s eyelashes fluttered as he blinked awake. He was warm and cozy under his blankets and feeling well rested from sleeping in.  _ Saturday mornings are the best.  _ He reveled in the ability to lay in bed, unhurried by obligation.

_ Last night…Blaine kissed me last night! _ Kurt lurched into a sitting position as he remembered. The corners of his mouth were pulling apart as if attached to puppet strings, spreading wider and wider into what he could only imagine was truly the most absurd grin. He was glad no one was around to see it.

He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this. He knew the longing and heartache of reaching out time and time again only to find emptiness. But last night…last night someone had finally reached back. Blaine’s warm hand had reached out to him from the darkness and Kurt’s entire world had shifted on its axis.

He flopped back onto his pillow, replaying the whole night in his mind. He shut his eyes tightly, wanting to savor this feeling.  _ Blaine kissed me! _

It really had been perfect. Dinner had been fun, if a little awkward after Santana’s teasing. Kurt had started to wonder what was going on when Blaine wanted to go for a walk, but he had spent so long reading into Blaine’s actions and having nothing come of it that he had been too cautious to get his hopes up.

But then…when Blaine had reached out for his hand under the stars, that was the moment that Kurt knew that something had inexorably changed between them.

And then that kiss! The kiss had been so much better than Kurt had ever imagined.

Kurt had tried kissing Brittany, which just felt weird, and then there had been the repugnant kiss forced upon him by Karofsky, which had been repulsive. He could see now that Blaine was right…none of those had counted as a proper first kiss. Now that he knew what kissing Blaine felt like, it almost seemed insulting to use the same word to describe those other experiences.

Blaine had promised him that one day he would have the first kiss that he had always dreamed of. Kurt had dared to hope, of course, that it would be Blaine giving him that magical first kiss but he hadn’t really believed it would happen. He was very happy to be wrong because he couldn’t imagine a more perfect first kiss. Kissing under the stars truly was a magical time for a first kiss; although, Kurt suspected that Blaine could have kissed him under a highway overpass and it still would have been magical because it was  **Blaine.** Either way, he had more than kept his promise.

_ Wait…he didn’t kiss me just to keep true to his promise, right? No…that’s…that’s preposterous. Right? _

Even as he dismissed it the thought, the tiny sliver of doubt crept in and took root.

_ No, Blaine wouldn’t kiss me unless it meant something…right?  _ At the time, under the spell of darkness, it had all felt so special and meaningful. In the bright light of day, Kurt started to wonder if he had made it all up in his head.  _ What if a kiss really is just a kiss? _

Kurt felt the bottom drop out of his stomach.  _ If he doesn’t like me it is going to be ten times worse than before… _ The unrestrained joy he had been feeling moments earlier was poisoned now by insecurities and an ominous sense of dread that everything was about to fall apart. Kurt rolled over to grab his phone from the night stand and dialed Rachel. He needed someone to give him an objective view of the situation. Mercedes would just tell him what he wanted to hear but Rachel would be brutally honest if it came to that.

“Good morning, Kurt!” She sounded impressively bright and upbeat, considering that Kurt hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.

“I need your help!”

“What happened?” she asked with alarm.

“Blaine kissed me last night!”

“Oh my gosh, that’s amazing, Kurt! How did it happen? Does this mean you’re dating? Is he your boy—”

Kurt interrupted her, disrupting the runaway train of Rachel’s over-enthusiastic interrogation. He couldn’t deal with Girl Talk Rachel right now. He needed her to  **listen** and then he needed her to be No Bullshit Rachel who was calculating and perceptive.

“—Rachel! I’m kind of freaking out right now.”

“Oh, Kurt, why? Was it bad?”  _ As if. _

“No! It was…perfect, of course! I just—I don’t know what it meant! I mean…what if it didn’t mean anything to him? I thought if he kissed me then I would know how he feels about me but…Rachel, he didn’t really  **say** anything. How did everything get so complicated?”

“Aww, honey,” Rachel said sympathetically.

“Why are boys so confusing?” he moaned.

“That’s the one million dollar question, Kurt. So, wait, he really didn’t say anything at all?”

“No! I mean he said he liked kissing me, but nothing about…you know, feelings or dating. If he just shows up to school on Monday and acts like nothing happened I’m going to just go find a quiet corner somewhere to curl up and die.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Kurt. Let’s be logical about this…tell me all about what led up to this kiss. Maybe I can help you decode the mysterious boy signals.”

_ There’s the No Bullshit Rachel I need! _

So Kurt described what he remembered from the date—if it could even be called a date—including the way that Blaine had reached for his hand, and any other little action he could think of that might prove or disprove that Blaine had real feelings for him. Then, Kurt was interrupted by the buzzing vibration of his phone against his cheek.

“Hold on Rachel.”

He pulled the phone back from his face to see a text alert.  _ Blaine! _

**Blaine: Good morning, Sunshine :)**

Kurt read it aloud to Rachel. “Oh my god, I mean that sounds flirty right? Does that sound like a text from someone who thinks you’re definitely dating now? Or more like someone you just casually locked lips with?”

“I think it sounds very promising, Kurt. I bet he likes you. The two of you have been such close friends—to make a big change to your relationship now, I mean it  **has** to mean something. I don’t think he would do something like that just casually with you.”

_ Those are good points, but… _

“Yes, but…he was friends with Nick for ages and then they just made-out for fun or as friends or whatever.” Kurt’s mind was racing, generating counter-arguments to everything Rachel said to reassure him.

“True, but you saw how they were at Halloween. Didn’t Blaine call him an asshole afterward? Trust me, there was nothing romantic about  **that** kiss.”

“Good point. He definitely was acting more…emotional with me.” Kurt finally felt himself starting to relax. The text was a good sign, he just needed to get a conversation going. “Oh no, Rachel what should I text back?”

Kurt heard a noise in the background from Rachel’s side of the call. “Shoot, sorry Kurt! Dad is calling me down for Saturday morning Sinatra and French toast; it’s kind of sacred in our house.”

Kurt let out a moan of jealousy.

“It’s moments like these that I wish I lived there because that sounds amazing. Fine, go! Abandon me in my time of need to indulge in syrupy delight.”

“Sorry! Bye!” Then she hung up.

Kurt stared at his phone. Never before had he been this flummoxed by a single text message. When he finally managed to compose a response, it was less because he felt remotely confident in it and more because he couldn’t handle staring at the blank screen anymore.  _ When in doubt, turn to music. _

**Kurt: Good day, Sunshine :)**

Hopefully Blaine would catch the reference rather than thinking Kurt was being pedantic about time of day.

**Blaine: I feel good, in a special way ;)**

_ Well that  _ **_has_ ** _ to be flirting, right? Plus, isn’t the next line in that song, “I’m in love and it’s a sunny day”? Or is he just playing along by quoting song lyrics. _

**Kurt: We took a walk, the stars were shining down.**

He had to change the lyrics a little bit to fit what they had actually done. He wondered how long he could get by on song lyrics before he had to say something real.

**Blaine: I had the best time with you last night.**

Kurt felt his heart pounding.  _ So far, so good. _ Blaine definitely wasn’t pretending that nothing had happened. And he had finally stopped talking in song lyrics.  _ Fate favors the bold. _

**Kurt: We should do it again sometime.**

**Blaine: My thoughts exactly :)**

**Blaine: Would you like to see Rent at The Repertory Theatre? There are still tickets available for the 4pm show tomorrow. It’s supposed to be really good.**

_ Oh my god, oh my god, this is it, he is asking me out on a date! It  _ **_is_ ** _ a date, right? _

**Kurt: That sounds perfect.**

**Blaine: I’ll pick you up at 3:30 :)**

**Kurt: I don’t know, I’m heavier than I look ;)**

**Blaine: I’m stronger than I look.**

Kurt snickered. He had always loved the sarcastic joking dynamic in their friendship. It felt comforting to be in this familiar space after feeling so insecure and worried.

**Kurt: My eyes are literally rolling across the room right now.**

**Blaine: That’s really going to mess with my date plans but I’m sure I can adjust. Maybe I can find us a concert or something less visual.**

**Kurt: Don’t you dare! I was promised Rent!**

**Blaine: See you tomorrow.**

Now that Kurt had solid plans to see Blaine the next day—plans that Blaine had referred to as a “date” no less—he was able to quiet the doubts that had been rattling around in his head like a runaway pinball. They were quickly replaced by the hungry rumblings from his stomach.  _ Breakfast time! _

Kurt pulled on a sweater over his pajamas before heading downstairs.

His dad was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a mug of coffee and reading the newspaper.

“Good morning, Kurt.”

“Morning, Dad.”

“Got any plans this weekend?” his dad asked without bothering to look up from the paper. He asked Kurt the same question every Saturday morning.

Kurt steeled himself to give an answer that his dad had definitely never heard before.  _ I hope he is ready for this. _

“Yeah, actually, I have a, um, a date tomorrow.” Just saying the word ‘date’ had him grinning like a fool.

His dad spat out his coffee in surprise. “You have a date?! With who?”

“With Blaine!” Kurt answered, beaming.

“Wow, that’s—that’s great, kiddo. So I take it you, uh, like Blaine as more than a friend?” His dad looked up at him with an amused expression on his face.

_ Am I seriously talking about boys with my dad right now? If I could have told fourteen-year-old Kurt that one day I would be talking about boys with Dad I never would have believed myself. We really have come a long way. _

“Yeah, Dad, I like him. I really really like him.”

“Good, then. And…it is a—I mean, it is a  **date** date right? Not just a friend date?”

“Yeah, at least…well, I’m pretty sure it’s a  **date** date. I want it to be. He called it a date and he’s picking me up. And, well…”

“Are you blushing, Kurt?”  _ He should not be enjoying this quite so much. _

“No!” Denial was his defensive reflex. He sighed. “Yes…I…we hung out last night and it…it might have been a date? I’m not really sure.”

His dad laughed and nodded. “I’ve been there, kiddo. So first date, huh? You really are growing up, Kurt.”

He reached out to ruffle Kurt’s hair, the way he did when Kurt was little.

“Dad!” he protested, ducking to evade the calloused hands groping towards his hair.

“Yup, definitely growing up!” He sounded inordinately pleased with himself. He leaned back in his chair and gave Kurt a long look.  _ Do I have something on my face?   _ “It’s…it’s really nice to see you this happy, Kurt. All that awful bullying you went through at school, well, I feel like the universe owes you a good turn. Blaine seems like a sweet kid. Just…you tell me if he is anything less than a gentleman, okay, Kurt? Just because he’s the first boy who’s asked you out doesn’t mean you should settle for anything less than the best.”

“Sure, Dad. Thank you.”

It had already been an emotional morning for Kurt and now hearing his father being so supportive, well, Kurt couldn’t be blamed if he had to wipe away a tear from the corner of his eye. Kurt pulled his dad into a hug, breathing in the familiar musky smell from his dad’s soft, worn flannel shirt.  _ I love you. _

—

Kurt spent most of Sunday morning curating an outfit for his date with Blaine. On some rational level, he knew that Blaine’s interest in him was unlikely to hinge on apparel, but he couldn't stop himself from wanting it to be perfect anyways. Besides, he had never really had someone to dress up  **for** so he was going to take advantage of it for as long as he could.

Kurt ran several outfits by Mercedes over a video call, before he finally settled on something he liked. Mercedes reassured him that if he wore a plain black top under his blazer, he could totally dress up those black and white pinstripe jeans he hadn’t found the right occasion to wear yet.

“For the last time, you would tell me if I looked like Beetlejuice, right? I really don’t want to give off that ‘I’m going to marry your underage daughter vibe.’ That’s not a good look on anyone.”

“Yes! You look amazing, now get off the phone so you’re ready when your man arrives.”

Kurt had barely put the finishing touches on his hair when he heard someone knocking on the door downstairs.  _ He’s early! _

Kurt ran down the stairs but his dad had beaten him to answering the door. He ended up stuck behind his dad where he could hear them talking but he couldn’t actually see Blaine from behind his dad, who was taller.

“Blaine, nice to see you again. Now I understand you’re taking my son out on a date tonight, to the theater and then out for dinner?”

“Yes, sir, that’s correct.”

_ Geez, Dad, way to be cool. Well, I guess that settles that question. Definitely a date. _

Kurt was starting to get impatient waiting behind his dad for them to finish. He cleared his throat, hoping to get their attention.

Blaine’s bright eyes appeared as he leaned to the side to find the source of the noise. He lit up when he spotted Kurt.

“Kurt! Hi!”

His dad finally stepped to the side so Kurt could see his  **date** . Blaine was holding a small bouquet of peonies. Blaine stepped forwards to kiss him on the cheek and hand him the flowers. “These are for you, K-Kurt.”  _ What a gentleman! _

“Wow, thank you! No one has ever given me flowers before. Let me just go put these in water and then we can head out.”

He eyed his dad, wondering if he should be worried about leaving him alone with Blaine. So far he had seemed very supportive but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to give Blaine some kind of overprotective father lecture. “Be nice,” he warned.

“I’m always nice,” his dad said, innocently.

Kurt almost dropped the vase he was in such a hurry to get back to Blaine and get them out of there. As he was walking back he heard the tail end of Blaine saying, “…home by 11 and no funny business. Yes, sir.” He was using his ERASM voice, probably nervous about stuttering in front of Kurt’s dad. It was kind of cute.

“Okay, well we’re going to go now. Bye, Dad! I love you! Please don’t murder my date! Bye!”

Blaine took his hand as they walked to his car. “You l-l-look amazing by the way. I love those pants.”  _ I knew I could count on you, Mercedes _ .

Kurt beamed and did a little curtsy. “Thank you. That’s a very fetching bowtie you have on.”

—

After the musical, Blaine drove them to a Thai restaurant that Kurt had never been to. It was on the other side of the interstate, on the edge of town where Blaine’s family lived. Kurt enjoyed his Pad See Ew but the company was even better.

“I’m having a really nice time tonight, Blaine. Thank you for inviting me.”

Blaine let out a sigh of relief, “Good! I’ve ne-never actually taken anyone out on a real date before. I mean, other than the one we kind of, uh, uh, uh st-stumbled into on Friday. Before that the closest I got was —going to the Sadie Hawkins dance and my mom —did most of the p-planning there. Also…that night didn’t really end well.”

Kurt cleared his throat awkwardly. “Neither of us has ended up in the hospital so far, so I think we managed to jump over that admittedly low standard for a date.”

“There’s nothing I like better than se-se-setting expecta-ta-tations low and then exceeding them,” he said with a wink.  _ He brought me flowers, took me to a musical, and bought me dinner. Was he really worried that wouldn’t be good enough? _

For the rest of dinner, they stuck to safe, familiar topics. It was almost like hanging out when they had been just friends, except that Kurt was smiling and blushing like a lunatic much more than normal.

For once, he wasn’t the only one. Blaine kept giving him these  **looks** that were definitely new. A few times his face got serious and he would lean forward like he was about to say something but then he would just sigh and lean back without any words coming out.

Kurt desperately wanted to know what Blaine was trying so hard to say but he knew that putting more pressure on Blaine to speak would only be counterproductive.  _ He will tell me when he’s ready. _

—

As the night came to a close, Blaine seemed to get more and more fidgety. He kept fussing with the stereo in the car before finally finding an acceptable radio station. [ _Familiar Motown music_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EaflX0MWRo) filtered out through the speakers.

Now if you feel that you can't go on  
Because all of your hope is gone  
And your life is filled with much confusion  
Until happiness is just an illusion  
And your world around is crumbling down, darlin'  
(Reach out) Come on girl reach on out for me  
(Reach out) Reach out for me  
Hah, I'll be there with a love that will shelter you  
I'll be there with a love that will see you through

When the second verse started, Kurt noticed that Blaine was singing along, quietly at first but quickly picking up volume.

When you feel lost and about to give up  
'Cause your best just ain't good enough  
And your feel the world has grown cold  
And your drifting out all on your own  
And you need a hand to hold, darlin'  
(Reach out) Come on girl, reach out for me  
(Reach out) Reach out for me  
Hah, I'll be there to love and comfort you  
And I'll be there to cherish and care for you

Kurt felt a surge of warmth. Blaine’s voice, as usual, was beautiful and full of emotion.  _ Is he singing to  _ **_me_ ** _ or just singing? _

Then the car slowed to a stop and Blaine shifted into ‘park’ before cutting the engine. As he reached for the door handle, Kurt somehow felt Blaine’s gaze on his back. He leaned back into his seat and turned to face him.

Blaine smiled sweetly at him. “Kurt, I…I…” His eyes blazed into Kurt’s and Kurt felt his heartbeat speed up with anticipation.  _ Please kiss me again. _

Sure enough, Blaine leaned across the gear shift and this time Kurt met him halfway. His whole body melted at Blaine’s touch and, no, his memory had not exaggerated how good it felt to kiss Blaine. His lips were warm and tender against Kurt’s. It felt so good that Kurt was thoroughly distracted from whatever Blaine was about to say before he had kissed him. It wouldn’t be until some hours later, when Kurt was trying to fall asleep, that it would pop suddenly back into his mind and plague him with curiosity.

—

Monday morning, Kurt waited for Blaine by his locker with two cardboard cups of coffee. Blaine had taken him on such a nice date that it seemed like it was his turn for some kind of gesture. Haunted by the memory of Finn, Kurt was still a little gun-shy about coming on too strong. It wasn’t as if Blaine had seemed put off by anything he had done or said thus far, but still…coffee felt like a safe choice. It was something they had done as friends.

_ Blaine!  _ There he was, looking handsome and grinning. He wasn’t sure if he could ever get used to seeing Blaine’s whole body light up like that just from seeing Kurt. It made him feel like the most important person in the world.

“Good morning! Here, I brought you coffee,” Kurt said cheerily, holding out Blaine’s cup. Blaine grinned and accepted it.

“Thank you! I thought…wasn’t that only for l-l-last week?”

“Well, I had a nice time the other day, so…hence, coffee.” Blaine snorted as he parroted back Blaine’s own, awkward words from their dinner.

Kurt found himself blushing and unsure what to say next. They both just sort of stood there, exchanging giddy smiles until they were interrupted by the bell.

“Well, I have English so…I guess I’ll see you in Chemistry later.”

“Yeah,” Blaine said intensely.

—

Chemistry was…different. Kurt was still a disaster in lab and the two of them still spent most of the class cracking jokes quietly, but…Blaine kept bumping into him.

At first, Kurt thought it was an accident when Blaine’s knee had tapped against his.  _ I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one. _ But then it happened again. He could have sworn that Blaine was glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

So Kurt played along. He pressed his knee into Blaine’s for a few thrilling seconds before pulling back.  _ He is definitely looking at me! Oh my god, am I playing footsie? Or…kneesie? _

Needless to say, Kurt had no idea what the point of the lab had been or if they had done it correctly. And he couldn’t have cared less.

—

Kurt almost wished he hadn’t told Rachel about their kiss because she was  **not** being subtle during lunch.

“So, anyone do anything  **noteworthy** over the weekend?” She looked at Blaine meaningfully. Finn crinkled his eyebrows at her in confusion.

“Oh, uh, K-Kurt and I… saw Rent… yesterday.”

“Ooh, how was it?” Tina asked with excitement, oblivious to the subtext. “I really want to see it! I love that show but I’ve only ever seen the movie.”

“It was great!” Kurt answered, truthfully.

“R-Really great,” Blaine added, shooting Kurt a look.

“We should go next weekend, Mike? What do you think?”

Kurt was relieved that the conversation moved on from there. As much as he wondered how Blaine would respond to more in depth questioning, he wasn’t sure he was ready for this undefined  **thing** between them to be under the microscope of the entire Glee club quite yet.

—

On Tuesday, Kurt felt like he barely got to see Blaine. Even in Glee Club, he had sat with Rachel instead of with him, which had been disappointing. Kurt was very curious to know what those two were whispering about, with their heads together, conspiring about who knows what.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, Kurt was starting to wonder if he was supposed to make some sort of move. Blaine was definitely acting differently around him but they still hadn’t really talked about what had happened. They had gone on at least one real date, maybe two if dinner at Breadstix was counted retroactively. Yet Kurt still felt confused and unsure.

On the one hand, it shouldn’t be all on Blaine to initiate everything. But on the other hand, Kurt had liked Blaine for months and he felt sure that Blaine was aware of how he felt by now. He knew that Blaine cared about him deeply as a friend and he also knew that Blaine tended to be a bit of a people-pleaser.

If this was going to happen, then he needed to be sure that Blaine really liked him and wasn’t just sort of going along with it because he knew it was what Kurt wanted. So, in his mind, that kind of put the ball in Blaine’s court.

But confirming their standing Wednesday coffee date…Kurt decided that couldn’t count as putting pressure on Blaine.

**Kurt: Lima Bean @ 4?**

Kurt started to get nervous when Blaine didn’t respond at first. _Is that something we only did when we were friends? Does he_ _not want to go out again and is skipping coffee because it would be too much like a date?_

He wished he knew what Blaine was thinking.

When he checked his phone in between classes, Kurt was relieved to find that Blaine had finally replied. But when he read the text, the uneasiness returned.

**Blaine: Actually, can you meet me in the auditorium after school instead?**

_ Why would he want to meet in the auditorium? Is he going to tell me it was all a big mistake and he doesn’t want an audience? Is there a number he wants to rehearse? _

—

As requested, Kurt made his way straight to the auditorium after his final class of the day. It was empty, of course, except for Blaine who was sitting on the edge of the stage, legs dangling over the edge. He gave Kurt a friendly wave.

Kurt jogged over to where Blaine was sitting.

“So, what’s all this about, Blaine?” Kurt asked, hoping he didn’t sound as desperately curious as he felt.

Blaine held up one finger, gesturing that he needed a minute. Blaine pulled something out of his pocket. It looked like a folded up piece of notebook paper. He seemed to be reading it.

“This is all very Thelma and Louise. Is this the part where you ask me to help you dispose of a body?” Kurt joked.

“J-J-Just listen.” Blaine cleared his throat and then read aloud from the piece of paper.

“ _ Kurt, _

_ I have been trying since Friday to find a way to tell you how I’m feeling but I keep getting stuck. Expressing myself in words, especially when it comes to high-stakes emotions, well, you know how hard that is for me. I thought if I gave myself a couple of days to calm down then I could just talk to you like a normal person but it doesn’t seem to be working and you don’t deserve to keep waiting. I think I’ve probably kept you waiting quite long enough already. _

_ I’m sorry about that, by the way. I really am kind of clueless when it comes to this sort of thing. It feels like it took me forever to figure it out. _

_ But I did figure it out, how I was feeling. I want you to know…no, I need you to know that when I kissed you on Friday it meant something. Actually, it meant everything to me. I hope it meant something to you too. I think it did. _

_ I’m no good expressing myself with words, so I finally decided I would try to use music instead. This song is to tell you how I feel about you and then after I have a question I want to ask.” _

Blaine’s hands were shaking as he folded up the wrinkled note and tucked it back into his pocket. Then he hopped up onto the stage, grabbed a microphone, and [ sang](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLjv0-ec-eU) .

Like sweet morning dew  
I took one look at you  
And it was plain to see  
You were my destiny

  
With my arms open wide  
I threw away my pride  
I'll sacrifice for you  
Dedicate my life to you

I will go  
where you lead  
Always there in time of need  
And when  
I lose my will  
You'll be there to push me up the hill

  
There's no, no looking back for us  
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough  
You're all, You're all I need to get by

  
Like an eagle protects his nest  
for you I'll do my best  
Stand by you like a tree  
dare anybody to try and move me  
Darling in you I found  
Strength where I was torn down

Don't know, what's in store, but together we can open any door  
Just to do, what’s good for you, and inspire you a little higher  
I know you can, make a man, out of a soul that didn't have a goal  
Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination  
You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more  
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one  
You're all I need  
You're all I need  
You're all I need  
to get by

When the song ended, Kurt found that he had to wipe warm tears from his eyes. Blaine was out of breath from singing, a little sweaty, and smiling down at Kurt. When he sang, he was all confidence. After he was done, however, Kurt could see the vulnerability that lay beneath.

Kurt leaped up on stage and launched himself into Blaine’s arms. Blaine held him so tightly and for the first time Kurt felt like he was allowed to stay there as long as he wanted. Part of him wanted to stay there forever. He pressed his face into Blaine’s shoulder and he could feel more tears welling up.

Blaine pulled back just enough to take Kurt’s face in his hands. “K-K-Kurt, are you crying?” he asked, sounding worried. Gently, he wiped some of the tears from Kurt’s cheek. “I-I-I thought you…I thought you would be happy. Oh no, I’m so…”

As much as Kurt knew how much Blaine hated being interrupted, he couldn’t let him finish that apology. He had it all wrong.

“Blaine, I’m crying because I’ve never been this happy in my entire life.”

“Oh.” Blaine smiled. “Then…I should p-p-probably read you that, uh, —question.”

Kurt started laughing.

“First you cry then you laugh. This is n-n-not the reaction I was going for, Kurt.” Blaine looked so serious but Kurt somehow couldn’t control his laughter. It was like all the nerves from the last few days were finally releasing all at once.

“I forgot there was more.”

Blaine took a half step back from Kurt and pulled out the rather wrinkled piece of paper. He took Kurt’s hand in his and read.

_ “Kurt, your friendship has been so special to me but I finally realized that what I feel for you is too special to just be friendship. Will you be my boyfriend?” _

Blaine looked up from the paper, a hesitant and hopeful look in his eyes.

_ Does he really not know the answer? _

“Yes, Blaine. Of course, my answer is yes. You must know by now…that’s all I’ve ever wanted”

“Good. Because  **you** are all I’ve e-e-ever wanted.”

“You know, for someone who is supposed to be bad at all of this, you certainly pulled off quite the romantic stunt.”

Blaine just shrugged and beamed at him. “I m-may have had…a l-little help.”  _ So  _ **_that_ ** _ is what he was being so secretive about yesterday with Rachel! _

“May I kiss my boyfriend now?” Kurt asked with a smirk.

Blaine blushed and nodded.

—

**Blaine: Good morning, Boyfriend :)**

**Kurt: Well, hello, Dapper Dan.**

**Blaine: Of course you’re a fan of Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? I really should stop being surprised by you having excellent taste.**

**Kurt: You have my permission to be surprised by it for as long as you want, if you keep being cute about it.**

**Blaine: Deal.**

**Blaine: So, who do I have to sweet talk in order to score a date with my boyfriend?**

**Kurt: Well, if you want to see me tomorrow, that’s going to be Rachel. She already insisted that we need to have an Emergency Sleepover with Mercedes and Tina so they can interrogate me about our budding romance.**

**Kurt: If you can bear to wait until Saturday, after the rendition is over, then the only person you have to sweet talk is me.**

**Blaine: As long as Rachel promises to abide by the Geneva Convention then I suppose I can be patient.**

**Kurt: If I don’t text you every hour, send an extraction team for me.**

**Blaine: Just reach out, I’ll be there.**

**Blaine: So, Saturday, then? I’ll look up movie times and run a few options by you.**

**Kurt: That sounds perfect. And I was dead serious about that extraction team.**

**Blaine: I know ;) Can’t wait!**

Flirting with Blaine was surprisingly effortless and much more fun now that he knew definitively and without doubt that his feelings were reciprocated. After watching the other couples in Glee club with their coy advances and their games, he was relieved that once he had worked through how to tell him, Blaine had been so forthright about his feelings. Kurt finally didn’t feel like he needed to worry about scaring Blaine off.

—

When Rachel opened the door to let Kurt in, she grabbed his hand and dragged him over to her dads, who were sitting at the piano in the living room.

“Dads! Guess who has a boyfriend?”

“Hiram, I thought we raised her better than to date a homosexual male. Where did we go wrong?”

“I don’t know LeRoy, I just don’t know. We fed her three square meals a day, took her to ballet lessons, we watched 'The Birdcage’ annually.” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Dads!” she groaned, “Not me. Kurt has a boyfriend!”

Hiram and LeRoy brightened up significantly. “Oh, well that’s another story entirely.”

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh. “You remember Blaine?”

“Oh yes, the small one! Nervous energy, too much gel?” Hiram clarified.

“I remember him! You know how much I love a man with a lisp. Very sexy.” LeRoy nodded in approval.

“Dad! He doesn’t have a lisp, he has a stutter. And…gross!”

“Rahela,” Hiram chided. “We do not kink shame in this house.” He turned to his husband and threw up his hands in defeat. “It’s like we’ve taught her nothing. God knows we’ve tried.”

“ **Anyways.** ” Rachel seemed desperate to get the conversation back on track. “Well…he and Kurt are together now.”

“Congratulations, young man. We must have the two of you over for dinner sometime.”

“Oh, yes, that’s a good idea, LeRoy. We can give him them the gay sex talk their Ohio public school is too backwards to give them.”

Rachel put both hands over her ears and Kurt could already feel his skin turning very red. “Walking away now!” She grabbed Kurt’s hand and dragged him over to the basement entrance. “Come on, Kurt, we’re down here tonight. My room is too small.”

“Please tell me they were joking. I think if they try to talk to me about sex while Blaine is within a ten mile radius you are going to scrub my ashes out of the carpet because I’ll spontaneously combust with embarrassment. Scratch that, make it a fifteen mile radius.”

“I wish I could say that they were. My dads are very… passionate about the importance of comprehensive sexual education. When they found out that Lima Schools provide abstinence-only education they actually complained to the school board. Then, when that inevitably failed, I was subjected to a very, uh, detailed lecture at home. They had a  **powerpoint** , Kurt! There were videos!”

“Ahh! Can we talk about literally anything else?” Kurt pleaded.

At that moment the doorbell rang. “More guests are here! Be right back.”

Kurt tried desperately not to think about what kinds of videos Rachel’s dads might try to show him and instead focused on unpacking his sleeping bag.

Rachel, Tina, and Mercedes came down the stairs. Mercedes gave Kurt a big hug. “Whatever you already told Rachel, you had better be ready to repeat because I am not missing one single detail. Now spill!”

“You didn’t miss anything. Rachel has just been scarring me for life on an unrelated matter.”

So Kurt told them the whole story from their first kiss under the stars, to their first date at the theater, to Blaine’s very romantic declaration of his feelings through song.

His girls were an excellent audience, oohing and squeeing at all the right moments.

When his story was over, they swept him up into a big group hug.

It felt good to have this time with them to celebrate and feel happy. He was able to enjoy their company much more now that he wasn’t bitter and jealous. He even felt a pang of regret at how upset he had gotten at Rachel the last time he was here. He should have known better than to think that Rachel didn’t want him to have someone.

She was obviously so happy for him now. They all were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Motown Week! I have a huge soft spot in my heart for Motown because it featured heavily in my childhood. 
> 
> Your comments are all *I* need to get by :D
> 
> ~~  
> Music:
> 
> Featured Songs:  
> Reach Out (I'll Be There) by the Four Tops  
> You're All I Need to Get By by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
> 
> Referenced Songs:  
> Good Day, Sunshine by The Beatles  
> ~~  
> Movies:
> 
> The Birdcage (1996): Robin Williams plays owner of a Miami drag club who pretends to be straight when meeting the parents of son's conservative fiance.
> 
> O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000): Three escaped convicts search for buried treasure in the deep south during the 1930s in a story loosely based on The Odyssey. One of the characters has an unhealthy obsession with Dapper Dan Pomade.  
> ~~  
> Glee Trivia:
> 
> Rachel's dad calls her "Rahela" at some point on the series, which is a variant of Rachel used in several languages including Romanian. My own Jewish heritage includes roots in Romania, so I imagine that being in the background of one of her dads, leading to this alternate pronunciation. 
> 
> ~~  
> Express Yourself: What is happening with this story and it's author?
> 
> I wanted to share some more on what to expect as things wind down with this story. I have a little over two weeks before I have to go back to work. I have two chapters already in draft form, so at minimum there will be three more chapters but more likely five or even more if I have time. This was always a summer project when I conceived of it. I do feel that I need to stick with that because things get pretty crazy during the school year. I just have no idea if creative writing will continue to work as the fun creative outlet it has been for me all summer or if I will feel burnt out on writing from all the writing I do in my job. I don't want to be one of those author's who abandons a story or leaves readers hanging for months on end between chapters. Writing during the school year just may not be something I can commit to, but we always have the summers!
> 
> That said, if I can find a way to fit it into my life, I would love to keep writing during the school year. That could take the form of the occasional one-shot or even a full sequel to Express Yourself. I've even thought about starting an AU series featuring the cast of Glee as educators at a school, working in special education. It could be an outlet for me to fictionalize some of my experiences at my job. We really do have some wild crazy stories over in special education. 
> 
> So I'll bring Express Yourself to some kind of nice point of closure, but leave the door open for it to continue down the road. There is so much more of this story I want to tell. I hope at some point there will be a "Part 2" to Express Yourself.
> 
> I may throw in some story pitches into these end notes to see if my readers have any feedback about what they would like to read.


	17. Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt finally meets Blaine's parents over the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realizing how little time I have left to finish this story seems to have just led to me writing even more furiously and prolifically than I already was!
> 
> Please enjoy this next chapter! I'm sure another will follow in the next 1-3 days at this rate.
> 
> Before you laugh at what Blaine's mom says about Santa, I have to tell you that this is 100% based on someone I know in real life. I mean, you can still laugh, but you can't accuse me of it being unrealistic. Really, laughing is encouraged because that is also my reaction.

_Blaine was walking through the forest with Kurt. There was a loud noise and they began to run. There was something in the woods, growling hungrily at them. It sounded like a wolf or a bear. He took Kurt’s hand and sprinted as fast as he could, desperate to get away._

_There was another growl, much closer this time, and Kurt screamed out in fear._  

_Out from behind the trees their pursuer emerged. It was no fierce monster; however, but a man. It was David Karofsky. He growled at them, like a feral cat._  

_There was no way Blaine was letting him get to Kurt again. He had to keep him safe. He kept himself between Kurt and Dave, running as fast as he could, his feet catching on roots._  

_He glanced over his shoulder but somehow now it was Rick, one of the bullies from his old school, chasing them. His foot caught under a root and sent him flying to the ground._  

_Blaine looked up again and now it really was a wolf chasing him. It leaped towards him and Blaine felt a heavy weight on his chest…_

“Baby Blaine! Wake-up, little brother!” 

Blaine gasped awake, his heart pounding, to discover the weight on his chest was his brother, Cooper, sitting on him. Blaine roughly shoved him off. 

“D-Don’t **do** that! You know I hate it when you-you do that, Coop!” 

Cooper smiled innocently at him. 

“What? No, big hello hug for your big brother who you haven’t seen in months?” he asked, pouting. 

He felt guilty for lashing out at Cooper, he had just been so startled and the nightmare had felt so real.  

Blaine took in a deep breath, clearing the final echoes of his nightmare. _You’re safe. Kurt is safe. There is no wolf here, unless Cooper counts._  

“S-sorry, it’s great to see you, bro.” Blaine leaned across to wrap an arm around his brother in a side-hug. “I…I need to get d-dressed.” He gestured towards the door, indicating that Cooper should leave. 

“Fine! But you had better tell me about this new boyfriend of yours over breakfast! I can’t believe I had to hear about it from **Mom**! Can’t you tell me just a little bit about him now?” Cooper pleaded with him playfully.  

“Out!” Blaine practically had to shove Cooper out of his room. He locked the door just in case; Cooper had only a casual respect for closed doors and other permeable boundaries. 

After a hot shower and proper clothes, Blaine was able to shake off the nightmare. 

When he emerged into the kitchen, his father was frying up bacon and eggs on the stove. Blaine poured himself a cup of coffee before taking a seat at the kitchen table. Cooper sat in his usual chair, the one that sat empty most days now that Cooper lived in Los Angeles. 

Cooper smirked mischievously at Blaine. “So, what’s his name?” he asked in a teasing, sing-song voice. “Mom told me but…was it Kirk? Oh, like Star Trek!” 

“K-K-Kurt.” 

“And he doesn’t mind when you stutter on his name?” 

“No, Cooper, he doesn’t mind. He has actually been r-r-really cool about my stu-stu-stuttering, unlike **some** people.” Blaine glared pointedly at his brother. 

“What?” Cooper protested. “I’m just making sure he’s good enough for my baby brother. That’s not a crime, is it? So how did you meet this mysterious Kurt? Oh, tell me it was scandalous.”  

_What would that even mean? I’m in high school, for crying out loud. It’s not like I picked him up at a sleazy club._  

“In G-G-Glee Club at my new school. He is also my-my-my lab partner in Chemistry. We were g-good friends before we-we started d-dating.”  

“So, do you have good…Chemistry?” Cooper asked with a waggle of his eyebrows. 

Blaine’s cheeks flushed pink. “I…I…I am **not** a-a-answering that.” 

“Come on! You never have anything juicy to tell me!” Cooper pouted, like an overgrown child. 

“Cooper, don’t tease your brother!” His father admonished. 

“What? I’m just asking!” Cooper complained. He groaned, “Ugh, fine! So, what is he like?” 

Blaine studied Cooper’s face for a moment, trying to discern if his intentions were genuine. He really did want to tell him all about Kurt but only if he wasn’t just asking so he could tease Blaine about him more.  

“He’s got an a-a-amazing voice, an encyclo-clo-clo-clopedic knowledge of Broadway musicals, and this very creative fashion sense.” 

“So, basically, he’s like super gay?” Cooper asked. 

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Being gay is a b-binary state, Cooper, either you are or you aren’t.” 

“I see someone has never heard of the Kinsey scale,” Cooper retorted. 

“You know that research is very out of date,” his mother interjected. _Mom knows about the Kinsey scale?_  

She must have seen Blaine and Cooper’s twin faces of surprise. “What? A mother can’t do a little research when her son comes out of the closet?” 

Blaine felt a surge of warmth towards his mother.  

She turned to Cooper, “I don’t think Blaine means that sexuality is not a spectrum, dear, rather that loving musicals doesn’t actually make you more or less gay. Blaine’s boyfriend is a person, not a stereotype.” 

“I know that! I live in L.A. for goodness sake, I probably have more gay friends that Baby Blaine does. God, can no one in this family take a joke?” Cooper huffed. 

“Yeah, b-b-but only if they’re actually fffunny,” Blaine retorted. 

“Oooh, I think I’m going to need some Neosporin for that sick burn, Blaine. Nice one!” He reached out to fist bump Blaine and just like that the bickering was over. 

His father brought over a big serving dish of bacon and eggs and the four of them gathered for the first family breakfast of the holidays.  

“Now Blaine, I know Christmas is a busy time but I do hope we can meet your boyfriend at some point. Maybe you could invite him over for dinner one night. What do you think, sweetheart?” 

“Sssure.” _You can’t put it off forever. Might as well rip the band-aid off._  

— 

“Stop fidgeting, Blaine,” Cooper admonished.

“Leave your brother alone, it’s perfectly normal to be nervous about introducing your boyfriend to your parents. If you ever dated a girl long enough to introduce her to us then perhaps you would be more sympathetic.”  

Blaine leaned over to whisper to Cooper, “You can have that N-N-Neosporin back. I think you n-n-need it more than me.” Cooper snickered in response. 

*Ding Dong* 

Blaine jumped up when the doorbell rang. “E-E-Everyone, st-stay here!” he insisted, before jogging to open the front door. He wanted a minute to say hello to Kurt in private before his entire family swooped in on him like vultures. 

_Why am I so excited to see him? It’s only few a few days._  

He was practically bursting with excitement. They had only officially been boyfriends for less than two weeks and everything still felt very new. Blaine’s fingers fumbled for a moment with the door latch before he swung open the front door. _Kurt!_  

Kurt looked amazing, as he always did. A few snowflakes glittered in his perfectly-styled hair and his cheeks were adorably red from the cold. He lit up when he saw Blaine in the doorway and greeted him with shy excitement. “Hi.” 

Blaine responded, grinning stupidly. “Hi!”  

They stared at each other for a moment before Blaine pulled Kurt into a tight hug. “I missed you,” he whispered in his ear. “Also, I’m s-s-sorry in advance for anything r-rude or weird my family says.” 

Kurt pulled back and chuckled. “Should I be worried? Does your father own a shotgun? Is he going to make threats that involve your virtue?” he asked in mock concern. 

Just having Kurt here, smiling and making jokes, and looking so beautiful covered in snow, well, it was already easing the anxious tension of anticipation that had been building all day. 

Blaine leaned forward to give Kurt an unfortunately brief kiss on the lips before taking his hand, “Come on, I w-w-won’t let them shoot you.”  

His father was pretty traditional about a lot of things but as popular as owning guns was in their part of the country, that was one tradition he eschewed. He spent too much time in courtrooms and had heard too many horror stories working as a prosecutor.  

Blaine still remembered the lecture his father had given him where he had rattled off statistics about being more likely to be shot by your own gun than to ward off intruders. “I want you to promise me to never keep a gun in your house, Blaine. Especially if you have children. No one thinks it will happen to them but it does.” It was a little more than Blaine’s nine-year-old brain had been able to process but it had certainly stuck with him.  

He welcomed Kurt into his house, remembering to take his coat like a gentleman, just as his mother had taught him. The Andersons always took off their shoes after entering the house but—given that it was Kurt’s first time here—Blaine assumed this would require explanation. When he returned from the coat closet; however, Kurt had already neatly tucked his boots into an empty space on the shoe rack. _Nice!_

Taking Kurt’s hand again, Blaine led him into the family room where everyone was waiting. He hoped they didn’t look too intimidating, all sitting in a row on the couch, looking up at them expectantly. _They look like a firing squad. Maybe it would have been less awkward if I’d let them just come to the door? Oh well, too late._  

“Mother, F-Father, Cooper, this is my b-boyfriend K-K-Kurt. Kurt, this is my father P-Patrick, my mother Jasmine, and my brother C-Cooper.” 

They stood up and one by one shook hands with Kurt. So far, Kurt seemed calm and comfortable introducing himself to Blaine’s family. “It’s so nice to finally meet you Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. Thank you so much for inviting me over for dinner. Cooper, I’ve heard so much about you.” 

Blaine’s father had an unfortunately noticeable reaction to Kurt’s voice when he spoke for the first time; his eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. _Should I have warned them that he has a high voice? Well, at least he didn’t say anything. I guess it could be worse._  

Trust Cooper to make it worse. “Wow, your voice is so high, Kurt! They must love you in Glee Club. What is your range?” 

“Thank you, yes it does have some advantages for singing. My range is over three octaves. I can hit the F5 in ‘Defying Gravity’ no problem but I can also go lower than you might expect. I sang the intro to ‘Give Up the Funk’ last year, and that has an A2.” 

“R-Really? I didn’t know that, K-Kurt?” Blaine said in surprise. As close as he already felt to Kurt, it was a good reminder that there were still so many things to learn about him. Blaine wanted to know all of them. 

“Uh-huh!” Kurt said proudly. Then he demonstrated, “Tear the roof off, tear the roof off.” Kurt had mentioned his three octave range right at the beginning of their friendship, when he was trying to convince Blaine that they should be duet partners. But somehow he hadn’t thought about how low Kurt could go, only how high. Blaine was impressed and—if he was completely honest—a tiny bit jealous. 

Blaine met his mother and father’s eyes. They smiled politely but this was probably going way over their heads. They knew music was important to Blaine but they didn't know very much about it. At least Cooper had done choir in high school, so he could appreciate Kurt’s talent. 

“Awesome!” Cooper high-fived Kurt, looking genuinely impressed. “You must get all the solos! At least the ones Baby Blaine gets, of course.” 

Kurt arched an eyebrow at him, mouthing _‘Baby Blaine?’_ Blaine just shrugged in response. Then Kurt turned to Cooper, “No, actually, it’s pretty rare for me to get a solo. Our director is a bit…traditional when it comes to that sort of thing. When Blaine and I performed a duet a Sectionals this year, that was my first time getting a lead for a competition number.” 

“I always forget how behind everything is here,” Cooper complained. “You should move out to L.A. when you graduate like I did. Trust me, no one there will think you’re a freak. They actually appreciate talent in Hollywood, unlike **some** places.” 

_And now he’s calling Kurt a freak. Great, just great._  

Kurt looked genuinely pleased, however. “That’s nice to hear. I would love to move to a bigger, more progressive city for college.” 

“If you can sing that low, then why don’t you speak down there? Have you ever tried?” His father asked. “It might keep some of that unwanted attention off your back, just, you know, until you can move somewhere your, uh, unique talents are better appreciated.”  

Blaine’s eyes widened in silent horror. Things had been going well enough so far but this was exactly what he had feared: his father telling Kurt to ‘tone it down.’ Kurt was not going to take kindly to that. 

Kurt looked taken aback but if he was offended he was doing a good job of covering it up. “Yes, I tried once for about a week. It actually strained my voice to speak out of my natural register. As a singer, I have to prioritize vocal hygiene above all else.”  

“Oh, fascinating, I had no idea that would be bad for your voice. Quite right to protect the tools of your trade.” His father seemed satisfied by Kurt’s explanation. Blaine let out a sigh of relief. 

He could see the gears turning in Kurt’s head, deciding if he should give the less palatable explanation. As much as Blaine wanted tonight to go well, he hated to see Kurt holding himself back. It felt…wrong. He knew that Kurt would never change his voice to try to fit in, even if there were no repercussions for his singing.  

“K-Kurt’s not a follower, Dad, he is a —trendsetter. It’s one of the r-r-reasons I like him.”  

Kurt gave him the softest look and reached out to squeeze his hand. Seeing Kurt’s reaction was all he needed to know that he had said the right thing. 

Blaine’s father cleared his throat. “Right then, just…just be careful out there, alright boys? Don’t invite trouble where there doesn’t need to be any.” 

His mother jumped in and skillfully shifted the subject. “So, Kurt, have you thought about what you would like to study in college yet? Will you do any college visits this year?” 

“I would love to study the performing arts. Musical theater is my biggest passion, but of course I understand it’s very competitive. I’m still trying to decide if I should go somewhere more specialized to hone my craft or to a bigger school where I can take other classes so I have something to fall back on.” 

“That’s a very thoughtful answer, young man.” Blaine let out a sigh of relief. Praise from his father was only given if it was sincere. “So you have a backup plan, then?” 

“Sort of. I mean if nothing else works out, I’m sure my dad would love it if I took over his business one day but it’s not really what I’m passionate about. Finn and I could probably run it together, actually. That would be sort of cute.”  

Blaine couldn’t imagine Kurt as the proprietor of his father’s shop, but considering Kurt’s strong organizational skills he was sure that he would excel at it.  

“Oh, your father is a business owner? What is his business?” his father asked curiously.  

“Hummel Tire and Lube? It’s on North, by the Dairy Queen.” 

“Oh yes, I think I’ve driven by before. Never been inside, though. I tried to get Blaine interested in cars but it never stuck. Do you know your way around under the hood?” 

_What is this a masculinity test? Ugh, Dad!_  

“Yeah, pretty well. I’ve been helping out at the shop since I was twelve and Dad lets me handle simple repairs and maintenance jobs now. I’m not certified for brakes or anything more advanced like that; although, he’s taught me how.” Kurt shrugged. It was clear that there was no excitement when he explained his mechanical skills after seeing him enthuse about his vocal range. 

Blaine suddenly had a strong mental image of Kurt rolling out from underneath a car, his face smudged with grease. He felt his face flush. _Ah! No sexy daydreams in from of my parents._  

They managed to stick to fairly safe topics until the oven timer went off and everyone transitioned into the dining room. Kurt complimented his mother on her cooking and their shared love of food carried them for another five minutes of pleasant chit-chat. Kurt was already promising to share some of his favorite recipes with her, which had Blaine smiling fondly at both of them. 

Then things took a turn. 

“Do you always dress like this, Kurt?” 

_Oh, no, no. Dad!_ Blaine tried to call out in protest but he blocked, “—” 

“I’m sorry, was this not formal enough, Mr. Anderson?” Kurt asked, with a slight edge in his voice. 

Blaine’s mother rushed in to try to smooth things over. “Of course not, dear, you look lovely. I adore the pattern on your vest; it’s quite stylish.” 

“It just seems like it might attract…unwanted attention,” his father explained. “I don’t mean to judge, son, I’m just concerned for Blaine’s safety.” 

Blaine groaned and buried his face in his hands. _This can’t be happening._  

“Oh,” said Kurt with a grimace. “Well, um, to answer your original question, **yes** , I do always dress like this. Fashion is another passion of mine and I see it as a vital modality for self-expression. I’m fully aware that I don’t dress the same as other people and so was Blaine when asked me to be his boyfriend. And, yes, it does sometimes attract unwanted attention.”  

There was definitely a sharp edge to Kurt’s voice now. _Get it together. Stop hiding and do something!_ Blaine unburied his face and checked to see how upset Kurt looked. His eyes were flashing and he could see the muscles bulging near his jaw, so he must be clenching his teeth. Blaine found his hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“—Dad, st-stop it!” Blaine cried out.  

“I just don’t want to get another phone call that my **son** is unconscious in the hospital,” his father said angrily, pounding the table. “I don’t see why you have to take unnecessary risks like that when there are dangerous people out there.” 

“Mr. Anderson, sir, I’m well aware of Blaine’s history. Trust me, I dread that phone call too.” Kurt said.  

_Wait, you do?_  

“I would be devastated if anything happened to Blaine. But I also know that making decisions about how to live my life based on fear isn’t really living for me. I would be miserable if I couldn’t express my individuality and to me it feels like letting the bullies win. I would never intentionally do anything to risk Blaine’s safety but I’m also not going to change who I am. I didn’t change who I am for my own father so, all due respect, I’m certainly not going to for anyone else. Your son accepts me, just as I am. He has a very big heart and I can only assume that’s how you raised him.”  

Kurt finally exhaled and gave Blaine a worried, apologetic look. 

There was an awkward, tense moment of silence at the dinner table. Blaine’s father was gripping the arms of his chair and Kurt was decidedly avoiding eye contact with him. 

Finally, Blaine’s mother broke the silence. She cleared her throat and then said, “I’m going to clear the dishes and get dessert ready to serve. It needs a few minutes to cool. Cooper, perhaps you could show Kurt where Blaine’s room is? I’m sure he would love to give you the full tour. Blaine’s going to speak to his father in private and then I’ll send him right up.”  

Blaine reluctantly released Kurt’s hand as he followed Cooper to the staircase. Kurt gave him a long look before he disappeared out of view. 

“You two need to talk this out,” his mother declared firmly. “We do **not** air our dirty laundry in front of guests like that.” She turned on her heels and marched back into the kitchen. _I guess she really is going to do dishes._  

Blaine glared at his father, waiting for him to make the first move. 

“You know how hard it was for me when you came out, Blaine. I finally got to a place where I could accept that this is just who you are, that it’s something you have no control over. But you had to choose **this** boy of all the boys you could have chosen? I mean he’s sweet but could you have found someone who was more of a flashing sign that says ‘target’? Next time I could be getting a phone call from the morgue instead of the hospital. I just wish you had picked someone more sensible.” 

Anger churned within him. He was furious. 

“I ch-chose him because he is k-k-kind, he is talented, he has h-h-had my back every time I n-n-needed him. Did you know he…he was the fi-first person I ever t-t-told about my st-stuttering? Did you know he t-t-t-took me to that su-su-support group that **you** were too busy to go to w-with me? He is the b-b-best thing that has ever ha-ha-happened to me!” Blaine declared fiercely. Then he finally voiced his deepest fear, the one he had tried not to even think about. “You c-can’t make me st-stop seeing him! Please!” 

His father blinked at him in shock. It had been a long time since Blaine had raised his voice to his father. After a few moments, his face softened. 

“I wasn’t—I would never tell you to stop seeing him. Especially not after you’ve made it crystal clear how important he is to you. I…” he let out a deep sigh, trailing off into thought. “He sounds like a great person who you value for the right reasons. I keep telling your brother not to be so superficial and here you are, so much younger and already you know what really matters in a relationship. I’m still not thrilled about it because I’ll worry every time the two of you go out in town, but…I want you to be happy, Blaine. Kurt makes you happy, Blaine?” 

Blaine blinked back tears and nodded. 

“Then I’ll try to keep my concerns to myself. Why don’t you go on up and apologize to him for my rude behavior. Tell him I’m sorry.” 

“Th-thanks, Dad.”

— 

When Blaine got up to his room, he found Kurt sitting at his desk looking at the pictures Blaine had pinned to his cork board. He locked the door and plopped onto the bed. 

“Your parents let you lock the door with a boy in your room?” Kurt asked with surprise. he stood up and sat next to Blaine on the bed, taking his hand. He seemed calmer than when he had left the table. 

“I a-a-always lock it when Cooper’s home. I swear, he is like, uh, allergic to knocking. They n-never said I couldn’t, so…” Blaine shrugged. 

“Who knew my boyfriend was such a rebel?” Kurt said with a mischievous grin. 

_I should be the one trying to cheer him up not the other way around._ _He really is the best._  

“God, Kurt, I am **so** sorry about my father. Ugh, I don’t even—I j-j-just knew he was going to pull something like that.” 

“I was thinking maybe I should apologize to you for losing my temper with your dad. I don’t want to cause problems for you at home. Thank you for standing up for me, though. I think I could have dealt with a lot worse as long you were there, having my back.” 

Blaine reached out to wrap his arms around Kurt’s waist. “Always,” he promised. “He, uh, he d-d-did tell me to —apologize to you.” 

“Well that’s…unexpected. What changed his mind?” Kurt asked, gazing searchingly into Blaine’s eyes. 

“I m-may have ye-yelled a bit…ab-about how great you are.” Blaine blushed at the confession.  

Kurt leaned closer into Blaine’s embrace. 

“You really are fine with how much I…don’t conform? Because I meant what I said about not changing for anyone. I like you so much, Blaine, but I meant it.” Kurt was firm but also sounded worried. 

“I’m kind of cr-crazy about —all the ways you d-don’t conform, actually.” Blaine hoped he sounded as sincere as he felt. Kurt had told him about his brief stint pretending to be straight and Blaine could never manage to picture him wearing his father’s flannels, singing Mellencamp. It felt like some kind of blasphemy. The world would be a darker place without Kurt lighting it up. 

He must have gotten his point across, because Kurt was giving him that soft look again. “I don’t know how I got so lucky, finding you, Blaine.” 

Blaine suddenly felt the strongest urge to be close to Kurt, to show him just how lucky **he** was to have found Kurt. He reached out to cup Kurt’s cheek before leaning in to kiss him. This time was different than when he had greeted Kurt as the door. There was a locked door between them and the rest of his family. Finally, he had Kurt all to himself.  

He wrapped his arm around Kurt’s back, gently pulling him closer, pressing his lips more firmly against Kurt’s. Kurt made some kind of pleased noise in response and then deepened their kiss. His tongue, sweet and hesitant, brushed against Blaine’s. Blaine held him even tighter in response. He pulled at Kurt, desperately, just wanting him as close as possible without really knowing how. 

Then his pulling turned into falling, falling and pulling, until he was laying on his back with Kurt’s warm body above him. _Oh, this is how you get closer_. 

He let his hands roam and explore the unfamiliar and exciting landscape of Kurt’s back, his arms, his face. His lips wandered too, pressing kisses onto the soft skin of his cheeks, the sharp angles of his nose, the warm skin of his neck, before returning to his lips again.  

Feeling Kurt’s warm weight pressing down on him was…his new favorite thing. Kurt seemed to be enjoying it too because his kissing became more enthusiastic. Sandwiched between Kurt and the bed, Blaine was in heaven.  

At sixteen, Blaine was no stranger to the rush of teenage hormones but his experience sharing them with another person was pretty limited and he had never felt them in the presence of romantic feelings until Kurt. It was a thousand times better and a thousand times more powerful. He might have finally found something that compared with the high of performing in front of a cheering crowd. He remembered thinking that making out with Nick was “fun.” Making out with Kurt was…transcendent. 

But then the wonderful pressure on his chest lifted. A groan of disappointment escaped before he could stop it. Kurt had rolled off of him and now lay next to him, on his bed, a bit out of breath. _Was that too much?_  

Blaine turned onto his side so they could face each other. Kurt had an enormous grin on his face. Kurt looked so delighted that Blaine’s disappointment quickly evaporated. Kurt was breathing heavily, his cheeks pink the way they always got after dance rehearsal. He was looking at Blaine the way that Blaine looked at the cake his mother served for Christmas dinner every year. 

“You know, you really are quite devastatingly good at that, Blaine. The, uh, kissing, that is.” Kurt’s voice was unusually breathy when he spoke. 

“I…it…it’s never felt like that, b-before. I think it’s…it’s all you, Kurt.”  

Kurt pressed his lips briefly to Blaine’s before sitting up. He let out a sigh. “We should probably make ourselves presentable enough to come down for dessert before your parents realize they left two teenage boys up here with the door locked.” 

“Fine, I… suppose you’re right.” Blaine said with a pout. _Why does he have to be so responsible?_  

_—_  

The Andersons had their traditional Christmas Eve Dinner and then Blaine and Cooper were banished to the upstairs at 8:00 because, “otherwise Santa won’t come,” their mother insisted. He seemed to be in some sort of detente with his father where they were acting normally towards each other and just not discussing Kurt. 

Blaine flopped onto Cooper’s bed, “Is she ever g-g-going to drop the Santa thing, Coop?” 

“I’m twenty-five and she’s still sticking to it so at this point it seems doubtful. Just try to accept it as an adorable quirk. I find that it’s less annoying that way.” 

Blaine laughed as he rifled through his brother’s DVD collection. “‘It’s a W-Wonderful Life’ or ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’?” he asked, holding up the two choices. 

“Mom is just going to make us watch ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ again tomorrow, so definitely Nightmare Before Christmas. Besides, you don’t mind when I sing along to all the songs. Father always complains.” 

“I wwwould be —disappointed if you didn’t, Coop.” Blaine smiled to himself as he started setting up the DVD player. As annoying as his brother could be, in this moment he found himself glad to have him home. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without staying up late watching movies with his brother. It was tradition. 

Blaine’s train of thought was interrupted by his phone chiming at him. He pulled it out of his pocket. 

**Kurt: I hope you are at least half as full of Turkey as I am. Dad is going to have to roll me down the stairs tomorrow but it was so worth it.**  

**Blaine: I’m practically spherical.**  

**Kurt: Good boy.**  

**Kurt: I know you’re busy with family stuff, but I was hoping you might be able to come over for a few hours on Saturday to help me bake Christmas cookies. I could really use some muscle to keep Finn from inhaling all of them before I even get a chance to decorate.**  

**Blaine: That sounds perfect. It is right on schedule for me to get stir-crazy and need to leave the house so I don’t murder Cooper.**  

**Kurt: Come at 11. I don’t care what you do to your brother but if you get blood in my dough then *I* will murder *you***  

**Blaine: Aww, you say the sweetest things.**  

**Kurt: You can’t see me right now but I’m making my dead serious face. Don’t fuck with my cookies, Anderson.**  

**Blaine: I love that face! It’s so cute!**  

Kurt just responded with an angry emoji face that made Blaine laugh. 

**Blaine: See you then! Have a good Christmas!**  

“Oooh, texting your boyfriend?” Cooper teased. 

“Yeah,” Blaine said with a contented sigh. “We’re going to —bake Christmas cookies the d-day after tomorrow. If you’re nice to me I **might** bring you b-back some.” 

“I’ll try my best!” 

Blaine bit his lip nervously. “So wh-what did you think? About d-d-dinner the other n-night?” 

“Kurt’s awesome!” 

“But Dad—I mean—he was…you know. And I mean…are they even really r-r-ready for me to have a boyfriend at all?” Blaine asked, not quite sure if he was being clear. 

“Well, I’m pretty sure mom has been ready for you to bring home a significant other since your tenth birthday. Honestly, this probably isn’t a real thing but she is a pathological romantic. And Dad, well…Dad is as ready as he’s ever going to be. I think it was always going to be an adjustment for him, but he’ll get over it, little bro, just give him time. You could have warned him that your boyfriend was so…flamboyant, though. I think he was just surprised.”  

“Hmm, I su-suppose. I d-d-didn’t realize my —boyfriend should come with a —trigger warning,” Blaine grumbled. 

Cooper just shrugged. “I’m not saying it’s fair. I didn’t make this world; I’m just trying to live in it.” 

“I j-j-just wish he…had b-been nicer to K-Kurt. Would that have been so hhhard?” 

“I hear you, Blainers. I’m not saying that he’s right or anything, but I don’t know if you appreciate what he went through when you were attacked. He spends all day locking up psychos and his greatest fear in life has always been one of them getting to his family. Did I ever tell you that he called me that first night?” 

Blaine shook his head. 

“He was crying so much that for a second I thought you were dead. Mom took the phone away from him after a while. I think she realized he was probably scaring me, but before that he was just ranting about how it was his job to keep you safe and he’d failed. It was…heartbreaking.” 

“Fuck.” 

“I mean we were all really worried and upset, but…I don’t know, bro. It hit him extra hard. Alright, enough of this sad shit. I want to get my ‘This is Halloween’ groove on!”

~~~~~~~~~

**Blaine is 15 years old**  

When Blaine woke up, he was so groggy that there was a brief moment where it was just another morning, waking up in his bed, tired from staying up too late on a Friday night. Then he wondered if someone had replaced all of his blood with molasses. Slowly, painfully, he took in his surroundings. Too bright florescent lights practically blinded him when he looked up so he clamped his eyes shut before he could get a good look around. 

There was an incessant beeping sound coming from somewhere to his side. It was making his head throb.  

The lights, the beeping, the pain, the wires and needles he could feel on his hands and chest. _You are in the hospital._ The more he shook off the thick fog of sleep, the more he became aware of the pain. It was everywhere. His head, his ribs, his arm. _Oh, fuck, everything hurts._ He moaned audibly. 

“Blaine?! Oh my god, Blaine, are you awake?” His mother’s familiar voice came from somewhere nearby. Her voice sounded strange, like she had a cold. 

“Blaine, son! Can you hear us? Open your eyes for me, please.” His father’s voice sounded urgent. 

“It’s t-t-too bright,” he choked out, through chapped lips. 

“Nurse!” his father demanded.  

“Ahh,” Blaine cried out in pain. The sound was so loud that he could hear it vibrating inside his head, slamming against his skull. 

“Patrick,” his mother hissed. “Keep your voice down. You’re upsetting Blaine.”

His father’s voice grew faint and far away. Finally, Blaine could see through his closed eyelids that the lights had been dimmed. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes a crack, and when that went alright he finally opened them the rest of the way. 

His parents’ eyes were both red and puffy from crying. Blaine had never even seen his father cry before, not once. His mother was clutching Blaine’s hand, kissing it over and over again. 

She seemed to be talking more to herself than to Blaine when she muttered under her breath, “you’re okay. You’re safe. My baby’s safe.” Seeing how upset his parents were, Blaine felt afraid for the first time since he had woken up. 

_Did I almost die? What happened?_  

His memory was fuzzy when he tried to remember. He remembered the dance. He remembered waiting for Nick’s dad. He remembered lying on the asphalt, the toe of someone’s boot hammering his ribs. 

A friendly young woman wearing scrubs entered the room. “Knock, knock,” she said out loud, not actually knocking. “I’m Nurse Diamond and I heard that someone was finally awake! I know you probably want to spend some time with your son Mr. and Mrs. Anderson but I need to do some quick orientation checks.” 

_Orientation? Are they going to make me climb a mountain? No that’s orienteering. Wait, she doesn’t mean sexual orientation, does she? How could that possibly be relevant?_  

Everything felt fuzzy and his thoughts were sluggish and confused. 

Thankfully the nurse asked him easy questions like his name, the date, and who the president was. She announced that she was scheduling a CT scan before leaving the room again. 

“Am…I-I-I okay?” Blaine asked, voice trembling with fear.  

“You’re going to be just fine, sweetie. It’s nothing the doctors can’t fix.” His mother gave him a reassuring smile. 

“Jazz, you can’t promise him that,” his father whispered sternly to his mother. They retreated to the far side of the room and clearly seemed to be under the impression that Blaine couldn’t hear them. But it was a small room. “The doctor said he might have a brain injury. Just because he knows who the fucking president is doesn’t mean he couldn’t have serious memory loss. I was up half the night researching the short and long term effects of Traumatic Brain Injury and let me tell you, it’s given me something entirely new to have nightmares about. Did you know it can lead to dementia in some cases?” 

“Patrick, you’re working yourself up into a frenzy. Honestly, I should lock up your computer at night. You know it isn’t good for your blood pressure to go on a panic-driven research bender like that. Let the doctors worry about that part. Right now, your son needs you and you’re no good to him like this. Blaine needs you to be strong and reassuring. Pull yourself together! Go take a walk or something.” 

Blaine had never heard his mother get angry at his father like this. It was unsettling. 

They walked back over to the bed and his father leaned down to kiss his forehead, careful to stay clear of the bandages. “I’m going to hit the canteen. You want a candy bar or something from the vending machine, son?” 

“Sure,” said Blaine, although he doubted he could stomach it. He felt nauseous and was starting to fear he might vomit. 

“I have a —brain injury?” Blaine asked fearfully. 

“Oh dear, you shouldn’t have heard that. We don’t know anything for certain yet, sweetheart, that’s why they are going to do the brain scan this afternoon. Do you remember hitting your head?” she asked. 

“Y-Yeah. On the…the railing. It…hurt like h-hell.” The memories were incredibly fuzzy but he remembered the pain with sharp clarity. He wished he could forget it. 

She kissed his hand again. “You blacked out for a few minutes which means you might have a concussion or some other type of brain injury. They need to check. But the doctor sounded really optimistic when he talked to us. Maybe I can find him to come talk to you, answer some of your questions?” 

“I think I’m g-g-going to try to —get some sleep.” 

— 

When Blaine woke up the next time, his father had taken the chair next to his bed. There was a pile of candy bars on the bedside table. 

His father noticed where he was looking and chuckled. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted and I felt so bad for losing it back there that I just bought all your favorites. They had Red Vines, Milky Way, Swedish Fish, and that Hershey’s Bar with the Oreo bits that you like, the one I think looks like puke.” 

Blaine laughed and then immediately regretted it. There was a sharp pain in his left side. 

“Hey, you okay there, son? You made a face. Do you need the nurse?” His face was crinkled up in worry and concern. 

“Just d-d-don’t make me laugh again. Did they x-ray my r-ribs?” 

“Yeah, there’s a few that are cracked on the left there. The doctor taped them up already. The bones are all lined up so it’s just a matter of letting them heal. I will try to keep my funny bone in check, but you can’t hold back this comedian for too long.” 

“Ha ha, v-v-very funny,” Blaine said sarcastically. 

“Blaine, your mother told me you overheard our conversation earlier. I’m…well you never should have heard that. You don’t have children so you can’t possibly understand the terror I felt when I got that phone call that you were in the Emergency Room. When they said that you had been…a-a-attacked, Blaine I was so scared.” His voice trembled and his eyes welled up with tears. “If anything had happened to you…well, anything worse, that is….well… I know I probably don’t tell you enough but you know how much I love you, right Blaine?” 

Blaine’s eyes welled up with tears too. “I-I-I know.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**Present Day**

“Merry —Christmas, Mr. Hummel!” Blaine handed him a loaf of banana bread his mother had pressed into his hands on his way out.  

“Merry Christmas, Blaine! But just because you’re dating my son now doesn’t mean you can’t still call me Burt. Come in, come in. Get out of the cold.” 

It had turned out to be a white Christmas. There was four inches of snow on the ground and there would probably be a couple more by dinner-time. He shucked off his outer layers one by one. Coat, scarf, ear warmers, gloves, and boots were all discarded before Blaine ventured further into the Hummel-Hudson house. 

Finn was watching the Buckeyes game in the living room, sporting one of the ugliest Christmas sweaters Blaine had ever seen. Burt settled himself in an armchair; he had clearly been watching as well. 

Finn gave him a friendly wave. “‘Sup?” 

“I have…strict instructions…to keep you away…from Kurt’s cookies,” he teased.

“Oh, man! I was excited about you two dating but if it means you’re going to gang up on me, well then, I dunno if I like this.” 

“P-P-Promise not to tell Kurt and I’ll try to s-s-sneak you one,” Blaine whispered. 

“You’re the man!” Finn exclaimed, offering him a fist bump. 

“Kurt’s in the kitchen, Blaine.” Burt informed him. Blaine nodded and walked into the next room.  

Kurt was carefully leveling flour in a measuring cup with the handle of a wooden spoon. Blaine waited until he was finished before announcing his presence, so as not to startle Kurt and cause a spill. 

“Good morning, sugar.”  

“Blaine! I didn’t even hear you come in or I would have come to the door. I hope you don’t mind but I got a bit of a head start on this first batch of gingerbread cookies.”  

Kurt wiped his floury hands on his apron and then skipped over to where Blaine was standing. Blushing and smiling, Kurt said, “It’s really good to see you again. I would hug you but I don’t want to get flour all over that lovely sweater. Is it new?” 

“Christmas —present,” Blaine explained. “Speaking of which, can I give you p-p-part one of yours now?” 

“There’s more than one part?” Kurt asked in excitement. “I hope you didn’t go too far overboard.” He looked a little worried. 

“No, no, I p-p-p-promise. It’s just a ssssmall thing.” 

“In that case, yes! Of course, I want my Christmas present.” Kurt was simply adorable, bouncing on his toes in excitement.  

Blaine pulled a small jewelry box out of his pocket and presented it to Kurt. 

“Oh my god, if that is an engagement ring then the answer is yes!” 

Blaine rolled his eyes. “J-Just open it.” 

Kurt winked at him and then opened the box. When he saw what was inside, he gasped in excitement. “Ahh, this is perfect! You have to help me put it on so I can wear it right now.” 

Seeing Kurt’s excitement, Blaine felt relieved that he had chosen well. He removed the gold star pin and fastened it to Kurt’s apron, being careful not to stab him with the needle. 

Kurt clapped in delight. “I have to show Dad, come on!” He took Blaine’s hand and Blaine allowed himself to be dragged into the living room. “Look what Blaine got me, Dad!” 

Burt looked up from the game and examined the pin. “Star baker? Oh, from that baking show with the grumpy British lady judge, right?” 

“It’s called ‘Bake Off,’ Dad, and Mary Berry is a well-respected baker who has every right to demand excellence from her contestants.” 

Finn’s head popped up from where he had laying on the couch to give them a thumbs up. “Cool!” 

Blaine followed Kurt back into the kitchen. Kurt glanced around, as if checking to see if they had been followed. Satisfied that they hadn’t, he planted a very lovely but far too short kiss onto Blaine’s lips. “Thank you! I love it!” 

Blaine smiled. “Good.” 

Kurt held up two different aprons for Blaine to choose from. One said “Kiss the Chef” and the other Blaine suspected was the result of one of Kurt’s bedazzling projects.  

Blaine grabbed the less sparkly of the two options, winking at Kurt as he tied the apron strings around his waist and rolled up his sleeves. 

Blaine snuck a taste of the dough and then moaned in delight at the gingery goodness. Kurt swatted his hands away before wrapping the dough in wax paper and setting it in the refrigerator to cool.  

As they set about preparing the next batch of dough, Blaine asked Kurt about his Christmas. 

“It was good but also…I guess, a little weird? It’s just been me and Dad doing Christmas by ourselves for so many years. We kind of have our own way of doing things, you know? Dad’s skills in the kitchen are a bit…unrefined, let’s say, so I do a lot of the cooking. I figured how to prepare everything just the way we like it for Christmas dinner and I think I’ve gotten pretty competent over the years. But this year my whole routine was out the window. Now Carole wants to cook things and…I don’t know, it kind of…” Kurt trailed off as if he was searching for the right words to finish his sentence and then gave up. 

Blaine wanted to reach out to take his hand, but they were both pretty messy. Instead, he leaned his head on Kurt’s shoulder. 

“You don’t like being out of-of con-con-control, do you Kurt?”  

Kurt snapped his head around to look Blaine right in the eyes. 

“How do you do that? How do you always just…see me?” Kurt’s voice was full of wonder.

Blaine shrugged, unsure how to answer. Maybe it was just because he was so drawn to Kurt so he was always paying closer attention to him. Maybe it was just some fundamental emotional compatibility. He was reminded of the time Kurt reassured him that he was perceptive about the important things. _Maybe I’m actually just perceptive about Kurt things. Same difference._  

“So, did I pass the whole ‘Meet the Parents’ test?” Kurt asked nervously. 

“It was never a t-t-t-test, Kurt! You were perfect, like always.” Blaine leaned forward and kissed the upturned tip of Kurt’s nose. 

“Eek, that tickles! No one is ever perfect, so that answer is meaningless even if it is very sweet.” Kurt frowned at him. 

Blaine sighed. He really didn’t want to go into it. Telling Kurt about his father’s concerns would only serve to hurt his feelings. But Kurt valued honesty and Blaine wouldn’t lie to him if he really wanted to know. 

“Come on, Blaine. Please tell me what they thought of me.” Kurt’s expression was solemn. 

“Hey,” said Blaine softly, reaching out to touch Kurt’s cheek. He looked all sad and vulnerable; Blaine could hardly stand it. “M-m-my mom l-loved you, ssseriously and C-C-Cooper said you were ‘awesome.’ I th-think he might like you m-more than he —likes me.” 

Kurt’s lips curled into a crooked half-smile. “I’m just worried that your dad doesn’t approve of me,” Kurt confessed. 

“My fa-fa-father barely approves of **me** , Kurt! He was n-never going to approve of my b-boyfriend, not right away. He just…needs time to g-g-get used to you…to the wh-whole idea of me h-having a —boyfriend, that’s all. I’ll get him to-to-to-to come around, it’s n-not your job to c-convince him.” 

“So you’re not upset that he didn’t like me?” Kurt asked, biting his lip. 

“I’m certainly not upset with **you**. You were —polite and ch-charming. I’m di-di-disasppointed and pissed off at **him**.” 

“He hated me, didn’t he? Look, I can deal with it I just need to know what I’m working with.” Kurt looked determined, chin up, and shoulders back. _He is far too used to having to fight just to exist._  

_How do I explain to Kurt that he isn’t the problem? He’s just pig-headedly overprotective._  

“He d-d-doesn’t hate you, re-really! That’s not wh-what he said. He just—he thinks your —choices are unsafe…for m-m-me. So he, uh, uh, he isn’t thrilled that it’s you I’ve ch-chosen to be with. N-Not because he hates you, be-because it sc-sc-sc-scares him. When I explained why I—why I like you so much…he was a-a-actually kind of impressed.” 

“Really?” Kurt asked, his smile finally reaching his eyes. 

“Y-yes! C-Cooper is an idiot b-b-but he’s right about one thing. You **are** a-a-awesome and he’ll s-see that in the end. I was s-s-s-so proud to be with you that n-n-night.” 

Kurt rewarded Blaine with a beaming smile. 

“I want you to be. Your mom was really nice and it was cool what Cooper said about people appreciating my talents more when I get out of here. That’s kind of the mantra that’s gotten me through high school so far. It was really reassuring to hear from someone who has made it out of this place. He didn’t have to say that but he could tell that I needed to hear it.” 

“He d-d-d-drives me nuts but he has his moments,” Blaine admitted. 

“I’m feeling better now. Thank you for talking with me about it. We should set this batch to chill, while we roll out the gingerbread. The cookie cutters are in the second cupboard on the left there if you don’t mind fetching them for me, dear.” 

— 

Dozens and dozens of Christmas cookies and about a dozen Chanukah cookies were now arranged on cooling racks in the kitchen.  

“This is the part where we have to protect them from Finn.” Kurt warned him. “We have to stay vigilant.”  

Blaine followed Kurt into the living room. “So how many more innings are left in this game? I want to watch ‘Bake Off’ for cookie decorating inspiration.” 

Blaine laughed affectionately. “Football doesn’t h-h-have innings, K-Kurt.” 

Burt chuckled. “Sometimes I don’t know how you made it through that game without scoring a touchdown in the wrong end-zone, kiddo. Game’s nearly over so come take a seat.” 

Finn had been lounging on the sofa, his gangly frame occupying all three seats, but he quickly retracted his legs to make space for Kurt and Blaine. Blaine ended up in the middle seat between Kurt and Finn.  

“How’s Miller throwing t-today?” Blaine asked Finn. 

“He’s off his game. Burt swears he tweaked something in that last game.” 

“Yeah, I saw that one. His sh-shoulder didn’t seem right after he got sacked.” 

Burt thumped his hand against the leather of his armchair in agreement. “See, Finn! I told you.” 

Blaine felt more than saw Kurt’s gaze and turned to face him. He was smiling affectionately at Blaine.  

“Wh-What?” he asked self-consciously. 

“Oh, nothing it’s just…it’s nice having you here. You fit right in. Even if you are such a **boy** sometimes.” 

Blaine poked Kurt in the ribs as payback and he shrieked, jumping off of the couch.  

Laughing, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s sides with his hands and tickled him again. Kurt whirled around, giggling and red-faced, eyes twinkling with amusement. 

Finn offered him a high-five and nodded his approval. Kurt pouted, but his eyes were still twinkling so Blaine was pretty sure he was having fun.  

The Football game ended and Kurt triumphantly claimed the remote and pulled up an episode of ‘Bake Off’ from the DVR.

Burt and Finn were allowed to leave after swearing on the Heisman Trophy that they wouldn’t touch Kurt’s cookies. Blaine was allowed to resume his spot on the couch next to Kurt after swearing on the Drag Race scepter that there would no more tickling.  

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist and pulled him close. He pressed a kiss onto Kurt’s hair and sighed with contentment as Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood described the week’s challenge. 

_I could get used to this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you thought about Blaine's dad. 
> 
> Do I have any readers out there who stutter? I heard from one last update and it was very cool!
> 
> ~~~  
> Esperanto's Stuttering Corner: Stuttering, Stammering, and Cluttering
> 
> Have you ever wondered what the difference between "stuttering" and "stammering" is? If you have, there is actually a very easy answer. There is no difference; they are the exact same thing. Like so many other things, "lift" vs. "elevator," "cue" vs. "line," this is just another case of the divergence between British and American English. This may not be news to most of you but I have seen some misinformation about this online, so I wanted to clarify these terms.
> 
> While we're talking terminology, here's something that you're more likely to have never heard before. I have used the term Fluency Disorder sort of interchangeably with Stuttering thus far, but that's actually not quite accurate. Fluency Disorder is really a category name. There are two different types of fluency disorders: Stuttering and Cluttering. You've probably never heard of Cluttering (I hadn't until I went to graduate school for speech). My understanding of Cluttering is that one of the main features is dropping sounds and syllables from words on conjunction with speaking very quickly. If you want to know more, click [here](https://www.stutteringhelp.org/cluttering)
> 
> ~~~~  
> Kurt's Voice:
> 
> Treating and evaluating voice disorders is not a particular area of expertise for me personally, but it is something that SLPs work with. This means I have a base level background in it and did some voice therapy as a student clinician.
> 
> Kurt's explanation about speaking out of his normal register straining his voice was actually based on a story I heard on the podcast 'Nancy.' One of the hosts, who is a gay man, decided to see a speech therapist because he realized as an adult that he had been subconsciously lowering his speaking voice since he was a teenager. He did talk about how he feels that his voice gets hoarse a lot and the SLP said it was probably putting additional strain on his vocal cords to alter his register like this. 
> 
> I'm more familiar with the idea of straining your voice happening from overuse (talking a lot) or abuse (yelling); it seems logical that it could also happen from altering your voice. I've watched interviews with Chris Colfer about his voice and he explained that while he can lower his voice if he tries, it's too much effort. Tobin, the podcast host, had only lowered his voice a tiny bit (you basically couldn't even hear the difference in the recording) so I'm extrapolating that altering the pitch of your speaking voice more dramatically like Kurt did in the episode 'Laryngitis' would lead to even greater strain/you would notice the effect after a shorter period of time. This is based on my background and one anecdote, so, you know...take it with a big heaping grain of salt. I think it's a reasonable hypothesis, though.
> 
> Bloggers on the internet who know far more than I do about singing (very little) have analyzed Colfer's range in great detail. I've regurgitated what I found in this chapter (this is some hard-hitting research, folks). I did at some point actually google whether or not it was really Colfer singing at the beginning of 'Give up the Funk' when I was first watching the show and apparently after the episode aired he was getting a lot of people insisting that it was altered. There's a radio interview somewhere where he explained that it was his real voice, unaltered, and he demonstrated singing those lines as well. He just has a very wide range that can go quite high and also quite low. I have no idea how much this was discussed in the fandom at the time (since I wasn't watching the show as it aired) so I have no idea if this is like a widely known fact, but I found it interesting so I thought I would include it. 
> 
> ~~~~~  
> Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI):
> 
> I think people get that TBI is serious but a concussion *is* a mild type of TBI, which I think people don't always realize. In Blaine's case, he did end up getting diagnosed with a concussion. Mr. Anderson's worst case scenario (dementia) is something that happens more after multiple concussions. 
> 
> ~~~~  
> Other References:
> 
> Blaine's line about homosexuality being a binary is a *very* obscure West Wing reference. So obscure I didn't realize I was making until I re-read it for the fourth or fifth time and said to myself, "Is this like a saying or something?" After some googling I finally figured it out. The original line is a retort to someone asking "how pregnant is your ex-wife?" and he says, "As I understand pregnancy, it's a binary state. You either are or you aren't."


	18. The Boy in the Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burt and Carole get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy this next installment of Express Yourself. We finally made it to Burt and Carole's wedding!
> 
> This chapter was named after the song The Boy in the Bubble by Paul Simon. It's also a running theme in the chapter.
> 
> Some very quick background, in 1971 a boy named David Vetter was born with something called severe combined immunodeficiency (SCID). His immune system was so fragile that he had to live in a sterile environment at all times. He lived inside a plastic bubble that kept him alive, and hence became known as the bubble boy. There were even gloves sewn into the bubble so his parents could reach in and "touch" him.

 

“This is like Tetris but on steroids and if all the pieces yelled at you for putting them too close to their ex-wives,” Kurt complained as he surveyed the disaster of a seating chart spread out on the Anderson’s kitchen table. He kept shuffling around the sticky notes but he still hadn’t found an arrangement he could live with.

He let out a sigh of frustration. Blaine gestured for Kurt to turn around in his chair. When he turned his back to Blaine, strong deft fingers dug into his shoulder muscles, working through the tension.

“Mmm, thank you. That feels amazing!” Kurt moaned in appreciation.

Blaine leaned forward, reaching his head over Kurt’s right shoulder, and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Kurt swiveled his body and caught Blaine’s lips with his. Blaine’s hands dropped from his shoulders and cupped his face. Kurt’s pulse quickened, like it always did when he kissed Blaine.

*Ehem*

Kurt and Blaine sprung apart as they realized they were not alone. Mr. Anderson was home from work, looking tired and disapproving with his lips pursed into a hard line. 

Kurt gulped nervously. _He already hates me. Let’s just throw more fuel on the fire, why not?_

“Good Evening, boys.” Mr. Anderson loosened his tie and started pouring himself a glass of water. “Will you be joining us for dinner, Kurt? My wife always makes more than we can eat so I’m sure there would be enough.”

“That’s very kind but I have my own family to feed tonight. I think I may have finally found the perfect recipe to convince Dad to start liking fish. I’ve explained how healthy Omega-3s are but I think he tunes me out when I start talking nutrition.”

“Ah,” he said with a nod before turning to his son. “Blaine, I signed you up for self-defense classes at the community center. They’re on Sunday mornings for 6 weeks.” He slid a pamphlet to Blaine across the table. “The details are in here.”

Blaine’s eyes blinked rapidly in surprise.

“You…wh-wh-what?”

“I signed you up for self-defense classes at the community center. I saw a flyer for it at the courthouse today. One of the instructors is a police officer so I think it should be really good.”

Blaine glared as his father in cold silence.

“What?” he said defensively. “Look, if you really don’t want to go I won’t force you.” He sighed. “I should have asked you first, huh?”

“Mmhmm,” said Blaine, petulantly.

His dad let out an exasperated groan. “Look, it’s really easy to cancel, its not like you’re locked in or anything. I just…saw an opportunity and wanted to get you a spot before they filled up. Just…please think about it before you make your decision. I just…I know you’re strong from boxing but this would give you some different skills. If the two of you are going to be out and about then I think it’s only sensible that you know how to protect yourself.”

Blaine’s dad looked frustrated as he tried to explain himself to his son. _He’s really trying._

Kurt picked up the pamphlet and skimmed the headings. It looked like a pretty serious class. “Maybe I should sign up too.” At least maybe that way Blaine wouldn’t be the only male there. Looking at the photos, women seemed to be the primary target for the advertising.

“R-Really?” Blaine and his father both turned to him with surprise.

“Yeah, it looks like a good class and I don’t know anything about self-defense. I’d like to think I’m scrappy but, let’s be real, if someone wanted to fight me I’d probably get my ass handed to me. I wish we didn’t need to know how to do this stuff, but unfortunately that’s not the world we live in.”

Mr. Anderson seemed to be studying Kurt, before he gave him an approving nod. Then he turned back to Blaine.

“See, even Kurt thinks it’s a good idea! Just think about it, look at the pamphlet. I’m going to go take a shower and get changed for dinner.”

When Mr. Anderson was out of sight, Blaine looked at Kurt with a funny expression.

“D-d-did you just take my ffather’s side?” He sounded incredulous.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side but he has a point. I’m also more inclined to listen to him when he’s suggesting ways to keep you safe that don’t involve hiding who you are. Or who I am.”

“Huh? I g-g-guess I just thought it was another scheme to —butch me up.”

“I think, for once, this is actually a practical suggestion. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that it **is** practical. I hate that we live in a world where you and I have to live in fear of someone trying to hurt us just for being ourselves.As hopeful and optimistic as I try to be about things getting better, we also need to be realistic about how to survive in the world we’re in right now. We have these safe little bubbles at home or in Glee Club, but I don’t want to be the boy in the bubble, you know?”

“He d-did get his own s-song,” Blaine pointed out.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “He got the title of the song, but it’s not even really about him. He did get his own movie, I think, though. God, can you imagine literally having to live inside of a bubble like that?” He reached out to hold Blaine’s hand, slowly lacing their fingers together. “We wouldn’t even be able to do this.”

Blaine shook his head in disbelief. “I th-think I would die from K-K-Kurt withdrawal. Very t-tragic. Maybe they’d p-put that in the song!”

Kurt groaned and gave his shoulder a playful shove. Then he leaned forward and pressed gentle kisses onto Blaine’s face, soaking in the closeness. _Maybe if we were in the bubble together it wouldn’t be so bad._ As he kissed Blaine’s forehead, his nose, his cheeks, something caught Kurt’s eye that he had never noticed before.

There was a thick white line angled across Blaine’s cheekbone. He reached out to trace it with his index finger.

Blaine jerked away from his touch.

“I’m sorry! I should have asked first or something. Will you tell me what happened?”

“You know what ha-ha-happened, Kurt,” Blaine said darkly.

“I know you were attacked but…how did you get that scar, specifically? I don’t know that part.”

Blaine took a few deep breaths to prepare himself. “Honestly, I d-d-don’t re-really remember. It —probably happened when my face hit the asphalt after I fell. I was c-c-concussed at that point, so…it’s mostly a big blank sp-spot.”

A very unsettling mental image formed in Kurt’s head of Blaine lying broken on the ground. Figures leering over him. He felt sick.

“Definitely not living in a bubble,” he said sardonically.

Blaine put a finger under his chin, lifting it to meet Kurt’s eyes. “Hey, d-don’t be ssad.” Then he began to sing a few bars from [The Boy in the Bubble](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy5T6s25XK4).

These are the days of miracle and wonder  
This is the long distance call  
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo  
The way we look to us all, oh yeah

The way we look to a distant constellation  
That's dying in a corner of the sky  
These are the days of miracle and wonder  
And don't cry baby, don't cry  
Don't cry

“Well, I guess I can’t be sad when you sing to me about distant constellations. Reminds of some **very** good times.”

Blaine grinned triumphantly at him.

“Did I miss an impromptu concert?” Mr. Anderson asked as he appeared at the top of the stairs. “Fiddlesticks!” _Who knew Mr. Anderson had a funny bone?_

Blaine giggled. “It was a —private concert, just for K-Kurt.” He looked fondly at Kurt. _I get private concerts now! I really do have the best boyfriend._

“That’s sweet.” Mr. Anderson joined them at the kitchen table, studying Kurt’s seating chart. “So where are you and Nick sitting?” he asked.

_Huh?_

Blaine looked at the chart for a moment before pointing to the post-it note with his name on it. “I think we’re here, with —Kurt and Finn’s other ssschool friends.”

Kurt’s ears started ringing. _What the hell is he talking about?_

He felt something awful twisting in his gut. _Blaine invited Nick to the wedding? Nick is his date?_ When he looked up, Blaine and his dad were still chatting on about the seating arrangements as if everything was normal.

_I can’t be here right now._

There was a loud scraping sound of wood against tile as Kurt abruptly got up from his chair. “I, uh, I have to go. Got to start cooking that dinner, uh huh.” Kurt folded up the seating chart and tucked it back into his bag. He felt like ants were crawling on his skin and it took most of his willpower not to just run out the front door without a word.

Kurt blinked furiously as tears threatened to fall. _I will not cry. Nope. You can cry in the car but not yet._

“Thanks for the info about the class, Mr. Anderson. Bye, Blaine.” Blaine hopped out of his chair and was obviously going to walk him to the door. 

Kurt pulled on his shoes, zipping them up so quickly that he almost caught the fabric of pants inside. He yanked his hat down over his head and didn’t even bother doing up the buttons of his coat. _Just need to get out of here._

Blaine gave him a probing look. “Are y-you okay?”

“Fine,” said Kurt sharply. “Good night, Blaine. I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?” He gave Blaine a quick kiss on the cheek and then he bolted out to his car.

That night he cried himself to sleep.

—

“Kurt, I d-d-don’t understand why this is a b-b-big deal!” Blaine groaned in frustration.

_Well, I don’t understand how you_ **_don’t_ ** _see why this is a big deal. Why doesn’t he understand? I’m not the one being unreasonable here!_

“It’s a big deal because my **boyfriend** is bringing another guy as a **date** to **my** dad’s wedding! How do you not see why I might feel uncomfortable about that? Really, it boggles the mind, Blaine.”

“B-B-B-B-But I asked Nick **before** we st-st-started dating!”

“You know, it was bad enough when I was mooning over you, watching you swap spit with that guy but now that we’re together I can’t believe he is still coming between us.” Kurt was practically shouting now.

“Kurt! I-I…do you want me to un-invite him? I —can’t do that to him!” Blaine insisted.

_But you can do this to me?_

Kurt slammed his locker shut, burning with anger.

“You know what, I can’t deal with this right now. I have too much other shit on my plate. I have to call the florist because now all of a sudden the flowers I picked out months ago aren’t available, I have to start studying for the history exam that I’ll probably fail anyways, and—oh yeah—I have to figure out that god-damn seating chart!” Kurt ranted, getting more and more worked up the longer he talked.

“Kurt!” Blaine pleaded.

Kurt started shoving things wildly into his book bag and then slung it over his shoulder.

“I need some time to calm down and you need some time to think about why you care so much about everyone else’s feelings that you forgot to consider **mine**. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Blaine looked at him in shock, as if Kurt had slapped him. Fueled by anger and adrenaline, Kurt marched off towards the McKinley parking lot.

—

Kurt spent most of dinner quietly fuming while his dad, Carole, and Finn engaged in polite conversation and pointedly ignored him. His dad knew from years of experience that it wasn’t worth talking to Kurt when he was in a mood like this. He usually waited until Kurt had calmed down and then they would talk.

Kurt retreated up to his room and turned on his playlist of angry songs. He pressed his face into his pillow and let the music soothe him. Eventually the anger burned off, like alcohol in the heat of the oven, and Kurt was left feeling hurt and embarrassed as what he had done started to really sink in.

_I can’t believe I yelled at him like that. God, why do I have to be such a dramatic bitch? At this rate, I will be lucky if he even comes to the wedding._

He was suddenly filled with a renewed sense of panic. The thought that Blaine might not come to the wedding alarmed Kurt.

_I just want to dance with him at my dad’s wedding. Why did I have to get so mad and ruin everything?_

_Did I really storm out of his house? And again at school? Oh, god, I need to apologize._

Kurt checked his watch, hoping that he had enough time before curfew. It was 8:30pm. He didn’t have long but if he was quick…he could make it. _I have to see him._ Kurt sprang into action, throwing on the first pair of boots he could find without even stopping to consider how they would look with his outfit. On his way down the stairs, he called out that he was leaving into the house without bothering to listen for a response. 

Kurt hopped into his car and sped off into the night. It wasn’t until he was knocking on the Anderson’s front door that he wondered what Blaine’s parents would think of him just showing up at this time of night. _And his dad was just starting to tolerate me, too._

When the door opened, it wasn't Mr. Anderson staring at him in shock from the other side of the threshold. It was Blaine.

“K-Kurt!” he said in surprise. That was all it took for Kurt to catapult himself into Blaine’s arms, nearly knocking him off his feet. Then Blaine was holding him tightly, pressing kisses onto the side of his face, and Kurt couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

“I’m sorry!” He blurted out. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I’m sorry I stormed out. I know it’s late but can we please go somewhere and talk? I promise I won’t yell this time.”

Blaine nodded and reached for Kurt’s hand. They walked in silence up to Blaine’s room, where they sat across from one another on the bed. Kurt wondered where to start but it was finally Blaine who broke the ice.

“Kurt,” he said soothingly but firmly. “It is **not** a d-d-d-date, I —promise. I don’t like h-him like that, only you. I know we-we —kissed but…I n-n-never felt that way about him.”

“I know,” Kurt admitted. It did seem sort of silly when Blaine said it out loud. Of course he wasn’t actually going on a date with someone else. But it had stung that Blaine was bringing a friend as a date to an event that he was hosting, an event that he had dreamed about dancing at with Blaine months before they had even started dating. _Is it really so selfish to want Blaine to just be focused on spending it with me?_

“Then t-t-tell me why you’re so angry. I d-d-don’t understand but… I want to.” 

Kurt groaned. “It’s going to sound so stupid when I say it out loud. I guess I just had all these ideas about what the wedding was going to be like, after planning it for so long. I always pictured you there, even back when we were just friends. When I told you that you were allowed to invite someone, I was desperately hoping that you wouldn’t. Because I would have been jealous, obviously.”

“I’m y-your —boyfriend, Kurt. There’s no-nothing to be jealous about anymore,” Blaine reminded him.

“I know that too. But… maybe I **am** still a little jealous, even if it’s totally irrational. You know, I spent so long convinced this would never happen that sometimes it still feels like a dream I’m going to wake up from.”

“If this is a —dream, then I d-d-don’t want to wake up either,” Blaine said with a goofy smile on his face.

Kurt laughed in spite of himself. “God, you’re sappy. I love that about you. You know you are really making it very difficult to feel insecure right now; it’s totally unfair.” Kurt let out a sigh before he continued. “Irrational jealousy aside, to be completely honest the thing that really hurt my feelings is that you never even mentioned that you had invited him. It didn’t even occur to you that I would feel weird about it, and that is somehow ten times worse than you inviting him in the first place.”

Blaine scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t—that—that doesn’t make any sense.” 

“It just feels like you didn’t consider my feelings at all. I get that it would be rude to un-invite him after we got together but…I just wanted the same amount of consideration that you gave to him, where you would think about not being rude to me either, you know? Alright, I’ve said my piece, your turn.”

Blaine reached out to squeeze Kurt’s hand.

“I’m…I’m sorry, K-Kurt. You’re right, I d-didn’t consider your feelings. I just…I wanted to —cheer Nick up. I ne-ne-never expected…this.” Blaine gestured vaguely to the empty space between Kurt and himself. “Then I w-w-w-was focused on…him. He…he’s —been ha-having a hard time.”

That gave Kurt pause. This was an angle he hadn’t anticipated.

“Why is he having a hard time?” Kurt asked. This was the first he was hearing of it. All he knew was that Nick’s parents had enrolled him in some private school after he and Blaine had been beat up the previous year.

“He, uh, uh, feels like he d-d-doesn’t fit in. He’s not—he’s not as rich as most of the guys there. It’s a lot of old money Re-Re-Republicans so he-he’s back in the closet. He’s having trouble making friends. I’m w-w-worried about him, Kurt. I thought…I thought he could use a —break, maybe share our l-little safe bubble for one n-night.”

Kurt was reeling from this new information. 

“Wow, I had no idea. He seemed surrounded by friends at the Halloween party, I guess I just assumed that he would be that gregarious anywhere he went. That sucks that he can’t even be out. I’m really glad you don’t feel that way at McKinley.”

Kurt reached out to wrap his arms around Blaine, a wave of protectiveness washing over him. He was suddenly feeling very grateful that Blaine had come to his school instead of Nick’s both for Blaine’s sake and his own. He didn’t like thinking about Blaine all alone and sad at some school he hated.

“He is really lucky to have you as a friend, Blaine.”

“So…d-d-does that mean you’re n-not mad about him coming?” Blaine asked, hesitantly.

“Just save me at least one dance, okay?”

“Y-y-y-you can have all the —dances you want,” Blaine declared with a grin, leaning forwards to kiss Kurt sweetly on the lips.

“Hey! You know what this means, right Blaine?” 

Blaine shook his head, looking amused.

“That was our first fight! It’s a relationship milestone.”

Blaine rolled his eyes. “And I d-didn’t even get you a card,” he said sarcastically. “So how did we do?”

“All things considered, I think we made it through okay. I’d give it a… seven out of ten. Room for improvement, but not a bad starting point. Next time, though, I’m going to see about doing a little less storming out and a little more talking about how I feel. Maybe throw in a triple axle for more technical points.”

“Yeah. Always throw in a t-t-triple axle.” Blaine nodded in mock solemnity.

—

There's just a few more hours.  
That's all the time you've got.  
A few more hours  
Before you tie the knot.

For you’re getting married in the morning  
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.  
Kick up an rumpus  
But don't lose the compass;  
And get him to the church,  
Get him to the church,  
For God's sake, get him to the church on time!

“Are you going to [sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTMmd3k8-zw) the entire way to the church, Kurt?” his father asked in equal parts amusement and annoyance.

“I might!” Kurt said defiantly. “I’m just so excited! Your big day. It’s finally here!” Unable to stop himself, Kurt crooned out a few more verses.

You’re getting married in the morning  
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.

Drug him or jail him,  
Stamp him and mail him.  
But get him to the church on time!

You’ve gotta be there in the morning  
Spruced up and lookin' in your prime.

Some bloke who's able  
Lift up the table,  
And get him to the church on time!

If he is flying  
Then shoot him down.  
If he is wooin',  
Get her out of town!

“This song is spicier than I remembered,” his dad commented. “What kind of person is ‘wooing’ the night before their wedding, honestly? Especially at my age.”

“What are you talking about? You’re practically a spring chicken!” Kurt insisted.

“I never thought I’d be doing this again.” His dad shook his head in disbelief. “You’re really okay with this, right Kurt? Because maybe I didn’t give you a chance to really tell me how you felt about it.”

“Dad, don’t be ridiculous; that’s just your nerves talking.” He transitioned neatly back into singing, seamlessly altering the pronouns to make them fit.

For you’re getting married in the morning!  
Ding dong! the bells are gonna chime.

Feather and tar me;  
Call out the Army;  
But get him to the church.  
Get him to the church...

For God's sake, get him to the church on time!

Thanks to Kurt’s fastidious planning and boldfaced lies about the start time to some of the less reliable members of the wedding party, they did indeed make it to the church on time. Kurt and his dad had dressed at home, but Kurt steered his dad into the church bathroom for a final once over.

Together, they admired his dad in the mirror. Kurt was quite pleased with the result. He had even convinced his dad to let him apply a little bit of makeup for the occasion. Just a little green stick to even out some of the redness and a subtle layer of foundation.

“I look pretty good, don’t I, kiddo?” Kurt thought his heart might explode from joy to see how happy and proud his dad was in this moment. He concentrated on reeling in his emotions. _Don’t cry! No red eyes or runny makeup allowed, Kurt._

“Yeah, Dad. Carole’s going to go weak in the knees! Let’s get you out there so you can get hitched”

When the music started, Kurt led his dad down the aisle to the front of the church. Burt and Carole had insisted that Kurt and Finn would “give them away” at the ceremony. When Carole appeared in the entrance to the chapel, his dad reached out to grab Kurt’s hand. When he looked over, Kurt could see pure love radiating from his dad’s face.It was a beautiful thing to witness. 

Kurt knew intellectually that his parents had been very much in love and that was certainly how he remembered his childhood. But he had been so young when they had lost his mother, that he had more memories of his father grieving her than loving her while she was alive. It was nice to see him like this.

Carole looked stunning in her dress and Kurt was pleased to see that she looked steady on her feet as well. After she had picked out her shoes, Kurt had insisted that she wear them around the house for an entire week until she felt comfortable walking in them. It wasn’t as if he could rely on Finn Hudson to keep her on balance; that boy could barely walk straight in flats. 

He could see tears of happiness swimming in her eyes as she got closer to them. She gave Kurt a special smile and grabbed his face to kiss his cheek before taking her place across from his dad. _Stepmothers sure do get a bad rap in popular culture but mine is pretty great._

Kurt tuned out the religious bits of the ceremony, taking the opportunity to admire how well his decor had come together and look for familiar faces in the audience. He was pleased to see that Aunt Maggie and Uncle Jim had made it in from Indiana with his cousin Tessa, who was ten. It was nice of Aunt Maggie to come out and see her sister’s widowed husband get remarried. Kurt hoped she was happy for them. _Mom would have wanted Dad to be happy and Carole makes him happy._

Then he found Blaine in the audience, about halfway back in the pews. He gave Kurt a tiny wave when they made eye contact. He looked so handsome in his three-piece, charcoal grey suit. Next to him was Nick, looking decidedly less put together. He had on a very generic, ill-fitting black suit that Kurt couldn’t help but wonder if he had borrowed. Kurt was pleased to see that they had found his other friends from Glee to sit with. 

Kurt and Finn had been allowed to invite two friends each. Kurt had chosen Blaine and Mercedes while Finn had invited Rachel and Puck. Rachel had come as Finn’s date, of course, and Puck had come alone, citing something about wanting to “work the crowd” as his reason.

Carole and his dad gave beautiful vows that they had written themselves (and that had been approved by Kurt). By the time they were done, his eyes were filled with tears of joy.

“I now pronounce you married! You may kiss each other,” announced the priest. His dad swung Carole into a rather suave dip as they shared a romantic first kiss. 

As they recessed out from the ceremony, Blaine caught his eye and with a tender smile gestured at Kurt to remind him to dab his eyes. _Always looking out for me, isn’t he?_ Kurt sighed dreamily. 

—

Kurt had insisted that his dad and Carole should have a sweetheart table because he had read online that otherwise the couple would forget to eat. Kurt hovered near their table for a while, shoving food at them and shooing away guests who wanted to congratulate them. When Carole had made it through half of her chicken breast, Kurt finally deigned to leave them in peace. Besides, he didn't want to get blood on that lovely gown and Carole was starting to look like she might murder him if he didn’t give them some space.

He finally settled into his own seat, between Blaine and Mercedes. “I’m s-s-so proud of you Kurt. Ever-everything turned out beautiful,” Blaine praised. Mercedes nodded in agreement.

Kurt blushed, feeling proud. “Thanks. You turned out pretty beautiful yourself.” He was feeling bold and flirty from all the excess romance in the air.

Blaine grinned. “Hey now, I-I see what you did there.” He winked and leaned over to give Kurt a chaste peck. “You look quite stunning yourself.” Kurt blushed furiously.

“Seeing true love like your dad’s really gives hope to the rest of us,” Mercedes chimed in.

“Yeah, I suppose,” said Nick, rather dejectedly. He flinched, as if someone (probably Blaine) had kicked him under the table. “Sorry! The wedding was really beautiful Kurt. Blaine told me how hard you worked to get everything to come together in only a few months. Seriously impressive, dude.”

Rachel leaned over towards Kurt and gave him a mischievous look. “Wouldn’t it be something if you were my brother-in-law one day?” 

Kurt tried to contain his laughter as Finn’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and all the color drained from his face. He was silently, vigorously shaking his head “no” at Kurt from behind Rachel’s back. _Well, I suppose brothers should look out for one another._

“I don’t need no judge to make you my sister, Rach. I look forward to attending your wedding **many years from now** after you’ve got at least one Tony under your belt.” 

Finn let out a visible breath of relief.

“I suppose it would be nice to afford the star-quality reception that I deserve.” She nodded to herself in satisfaction and then a dreamy look came over her face. _She’s imagining it right now, isn’t she?_

A few couples began to wander onto the dance floor as the dinner plates were cleared away. Kurt considered joining them but he decided to give his body a little more time to digest. Blaine excused himself to go use the restroom and Kurt took the opportunity to engage with Nick.”

“So, Nick, Blaine tells me that you’re at a new school this year as well? What do you think of it?”

Nick sighed despondently. “It’s all very Dead Poets Society. It’s super elitist and steeped in tradition. We have to wear uniforms and while you might think that an all boys school would be some kind of gay wet dream, I can assure you it’s quite the opposite. When I walked in the door, I feel like I went back in time 50 years. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting a great education there and I feel physically safe. They have a very strict disciplinary code with a no tolerance policy for any type of violence. But I don’t exactly feel like I fit in there. Even sexuality aside, I’m all loose and fun and this place is all stiff and regimented.”

“Wow, that sucks. I’m pretty sure I would go crazy in a place like that. I can’t imagine a place that has uniforms is big on celebrating individuality.”

“You do seem like quite an original, Kurt. People are still talking about that epic Halloween costume!”

“Really?” Kurt was surprised and relieved that he was remembered for something other than the awkward Truth or Dare debacle.

“Yeah, man. Blaine said you made it yourself? That’s rad!” Nick smiled brightly at him, seeming sincere. 

“Yeah, Bertha worked hard on that.”

“Bertha?”

“Oh, that’s my sewing machine,” Kurt explained. “Well, you’re always welcome to hang out with Blaine and I when you need to get away from the sons of Stepford.”

“Ugh, I wish but it’s a boarding school. I have to get a pass every time I want to leave campus, even on the weekends like for this fine shindig. I’d love to hang out with you guys sometime but opportunities are few and far between. That’s why it was so cool of Blaine to invite me. Getting out has been such a relief. Shit, I promised Blaine I wouldn’t be too much of a downer but here I go complaining to you.”

Kurt felt a pang of guilt that he had ever been angry with Blaine for inviting Nick.

“I don’t mind. Maybe if things don’t get better at your new school, you could see about transferring to McKinley like Blaine did. We could always use more talented voices in Glee Club and I heard you sing at Halloween. You sounded great!”

“Wow, thanks Kurt. That’s really nice of you to say. I don’t know, though, I mean I don’t even live in that district.”

“I don’t see how they could let in Blaine but then turn you down. Things are far from perfect, I won’t lie to you, but I think they are getting a little better. We even did this whole Bullying Awareness Week thing. Our friend Santana just started an Anti-Bullying Club. Besides, I feel like there’s strength in numbers, you know? You, me, and Blaine; that would be three whole out gay kids in one place. That’s probably enough to start a political revolution or at least a GSA chapter.”

Nick smiled weakly at him.

“Maybe. We’ll see. Being ninety minutes away has its benefits, though. I’m always looking over my shoulder in Lima. Those guys are still out there, you know?”

_I wonder if Blaine worries about that too._

“I hope they catch those guys. It sucks that you didn’t get a good look at their faces.”

Nick’s face fell and he looked down at the floor. Kurt felt bad for reminding him of such a bad memory.

“Yeah, too bad. Hey, thanks for being cool about Blaine bringing me tonight. I can’t imagine you were thrilled that your boyfriend was bringing someone else as a date. Being here is really cheering me up, man. Your dad seems like a cool dude, a lot cooler than mine.”

“He’s the best! And you’re welcome. I’m…to be completely honest, I didn’t expect to feel this way but I’m actually really glad you came.”

Blaine plopped down into his seat between them. “Aw, are you two b-b-bonding! My s-s-secret plan; it worked!” 

Blaine slung an arm over each of their shoulders. Kurt leaned his head onto Blaine’s shoulder, feeling very contented to be here with all of his favorite people. 

—

Dancing wasn’t Kurt’s favorite activity, but he had to admit he was having a pretty fun time dancing at the wedding. Perhaps it had something to do with having personally curated the playlist. It was mostly uptempo numbers to get everyone moving with the occasional slow song sprinkled in. He had the DJ on a pretty short leash.

“Cousin Kurt!” Tessa was standing behind him, looking very adorable with her long strawberry-blonde hair splashed against her navy, velvet dress.

“Oh, hi, Tessa! I wasn’t sure if you would remember me. It’s been a few years since we visited you in Indianapolis. Are you having fun?”

“It’s okay. I’m the only kid here so I have no one to dance with.” She pouted her lower lip and looked up at him with big puppy dog eyes.

Kurt felt torn because he had promised Carole the next dance and he didn’t want to let down his new stepmother. It was her big day, after all. 

But then Blaine appeared, Kurt’s white knight as usual. “You must be K-K-Kurt’s cousin Tessa that I’ve heard so much about. I’m Kurt’s friend, B-Blaine.” He stuck out his hand for her to shake. 

Tessa’s blue eyes grew large. She seemed a bit dazzled by Blaine, and Kurt couldn’t blame her. He looked especially dazzling tonight and he was turning on all his charms.

“Thanks, Blaine. I owe you one.” 

“If by ‘one,’ you mean a dance, then I w-would agree.” He winked before letting Tessa stand of his feet while he whirled her around the dance floor. Kurt smiled every time he caught a glimpse of Blaine, using his goofy dance moves to great effect with Tessa. She seemed to be enjoying them almost as much as Kurt did.

“I think you’ve got yourself a keeper there, Kurt” said Carole.

“I certainly think so,” Kurt said proudly.

“You should always date someone who is kind to children and waitstaff. That’s always been my advice to Finn.”

“Blaine is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.”

“Seeing how happy you are with him this past month, well, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen your dad in such a good mood. I hope I’ve made it clear how grateful I am for the way you welcomed Finn and I into your life, Kurt. You are the center of Burt’s world and I never would have stood a chance if you hadn’t approved of me.”

“What can I say? I like seeing him happy almost as much he likes seeing me happy.” 

“I know I can never replace your mother, Kurt, but I want you to know that I’m here for you in whatever role you feel comfortable with.”

The song came to an end and Kurt gave Carole a big hug. “Welcome to the family! I should go rescue Blaine before he permanently losing feeling in his toes.”

He found Blaine sitting back at their table, cooling off with a glass of water.

“Still in one piece?” Kurt asked, before plopping himself into Blaine’s lap. He wasn’t usually so comfortable being physically affectionate in public with Blaine but he figured the wedding was hardly public. Besides, he had planned this party. He deserved to enjoy it.

“I was until y-y-you crushed me,” Blaine teased, winding his arms around Kurt’s waist so that there could be no doubt that he didn’t actually want Kurt to move.

“Oh, Kurt, here you are!” It was his Aunt Maggie. She had the same strawberry blonde hair as her daughter, the same hair as his mom. Aunt Maggie’s was cut short into a stylish bob. Kurt thought it looked rather chic.

“I’m so glad you could make it!” he said enthusiastically.

“Ah, yes, we’re glad we could take time off for the trip. I wanted to thank your friend here for dancing with our Tessie.”

Blaine unwound his right arm from around Kurt’s waist and offered it to Aunt Maggie. “Hi, I’m B-B-B-Blaine.”

“Lovely to meet you.” She gave them a funny look, probably wondering why they were sharing a chair.

“Blaine is my boyfriend,” Kurt explained. 

Aunt Maggie let out an extremely strained smile. “Ah, yes…I see, that. I don’t…I don’t have a problem with it, you know. Our pastor says to hate the sin but to love the sinner and me and your Uncle love you very much.”

Kurt just stared at her in horror. _Did she just call me a sinner?_ Kurt exchanged uncomfortable glances with Blaine. Pop went his nice little safe bubble.

“I just think it would be best if you don’t talk about these things in front of Tessa. I don’t want to confuse her; she’s still so young.”

He felt hot anger churning in his stomach. 

Trying to keep his voice calm, Kurt asked, “Why would that be confusing for her? She wasn’t confused when I played barbies with her and put her in makeup when she was seven. She said I was the coolest cousin ever.” 

“Oh, well, she just might have questions.” She fidgeted nervously with her fingers.

“Such as?” Kurt prompted, arching an eyebrow at her in challenge. 

“Oh, well, dear…I just think she will understand better when she’s older,” she deflected. 

“Look, I don’t think it’s come up yet with her but I’m not going to put myself or Blaine back in the closet just so you feel more comfortable. I know my dad would never ask me to do that and he wouldn’t have invited you to his wedding if he knew you were going to. Look, you are the only person alive who can tell me stories about Mom as a child. That means a lot to me but you need to think hard about whether or not we are going to have a relationship because I’m the whole package or not at all.”

Aunt Maggie looked distressed and uncomfortable. “Let’s not argue on such a happy occasion. Congratulations to you and your Dad, Kurt. Carole seems like a lovely woman. Blaine, it was nice to meet you.” 

“Uh, thanks,” he replied curtly. She made a hasty retreat. 

“Are you —okay, honey?” Blaine asked. “That was…in-in-intense.”

“Ugh, I don’t know. I felt like we were in this safe little Hummel-Hudson love bubble until that harsh reality check. I know it could be a lot worse, but I’m still mad. She changed my diapers, you know? I cried in her arms at the wake. Does me being gay somehow erase all of that?”

Blaine gave Kurt a comforting squeeze. “I wwwish I could fi-fix the world for you. But I…I’m so pr-proud of how you handled that, —Kurt.”

“I wasn’t too mean?”

“No! But-but you didn’t l-listen—you didn’t t-take any bullshit. You ch-ch-ch-challenged her about that excuse everyone has about, ‘oh, but the ch-children will be con-confused.’”

“Thank you, Blaine. And, god, I’m just so sick of hearing that. Children are constantly being exposed to new things every day. They don’t have preconceived ideas about how the world works. Show them two men in a relationship and nine times out of ten they are going to find it utterly unremarkable.”

“I do be-be-believe I owe you a dance, Mister.”

Kurt grinned. “Quite right! And lucky for you, my dance card has an opening.” 

He hopped up off of Blaine’s lap and they walked hand in hand to the dance floor. Kurt heard the opening synth beat of [Brand New Colony](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9GuBV9Mp7A) and his heart fluttered; he had chosen it specifically with Blaine in mind.

I'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and served with the table set  
In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman  
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick  
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

Kurt took the lead. He had gotten quite competent at leading after helping his Dad and Finn through weeks of dance lessons. He didn’t know too many fancy moves, but he threw in a flourish every now and then. Blaine laughed in delight when Kurt dipped him.

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in  
An open tab when your judgment's on the brink.  
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite  
Albums back as you're lying there  
Drifting off to sleep

Finn was dancing nearby with Rachel. He flashed a grin at Kurt and called over, “We both must be pretty studely bros to end up with such hot dates tonight.”

“Mine is hotter,” Kurt bragged. Blaine smiled at him affectionately and rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, Blaine,” sighed Rachel. “It’s like we’re just sparkly accessories or pieces of meat. What are we going to do with these boys?”

“K-Keep them,” said Blaine, before pressing a kiss against Kurt’s cheek. Kurt laughed and then pulled Blaine close and sang the next verse into his ear, just for him.

I'll be the platform shoes, undo what heredity's done to you  
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes  
I'll be your winter coat, buttoned and zipped straight to the throat  
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

Blaine looked up into his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, and he sang to Kurt as they swayed to the music.

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town  
And kiss you on the mouth  
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene  
Start a brand new colony  
Where everything will change, we'll give ourselves new names  
Identities erased  
The sun will heat the grounds under our bare feet  
In this brand new colony

Everything will change

“I hope you know how sickeningly cute the two of you are,” said Rachel.

Kurt and Blaine looked at each other, grinning stupidly. In unison, they replied, “We know.”

The party didn’t stop until midnight, when the guests who had stuck it out to the end formed two lines at the door to the church. Kurt passed out sparkly, white tubes to everyone and then collected his dad and his brand new stepmom for their grand exit.

Laughing and cheering, the newlyweds walked out into the night. From all sides, they were showered in a sea of bubbles that sparkled in the moonlight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Did anyone spot the callback to Chapter 1 in this chapter?
> 
> ~~~~  
> Music:
> 
> Boy in the Bubble by Paul Simon (from the album Graceland)  
> Get me to the Church from My Fair Lady (I rewrote the lyrics to be in the 2nd/3rd person rather than the 1st)  
> Brand New Colony by The Postal Service
> 
> I originally considered Brand New Colony for Blaine's big romantic number when he asks Kurt to be his boyfriend. I've always known I would use it at some point because it's on my top ten list of most romantic songs, but when I realized how well it fit the theme of the chapter then I knew it just had to go here.
> 
> ~~~~~  
> References:
> 
> Dead Poets Society - a 1989 film starring Robin Williams as an inspirational teacher who inspires his students through poetry. The school in the book is very elitist and conservative. You may know it for the iconic scene where Robin Williams asks them all to stand on top of their desks. The famous quote is: "Oh captain, my captain." It's an excellent movie, if you've never seen it. 
> 
> The Boy in the Bubble - in addition to being a Paul Simon song, the boy in the bubble was a real person. I gave some background before the chapter, in case you missed it.
> 
> ~~~~~  
> Miscellaneous:
> 
> The line "I wish I could fix the world for you" is based on something I said to one of my students, during a very emotional conversation we had about bullying. She was in tears because someone was teasing her about the way she says the word "burger." She couldn't say her /r/ sound so it came out sounding a little like "booger." I encouraged her to talk about it with her parents and promised her we could practice that word but I also told her, "If I could wave a magic wand and fix the world for you I would, but I don't have that power." I can teach my students all sorts of things but I can't go out and teach everyone they are ever going to interact with not to be shitty to them.


	19. Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine needs a little extra courage this week.

Blaine was spread out on some cushions on the floor of Kurt’s living room. After some very stern warnings, Burt and Carole had left their sons alone for the week while they enjoyed a well-deserved honeymoon in Hawaii. Blaine had conveniently failed to mention that Kurt was without adult supervision to his parents and it hadn’t come up.  

Rachel’s dads, it became clear, were fully aware that no one was looking in on them and had no problem with it. “They are very sex positive so they just handed me some condoms and sent me on my way.” As if to prove her point, Rachel dropped a strip of foil packets onto the coffee table.

“Christ, Rachel!” Kurt yelped. “Just how much sex do they think you are going to be having this weekend. This is what…ten condoms?” 

“Better safe than sorry,” she said with a shrug. Finn eyed the pile of prophylactics with apprehension, as if they might come to life and start slithering across the table towards him.  

Blaine couldn’t help making eye contact with Kurt, who seemed desperate to look anywhere but **at** the offending items. Kurt, always so quick to blush, was already approaching the complexion of a well-boiled lobster. Blaine wanted to comfort him somehow, but he wasn’t sure how to do it without triggering Kurt’s embarrassment further. 

The pile of condoms seemed to be taunting them, a stark reminder that they had a whole house to themselves and could be getting up to all sorts of things. A bunch of teenagers, teenagers in serious relationships, unsupervised; it almost felt like they were **supposed** to do something scandalous. 

Rachel picked up the string of condoms and ripped a few off, holding them out towards Kurt. “Do you guys want some?” _Poor Kurt._ His eyes grew wide and his face was flushed. For once, it was Blaine who jumped in to handle an awkward moment. 

“We are, uh, wwwwaiting until the right t-t-time.” It seemed like a safe answer and better than the truth which was that they hadn’t really talked about it.  

Rachel smiled gratefully at Blaine. “Yeah, us too.” 

Kurt and Blaine had only been dating for about a month and so far they were keeping things very PG, which was more than fine with Blaine. He had gotten the general vibe that Kurt was probably into taking things slow. Given his history, Blaine was determined to be overly cautious about not putting any pressure on him. He had assumed that Kurt would bring it up when he was ready and Blaine was content to wait. 

But seeing Kurt’s utter mortification when Rachel had pulled out those condoms had Blaine wondering if he was going to end up having to broach the topic first. _Well, that’s shaping up to be the awkwardest conversation of the century._  

“So, are you boys all wedding’ed out or should we keep the party going with some on theme movies? It looks like you guys have ‘The Wedding Singer’ and ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ on DVD. What do you think?” Rachel held up her choices. 

“I never thought I would say this, but I think I’m all wedding’ed out,” Kurt admitted. 

“Oh, hey, speaking of weddings, I forgot to ask. Who was that cute kid dancing with Blaine?” Finn asked Kurt. “You don’t have a secret daughter I need to know about, right?”  

_If Kurt was her dad he would have been six when she was born. Finn does know how math works, right?_  

“No, that was my cousin Tessa. She’s the daughter of my mom’s sister.” 

“Oh, cool. Yeah, I was pretty sure Burt didn’t have any siblings so that makes sense. So does that make her my like, step-cousin? I don’t really get how all this step stuff works.” 

“Probably, if they don’t disown me first.” Kurt let out a gloomy sigh.  

“Oh my god, Kurt! What happened?” asked Rachel in alarm. 

“She thinks I’m some kind of bad influence on Tessa now. She said it would be ‘confusing’ for Tessa if she knows that Blaine is my boyfriend.” 

Blaine rubbed soothing circles on Kurt’s back, trying to help him feel better. He was so proud of how Kurt had stood up to her. 

“That’s bullshit,” said Finn defiantly. 

Kurt looked pleasantly surprised. “Thanks, Finn.” 

“We’re bros now, Kurt. I’ve got your back.” 

Blaine found the moment between Finn and Kurt to be quite touching. It was good to be reminded that they had so many people who loved and supported them, especially after experiencing rejection.  

What Blaine really needed was a good distraction for Kurt, something that would cheer him up and get him laughing. Blaine’s eyes caught a silver glint from the coffee table. He had an idea. 

Blaine reached from the condoms on the table and started opening one of them. 

Finn covered his eyes. “Woah, dude, if you guys want privacy that’s cool. Just give us a chance to vacate the premises, first.” 

Blaine laughed as he pulled out the condom. “No, n-no.” He unrolled the latex and pressed the elasticated ring to his lips, blowing into it. The latex began to inflate as he filled it with air. When he had gotten it about as big as he thought it would go without popping, he pinched the end, twisted it, and tied it off with a knot. 

“I f-f-found a better use for these.”  

“I want one!” called out Rachel. Blaine ripped open another packet and soon she had her own enormous latex protuberance.

“En garde,” said Blaine, brandishing his condom balloon like a sword. Rachel played along while Kurt and Finn rolled on the floor in fits of laughter. 

Rachel switched the condom balloon to her other hand. “Haha! I am not left-handed!”

Blaine followed along and switched his sword to the other hand as well. “I am n-n-not left-handed either.”  

The mock fencing match degenerated into Rachel and Blaine poking their respective boyfriends in the bellies with their lewd balloon creations. 

_See, Kurt. Not so scary after all._  

“I know what we are going to do!” Kurt declared with excitement. Blaine was glad to see the light had returned to his eyes. “We are going to make enough of these to go around, we are going to pop in The Princess Bride, and we are going to act out all of the fight scenes with these.” 

“I’ll make popcorn!” Finn offered, heading towards the kitchen. Rachel started blowing up another condom, stopping a few times to calm her giggles. 

Kurt hugged Blaine’s arm and squeezed it to his chest. “Thank you, Blaine. You always come up with the weirdest and most wonderful ways to cheer me up.” 

“Guys, if Puck asks what we did this weekend can we all just lie and tell him we had an orgy? We’re never going to live it down if he finds out all we did was watch a PG rated movie.” Finn had a point. 

“Works for me,” said Kurt as he set up the DVD player. They all got cozy on the couch with blankets, popcorn, and condom balloons. 

Blaine thought it was just about the perfect way to spend a Sunday. 

It turned out to be the perfect beginning to an absolutely awful week. 

—

“In the society that George Orwell imagined in ‘1984,’ not only behaviors could be criminal but thoughts could as well. But **can** our thoughts be controlled?” Mr. Sinclair asked. 

_Maybe with brainwashing and torture, but just regular people? No, I don’t think anyone has that level of control._  

Becky Jackson raised her hand and said, “No way, Mr. S!” 

“Thank you for sharing, Becky.” 

_At least Mr. Sinclair is nice to Becky, even if he’s one of the meanest teachers at McKinley. She’s lucky, at least everyone can see that she has a disability._  

Blaine’s head jerked up as he realized the words he was thinking. 

_Wow, Blaine, that was fucked up. Did you really just think that someone with Down’s syndrome is luckier than you? What you deal with is nothing compared to her. We both have speech disorders, but she has so much other stuff to deal with on top of that. Good thing there’s no actual thought police or I would be arrested so fast._  

“Anyone else?” A few predictable hands went up, the same five or six students who always contributed to classroom discussion. “Anyone we haven’t already heard from? There are a lot of voices in this room that aren’t contributing.” Mr. Sinclair made meaningful eye contact with Blaine and a few other students. 

_Shit._  

“What about the morality of policing thought? What are the arguments for and against it? Surely everyone can rustle up some kind of opinion about that. It’s a meaty moral quandary! Perhaps…” he trailed off, scanning the room for a target.  

Blaine slunk down in his chair, as if Mr. Sinclair might overlook him if he just made his body small enough. 

“…Jessica has an opinion.” _Phew._  

“Oh, well bad thoughts can lead to, like, bad behavior, right? So if we can stop bad thoughts, then we could, like, stop crimes before they happen.” 

“Thank you for sharing your perspective, Jessica. I hope we can hear more from you in the future. What about you, Blaine?” 

_Shit, shit, shit._  

Blaine re-adjusted his posture, sitting up straight. There was no point trying to hide now that he was in the spotlight. He took several deep breaths, trying to notice points of muscle tension in his body and relax them, the way that he had been practicing with Ms. Shine.  

He could feel the tension in his neck and focused on relaxing the muscles. If he could just get them relaxed enough, he probably wouldn’t block when he started speaking. It was tricky though, because he couldn’t actually feel his vocal cords. The best he could do was focus on relaxing the muscles in the surrounding area and hope that it would translate. 

Ms. Shine had explained that his vocal cords were actually muscles. He had always sort of imagined them like harp strings that were plucked to produce sound, but when she showed him anatomical drawings he saw that his mental image was way off. 

“Mr. Anderson, we don’t have all day,” said Mr. Sinclair impatiently. A few students giggled.  

_Asshole._  

“Yes, well, I disagree. Our thoughts…are private. Sometimes thoughts…are where we regulate…behavior. We blow off steam…in our thoughts…so we don’t do or say…the wrong thing.”  

_Hah! Stutter free is the way to be!_ Blaine was proud of himself for how well he had been able to use his strategies. He had a lot more he could have said, but he wasn’t sure how long he could keep this fluent streak going. Better to stop while he was ahead.  

_Mr. Sinclair would probably think my comparison to ‘Minority Report’ is stupid, anyways._  

— 

After English, Blaine had to stop at his locker to switch out some of his books. He was relieved that he had made it though the class relatively unscathed and he was really looking forward to seeing Kurt in Chemistry. He had slept through his alarm that morning so he had missed their usual time to check in before school. 

Blaine was very confused when he turned away from his locker to see Jessica, the other student who had been picked on by Mr. Sinclair. They really didn’t know each other; Blaine wasn’t sure if they had ever even spoken to one another. 

When Blaine had first been new to McKinley, different people had tried to talk to him. It hadn’t lasted long. Either the intrigue about a new student wore off or people noticed that Blaine wasn’t very talkative. Either way, people mostly left him alone now. That was how Blaine liked it because then he didn’t have to navigate surprise conversations with people he didn’t feel comfortable with. Like this one that was happening to him now. 

Jessica greeted him cheerfully, as if they were old pals. 

“Hi, Blaine! Can you believe how Mr. Sinclair just cold-called on us like that? Ru-ude. What you said was cool, though. It made me wonder about all the naughty thoughts going on in that brain of yours, while you’re ‘blowing off steam.’”  

Blaine was so shocked that he choked on his own spit. Somehow the way she said ‘blowing off steam’ made it sound way dirtier than Blaine had remembered it. 

“I was…just thinking…Mr. Sinclair is…kind of an asshole,” he deflected. He was pleased that he had effectively used his strategies to get through his response. _I’m on a role!_  

“Wow, same! I wonder what else we have in common. What do you say? You, me, Breadstix, Friday night, say 7pm? We could find out what else we have in common.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. 

_Holy shit, she is coming on strong. I need to say something to make it clear that she needs to back off without hurting her feelings._  

“Nah, I’m bu-busy.” 

_Shit, I stuttered. Now she is going to tell everyone and all her cool popular friends are going to start making fun of me._  

“Playing hard to get, I see. I can dig it. You’ve got that quiet mysterious vibe going, Blaine, and I am into it. See you later.” She gave him a flirty wave and then glided off down the hallway. 

Blaine let out a deep sigh and banged the back of his head against the lockers several times in frustration. _Quiet mysterious vibe? Try stutters and, oh yeah, definitely gay. Why am I so bad at this today? Usually I know what to say in this type of situation._  

— 

Blaine was still in a sour mood by the time he made it to Chemistry.  

“What’s eating you?” Kurt asked.  

Blaine sighed. Talking to Kurt was easier than talking to most people but right now he felt drained after dealing with Mr. Sinclair and then Jessica. 

“Can we j-j-just not talk for like five min-min-minutes?” he pleaded. 

Kurt looked like someone had slapped him. His lips pressed into a tight line, his eyebrows scrunched together, and his entire body leaned back slightly. 

_Shit, shit, shit. I can’t do anything right this morning. Now you’ve hurt Kurt’s feelings, the person you actually care deeply about, because you used up all your energy trying not to hurt the feelings of stupid Jessica who doesn’t matter._  

Blaine groaned in frustration. “K-Kurt, sweetheart, n-n-no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mmmean it like —that.”  

Kurt crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. 

“Then what did you mean? Because it sounded like you were sick of me after I haven’t even seen you today.” Blaine could hear the hurt underneath his bitter tone. He hated knowing that he had been the cause of it. 

Blaine reached for Kurt underneath the lab table, taking his hand and stroking his thumb across Kurt’s knuckles. He could see Kurt start to visibly relax. 

“It wa-wa-wasn’t about you. It’s ju-ju-ju-ju-just been a long morning…with a lot of…ssstressful sp-speaking situations. I wanted a —break.” Blaine hoped that Kurt would understand his explanation.  

It wasn’t that he didn't want to talk with Kurt, it was just that he didn't feel like he **needed** to talk when he was with Kurt. Now that they were together, he could finally relax and let his guard down. Kurt was his safe place. 

_Tell him that._  

“I f-f-feel—I feel safe with y-you.” 

Kurt’s face softened immediately. 

“Aw, Blaine! I feel safe with you too. I always have, since we first became friends.” Kurt squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry I made it about me. I guess I just…I felt rejected but it was stupid. If the world is pressuring you to talk, then I want to be your space place where you can take a break from all of that. So if that’s what you need right now, then that’s what I’ll be.” 

If they hadn’t been in the middle of class, Blaine would have grabbed Kurt and kissed him senseless. Since they were, he gave him a long look that he hoped conveyed at least some of what he was feeling. Given how big Kurt was smiling, he was pretty sure he had been successful.  

He wanted to tell Kurt that his feelings weren’t stupid. That he was allowed to feel hurt even if Blaine didn’t mean to hurt him. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t expect Kurt to read his mind. He wanted to promise that he would get better at communicating.  

But he would have to say all of those things later, because right now he was going to just relax and be in his safe place. 

—

When it was finally time for speech therapy, Blaine was exhausted and ready for the day to be over. He really could have used the gym time to work through some of his anger and frustration from the morning, but he only had this time with Ms. Shine once a week and he knew he should pull himself together and try to get the most out of it.  

“How have things been with your speech this week, Blaine?” she asked. It was their usual check-in. 

“I gu-gu-guess it’s been fine, but…I’m feeling really fru-fru-frustarted with it today.” 

“I’m interested to hear more about that, if you want to share.” Ms. Shine smiled warmly at him, listening without pressure or judgement. _I guess Ms. Shine’s office is a safe place too._  

“I g-g-got cold called on in-in class and then he w-w-was all, ‘we don’t have all day,’ which did **not** help at all. Then, I hurt my b-b-boyfriend’s feelings b-b-by accident. I feel like no-no-nothing I say is right today.”  

_Wow, that sounded even more pathetic out loud. Really, Blaine? Nothing I say is right today? You’re such a drama queen._  

“It sounds like you’re feeling pretty down on yourself today about how you communicate. What were you thinking about when you were telling me all of that?” Ms. Shine asked. 

Blaine laughed and then truthfully said, “That I s-s-sound pathetic.” 

“And do you?” she asked, with a challenging tone in her voice. 

“What?” 

“Do you sound pathetic? Is that true? If you were listening to someone else say those words, would you think ‘that guy sounds pathetic’?” She raised her eyebrows at him, waiting for an answer. Ms. Shine only pushed him like this when she was trying to teach him something, so Blaine went along with it. 

He imagined if Kurt was the one venting his feelings to Blaine and then saying that he sounded pathetic. _You don’t sound pathetic, you just sound upset. It’s normal to feel upset when you have a bad day._  

“N-n-no, I guess not.” Blaine admitted. 

“Notice how you feel right now, Blaine,” Ms. Shine instructed.  

_I feel…relieved. Calmer._  

“That—I think—I think it helped.” 

“Good.” She smiled at him. “I’ve been meaning to introduce this concept to you anyways, so I’m glad you brought it up. Many people your age who stutter have a lot of negative thoughts about themselves when they are talking. I want to help you become more aware of these negative thoughts and teach you how to use cognitive strategies and positive self-talk to change some of those thoughts.” 

“Sounds like therapy, Ms. Shine,” Blaine teased. She was always very careful to make it clear that she was not a psychotherapist or a social worker. They did end up talking about his feelings sometimes, but it was always about his stuttering so it made sense. She had explained that this type of counseling was part of her job. 

“You’re not wrong, Blaine. It’s actually a type of CBT—that’s cognitive behavioral therapy. A therapist might use that to help someone change negative thoughts they have about themselves due to anxiety or depression. We’re going to use the same technique to try to change negative thoughts you have about yourself because of your stuttering.” 

“So…how d-d-does this whole thought —changing thing work?” he asked. 

“Great question! We’ll make a list of some negative thoughts you have about yourself when you are talking and then we will come up with some positive self-talk you can use to counter it. Let me give you an example. Let’s say you had the thought ‘I can’t talk.’ If we stop and examine that thought objectively, we can see that it isn’t true. You **can** talk, you do it all the time. A more true thought might be, ‘talking is hard.’ I might encourage you to give yourself a little mental pep talk. Remind yourself that you have a lot of skills, that you know a lot of strategies, and also that even when you stutter people really do understand what you say most of the time. That would be the positive self-talk.” 

_Sounds easier said than done._  

“You know m-me, I’m —game to try any-anything.” 

Blaine was ready to crash by the time he made it home. Speech therapy had been good but it was hard work. Today it had left him drained. He barely even said hello to his mother before he collapsed into bed. _Maybe tomorrow will be better._  

— 

Tomorrow was not better. It was worse. 

Apparently, Mr. Sinclair was now on a mission to get every student in the classroom to participate. As far as Blaine was concerned, he was on a mission to make his life a living hell. 

“Attention, class! Tonight for homework, you will be finishing ‘1984.’ We will review the key themes of the book for the rest of the week, and then on Monday we will start class presentations. Each of you must pick from a list of topics and give a two to five minute oral presentation.” 

Blaine felt like Mr. Sinclair was looking straight at him when he added, “No exceptions!” Blaine gulped and he was filled with dread.

_Oral presentation? I’m fucked._  

Blaine walked to his locker in a daze, his mind racing with ways to get out of this assignment. _What if I just stay home sick that day? I could pretend to lose my voice. I could do something bad enough to get suspended._ He sighed to himself as he shuffled things in and out of his locker. He knew he couldn’t do any of those things. 

“Hi, Blaine.”  

He jumped in surprise. _She’s like a mountain lion. You don’t see her until she’s pouncing on your back and slashing your throat._  

Blaine plastered an insincere smile on his face. “Hi, J-Jessica.” _Shit, now she is really going to notice my stutter._  

He tried to think of something else to say like, ‘I have a boyfriend’ or ‘I’m not mysterious, I just don’t want to talk to you.’ But by the time he looked up to say one of the lines he had come up with, she was gone again.  

Blaine groaned in frustration. _Ugh, I was too slow._

Later that day, she walked by with a whole pack of cheerleaders. He saw her looking straight at him, whispering something to her friends that caused them all to erupt in a fit of giggles. Blaine felt so uncomfortable that he wanted to climb out of his skin. 

To top it all off, apparently his one day of poor fluency was turning into a whole week of bad speech. _Why can’t I talk this week?_  

It took Blaine a moment to realize that he had heard those words just a couple days ago, in Ms. Shine’s office. He had caught his first negative thought. Now he was supposed to flip it around or something.  

_Talking is hard this week but it won’t last forever. My strategies are still working._  

He walked to his next class feeling just a little bit calmer.  

—

When Blaine got to lunch, he laid his head down on the cafeteria table dramatically. “Someone w-w-wake me up with this w-week is over,” he moaned. 

“Aw, honey, I’m sorry you’re having a bad week but I really think you should reconsider putting your face on these tables. They’re probably crawling in germs.” Kurt shuddered. 

“What’s wrong, Blaine?” asked Tina.

“Mr. S-Sinclair announced that w-w-we have to do —presentations. P-Partici-ici-ici—fuck—talking is m-mandatory.” Blaine slammed his fist down onto the table when he swore, which attracted startled looks not only from his friends but also from the A.V. club students at the next table. _Now they all think I have anger management issues too. Just great._  

“Maybe you should hit the bag after school today?” Kurt suggested. “That usually helps you work through stuff.” 

“Thanks, K-Kurt.” It was a good suggestion but he could punch the bag until his knuckles bled and he would still have to talk in front of the whole class come Monday. He felt like someone had set him an execution date. 

“You should talk to him about it,” Tina suggested. 

Mr. Sinclair did not seem like the type who would give anyone special treatment or favor special requests. 

“L-last time I t-t-talked in class, he j-just told me to hu-hu-hurry up. I don’t think he will under-under-understand.” 

— 

It didn’t take much probing from his mother before Blaine was spilling the whole story to her. “I b-barely have t-t-time to p-p-practice. Mr. S-S-Sinclair is **not** understanding about my sp-speech. It’s g-g-going to be humiliating.” 

“Aw, sweetie, I’m so sorry to hear that.” 

“I don’t think he is allowed to do that, Blaine,” his father commented calmly. 

“Wait, what?” Blaine was confused. _He’s a teacher. Isn’t he allowed to do whatever he wants?_  

“I don’t think he’s allowed to force you to give a class presentation. Jasmine, darling, do you remember where we put the copy of Blaine’s IEP?” 

“I think it’s with his other school records, the report cards and such. I’ll go find it, dear.”

“Why do you want my I-I-IEP?” 

“Because there was a whole section for classroom accommodations. I think I remember something about presentations and public speaking in there. That speech therapist of yours was pretty thorough. Let me take a look.” 

Things were still a little tense since his father’s negative reaction to Kurt, but right now Blaine was so grateful his dad was a lawyer who actually read paperwork before he signed it. All he remembered from the IEP meeting was that it meant he could have speech therapy again. The rest of it had seemed procedural. 

His mother pulled out the stapled packet that he hadn’t thought about since the beginning of the school year and the three of them huddled over it at the kitchen table.  

“You would think they could make this thing easier to understand. I don’t know what half of these headings even mean!” she complained. 

“Oh, hush, look it’s right here. ‘Accommodations and Modifications.’ Ahah, I knew it! Look, Blaine, you’re supposed to be getting additional time to respond to questions in class and alternative assignments for oral presentations. I bet Mr. Sinclair didn’t even read this!”

“B-But he said no ex-ex-exceptions!” Blaine insisted.  

“I don’t care what he said. This is a legal document that the school is required to follow. I’ll take his ass to due process if he doesn’t.” Blaine’s father looked positively triumphant. Blaine imagined it was the look he got in the courtroom when he revealed the final piece of evidence that clinched the verdict. 

“Let’s save that as a last resort, dear. So, who should we talk to about this?” his mother asked aloud. 

“I-I-I think Ms. Shine. Didn’t she sssay she was my —case manager?” Blaine suggested. 

“Well then I’m going to e-mail her immediately,” his father declared.

—

The next day, Mr. Sinclair asked him to stay behind after class. Blaine gulped nervously but did as he was asked, taking a seat next to Mr. Sinclair’s desk. _Please don’t yell at me because my parents got involved._  

“So, I understand that you would like some sort of alternative to the class presentation assignment?”

Blaine nodded without making eye contact. 

“Fine. You can write me a paper on one of the topics then, outlining both arguments and counterarguments. I want at least three pages, single-spaced.” 

_That is so much more work. But at least I don’t have to talk in front of the class. It will be worth it._  

“Thank you.” 

“And Blaine?” 

“Uh, yeah?” 

“I read your TGIF or whatever it’s called. So that’s why you keep getting zeros for participation in my class?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Alright,” he sighed. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I want you to take notes during classroom discussions and e-mail me your ideas and questions after class. I’ll give you full participation points for every day you either speak in class or send me something thoughtful in writing. Does that work for you?” 

“I, uh, y-y-yes that would be g-g-great.” 

“Alright then. Better get to your next class.” 

In a substantially better mood, Blaine stood up and jogged out of the classroom. He was so pleased that he started humming to himself. 

*slam* 

He ran headfirst into something tall and red. He looked up. _Jessica! Shit!_  

“If you wanted to get close to me Blaine, all you had to do was ask,” she cooed. 

Still riding the high from his successful conversation with his teacher, Blaine’s brain finally seemed to be working fast enough to express what he needed to say.

“I d-d-d-don’t know what my —boyfriend would th-think of that.” _Hah! I did it!_  

Jessica gaped at him. “B-boyfriend?” she demanded. _Look, even the normies stutter sometimes._  

“Sorry, babe.” 

_Maybe it’s not too late to turn this week around after all._  

— 

“So I see you finally ditched Stalker Barbie,” Kurt commented. 

“Huh?” 

“That cheerleader who's been stalking you all week,” he explained. _Kurt wasn’t there when that happened._  

“But, I…you n-noticed?” 

“Of course I noticed, silly. I always notice you.” _Oh._  

“But you d-d-didn’t…why didn’t you come r-rescue me?” Blaine demanded. 

“Because you didn’t need rescuing. I knew you could handle it.” 

“Oh.” 

_I guess I did handle it, didn’t I?_  

_—_

On Monday morning, Blaine Anderson found himself standing in front of Mr. Sinclair’s desk.  

“Yes, Blaine?” 

“I…I w-w-want to do the presentation.” 

“Wait, what? Now you want to do the presentation? What changed your mind?” 

“Well, it was—I think it was the b-b-book, actually. I thought about how l-lucky I am to-to live somewhere I can s-s-speak my mind. I w-w-want to share my ideas. And, well, I, uh, uh…just knowing that you were willing to b-b-be flexible—knowing that kind of gave me the con-con-confidence to realize I could do it.” 

“Then by all means. I’ll add you to the list. Do you want to go first or last?” 

Blaine took a deep breath. _Probably better to go for it before I psych myself out._ “I’ll g-go first. But I d-d-do still w-want that deal we made, about p-participation. If that’s…if that’s alright. Sometimes I…I have b-bad days, when my ssspeech is worse and that would re-really help me keep my grade up.” 

“The deal still stands. Go get ready for your speech, Blaine.” He even smiled at Blaine for a moment. _Maybe he’s not an asshole after all._  

Mr. Sinclair wrote a list names on the blackboard and then called for the class to come to order. “First up, please put your hands together for Blaine Anderson was has bravely volunteered to present first.” 

Blaine abandoned his carefully chosen seat in the middle of the class and walked to the podium at the front of the room. He looked out over the sea of students in front of him, all eyes looking up at him expectantly. He took a deep breath. _Courage._  

“Be-before I st-start, I just want to let you know that I-I-I stutter. So buckle up, because yyyou’re in for a —bumpy ride.” A few chuckles of amusement came from the audience. He looked up from his notes to see several students smiling at him. _No point worrying about not stuttering because now they definitely all know._ It did feel like a small weight lifting from his shoulders. He felt empowered. 

He took another deep breath, reminded himself to look at the audience every now and then, and began to speak. 

“George Or-Orwell wrote about a —dystopian society where p-people were not free to express themselves. In th-this novel…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm very excited that I now have the rest of the story drafted, including the ending. Right now, we are on schedule for three more chapters. 
> 
> As always, I adore your comments and love hearing from you! 
> 
> Just a reminder as you read the notes below that I work in the U.S. and special education may work differently in your country than what I've described.
> 
> ~~  
> References:
> 
> The Princess Bride - Surely you all know The Princess Bride! If not, go watch it immediately! For the purposes of this story, all you need to know is there are some great fencing scenes. Here is a [clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUczpTPATyU) of the scene I referenced in the story.
> 
> 1984 - A dystopian novel written in 1948 by George Orwell that imagines a grim fascist future where truth is whatever the rulers want it to be and Big Brother is always watching. So, actually, not that different from now! While they can't actually read people's minds, citizens are under near-constant surveillance and one wrong word can have you hauled off on accusations of Thoughtcrime. To me, one of the most fascinating elements of the book is Newspeak, a language created by the ruling party which is so limited in grammar and vocabulary that supposedly criminal anti-party thoughts are not even possible in this language. 
> 
> Minority Report - This Philip K. Dick novel was adapted into a movie in 2002. Tom Cruise stars in this sci-fi action thriller, detectives use information from psychics who can see the future to arrest criminals before they commit crimes. The detective starts to question what they are doing when he himself is accused of a murder he has not yet committed.
> 
> Presumably Blaine had an intelligent point to share about how the moral conundrums in 1984 connect to Minority Report. Both stories deal with the idea that people should be arrested based purely on their thoughts before they have committed a hurtful action.
> 
> ~~  
> Special Ed Law in the U.S.
> 
> As I stated in the story, an IEP is considered a legal document that the school must follow. "Due Process" is the name for what is essentially a court system for special education. If a school district and a family cannot agree on something about a child's special education needs or services, either party can file for due process. It is separate from the regular legal system but it can involve lawyers, subpoenas, and many other trappings of the regular legal system. An impartial hearing officer acts as the judge. As you can imagine, this can very stressful for all parties involved. 
> 
> If you want to know more about due process, [this](https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/your-childs-rights/dispute-resolution/due-process-rights-what-you-need-to-know) website has some great information.
> 
> ~~  
> IEP Accommodations:
> 
> Accommodations refers to anything that is a change to how a student participates in the school environment. They are chosen to give a student the same access to their education as their peers (not to give them an unfair advantage). A blind student might have an accommodation that all written materials be provided as audiobooks or in Braille. A student with ADHD might have an accommodation allowing them to use noise-cancelling headphones during independent work because they are easily distracted by noise in the classroom. 
> 
> There are accommodations for both the classroom and for tests, which are usually distinctive. Testing modifications are things like getting extra time to complete a test or being allowed to take a test in a separate, quiet space. Many accommodations are easily implemented in a general education classroom by a gen ed teacher, while others require a higher level of expertise. Being provided extra time to respond and alternatives for oral presentations would both be fairly standard accommodations for someone who stutters. The alternative for the oral presentation might still involve speaking, but perhaps just one-to-one with the teacher or the student would be allowed to videotape the presentation ahead of time. Accommodations should always be tailored to the specific individual needs and strengths of the student.


	20. Amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt checks off a couple more relationship milestones.

**** “How does this sound?” Blaine asked. “ _Y-y-_ you are _c-c-_ cute.”

Kurt sat attentively on the end of Blaine’s bed, listening and watching while Blaine practiced a new technique from speech therapy. When Blaine had explained that he wanted to practice stuttering with Kurt, at first he had been confused. _Why would you need to practice stuttering?_

The idea—as Kurt understood it—was that Blaine was going to be trying on purpose to stutter, but in some special, more relaxed way. It would help prevent him from blocking or something like that. 

“Okay, I hear the difference now!” Kurt replied. “Your whole face looks more relaxed too and you, like, got through the stuttering moments more quickly. What do you think so far?”

“ _Y-y-y_ -yeah,” Blaine said with a smile, still using the technique. “It’s like st-st-stuttering but more controlled. I s-sound more like…well, me, than when I-I use ERASM.” 

“That seems important. Those questions your dad was asking me over winter break were a good reminder how important one’s voice can be to their identity. I know the idea of changing my voice feels like rejecting part of who I am so I can understand if you feel the same way. Besides, I really like your voice.” 

Blaine got up from the desk chair where he had been sitting and flopped down on the bed behind Kurt. He looked thoughtful.

“Do…do y-y-you think stuttering is part of who I am?” He asked pensively. _That’s heavy._

“Hmm…that’s a tricky question. I believe in everyone’s right to define their identity for themselves, though, so to me that means you get to choose. Do you want it to be?”

Kurt shifted, twisting his torso so he could see Blaine’s face. He was biting his lip, looking uncertain as he lay on his bed.

“I don’t know,” he said finally. He looked apologetic.

Kurt frowned and then laid down next to Blaine and looked him squarely in the eyes.

“That is also okay. I’m here to talk whenever but there’s no pressure to know exactly who you are right away.” Kurt hoped his words were enough to reassure Blaine.

Blaine smiled and leaned forward to give Kurt a sweet kiss. He pulled back and said, “Thank you.”

Kurt studied his boyfriend thoughtfully for a moment, getting lost in memories.

Blaine cocked his head to the side. “You’re th-thinking very loudly over there.”

Kurt laughed. “I was just remembering when you first told me about your stuttering. You were so freaked out that I had figured out your big secret, even though it turned out I hadn’t. And now look at you. You came out to the Glee club about your stuttering, you’re comfortable practicing your strategies with me, and you even gave that presentation in front of your whole class! I hope you realize how far you’ve come just in the time I’ve known you.”

Kurt felt a strong wave of affection and pride wash over him as he thought back to how much Blaine had grown since their first meeting. He watched Blaine’s eyes soften with emotion. Blaine reached out to touch his face.

“You know, y-you were a b-big part of that K-Kurt.”

_Me? What did I do?_

“But…I didn’t **do** anything,” he protested.

“You did!” Blaine insisted. Kurt still felt confused. “You j-just always accepted m-me, you n-n-never treated it like a b-big deal. You always c-cared more about what I had to say than how I sssaid it. I t-told you before: I feel safe with you.”

It always got to him when Blaine got all emotional like this. It made him **feel** things. As if propelled by a magnetic force, Kurt felt himself drawing closer to Blaine until he captured his lips in a fervent kiss.

“Mmm,” said Blaine in satisfaction. He tangled his fingers in the fabric of Kurt’s top, gently pulling Kurt closer, kissing him more deeply. Kurt felt a shiver of delight run up his spine.

Blaine rolled on top of him and began to run his fingers through Kurt’s hair. It happened so quickly that Kurt didn’t have time to think. He never let anyone touch his hair normally because he liked to keep it looking neat. _Should I stop him?_

Now that Blaine’s fingers were threading into his hair, massaging his scalp, Kurt couldn’t bring himself to make him stop. It felt…good. It felt amazing, actually. It reminded him of when the hairdresser massaged shampoo into his scalp at the salon. Except sexy.

He liked the way that Blaine’s fingers drew him even closer as they ran through his hair. He was so careful with Kurt, like he was worried that if he pulled too hard he would fall apart. Kurt wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to be so careful, but that would have required removing his lips from Blaine’s. 

So instead, he grasped the fabric of Blaine’s shirt and pulled it roughly, bringing Blaine even closer to him. Blaine made a low sound in response and his kissing became more passionate. Sure enough, Blaine’s fingers suddenly pulled tight in his hair. Kurt felt heady with his ability to affect Blaine in this way.

One of Blaine’s hands roamed down Kurt’s side and landed on his hip. Blaine fingered the hem of his top and Kurt felt himself growing warm in response. Blaine’s hand slipped under the layers of fabric and his thumb traced the bare skin over Kurt’s hip bone. Kurt’s breath hitched in response as Blaine forged new ground in their physical relationship. Blaine’s fingers tightened in Kurt’s hair as the other hand gently stroked up the side of his torso to the bottom of his ribs and then back to his hip bone.

Kurt felt excited but also a creeping sense of anxiety. _How far is he going to take this? How far do I want him to take this?_ It made him nervous to imagine Blaine initiating something that he wasn’t ready for. While it wasn’t a big deal to suddenly find Blaine’s hands in his hair or even under his shirt without talking about it first, there were a lot of places he could imagine Blaine’s hands ending up pretty quickly that would be a much bigger deal. Places that Kurt wasn’t remotely ready for. 

He just wished he knew what Blaine was thinking, what Blaine wanted. The anxiety was building as he started to feel like things were happening to him instead of that he was participating in making them happen. 

Blaine’s thumb traced over the top edge of Kurt’s jeans. _Woah, stop!_

Reflexively, Kurt’s hands were immediately on Blaine’s chest, pushing him back and away and off. His heart was pounding and his breathing was rough. Blaine made a muffled “omph” as he rolled awkwardly off of Kurt and almost clear off the bed. Embarrassingly, tears were beginning to sting in his eyes. _Oh my god, did I really just push him? If I start crying this is going to be so much worse._

Blaine sat up on the bed, putting plenty of space between them, looking at Kurt. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and concern.

“I-I-I…K-Kurt what’s wrong?” Blaine asked pleadingly.

_Apparently, that I’m a crazy person who shoves people now._ Kurt’s face burned hot with embarrassment. 

“I’m sorry I just…I…can we take a break for a minute?” Kurt asked.

“Yeah, of course.” Blaine said intently. 

Kurt tried to gather his thoughts, thinking about what he actually wanted to say to Blaine, who really hadn’t done anything wrong. He stared into the carpet for a few long minutes and Blaine sat in relative silence, the only sound the slow controlled inhalation and exhalation of his breath. _Now I’ve made him nervous enough to need his deep breathing. Great, just great._

He turned back to Blaine, swallowing nervously. “I was starting to feel like things were moving a little fast there. I think I just panicked.”

Blaine nodded grimly, as if Kurt had confirmed his greatest fears. He seemed distant and restrained. It was so far removed from the open, connected feeling between them just minutes earlier. Kurt felt his heart sink, feeling like he had ruined a special moment they were having.

Blaine was still taking slow, even breaths. Kurt recognized the telltale signs of Blaine trying to regain control over his fluency; all he could do was wait until Blaine responded.

Unfortunately, it gave Kurt time to worry about what had just happened. _Did I overreact? Did I hurt him when I pushed him? Oh god, is he frustrated that I won’t put out?_ That last thought was the one that plagued Kurt the worst. Kurt had heard things at all those sleepovers with his female friends. They always complained that all teenage boys only want one thing. **Kurt** was a teenage boy, so clearly he was supposed to want those things too. But thinking about them mostly just made him feel queasy.

Just when Kurt thought he couldn’t stand waiting any longer, Blaine finally spoke.

“I…I c-can’t believe I d-did that. I t-told myself we needed to t-talk about these things but…agh, I m-must have g-gotten carried away.” Blaine sat cross-legged across from Kurt on the bed, fidgeting nervously with the comforter as he talked.

“I don’t really know what any of that means,” Kurt admitted. “You can’t believe you did what?”

“I m-made you feel uncomfortable. I n-never…ever w-want to do that. This is so bad. I’m the p-person you trusted when you felt violated and n-n-now here I go doing the same thing.” Blaine looked utterly stricken as he explained this to Kurt. 

“Woah, hey, that is **not** what happened! Okay, yes, I was uncomfortable. But not because you did anything to make me feel…violated. I stopped you because it seemed like maybe things were, ehem, heating up. But it was more of a yellow light then a red light. It was a pre-emptive strike.”

“Oh,” Blaine smiled. “So I, uh, I guess I overreacted there.” 

“Yeah, maybe. I might have too. So…you said we should…talk, about…things?” Kurt asked vaguely. 

“Right.I j-just think we should have a mature c-c-conversation about the, uh, physical p-part of our relationship.”

_Or we could just never talk about it because things are good just the way they are._

“I…I don’t know how to talk about that stuff, Blaine.” 

“I thought **I** was the one who was b-b-bad at talking,” Blaine said teasingly.

Kurt huffed. “We’ve been over this. Stuttering doesn’t make you bad at talking. I think talking about our feelings in hard for both of us, but maybe in different ways. For me, though, talking about…that other…physical stuff…well, it’s so much harder.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know exactly. I mean I love musicals where the big finale is that they finally kiss. That other, uh, stuff…it kind of freaks me out. Maybe because half my life I’ve been trying to reassure all the guys around me that I don’t want to do those things with them just to soothe their gay panic. I tried watching… **those** movies once, but it just made me horribly uncomfortable and I had to shut it off. All I could think about was that it was somebody’s kid and what would their mother think of this and why would you get that tattoo there.”

Blaine’s chest was shaking with silent laughter. Shame and embarrassment burned on Kurt’s face. He scooted further away from Blaine on the bed.

“Hey, I was being vulnerable with you. I was admitting stuff that I **know** is embarrassing, stuff I’ve never said to anyone before. Are you seriously laughing at me right now?” Kurt fumed.

Blaine’s eyes got wide and the smile evaporated from his face. He sat up to face Kurt, eyes big and full of concern.

“No, no, honey, no! I-I-I swear I wasn’t l-laughing at you. I…the…you j-j-just described it so well, I c-c-could picture you sitting there, saying all of those things about t-t-tattoos and…I guess it was funny. In my head it was…c-c-cute. Like when you d-d-destroy all the contestants on America’s Next T-Top Model.”

“I suppose that’s alright then.”

“But…K-K-Kurt,” Blaine reached out to take his hand. “Those m-m-movies, it’s not—that’s not what it w-w-would be like. It’s fine to feel nervous about it, but…just so you know, that’s n-n-n-not what it’s like.” 

“Oh my god, Blaine, have you had sex?” This new revelation had Kurt feeling even more inadequate and immature than he had already been feeling. 

Blaine let out a loud, squawking laugh. “No, Kurt! B-B-But my mom had the-the-the t-t-talk with me. And she talked about p-p-porn and how it can warp your idea of what’s normal. She even had some, uh, uh, uh research study my dad had found. She said that real sex is no-nothing like that.”

_Of course. Mr. Anderson thinks every problem can be solved with enough peer-reviewed research articles._

“Wow, okay. That’s…really good to know, I guess. I mean I still don’t feel remotely ready for any of that, but…I feel sort of relieved.”

“Good. You know…I’m not r-r-r-ready either, K-Kurt.”

“You’re not? But I thought…it seemed like you were, you know, going for my pants back there.” 

“Oh…so **that’s** why you f-f-f-freaked out. That…that makes sense. No, I was j-j-just…exploring, I guess?” Blaine started blushing adorably. “I w-wanted to t-t-touch that spot but I wasn’t…I wouldn’t do anything like that without t-t-talking to you first.”

“Oh, well that’s good to know. My girlfriends make it sound like their boyfriends are always just pawing at them and they either allow it or they don’t. So I thought that maybe with us…it would be, sort of, the same. But I don’t want to to be surprised by something like that. I don’t want anything big to happen without us agreeing to it beforehand.”

Blaine crossed his arms and gave Kurt a stern glance. “Does that s-s-sound like me?”

Suddenly Kurt’s fears felt a little silly. “No, it really doesn’t. Sometimes my brain gets carried away once I start worrying about something.”

“Good thing I will always b-b-be here to reassure your b-brain whenever it gets worried.”

_How did I get so lucky?_ Kurt scooted closer to Blaine until they were sitting close. He wrapped his arms around Blaine and pressed his face into Blaine’s shoulder.

“You’re the best boyfriend on the planet.”

“So it s-s-sounds like we both agree that t-t-talking will happen before crossing any major physical milestones. Can we talk about wh-what we’re comfortable with now?” 

Kurt was glad there wasn’t a mirror nearby to show him just how horribly he was blushing. “Do we have to? It’s going to be so awkward,” he said, feeling childish.

“I won’t force you, but…I re-really think we should. Well…so far we’ve b-b-been kissing. Do you l-like that so far?”

_Don’t be absurd._

“Yes, obviously, I like kissing you. I don’t know why we need to talk about that, it should be obvious that I can’t get enough of it. It’s amazing!”

“I thought it w-w-would be easier to st-start on common ground. I feel the same way,so m-making out is something we b-both like and want to k-keep doing. Is there anywhere we’ve t-t-touched each other so far that you d-didn’t like?”

“No, I’ve liked everything so far. I just got nervous about where things were going before, but I think I’m fine with what was happening as long as it doesn’t escalate further.”

Blaine nodded. “Okay, me t-too. See, is th-this r-r-really so bad?”

Kurt stopped to contemplate Blaine’s question. It was awkward, but Blaine was so calm and matter of fact about everything that it was hard to get too worked up about it. In the end, it was still just him and Blaine talking. Blaine was really doing most of the heavy lifting, what with asking him questions to guide things along. Kurt thought maybe—just maybe—he could actually get through this.

“It’s not complete torture,” he admitted.

Blaine grinned. “You’re doing great so far. Now, I th-think the n-n-next question is if we w-w-want to add anything to our, uh, re-re-repetoire.”

Kurt groaned. “Can you go first?”

“Yeah, b-b-but I don’t want to p-pressure you,” he said hesitantly.

“Look, I have no problem being honest with you. Just tell me and trust that I’ll give you an honest answer.”

Blaine took a deep breath. Kurt saw the first cracks in his calm, sure attitude. _He’s nervous too._

“Well, I, uh…I re-really l-liked feeling under your shirt. So I thought…m-m-maybe you could do that to me also?”

Kurt imagined being the one with his hands roaming under Blaine’s shirt, exploring all the curves and edges that he had only ever imagined. He thought that he might enjoy that even more than when Blaine had done it to him.

“Oh, well that…sounds quite appealing.”

Blaine bit his lip and smiled. “Yeah? Awesome! What about you? Anything you w-w-want to ssuggest?”

Kurt felt mortified imagining saying anything like that out loud. But he also realized that if he did say what he wanted out loud, then he might actually get to act on it. And Blaine was sitting there, looking so accepting and so vulnerable. _He won’t laugh at me._

Kurt’s voice came out just barely above a whisper. “Can I, um… canItakeoffyourshirt?”

Blaine blinked at him for a few seconds, his brain scrambling to parse Kurt’s word vomit. Kurt could see the moment when he figured out what he had said because Blaine’s face lit up into a wicked smile. He nodded rather enthusiastically and then asked, “Can I t-t-take off yours?” _Oh, god, he’s going to see me all pale and scrawny under there! But he…he says he wants to, so maybe he won’t be grossed out._

Kurt gave him a shy nod. “I don’t mean for you to think that I never want to do that other stuff, I just really don’t feel ready right now and it honestly still sort of scares me.”

Blaine took Kurt’s hands in his. “I w-w-would n-never want to do anything with you that felt s-s-scary. I d-don’t care how long it t-takes for you to feel comfortable. We’re young and we have so m-m-much time.”

Kurt let out a nervous laugh. “Another relationship milestone achieved. We talked about sex. Even if it was about how we’re not going to have any for a little while.”

“I think we d-d-definitely nailed the t-t-triple axle this time.”

“Do you think straight people use figure skating analogies to describe their relationship?”

“Only the cool ones.” Blaine grinned wickedly at him and reached for Kurt’s face, pulling him in for a kiss.

Kurt’s breathing was starting to get unsteady when he pulled away. Blaine gazed into his eyes, smiling widely at him. “You know…it’s going to-to-to-to be like this.”

“Huh?”

“Sex.”

“Is like kissing?” Kurt asked in confusion. _Unless those anatomy books in school were just straight lies, I’m pretty sure that can’t be true._

“Yes! Tell me, why is k-k-kissing so amazing?” Blaine asked.

“Oh dear, he’s gone socratic on me now.”

Blaine just raised his eyebrows at Kurt, clearly waiting for an answer.

“Fine! It feels amazing because it’s us! Because I care about you and you care about me. I mean that’s not the only reason, obviously, but that’s what makes it magic instead of just fun. Is that what you meant?”

Blaine grinned at him. “Yes! Any…anything else we do, at s-s-s-some point, when we’re both ready…it’s going to feel amazing because it’s us. Because I care about you and y-you care about me.”

Kurt cocked an eyebrow at Blaine. “Amazing, huh? Just like kissing? I suppose that doesn’t sound so scary.” 

“See! The so-so-so-socratic method works! Now…more k-k-kissing?”

Kurt decided to show Blaine his answer rather than tell him. He climbed on top of Blaine, kissing him hungrily. Blaine made a surprised noise and then wrapped his arms around Kurt to pull his body even closer. He made small noises of contentment as he pressed kisses onto Kurt’s cheeks. 

Kurt thought about how it really did feel ‘amazing’ to be this close to Blaine because of how strongly he felt about him. He had always considered sex to be in a very separate category but maybe it really could just be a natural extension of what they were doing now. He still wasn’t ready, not by a long shot, but he felt a twinge of curiosity when he thought about it now rather than unadulterated fear.

Knowing that he and Blaine had set some boundaries, Kurt felt emboldened to lose himself in the feeling of kissing Blaine. He didn’t need to keep one part of his brain alert, watching them from the outside, checking to see if things were about to go somewhere he wasn’t ready for. He lost himself in Blaine, in the smell of him, the feel of him, the taste of him. 

Kurt pulled back slightly to catch his breath. He opened his eyes to see Blaine’s eyes shining brightly up at him. “I want to do something,” he said boldly.

Blaine smiled at him mischievously. “Oh yeah?”

Kurt reached for the hem of Blaine’s polo. “Can I…?”

Blaine nodded enthusiastically.

Kurt closed the space between their lips again as he let his hand slip underneath Blaine’s shirt. The skin of his belly was warm and soft under his touch. He never knew that touching another person could light up his whole body until he met Blaine. It felt…fantastic. Underneath his shirt, there were sweeping curves, planes of muscle, and jutting bones for Kurt to discover.

Then Kurt felt Blaine’s hands slowly, tentatively, find the bare skin of his back. As Blaine’s fingers dragged down the skin from his shoulder blades to the small of his back, a moan of pleasure escaped Kurt’s lips. _Amazing._

—

“My hair is a disaster,” Kurt declared after looking in the mirror.

Blaine stifled a giggle and shrugged innocently at him. “Worth it?” _As if you had nothing to do with it._

“Hmm, I suppose. But I can’t go downstairs looking like this. Your parents are going to **know** that we were making out. I mean…they probably know anyways, but now they have **evidence**.”

“Do you w-want some of my gel?” Blaine offered.

“No offense, honey, but I think that would be even more obvious. Your gel isn’t exactly a subtle look and it’s one I was decidedly not sporting when I arrived at your house. Let me just see what I can do with some water.”

“I’d apologize but…I’m n-not sorry,” Blaine said cheekily.

Kurt rolled his eyes and then set to making himself presentable. _Maybe I just need to stash some product here in case this happens again._

“Boys, dinner time!” Blaine’s mother called up from downstairs. 

“R-ready?” Blaine asked, poking his head into the bathroom.

“I supposed this will have to do.” Kurt coaxed a few final strands of hair back into place.

They walked downstairs together and joined Blaine’s parents at the kitchen table. One benefit of getting swept up with Blaine upstairs was that it had been a good distraction from his nerves about having dinner with Blaine’s parents again. 

Mr. Anderson explained the dinner he had prepared while he served the food. “I made my famous grilled salmon. In the summer, I do it on the grill but alas, February is no time for grilling. But how could I resist when the market had just gotten a special shipment in straight from Alaska? Peter promised me that it’s very fresh.” 

Kurt tasted a bite and found the fish to be moist and well seasoned. “This is delicious, Mr. Anderson! I hope you’re willing to share the recipe. Dad is still resisting the Omega-3s but I think he would like what you’ve done with the lemon.”

“The trick, Kurt, is to use Meyer lemons. That’s what gives them that special flavor. And of course I’ll share the recipe with you. I’ll run off a photocopy for you after supper.”

“Thanks!”

Kurt glanced over at Blaine who was absolutely beaming, clearly pleased to see them getting along so far.

“So, how is the preparation for Regionals going?” Mrs. Anderson asked. “Will we get to see the two of you sing a duet again?”

“No, Mr. Schue’s _g-_ going a different route this time. We’re _d-d-_ doing all group numbers so we can _fo-fo-_ focus on team unity or something like that. We’ll each get to take the l-lead for a bit, though.”

Kurt noticed that Blaine was using his “easy stuttering” and it seemed to be going well. He was impressed to see him using it in a group conversation so quickly after he had just tried it out with Kurt for the first time. 

“That sounds very equitable and I’m sure we’ll enjoy your performance nonetheless, but to be honest I was hoping to see you get featured again. You both sounded so lovely together at Sectionals, and I imagine you have even better on-stage chemistry now that you have such good off-stage chemistry,” Mr. Anderson commented in a friendly tone. 

Kurt’s jaw almost dropped. _He wants to see us on stage? Not just that he wants his son to have a big part, but he wants him up on stage in front of a big crowd with me, singing a duet with a boy? And he’s noticed our chemistry?_

“Wow, um, thank you. That’s really kind of you to say. There’s always Nationals if we make it, or next year if we don’t.” 

“Oooh, remember when Blaine used to put on concerts in the living room, Patrick? I bet the boys could do something together for us! What do you think?” Mrs. Anderson clapped her hands together in excitement, reminding Kurt of Rachel.

Kurt and Blaine turned to each other, checking in nonverbally before either of them answered. After Kurt nodded his agreement, Blaine answered. “Sure! I aaactually just p-picked up the sheet music for that Sara Bareilles song we t-talked about, Kurt. I can go get the music set-up. What do you think, honey?”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

Blaine hopped up and practically ran upstairs to go find his sheet music. _That boy really is incapable of just walking anywhere when he’s excited._

Mr. Anderson turned his attention to Kurt while Mrs. Anderson began to clear the table. “I’m glad we have a minute to talk, Kurt.” _Uh-oh._

“Oh, uh, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I’ve never seen Blaine this happy or confident before. I think a lot of that has to do with you, so I wanted to say thank you.”

_Wait, what?_

“You wanted to…thank me? That’s…not really what I was expecting, to be honest.”

He sighed and then smiled at Kurt. “Well, one of the few good things that comes with age is the wisdom and grace to know when you’re wrong. I still like to think that I know what is best for my son, and you’re not the person I imagined being right for him. But, well like I said, I’ve never seen him like this. And you might not be who I thought was best for Blaine, but the way Blaine is with you, well, that is exactly the person I want Blaine to be. I want him to be happy and self-assured. So if you help him feel brave enough to be that person, well then clearly you are exactly the right person for him. I know I was a bit hard on you when we first met, so I wanted you to know that I see how good the two of you are together now.”

Kurt sat listening in stunned silence. For a moment, he was worried he might actually cry. He had never needed Mr. Anderson’s approval or acceptance, but boy it sure felt good to have it anyways.

Kurt was barely able to thank him before Blaine burst back in, grabbing Kurt’s hand and running off down the hallway with him, his parents following at a more reasonable speed. When Kurt and Blaine had first sung along to this song on the radio, they had immediately added it to their ever-growing music shopping list. It was simply too perfect for them.

You can be amazing  
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug  
You can be the outcast  
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love  
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do  
And they settle 'neath your skin  
Kept on the inside and no sunlight  
Sometimes a shadow wins  
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say  
And let the words fall out  
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

—

Kurt watched fondly as Blaine primped using the mirror in his locker. He winked cheekily at Kurt, who sighed happily to himself. _He’s so gorgeous._

“Hey, uh, Kurt? Can I talk to you?” Kurt turned away from ogling his boyfriend to see that David Karofsky was standing nervously behind him. 

Blaine noticeably stiffened next to him. Kurt put a reassuring hand on his arm. _Down boy._

“Sure, Dave. What did you want to talk about?”

“Not here,” he hissed, looking around nervously. “In private.”

“Oh, okay. Um, where?”

Blaine grabbed his shoulder and started whispering urgently. “Come, on, K-Kurt! Ne-never let them take you to a ssecondary location. They ju-just covered that in self-defense class.”

“Blaine, honey, as adorable as it is when you get over-protective, I don’t think Karofsky is trying to murder me right now. He’s turned over a new leaf,” Kurt said soothingly.

“Oh, wow, no man. I would never try to hurt Kurt, not anymore. But—I get that you don’t trust me.”

Blaine crossed his arms and regarded Karofsky with suspicion. _Drama queen._

“Would you like to come over to my house after school? We can talk in private there but Blaine won’t claw his own eyes out worrying because he can sit with my dad in the other room so he can make sure I’m okay.”

Karofsky chuckled. It was still strange to hear him laugh without malice. “Sure.”

—

That afternoon, Kurt did the last thing he ever thought he would do: he opened the door to his home and invited David Karofsky inside. Kurt was suspicious that Blaine had texted his dad because he was home earlier than usual. It was sweet, the way that Blaine was so worried about him, even if he was getting a bit overbearing. 

Blaine might be concerned, but Kurt didn’t feel nervous at all. True to his promise, Karofsky hadn’t said a single unkind word to Kurt since his tearful apology in Ms. Pillsbury’s office. In fact, Kurt hadn’t really seen him messing with anyone lately. 

Kurt pulled up two chairs in his dad’s home office and looked at Dave expectantly.

“I…I came out to my dad,” Dave blurted out.

“Oh, wow. How did it go?”

Dave shook his head sadly. “He yelled a lot. The only bright side was that he didn’t actually kick me out, so I guess that’s something.”

Kurt felt a pang of sympathy. “I’m so sorry to hear that. It was really brave of you to come out and I wish it had gone better. I don’t really have experience with what you’re going through exactly, but my dad definitely needed some time to adjust after I came out. It was like that for Blaine too. Maybe with time, he’ll come around.”

“You think? I hope so! What **was** it like for the two of you?”

“My dad didn’t really ‘get’ it at first and Blaine’s dad went on some weird quest to get him to butch up or embrace bisexuality, but they both still always said they loved us anyways. The more time they’ve had to adjust and the more conversations we have had with them about it, well all of that seems to really help. But I don’t want to make any false promises. He may never come around. So just try to remember that you only have two more years in this backwards hellhole. You’re going to get a football scholarship, escape to college, and then you never have to come back unless you want to.”

“So I just don’t have a family anymore?” he asked, looking miserable.

“I’m not saying you’re going to lose your family. A lot of people come around if you give them time. But if they don’t, well, you’re going to find a new family. A chosen family of people who love you for who you are. It’s a sacred tradition in the queer community. Have you…have you ever seen the ‘It Gets Better’ videos?”

“No, I’ve never heard of that.”

“I think you should watch them. It’s all videos of LGBTQ adults talking about how life gets better for us. They tell their stories and some of them start just like yours. But now they are out and proud adults, with jobs and husbands, living happily in some big city. That could be you some day.”

“Thank you, Kurt. You’ve been way nicer than I deserve after what I put you through.”

“You’re welcome. Can I give you some free advice?”

Karofsky nodded.

“The biggest thing I’ve learned from what I’ve been through, is that you can survive almost anything if you have a support system. Even just one friend who knows who you are and accepts you can make all the difference. I think it would be great if you came out at school, but I get that you’re probably not ready for that. If you have even just one friend that you think would support you, I really encourage you to tell them. You know, the first person I actually came out to was my friend Mercedes.”

“I don’t think I have anyone like that.” _He looks so sad._

“Then the next time Blaine and I drive up to Dayton for a PFLAG meeting, we’re bringing you with us.”

“Would **he** really be okay with that? He doesn't seem to like me very much. Why does he think I’m going to beat you up?”

“Probably because that’s what his bullies did. I’ll talk to him. He’ll come around. He saw me at my lowest point when you were bullying me so you can understand if he’s a little slow to trust. But he trusts me and I trust you, so that will have to be enough for him.”

“Someone beat up Blaine? Who? I bet it was one of those fuckers on the hockey team. Give me their names.”

“While I’m touched by your readiness to inflict violence on his behalf, it’s not anyone who goes to McKinley. Besides, I thought you were reformed. Bullying a bully is still, in the end, bullying.” 

“Fine. Thanks for, uh, agreeing to talk to me. I totally lost it after my dad reacted like that and…it really helped talking to you. Ms. Pillsbury helped—thanks for that one too, man—but she hasn’t been through it like you have. I wish my dad was more like your dad.”

“Well, maybe they could talk sometime.”

“Huh? Yeah, maybe when he calms down. I should go before your pip-squeak boyfriend breaks down the door.”

“He’s not going to come around if you keep calling him names.”

“Fair enough.” David Karofsky smiled wanly at Kurt, but his eyes looked dull and sad. _I hope he’s going to be okay._

“Hey Dave? If things ever, uh, get bad…like really bad…I want you to call me. I’ll pick up and whatever is going on, you can talk to me about it. We even…we have an extra bedroom, if…if god forbid you don’t feel safe at home some day.”

“Thanks, Kurt. You’re…you’re a really good person, you know that?”

“Well, obviously someone with skin this fair has to be an angel,” he joked.

“Hah. You’re weird. But…like, in a cool way. Well, I’m going to take off. Goodbye, Kurt.”

—

Something within Kurt was changing. At first, it was hard to notice because Blaine had always inspired pretty strong emotions within him. Being with Blaine was always exciting whether they were watching movies with Finn and Rachel, arguing about who would win America’s Next Top Model, having soul-bearing conversations, or—more recently—stripping each other’s shirts off. His feelings of closeness to Blaine had grown steadily since their romance had began, but now not just the size but also the tenor of his feelings felt different. 

It was thrilling and overwhelming and Kurt wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. Sometimes he felt like they were merging into one person, like Blaine was becoming a part of him. Kurt had never felt so tied up in another person’s existence before, not even his parents. He had never cheered someone else’s successes or cried over someone else’s pain like this.

He had imagined the moment before, when he would realize that he was in love. It was something romantic and sweeping. The reality was that he was in Chemistry class when it happened.

Blaine was trying to help Kurt perfect his technique measuring liquids with the graduated cylinder. He usually just made Blaine do the measuring because his brain kind of tended to shut down when Blaine said the word “meniscus.”

“Come on, K-Kurt it’s really not that hard.” Blaine’s encouragement was gentle but firm.He bent over so that both boys were eye level with the top of the solution. Blaine put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and pointed. “See, r-r-right there. Just ignore the s-s-straight line.”

“I always ignore the straights,” Kurt joked.

Blaine rolled his eyes. “Very cute but I won’t l-l-let you di-distract me. It’s all about the curve. You j-just have to find where the very —bottom of the curve is.”

Kurt cocked his head to the side, concentrating carefully. It really did sound easy the way Blaine explained it. “So it’s…3.5 millimeters?”

_I hope that’s right._

Blaine jumped up and down and clapped. “I knew you c-c-could do it!”

_I feel like I can do anything when you’re around._

Kurt gave him a quick hug. Blaine was grinning from ear to ear with joyful pride, like Kurt had just scaled a large mountain or taught a puppy how to tap dance.

_I love him so much._

Kurt gasped quietly to himself. _I love him? Oh my god, I love him._

_I just have to find the perfect way to tell him._

—

Kurt thought about waiting until Valentine’s Day, but it seemed too cliche and he also didn’t want to wait that long. He still remembered the words that Blaine had read to him, about not wanting to make Kurt wait any longer to know how he felt. Kurt could still remember them perfectly, because he had begged Blaine to let him keep the note. 

It was in the drawer of his nightstand and every now and then Kurt would take it out and read it again. He remembered how completely happy he had been. He wanted to do something that would make Blaine feel at least that happy. 

It had to be romantic. It had to be grand. But it had to be soon. 

In the end, as he often did, he turned to his favorite person for inspiration: Blaine. 

**Kurt: Can you meet me in the auditorium at 3:30 instead of Lima Bean?**

**Blaine: Sure! Why?**

**Kurt: That would ruin all my fun.**

**Blaine: :P**

Kurt sat on the edge of the stage, legs dangling off the edge. Blaine waved to him from the back of the auditorium when he saw Kurt. He jogged down the aisle, stopping a few feet from Kurt.

“This looks familiar. Did I f-f-forget our anniversary or something?” he asked, eyes twinkling.

“No. But you don’t have a monopoly on singing about your feelings and I thought it was my turn to pull off a big romantic gesture.”

Blaine took a seat in the front row of the audience, looking up at Kurt with affection and curiosity.

Kurt hopped up off the stage and flipped on the sound equipment. He started his music and began to [sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQNedYPtsyM).

Golden leaves looked brown to me  
The world had less color without you  
Shapes in the sky looked plain to my eyes  
The world had less color without you

I know plenty of people with eyes closed  
They don't see you like I do  
Darling, I do

Notes on the keys meant nothing to me  
The world didn't sing without you  
Birds in the trees fell silent for me  
The world didn't sing without you, without you

I know plenty of people with eyes closed  
They don't see you like I do  
Darling, I do  
Darling, I do see you

Blaine jumped to his feet and applauded enthusiastically. He walked towards Kurt and pulled himself up onto the stage.

Kurt bit his lip nervously.

Blaine reached out to take his hands. “That was b-b-beautiful, Kurt. And…wow…you moved me. You always do, but that was…exceptional. Not that I’m complaining, but I’m…I feel a bit con-con-confused about why you d-did all of this.”

Blaine’s hands were warm in his, his questioning eyes looking up into Kurt’s.

“I realized something recently and I wanted to tell you about it. We both express ourselves better through song, so, hence…the serenade.”

“So what did you w-w-want to t-tell me?” Blaine asked.

“That I…I…I love you.” Kurt’s hands were shaking but he got it out.

Blaine’s eyes grew wide and then his smile lit up the entire auditorium. Kurt felt his hands drop as Blaine reached out to cup both of his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss. Blaine rested his forehead against Kurt’s and he could feel the warmth of his breath as he said, “I love you too.” 

_Amazing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed a chapter full of sweet moments. As the story continues to wrap-up, you should continue to see all of the major storylines have some kind of payoff/resolution. I think I have the important ones covered, but if there is a particular unanswered question or unresolved storyline on your mind, now would be the moment to drop it in a comment so I can consider writing it in. Only two chapters left!
> 
> ~~~  
> Music notes:
> 
> Brave by Sara Bareilles (as seen on Glee)  
> Darling I Do by Landon Pigg & Lucy Schwartz (as featured in Shrek Forever After)
> 
> ~~~  
> Other References:
> 
> The It Gets Better Project was founded in September 2010 by Dan Savage and his husband Terry Miller in response to suicides by gay teens who were being bullied. My story takes place in Season 2, which was 2010-2011 so it would have been a relatively new thing when Kurt shares it with Karofsky.
> 
> ~~~  
> Stuttering Corner: Easy Stuttering
> 
> The technique Blaine was using in this chapter is called "easy stuttering." It is not quite the same thing as intentional stuttering, which was featured earlier in the story. This is not just a desensitization exercise, but a strategy to be used in conversations. The idea is that stuttering is done intentionally and without muscle tension (which typically exists in organic stuttering). There are a few benefits to using Easy Stuttering. It can be used as a more informal way to disclose your stuttering by inserting it at the beginning of a conversation. It can also reduce anxiety about whether or not you stutter because you have already planned to stutter (being in the driver's seat is empowering, so the stuttering is not in control of you but rather you are in control of it). Finally, Easy Stuttering helps you speak with reduced tension. This can help achieve the goal of improving how quickly and clearly you can get through your message while not being as effortful or unnatural as ERASM.


	21. Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine goes to visit Nick at his new school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick formatting note, in order to indicate that Blaine is using the "easy stuttering" technique introduced in the previous chapter, the disfluencies will be put in italics. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**** On Saturday, Blaine woke up early to make the two hour drive to see Nick. He felt guilty about how few times they had hung out this year.He had been distracted with adjusting to his school and then there was the excitement of a new romance. They had texted and emailed, of course, but seeing Nick in person at Burt and Carole’s wedding had really driven home that Nick needed a friend right now.

So here he was, driving on the mostly empty highway at 8am, hoping to cheer up his forlorn pal. Kurt had insisted on lending Blaine his iPod full of carefully curated, themed playlists, telling him that there were five different road trip mixes to choose from. Blaine had laughed, reminding Kurt that he could handle a two hour trip without being fussed over, but he had accepted the iPod. He selected a playlist called ‘Road Trip-Upbeat,’ figuring it could only help keep him awake.

When Blaine pulled up to Nick’s school, he was immediately intimidated by the neo-Gothic stone architecture, replete with gargoyles on the gables. Nick was waiting for him on the front steps. He ran to greet Blaine once he spotted his car.

They hugged and Nick showed the way to his dorm. 

“Wow! This p-place is amazing!” Blaine couldn’t help but notice.

Nick just shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” 

The building was stunning, with beautiful Victorian wooden furniture and crystal chandeliers. He thought about Nick’s room at his house, with band posters on the walls and soccer cleats haphazardly thrown on the floor. _Not really Nick’s vibe, though, is it?_ Compared to Blaine’s family, Nick’s parents were pretty well-off but you’d never be able to tell by the way that Nick dressed or acted. He wore his sneakers until the soles fell off and he had a propensity for wearing t-shirts that he had acquired as a free giveaway. Nick in a blazer and slacks looked…wrong.

Nick’s room was on the fourth floor and Blaine was slightly out of breath by the time they made it up. Nick knocked on the door and a voice called out, “Enter.”

A boy their age with sandy blonde hair and aristocratic features held out his hand for Blaine to shake. “Pleasure to meet you, sir. The name is Yates.”

_Did a teenager just call me sir?_

“I’m, uh, uh —Blaine.”

“Yates is my roommate, obviously.” Nick explained. “Yates, this is my good friend from back home, Blaine. He’s, like, the best singer you’ve ever heard.”

“Fascinating. Do you have a record?” he asked.

“No, I j-just perform in, uh, uh Glee Club.” 

“How pedestrian,” he said with a sigh. 

_When Kurt says things are ‘pedestrian’ it’s witty and sharp; when this guy does it he just sounds like a dick._

“Well, Nicholas, I’m off to meet some of the gents to study for midterms in the commons. Charming to meet you, Blaine.” _No one calls him Nicholas. Not even his parents._

Yates picked up a briefcase and left.

“How do you st-st-stand that guy?” Blaine asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know! He’s awful, right? I mean who even names their kid Yates. It has to be the preppiest name in existence. But everyone here **loves** him. They all told me I was so lucky to have him as my roommate when I started. Do you understand now what I’m dealing with?” Nick threw himself back onto his bed, letting out a dramatic sigh of despair. 

“I c-c-can see why you haven’t come out to that guy, yikes! Do you th-think there’s anyone here who would be o-o-okay with it?”

Nick frowned thoughtfully. “It’s hard to tell because everyone is so formal. There’s a few guys I think might not care but it’s kind of hard to figure it out without coming out, you know?”

“Hmmm, mmmmaybe I should have brought K-Kurt and just gone all PDA while you m-m-monitored their reactions?”

“I know you’re joking but that idea is not half bad. Maybe next time!”

“Is there anything you **do** like about this p-place?” Blaine asked, trying to get Nick thinking about the positives.

“The food is pretty good. I’ve been thinking about trying out for the school play. The drama program here is supposed to be really good and I’ve always wanted to try acting.”

“You sh-should do it!” Blaine encouraged.

“Oh! You know what else they have? A karaoke machine! It’s in one of the common rooms in the dorm.”

“Now you’re talking!” Blaine said excitedly. 

—

One benefit to dorm life—Blaine quickly discovered—was that there were always a lot of people around who were looking for something to do. Even though Nick claimed he didn’t have any friends, he managed to gather up ten or so guys without much effort.

“C-Can I g-go first?” asked Blaine. He had the perfect song in mind that would send the right message to Nick.

“Yeah, man! It’s been too long since I’ve heard to dulcet tones of Blaine the Warbler. Cue it up!”

Blaine fiddled with the machine for a few minutes, excited that they had the song he wanted to sing. 

He felt strangely empowered as he stood before the room of blue-bloods who would thoroughly disapprove of him if they knew anything about him. They had no power over him here, though. This wasn’t his school and before the sun set tonight he would be driving home back into the arms of his loving boyfriend.

Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong   
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong   
I gotta be me, I've gotta be me   
What else can I be but what I am

I want to live, not merely survive   
And I won't give up this dream   
Of life that keeps me alive   
I gotta be me, I gotta be me   
The dream that I see makes me what I am

That far away prize, a world of success   
Is waiting for me if I heed the call   
I won't settle down, won't settle for less   
As long as there's a chance that I can have it all

I'll go it alone, that's how it must be   
I can't be right for somebody else   
If I'm not right for me   
I gotta be free, I've gotta be free   
Daring to try, to do it or die   
I've gotta be me

There was polite applause in the common room, besides Nick who was cheering loudly. About halfway through Blaine’s performance, Nick’s horrible roommate had wandered in. When Blaine handed over the microphone to the next boy, Yates clapped Blaine awkwardly on the back.

“Nick wasn’t kidding about you, young man. That’s quite a set of pipes. I bet you charm all the ladies back home.”

Blaine gave Nick a searching look, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to say anything that would make Nick’s life any more difficult. Nick sort of shrugged which Blaine interpreted as ‘go for it.’

“Well, I did… romance my boyfriend… by singing to him and that… worked out re-remarkably well.” Blaine crossed his arms in self-satisfaction. He was rather enjoying watching the gears turning in Yates’ Ivy-league bound brain.

“Boyfriend? But that would mean that you’re…” he didn't finish the sentence like it contained profanity.

“Gay? Yeah.” Blaine said stubbornly.

“How grim,” said Yates. 

_So that’s how the preppy kids do homophobia._

After all of the horrible names he had been called, Blaine couldn't help but laugh. “Grim? Is **that** really the worst you can do?”

Yates seemed confused by Blaine’s reaction. The more Blaine laughed, the more unsettled Yates looks.

“That would be undignified,” he finally replied. 

Blaine scoffed loudly. “Yes, your bigotry re-re-really shows that you’re a… cut above the rest.”

Nick looked less amused. “Dude, Blaine hasn’t done anything other than be perfectly polite to you. You can’t treat my friend like that.” Nick crossed his arms over his chest.

They were starting to draw attention from some of the other boys in the common room now, despite having not raised their voices. They could sense the tension in the air like sharks smell chum in the water.

“Well, Nicholas, just don’t let your vile friend touch any of my things.”

_Does he think I have gay cooties?_ Blaine had an inexplicable desire to sneak back to Nick’s dorm room and lick Yates’ pillowcase just to spite him. 

“I think your —backwards a-a-attitude is v-v-v-vile,” Blaine snapped back. He was usually terrible at backtalk because it was all about timing but this wasn't half bad.

Yates gasped, as did several of their audience members. _So much for not stirring up trouble._

Someone stepped forward. He was tall with broad shoulders. “Come now Yates, my man, didn’t your mother teach you to be a gentleman? Are you going to tell me I should go back to Africa next?” 

“No, David, of course not. I’m not uncivilized.”

“Hmm, it’s getting awfully hard to tell,” he said haughtily. 

“I think I’ll be on my way, then,” declared Yates.

The tall boy stepped forward and reached out his hand, “I’m David. Sorry about my friend there, well he’s not really my friend, he’s a bit of an ass if I’m honest. Our mothers play bridge together but, well family allegiance only goes so far. I’m mortified he would treat a guest of this fine institution so disrespectfully. We’re not all as close-minded as that excuse for a human being.”

Blaine shook it, eager to express his gratitude. Nick looked rather awestruck as he shook David’s hand next.

“This is Blaine. I’m Nick, and **that** unfortunately was my roommate.”

“That really is quite unfortunate, Nick. You know, I've had a room to myself since my former roommate didn’t return for second semester rather unexpectedly. Perhaps you could use a change of scenery?” David’s eye glinted as he smiled widely at them.

“I…dude…that would be amazing! Do you really not care that Blaine’s gay? Like at all?”

“It really doesn't seem like any of my business.” 

Nick lowered his voice to a whisper. “What about me? What if I were gay?”

“Then I would finally have the perfect excuse not to invite that foul Yates chap over for tea, wouldn't I? That sounds like a delightful added bonus, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh shit, man, you really want to be my roommate? I can be kind of messy but I swear I’ll keep it on my side of the room and…oh, god, please don’t change your mind.”

“I think you and I will get along just fine,” he said with a friendly wink.

—

Blaine sang along to Kurt’s playlist the whole way home, feeling uplifted. He felt better knowing that Nick had at least one ally in his gilded cage. And knowing that he had helped forge the alliance assuaged his guilt about not being there for Nick as much as he should have.

On Sunday, Blaine went over to Kurt’s house for brunch. Sometimes Blaine’s parents would cook up eggs and bacon or waffles on the weekends, but Kurt elevated brunch to something entirely beyond. There were little dishes of berries to garnish his pancakes, not to mention the special syrup that Kurt had apparently had shipped in from Michigan.

“Oh, that’s heavenly!” groaned Blaine as he bit into the fluffy pancake. 

Kurt preened under his praise so Blaine continued. “If I hadn’t already, these —pancakes would have made be f-fall in love with you,” Blaine declared. 

“Love?”

_When did Burt walk in?_ Blaine looked up and sure enough, there was Kurt’s dad standing at the door to the kitchen, arms folded across his chest, with a glint of amusement in his eye.

“Wh—I—um…” Blaine was too embarrassed to put together anything coherent.

Burt just nodded and smiled at Blaine. “Good,” was all he said. Then he walked past a gobsmacked Blaine and began to fill a plate with pancakes. Blaine looked over at Kurt, whose eyes were just as wide as his own.

Burt drowned his pancakes in syrup and then carried his plate out into the dining room. As soon as he left, Kurt and Blaine erupted into a fit of giggles.

“I can’t believe he heard that!” Kurt squeaked out.

“At least he approves?” said Blaine.

“Yeah, well he likes you. Now he knows you have good intentions,” Kurt explained.

“I a-a-always had good intentions,” Blaine grumbled.

“Well **I** know that, but he can be a little protective.”

Blaine planted a sticky, syrupy kiss on Kurt’s lips. “I love you.”

—

**Blaine: So how is the new roommate working out?**

**Nick: About a thousand times better than the last one. Thanks again for hooking me up.**

**Blaine: Anything in the name of friendship :)**

**Nick: Yeah. You’re a good dude, Blaine.**

**Blaine: So did you sign up to audition for the play yet?**

**Nick: No. Fucking Yates has already signed up and I just can’t deal with him. David is trying to convince me to join the debate team. We’ll see.**

**Blaine: You should get a pass to come visit again soon! Kurt and I will be your Lima bodyguards while we visit all your favorite spots. Breadstix has this great special right now that you simply have to try.**

**Nick: Don’t hold your breath. Someone got caught making hotel reservations to meet a girl on Valentine’s Day and now they’re putting a hold on passes while they reevaluate their system or some bullshit.**

**Blaine: So no one can leave? That’s insane! For how long?**

**Nick: They didn’t say. So I’m stuck in the asylum for a while.**

**Blaine: Don’t piss off Nurse Ratched.**

**Nick: HAH**

—

“So I have an idea for a Valentine’s Day date, but you have to tell me if you think it’s lame. Don’t just say yes because I suggested it,” Kurt insisted nervously.

Blaine raised a questioning eyebrow at him. “Ok-kay. As long as it doesn’t involve a murder-suicide pact I’m probably game.”

“You really need to stop watching reruns of 'True Crimes’. It’s warping your sense of reality,” Kurt chastised him.

“So wh-what is this date idea?” Blaine prompted, ignoring the dig at his late night TV choices.

Kurt shyly handed him a flyer. In colorful letters at the top it said, _“Back to the 80s!”_

“Oh my god…is this r-r-r-roller disco?” Blaine gasped in excitement.

“Yeah, I know most people think it's lame but I know how much you like 80s music and it would be something different, so…I don't know, it sounded like it might be fun. Only if you want to, though, I mean we can just do dinner or see a movie.” Kurt was starting to ramble, which he tended to do when he was feeling self-conscious. Blaine found it adorable.

“We **have** to go! This is g-g-going to be so much fun!”

“Really? Okay, then I’ll get us tickets. Ooh, do you want to wear 80s workout clothes too so we can embrace the theme?”

“Have you m-met me? Of **course** I w-w-want to dress up!” 

Blaine couldn’t help put lean over and press sweet kisses onto Kurt’s lips. _I wonder what he looks like in spandex._

—

**Nick: Dude, I need to talk to you.**

**Blaine: Sure, what’s going on?**

**Nick: I can’t do this over text. It’s too important.**

**Blaine: Are you okay??**

**Nick: Yeah, like physically. I just…I really need to talk to you. Like face to face or over the phone.**

**Blaine: I was just there last week! You couldn’t tell me then?**

**Nick: I know, I’m sorry!**

**Blaine: You know I don’t do phone calls.**

**Nick: Yeah, I get it man. But that was a lot easier to deal with when I saw you everyday at school.**

**Blaine: Well, can you get an off-campus pass to come to Lima this weekend?**

**Nick: No. We’re still on lockdown.**

**Nick: There is really no way that you can call me? You don’t even need to say much I just need you to listen.**

**Blaine: Let me look into it.**

**Nick: THANK YOU**

Blaine regretted the offer almost as soon as he had made it. _I’ll look into it. What does that even mean?_ He glared at his phone before putting it into his pocket.

—

In the end, Blaine asked the only person he could ask: Ms. Shine.

“Can you h-help me get b-better at talking on the phone?” Blaine asked during his weekly speech session.

“Absolutely. So what is it like right now when you talk on the phone?” she asked.

“I don’t,” he admitted.

“Ever?”

“I m-m-mean I have, ever, but not in, uh, uh, yyears.” He felt a warm wave of shame wash over him. 

“So you’ve been doing some serious situational avoidance, there huh?”

“Uh, b-basically.” 

“Did we ever do a fear hierarchy the first time around? It’s this exercise where you rank situations from most comfortable to least comfortable to speak in.”

“Sssounds familiar.”

“I wish I had kept it. It would have been neat for us to see what you picked. Ah well, it’s certainly changed anyways. I think that would be a good place to start.”

Blaine examined the worksheet; it was basically just a ladder printed on a piece of paper. Towards the bottom were the people he felt most comfortable talking with: his parents, his brother, Kurt, close friends, and Ms. Shine. As he got higher up the list, he added harder situations like introducing himself (and the inevitable risk of stuttering on his own name), ordering in restaurants, public speaking. Just above that went ‘emotional conversations’ and right on top was phone calls.

They reviewed the strategies that Blaine was already using to navigate some of the tougher situations at the middle of the list. He confessed the many ways that he avoided or manipulated situations to ease the burden of talking. 

At restaurants, there was always the trick of holding up the menu and pointing to the item he wanted. Fast food was harder, because there usually wasn’t a paper menu and the line of people behind him added undue pressure to order expediently. He usually looked up the menu ahead of time so he could have his order ready in his head before he even arrived. Without going into details, he shared how sometimes he used writing to communicate during emotionally charged conversations, proudly telling her that he had stuck up for a friend verbally against a bully recently.

Then they got to the crux of the matter, the dreaded phone call. 

"Tell me why you stopped using the phone, Blaine.”

“I was a-a-always interrupting or being interrupted. I’d have to re-repeat myself be-because they didn’t hear me. But the, um, the-the worst was when I would b-block and they would ju-just hang up thinking there was nnno one on the line.”

It wasn’t like there was an exact moment he had sworn off using the telephone. But after one of those humiliating incidents of being hung up on, the next time he thought about calling someone he stalled. He kept putting it off, saying he would try again later when it felt less scary, and before he knew it years had gone by.

“Blaine, I think there are a lot of things we can do to help you stop avoiding the phone,” Ms. Shine declared confidently.

“Really?”

“Absolutely! As long as you’re willing to put in some hard work, which I know you are, then I am confident that this is something we can make progress on. So, the first thing I'm going to have you do is watch me make a phone call. I want you to tally my disfluencies just like I've done for you.” She tossed him a booklet of post-its and a pen.

_But she doesn't stutter._

“I've been meaning to ask for a day off to attend my sister’s wedding but I keep putting it off. I’m actually not the biggest fan of talking on the phone myself, but I’ve got to be a good role model for my students right, so here goes!”

“Oh, uh, hi…yes, can I, uh, speak to Mr. Barkley please? Oh, well if he’s in a-a meeting, then I’ll just, uh, I guess I’ll—I’ll just call back later. Thank you!” Ms. Shine hung up the phone and turned back to Blaine. “So, count ‘em up. How many disfluencies did I have?”

“I think…s-six?” Blaine said tentatively. The number seemed high for such a brief interaction.

“Sounds about right,” Ms. Shine answered with a shrug. “The point I wanted to get across to you is that most people are less fluent on the phone. As someone who stutters, it is easy to get into this mindset that everyone else around you has perfect fluency.”

Blaine felt an unexpected wave of relief. Talking on the phone still seemed impossibly daunting but it did take a little bit of the pressure off.

“Thanks, I think that, uh, helped.”

“Good! Alright, some other ideas are to plan out what you are going to say in advance if possible. It will be easier if you are the one making the phone call rather than receiving it, because it takes out the element of surprise.”

Blaine grabbed a fresh post-it note and started jotting down notes. These were good ideas.

“As you know, your fluency naturally ebbs and flows from day to day. It’s not cheating to take advantage of a day when you’re feeling particularly fluent and try out the phone on that day. I know it’s still a new technique for you, but that easy stuttering we have been doing is great for the phone. It’s all about communicating your message rather than doing it fluently. But really the best thing is going to be practice, practice, practice. You need to desensitize yourself to the phone. After avoiding it for so long, you've probably built it up into this big scary monster in your head. Start with the people you feel most comfortable with. Heck, you can call my office phone from your cell and we can start in here if you want.”

“We can? I w-want to do that.” 

“No time like the present. I’ll write down the number with my extension that takes you right through to this office so you don't have to speak with the secretary. Now, your goal is to start with a greeting and state who is calling, ask me…what my favorite color is, and then say goodbye. You can write that down if you want to use notes.”

Blaine felt a wave of anxiety as the realization hit him that he was actually about to do this. He took a deep breath. He pulled out his cell phone and opened up the keypad. With trembling fingers, he typed in the numbers Ms. Shine had written down for him. 

He held the phone up to his ear and then the phone on her desk began to ring.

“Ready?” she asked.

_No! Come on, Blaine, courage._ Blaine nodded.

She picked up, “Hello?”

—

Blaine was exuberant when he went over to Kurt’s house after school. The practice call with Ms. Shine had been uncomfortable and extremely contrived but it didn't matter because he had **done** it.

“What are you so excited about?” Kurt asked, looking amused.

“I t-t-talked on the phone today!” Blaine almost whispered, like it was a secret he wasn't supposed to tell.

“Shut up! You did? With who? That’s amazing!”

He loved that Kurt understood what a big deal this was. Even though the other Glee kids who knew about his stuttering, he could just picture their blank looks if he had tried to share his news with any of them. 

“Just Ms. Shine so far, b-but it was a start!”

Kurt drew Blaine into a warm embrace, squeezing him tightly.

“I’m so proud of you, Blaine! How long had it been since you spoke on the phone before this?”

Blaine had to think about it. “Th-three or four years, I think.”

Kurt slung his arms around Blaine’s neck and smacked a wet kiss onto his cheek. “You did it!”

_I did._

“Will you, uh, p-p-practice with me?” he asked nervously. _God, other teenagers are arguing about who is going to hang up first and I’m asking my boyfriend to have practice phone calls with me. This is so not sexy._

“Are you kidding? Of course I will. I would be so honored if you felt comfortable enough with me to try talking on the phone.”

Kurt looked at him with those big blue eyes, so sincere and affectionate, and suddenly he couldn’t worry about what other people did because this was **his** relationship and they got to make their own rules.

“You are the world’s b-best boyfriend.”

“I know,” said Kurt coquettishly. 

“Oh, I want to shshshow you something.” Blaine rifled through his backpack and pulled out the red folder he kept his assignments from Ms. Shine in. He pulled out the fear hierarchy and handed it to Kurt.

He pointed to show Kurt how close his name was to the bottom. “I t-t-told you that you are my safe pl-place."

—

So Blaine practiced. He practiced in speech therapy, he practiced with Kurt and his parents. At first he called them from the same room but slowly he worked his way up to calling from another room in the house.

Kurt suggested that he try video chatting, which turned out to be quite a revelation for Blaine. It was so much easier to work out the timing of whose turn it was to talk when he could **see** them and they could see him. 

“When I talk to you in person, I can always see when you’re blocking because your mouth looks like you’re talking even if no sound comes out. But on the phone, I realized it's a lot harder without being able to see those clues,” Kurt had explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He was ready.

So he picked a day when his fluency had been pretty good and he was feeling relaxed. He found a comfortable position to sit in on his bed and opened up the video chat application on his cell phone. He pulled up Nick’s name from his contacts and hit ‘call.’ 

_You can do this Blaine. It’s Nick. You trust Nick. Nick even knows about your stutter. He won’t care if you stutter on the phone. He said it was important._

“Hey, Blaine!”

Nick’s face, slightly grainy, appeared on his phone. Blaine used the line he had practiced in the mirror with his easy stuttering strategy.

“Hi, _N-N-N-N_ ick. So what _did-did-_ did you want to _t-t-_ talk about?”

Blaine noticed that Nick was looking down. _He’s nervous._ “Oh, god, okay so I don’t really know how to tell you this but you deserve to know. You’ve been such a mentor and a role model and just all around such a supportive friend and in return I’ve been a piece of shit.”

_What the hell is he talking about?_

“All it took was one visit from you to finally turn things around at school. It still sucks but now David and I can complain about how much it sucks together. Even just being out to one person there has been such a relief and all of that is thanks to you. You’ve been so good to me, so I just can't take it anymore, Blaine. You don’t deserve to have a friend this bad.”

Blaine’s heart was starting to pound. _So much for relaxed._

“Nick, y-y-y-y-y-you’re freaking me —out!”

“I lied to you. I lied to everyone. I’m so sorry, Blaine! I didn’t do it to hurt you I was just so scared.”

“S-s-scared of what?” Blaine’s heart was pounding so loud he could hear it in his ears.

“Those monsters who attacked us, man. Of what would happen if I told. So I lied. I said I didn’t see their faces. But I did. I know who did it.”

Blaine dropped the phone in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I just couldn't resist a good old-fashioned cliffhanger. Tell me if you ever thought we would pick this loose thread back up! Because unlike many things, I had this planned from the beginning. As always, please leave comments. I actually don't have a full draft for the next chapter yet so I could use a little creative fuel and reading your comments always motivates me to want to write!
> 
> For the final chapter, don't worry you will definitely get to hear from Blaine again. I'm thinking of breaking form, actually, and writing a section from each perspective. 
> 
> I'm proud of myself to sticking to alternating POVs each chapter but I'm not sure I'll ever do it again because it was HARD. I think that's why the chapters started getting so long is because I knew I couldn't just pick things up where I had left off in the next chapter. I didn't want to leave storylines hanging open that wouldn't be resolved until two chapters later otherwise the story would have started to just feel like two different stories that were alternating. I'm curious if anyone has any feedback on how the alternating POVs affected the reader's experience of the story.
> 
> As far as future endeavors, new story ideas keep rattling around in my head and I finally sat down and wrote about 2K words for one of them. I may have written a scene where Kurt and Blaine first meet because they get thrown into the same dumpster at school, because who doesn't love a meet-cute? ;) It's a bit of badboy!Blaine fic, but with my own twist based on my background in special ed (like you've seen in this story). I really do love writing the slow reveal as one character figures out what is actually going on with another character. Who knows if I'll actually write it or when, but hopefully someday. 
> 
> ~~~  
> Media References:
> 
> Nurse Ratched is the fictional head nurse of a psychiatric institution in the book (later adapted into a film) 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.' She is portrayed as a villain who rules the ward with an iron fist, manipulating patients to feed her information and cruelly punishing anyone who gets out of line. 
> 
> True Crimes-a documentary true crime television show from the early 90s, which I haven't actually seen (I heard it referenced somewhere). It was hard to find much information about it.
> 
> I Gotta Be Me by Sammy Davis Jr. (as featured on Glee, performed by Finn)  
> ~~~  
> Stuttering Corner:
> 
> Creating a "fear hierarchy" is a real activity I've used with students. The version I used came from an amazing book called "The School-Aged Child Who Stutters: Working Effectively with Attitudes and Emotions, a workbook" by Kristin Chmela M.A. and Nina Reardon M.S. It is a useful exercise in and of itself but it can also be used to systematically approach having a student try using a certain technique in new environments starting with the easiest and working their way up to the hardest. That's basically what Blaine is doing with the phone calls. He practices first with the people lowest on his fear hierarchy before working his way up to the phone call with Nick (which is probably higher up because he also suspects it will be an emotional conversation).
> 
> As for phone calls, they are often high on the fear hierarchy for people who stutter. They are likely to be difficult for people with a wide range of communication disorders. There are many reasons for this, most of which I outlined in the chapter. Talking on the phone is just a much less rich communication context. You strip out all of the visual information (facial expressions, gestures, the shape of the lips which your brain uses to interpret what sound is being heard) and on top of that the sound quality is worse that IRL, which can contribute to miscommunications. For more information on phone calls for people who stutter, see: https://www.stutteringhelp.org/using-telephone


	22. Express Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine expresses himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The final chapter! I want to thank each and every person who ever stopped to write a comment. They made this such a joyful process to me and this chapter is dedicated to you.
> 
> There will be a POV switch mid-chapter, for the first time in this story.  
> I also encourage you to listen along with the songs using the links I've provided if you haven't heard them before.
> 
> **You can now listen along to all the songs on Spotify where I have created a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6Ix9SXV7zTCdt6XRtQf54c) with all the songs featured in this story.**

“Hello?”

“Hello Ms. Hudson, may I speak to Kurt please?” 

Kurt let out a sigh. Being mistaken for Carole on the phone was only a minor improvement from being mistaken for his dead mother. 

“This **is** Kurt.” 

“Oh, right, of course! My mistake, I shouldn’t have assumed. This is, um, Patrick Anderson…Blaine’s father.”

Kurt felt his pulse quicken and time slow down around him. Unbidden, his mind was flooded with images of Blaine. Blaine in the hospital covered in tubes and needles. Blaine bleeding and broken on the side of the road. Blaine missing and his father pacing the house desperately calling Kurt in the hopes that he knows where to find his son.

_I told him I was afraid of this phone call too. Oh god, oh god, please be okay Blaine, please be okay._

“Mr. Anderson? What’s going on?”

“Blaine’s not hurt,” he started, clearly hearing the panic in Kurt’s voice. Kurt let out the breath he had been holding. “His mother found him a complete wreck in his room when she arrived home from work. He just keeps crying and asking for you. He won’t talk to us.”

“I’ll be right there. I’m going to hand you to my dad so you can explain to him why I’m about to break curfew.”

“Thank you, Kurt.”

Kurt handed the phone to his stunned dad and grabbed his keys and coat.

—

Kurt had seen Blaine cry before, but never like this. He had seen misty eyes, a single tear or two rolling down a sad cheek. But this…this was ugly crying. It was loud and wet and messy. Blaine’s face was a horrible blotchy red, his features screwed up in a pained expression, and he took loud gasping breaths in between blowing his nose. It was the kind of crying you only let people you really trust see.

Seeing Blaine like this was heartbreaking.

When Blaine noticed him, he just held out his arms wordlessly towards Kurt. 

Kurt sat on the bed behind Blaine with his legs straddled open on either side of him, pulling Blaine in towards his chest and cradling him in his arms. He wasn’t sure what to do, but he knew that he always felt a deep wave of safety and comfort when Blaine hugged him. So he tried to wrap himself around Blaine in as many ways as he could, like a warm safe cocoon.

Kurt remembered laying in bed when he was sick or couldn't sleep as a child. His mom would always sing to him. She usually sang him old folk songs and they were like a balm on his soul.

So Kurt began to sing the first song that popped into his head. “Inch by inch, row by row, gonna make this garden grow, gonna mulch it deep and low, gonna make it fertile ground.” Blaine’s body began to shake in his arms. At first he thought it was a new wave of racking sobs but then he realized that Blaine was laughing.

“Are you seriously s-s-singing the gar-garden song right now?” They were the first words that Blaine had spoken to him. _I guess laughing is better than crying._

“I…I guess I am,” Kurt said starting to laugh too as it struck him how ridiculous it was to be singing this song to a crying teenager. His mom had sung him this song when he was five.

“Pl-please…don’t st—keep going,” Blaine requested shyly.

So Kurt kept singing and as he did, he felt the tightly wound body in his arms begin to slowly loosen. When the song finished, he immediately launched into the [next song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mU8gDKN5sE) this time trying to pick something with a stronger message.

There's a land that I see where the children are free  
And I say it ain't far to this land from where we are  
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free  
Come with me, take my hand, and we'll live

In a land where the river runs free  
In a land through the green country  
In a land to a shining sea  
And you and me are free to be you and me

I see a land bright and clear, and the time's comin' near  
When we'll live in this land, you and me, hand in hand  
Take my hand, come along, lend your voice to my song  
Come along, take my hand, sing a song

For a land where the river runs free  
For a land through the green country  
For a land to a shining sea  
For a land where the horses run free  
And you and me are free to be you and me

Every boy in this land grows to be his own man  
In this land, every girl grows to be her own woman  
Take my hand, come with me where the children are free  
Come with me, take my hand, and we'll run

To a land where the river runs free  
To a land through the green country  
To a land to a shining sea  
To a land where the horses run free  
To a land where the children are free

And you and me are free to be you and me

When Kurt finished the song he was the one with tears in his eyes. Looking down at Blaine, he realized that Blaine had actually fallen asleep. It was a relief to see Blaine finally relaxed and peaceful. Kurt felt strangely powerful, knowing that he had been the one to bring that calm to the hurt boy in front of him.

As a child, Kurt had thought the song sounded pretty. The place the song described sounded nice, with green grass and horses running around. As a teenager, he found himself becoming emotional. You and me are free to be you and me; that was a place he would run to even without the trappings of a pastoral paradise. 

It felt like he was going there, hand in hand with Blaine, except their speed was limited by the speed of time. He could feel it coming, a better world where he never had to look over his shoulder before taking Blaine’s hand in public, where they could get married someday if they wanted to. He knew it would get better but he wanted it to **be** better now.

After a few minutes, Kurt started to wonder what he should **do** with the sleeping Blaine curled up in his arms. He knew that they couldn’t stay like this all night but he was reluctant to move Blaine into a different position, lest he have to wake up and lose the feeling of peace he had finally found. So he sat, gently running his fingers through the hair at the base of Blaine’s neck.

There was a gentle knock on the door and it opened to reveal Blaine’s mom. 

“I sang to him and he fell asleep,” Kurt whispered. “What should I do now?”

“Oh, dear! Um, let me help you get him into bed.” Gently, she lifted her son and shifted him off of Kurt’s lap. Kurt was just turning to leave Blaine’s bedroom when he heard his name.

“Kurt?” asked a sleepy, confused voice.

“Oh no, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Kurt sat on the edge of the bed and stroked Blaine’s hair.

“Stay.”

“Um…I don’t…I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to but…you know I’m not allowed…”

“Stay,” he repeated.

Kurt looked helplessly towards his boyfriend’s mom. She pursed her lips and then said, “I think just this once we can make an exception. Let me give Burt a call and explain. Blaine keeps pajamas in the bottom drawer of his dresser and there should be an extra toothbrush in the top drawer of the bathroom.”

“I…I guess I’m staying,” Kurt said in disbelief to Blaine. Blaine hummed happily in response.

—

Warm shafts of sunlight woke Kurt. They were brighter than usual but even so it took him a minute to realize he wasn’t in his own bedroom. He started to move only to discover that an arm, heavy with sleep, was wrapped around his torso and he suddenly remembered that he had spent the night at Blaine’s house.

_I’m in Blaine’s bed!_ Kurt had been on top of Blaine’s bed plenty of times before but there was something fundamentally different about being **in** it, with Blaine’s soft sheets against his skin and Blaine himself pressed against his back.

Kurt let out a sigh of contentedness. Everything felt warm and everything smelled like Blaine from the pillowcase to the shirt he was wearing. He lay there, soaking it all in until the arm wrapped around him suddenly came to life and squeezed him gently, pulling him even closer to Blaine’s chest.

“Good morning,” Blaine whispered into his ear.

“Mmm, good morning. This is nice.”

“Thank you. For…c-c-coming, for not making me t-talk, and then for staying.”

“You’re welcome.” Kurt rolled over so he could face Blaine. He had dark circles under his eyes from too much crying, but his eyes sparkled at Kurt. He seemed much better than he had last night.

“You sang to me,” Blaine said, voice heavy with emotion.

“Well, I love you and you were sad, so…hence the singing.”

“I love you t-too.”

They lay there in silence for a while. Blaine’s hair gel had worn off and Kurt reached for the fluffy curls on his head, working through the tangles with his fingers.

“Are you ready to tell me what happened?” Kurt asked, finally breaking the silence.

Blaine’s face twisted into a grimace, but he nodded.

“It was, uh, uh N-N-Nick. He c-c-called—well I c-called him, and he t-t-t-told me something…that he-he-he-he knew and he—K-Kurt he lied to me! He’s been lying since lllast year.”

Kurt’s mind was racing, trying to untangle the web of Blaine’s story. _Since last year. What happened last year? What could Nick have lied about that would have Blaine this hurt? Last year…_

“Do you mean—did he lie to you about the attack? Is that it?”

Blaine nodded, eyes beginning to water. “He knew! He knew the-the-the-the whole time and he ne-never t-t-t-told me! He **saw** them, Kurt. He saw their faces. He knows.” Blaine’s voice was angry and pleading as he worked his way through his words until it was finally clear to Kurt what had happened the night before.

_That’s awful that Nick lied. Why isn’t Blaine at least a little bit excited? I mean he finally knows! He can finally do something about it!_

Kurt felt guilty for being excited that maybe Blaine’s attackers might finally face justice. He examined Blaine. Blaine wasn’t falling apart like he had been last night, but he still looked miserable. This morning there was an undercurrent of anger as well. _He just needs someone to listen to him right now._

“Wow, that’s a big thing to find out. How are you feeling about it?

“I—I had to l-l-leave all my friends be-be-behind because of **him**. I had to fffeel scared that someone was hiding in the shadows all-all summer be-be-because I didn’t even know who to be afraid **of**. He could have —prevented all of that. Kurt he…he —betrayed me.” 

“He broke your trust. You have every right to be angry and hurt. You had every right to know the truth about something that happened to you. Those bullies stole your memories away and he could have given them back to you, but he didn’t. Just let it all out, I’ve got you.”

The sleeve of Kurt’s shirt—well it was Blaine’s shirt really, but Kurt was wearing it—became damp with tears. Kurt reached for the box of tissues and handed a few to Blaine, figuring that the nose blowing was soon to follow. Blaine uttered a watery “thanks” as he gratefully accepted them. 

This time it was just a few minutes before Blaine’s breathing calmed and the erratic rise and fall of his chest eased into a slow, even rhythm. 

“I also…it just…I try not to-to-to think about it, you know. But…it just…it brought it all b-b-b-back. I kept…re-re-remembering things, playing them over in my head. That’s why…I just c-c-couldn’t talk. But when you sssang, it made the mem-mem-memories stop.”

“No wonder you were in such a state when I found you. I feel awful that you had to think about all of that again. You know…that first day when I was too scared to go back to school after Karofsky…well, you know, anyways, that first day I felt like my brain was stuck in this awful loop, just playing the tape over and over again of what happened. The only thing that helped was watching musicals.”

“Music really is the best m-medicine,” Blaine said with a smile. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine and pulled him close. 

“Have I mentioned recently just how much I love you?” Kurt said softly.

“Not in the last five minutes, so cl-cl-clearly I need to hear it again. I c-c-could never tire of hearing it. God, Kurt, I love you too, so so much.” Blaine squeezed him as he said it and Kurt felt his whole chest flood with warmth. “K-Kurt…before I met you I wanted to run away but now…you g-g-give me the courage to st-stay, to want to m-m-make it better where we are. And at the same time, when it’s just-just-just the two of us, it feels like we already made it because when it’s just you and me, we really are free to be you and me.”

“Now who’s the sappy one,” Kurt sassed, but it had no bite when silent tears were streaming down his face. Blaine kissed away his tears sweetly. He licked his lips and then pouted.

“Oh no, I’m su-su-supposed to be cutting back on sodium.”

“Well, if you’re cracking sarcastic jokes then you really must be feeling better. So, I have to ask…who was it? You waited for months to find out and you still haven’t told me their names. I mean I get that I don’t know them but I still want to know!”

Blaine burst into laughter. “You’re g-g-going to think I’m cr-cr-crazy.”

“Well you’re already laughing like a crazy person so your reputation is not exactly intact on that front. Come on! I was patient all last night, not knowing anything about why my boyfriend was sobbing into his pillow. You have to tell me!”

“I don’t know!” Blaine cried out, following by more laughter. “I dr-dropped the phone b-b-before he could tell me!” 

Kurt just shook his head at Blaine as he continued to cackle.

“So you should probably call him back at some point.”

That finally stopped Blaine’s absurd, maniacal laughter. “But…I’m still so m-m-mad.”

“Well, sure, but don’t you want to know? Isn’t that why you’re mad in the first place?”

“I su-su-suppose. I mean, yeah, I definitely want to know.”

“So then you should call him. I’m not saying you have to stop being mad, but sweetheart I hope you will at least allow him the opportunity to explain and apologize.”

“Fine,” Blaine grumbled.

“Can I admit something unflattering about myself to you?” Kurt asked with trepidation.

Blaine’s eyebrows scrunched together as he said earnestly, “Always. Anything.” 

“I would have been scared too. If I had been in Nick’s position, I think I would have been terrified. I’m not saying that he did the right thing, but I can understand the urge to just pretend that nothing happened, to hide away. It’s not so different from what I did when I was bullied. I hope you can find a way to forgive him, when you’re ready.”

Blaine’s eyes softened. “I hadn’t…I guess he w-w-was that scared, huh? You were scared about re-re-reporting Karofsky and they almost didn’t do anything about that. Who knows what those m-monsters would have done if they knew we reported them and it didn’t stick?”

“What **would** you have done? If you had found out right when it happened?”

Blaine shrugged. “I don’t…I don’t know. My dad…he would have—I think my dad would have m-m-made me tell the po-po-police.”

“I hope they would have listened.”

“It would have been Nick’s wwword against theirs. They might have go-gotten away without going to jail. I hope they would have been ex-ex-expelled though. Then I—Kurt we never would have met.” 

Kurt and Blaine both grew silent at that realization. It was jarring to think that one small decision had altered the course of both their lives in such deep and important ways. If he had never met Blaine…he shuddered just considering it. Kurt pulled Blaine’s warm body closer, as if to remind himself that it hadn’t all been a dream. He didn’t want to imagine a universe where he and Blaine weren’t in love.

“I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through this year without you, Blaine. I’d probably still be hiding at home, watching ‘A Chorus Line’ and eating too much ice cream. Blaine I wish that you hadn’t been lied to. Better yet, I wish that you had never been attacked in the first place. But…I can’t wish that we had never met.”

“Me neither. Is this one of those every-everything ha-happens for a reason things?”

“You know I don’t believe in God. And I don’t really believe in fate either. But I do believe in us. So I guess I believe that we were meant to find each other.” 

Blaine smiled warmly at Kurt, his eyes shining brightly. “Me too.”

Then Blaine’s warm hands were on his face pulling him closer. Blaine’s mouth felt warm and perfect; Kurt felt his heart race as they kissed. Their bodies pressed together, still under the covers and Kurt felt heady with love and desire. His hands found the hem of Blaine’s sleep shirt and he slowly peeled it off over Blaine’s head. Blaine grinned at him before reaching for Kurt’s shirt. Kurt loved how much closer he felt to Blaine when they were like this, he loved the intimacy of skin pressed against skin. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Blaine whispered in awe. Kurt blushed furiously. Blaine had said those words before but always when Kurt was dressed, when the only thing he could be calling beautiful was his face. Kurt could accept that he had a pretty face. But now Blaine was talking about his body, saying it was beautiful, and Kurt scoffed. 

“You’re sweet but I’m really not,” Kurt muttered, suddenly feeling shy and hiding his exposed torso under the sheet. _Blaine loves me so he wants me to feel good but he doesn’t really mean that._

Blaine’s hands reached for his face, forcing eye contact. “Hey! Kurt?” his eyebrows were all scrunched up in concern. “You n-n-need to see it in my eyes how much I mean this when I say it. You are the most —beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Your per-personality is beautiful. Your face is beautiful. And, yes, your body is beautiful. I d-d-d-didn’t want to be crude before, but to be honest beautiful hardly c-covers it. You, sir, are sexy as hell.”

“Oh…I…oh wow. I think I should mention again how much I love you.”

“Always.”

—

*knock knock*

“Hello? Can I help you with something young man? Are you a friend of Rick’s?”

Blaine almost laughed out loud at the thought. “My n-name is —Blaine Anderson. This is Nick Duval. We used to g-g-go to school with Rick. Is he at home? We would like to s-s-speak with him.”

“Oh, sure! I think he’s playing video games in his room. Please come in, make yourselves comfortable in the den. I’ll let him know that you’re here.”

Blaine and Nick followed her down a short hallway and down a few steps. They sat down on a worn leather sofa and waited.

Then he was there. Rick Holtz. Blaine and Rick had gone to school together since junior high. They had even been on the same park district soccer team for a year. Blaine’s low center of gravity had been an asset in soccer and he remembered Rick clapping him on the back after a game and praising his performance.

He also remembered twirling an umbrella in the school courtyard. He remembered having the microphone pulled out of his hands. He remembered the humiliation and fear as Rick’s voice was amplified when he announced, “This song is fucking gay!”

Of course it was him.

“What are you doing in my house?” Rick asked quietly, eyes darting wildly around the room.

“We’re here to talk. Take a seat.” Nick gestured invitingly towards the seating area, seeming perfectly comfortable inviting someone to sit down in their own home.

Rick regarded them with hostility and suspicion as he sunk into one of the deep, leather armchairs. “Okay, talk.”

Blaine glanced over at Nick. His knuckles were white as he clutched the edge of couch cushion. Blaine took a few deep breaths. _I have to do this. I can do this._

“We w-w-want to t-talk about what happened last year after the S-Sadie Hawkins dance.”

“I, uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said unconvincingly. 

“Cut the crap, Rick. I m-m-may not rrremember courtesy of the con-concussion you gave me, but N-Nick does. You threw me a-a-against the wall and kick-kicked me in the r-r-ribs until I blacked out. After I was uncon-conscious, you and your thugs choked Nick. Do you know what I’m t-talking about now?”

“You have no proof. It would just be your word against mine,” Rick said angrily, through clenched teeth.

“Do you re-remember what you said to me, as you kicked me over and over again? Surely you remember kicking a kid that was —barely still conscious, you know, like a **real man**.” Blaine’s tone was bitter.

“No.”

“You t-told me I was —disgusting. But you w-w-want to know what I think? I think you’re disgusting. A d-disgusting coward who uses violence and intimidation to —control other people be-because he is so weak in his own sense of who he is that he feels threatened by anyone di-different. Well, I’m no —coward. I know exactly who I am. I have the courage to be myself openly and without a-apology now, and it has brought me nothing but happiness. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I have amazing friends. I get to-to-to sing on stage in front of a crowd of hundreds in Chicago next month. I’m going to be a ssstar someday. But you? All you’ll ever be is pa-pa-pathetic.” 

Rick gaped at them like a fish pulled up out of a dark river into the fresh air and sunshine for the first time. 

“But you…but…I-I-I” Rick fumbled around incoherently.

“Queers got your t-tongue? I have a ssstutter. What’s your excuse?” _Who can’t do backtalk now, bitches?_

“Anything you wanted to add, Nick?”

“No, I think you just about covered everything, Blaine.” Nick sounded impressed.

Blaine rose to his feet and took Nick’s hand. “Come on, Humphrey, we’re leaving,” said Blaine, suddenly inspired to quote Nick’s favorite karaoke song.

Nick gasped in excitement. “Can we?”

Blaine laughed. “Why not?” It did feel like a satisfying, final ‘fuck you’ to Rick. And Blaine was already reveling in this feeling that he did not care one iota what Rick thought of him.

Nick turned to Rick, still gaping at them in stunned silence, and recited the spoken introductory lines. He did make a minor lyric adjustment; however.

The last time we talked, Mr. Holtz  
You reduced me to tears  
I promise you, it won't happen again

Then Blaine and Nick began to [sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CGVgAYJyjk) as they skipped down the hallway of Rick’s house, hand in hand. Every time Blaine looked over his shoulder he was treated to Rick’s look of horror and disgust. It just made him sing louder.

Do I attract you?  
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?  
Am I too dirty?  
Am I too flirty?  
Do I like what you like?

I could be wholesome  
I could be loathsome  
I guess I'm a little bit shy  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you like me without making me try?

Blaine had tried for so many years to do whatever it took to fit in and be liked. He could do it, too. Passing was his superpower after all. He had the capability to be a chameleon but this year he had realized that just because he **could** fit in didn’t mean that he **wanted** to. Blaine was sick and tired of trying to be what anyone else wanted him to be. He could be anything they liked but he wasn’t going to any longer. He liked who is he was and he was done caring about people who didn’t like the real him. 

I try to be like Grace Kelly  
But all her looks were too sad  
So I tried a little Freddie  
I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown  
I could be blue  
I could be violet sky  
I could be hurtful  
I could be purple  
I could be anything you like  
Gotta be green  
Gotta be mean  
Gotta be everything more  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you walk out the door!

In perfect synchronicity with the song, they arrived at the door. Nick pulled it open and Blaine sang out a few more lines before they closed it behind them. 

Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you like me?  
Why don't you like yourself?

Blaine felt full of lightness. He thought he might even be able to fly.

Then he spotted Kurt, leaning against the car door. He had offered to come in with them, of course, but Blaine and Nick had decided in the end that they wanted to do this for themselves. Kurt looked fucking perfect as always, perfectly unique and outrageous, perfectly himself. Tug.

“When I agreed to wait outside, no one told me I would miss out on singing Mika,” Kurt complained in mock outrage, crossing his arms over his chest.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist, lifting him off the ground and spinning him around. Kurt shrieked.

“Dude, that was fucking amazing!” Nick gushed. “Kurt, you should have seen him. He gave this epic speech. Rick was the one stuttering by the end. You would have been so proud of him.”

“I **am** so proud of him,” Kurt corrected. “I have no doubt it was amazing.”

“It took me a while, but now that I know how g-g-good it feels to express myself, I d-don’t think I’m ever going to-to-to stop.” Blaine grinned triumphantly.

“Hey, didn’t we kind of sing that song together once?” Kurt asked with a goofy smile. “It was our first duet!”

“You…you noticed that?” he asked, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks. 

“Like I told you before, I always notice you. I thought it was very cute at the time.” 

“Well, then.” Blaine linked his left arm with Kurt's and his right arm with Nick’s. “Come one girls, do you believe in love?” 

Kurt and Nick both laughed and the three of them joined their voices together.

Don't go for second best, baby  
Put your love to the test  
You know, you know you've got to  
Make him express how he feels and maybe  
Then you'll know your love is real

You don't need diamond rings or eighteen karat gold  
Fancy cars that go very fast, you know they never last no, no  
What you need is a big strong hand  
To lift you to your higher ground  
Make you feel like a queen on a throne  
Make him love you 'til you can't come down

Express yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this story and took an interest in my little corner of the universe (speech therapy). Thank you again to all my commenters for all of your words of encouragement, for sharing your thoughts and feelings and questions all along the way. I also want to thank Mirvly for the many chapters he beta-read for me!
> 
> If you made it all the way to the end and you've never left a comment, I really hope you will consider leaving one now. I do always reply :)
> 
> If you liked this story, I hope you'll add it to your rec list or share it with a friend. If you want to be sure to catch the next thing I write, don't forget to subscribe to me as a user. I don't know when that will be but I feel confident that this is not the last you'll hear from me :D
> 
> SEQUEL IN PROGRESS: Quick update here from Esperanto, I have officially starting writing a sequel to Express Yourself so keep an eye out for that! Subscribe to the "Express Yourself" series if you don't want to miss it!  
> ~~~  
> Music Notes:
> 
> The Garden Song - written by David Mallet, performed by so many wonderful musicians over the years. I linked to the version by Pete Seeger.
> 
> Free To Be...You And Me - Lyrics by Bruce Hart, performed by The New Seekers
> 
> Grace Kelly - MIKA
> 
> Express Yourself - Madonna 
> 
> Those first two songs are both ones I remember singing as a child, but I was fascinated by the history behind "Free To Be...You and Me" because I just thought it was a cute children's song. It was actually part of this much bigger feminist project that included an album, a book, and a television special. It was all about gender equality and teaching little girls they can do or be anything they want. The television special aired in 1974 and went on to win an Emmy!
> 
> As for Grace Kelly, I was obsessed with the album Life in Cartoon Motion when it came out. The singer experienced severe bullying in school and was home-schooled because of it for a while (similar to Chris Colfer's own history). Mika publicly came out as gay in 2012.


	23. Announcement-Sequel Posted!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter of the sequel to Express Yourself has been posted!

Just a quick update to announce that the sequel has officially been posted, so [check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21198659/chapters/50462339)!!

 

I'll take this chapter down in a week or so but I wanted to make sure everyone who had subscribed to this story got the notification.


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